A message about hurt feelings on another thread reminded me of one of those moments when a zinger hits you without warning. I thought that probably everyone has had one of those moments and venting it here may help remove some of the punch. After all, it's not the sort of stuff you can vent in normal conversation.

One of my moments happened when we were on a four hour hike through the mammoth cave in kentucky. At mid point through the cave the guide is supposed to tell interesting stories and facts about the cave. He asked if anyone had any questions, so since we were two hours hike in both directions from the exit, I asked what they would do if someone had a heart attack there in the cave. WELL, He said, "they would die. AND ma'm I don't want to hurt your feelings but obesity is the main cause for that." :embarassed: The group was about 120 people, all of whom became quiet and wanted to see what obese person had asked that question. I was mortified. I hadn't been feeling all that "fat" that day (you all know that "fat" is a feeling like sadness), and as I always notice whether or not I am the largest person in the room (that day I wasn't), I suddenly became so huge that any interest in the rest of the tour was impossible.

If you are ever in mammoth caves, avoid the skinny old man tour guide who brags about his 28 inch waist. He is a jerk.

IMO, some people who have never had to deal with weight issues, are the worst offender. When I began gaining weight, I had the "are you pregnant" questions. But the worst comment happened one time when I walked by a group of young men, probably college age, when one of them said as I walked by, "Thar she blows...." I just wanted the sidewalk to open up and swallow me right there. I don't know what came over me, but I simply turned around and looked the guy right in the eye and said nothing to him, just stared blankly at him. Their expressions soon turned to fear, and they quickly turned around and walked in the other direction.

Gosh, after reading everyone's stories I have thought of many many more instances of people being so unkind to me in regards to my weight. I am likeable and pleasant to be around. I like to have fun and enjoy my family, friends and new experiences. Most of the negative things I had forgotten....

I don't want to forget the negative because it will remind me to be kind to others in the future. It will also remind me where I have been and where I want to be in a year.

We are in this together. Support on LBT is great. I think as in many negative situations we should Never forget the situation, but don't let the negative ruin us. Stand up for ourselves when needed and quit beating ourselves up. Family and friends don't treat family and friends like this. I've had to distance myself from certain family members and have quit being friends with people because of their negativity.

Keep your heads HIGH!! Be proud and tell em to KISS --!!!!

(Sorry I have to be me.)

CJ...

Fantastic post! Super fantastic post and a reminder for us all.

Thank you.

I've has a few of these situations play out.

I was like 8 mons pregnant with my first and I was getting examined by my ob and she patted my belly really hard and said ," Sure is thick in there!". :cry

I went to my moms house to visit, I was a single mom at the time and she told me"You need to lose weight so you'll be pretty then you can meet a great guy!" I was floored. :faint:

This is a really great thread. I can honestly say that I was blessed with great parents who really helped me with my self esteem.. they never teased or ridiculed me.. they always told me i was smart and pretty.. I appreciate them now more than ever after reading some of the posts!

One incident that always hovered over me happened in high school. I have always been big but had alot of friends and never really had any issues. I was also athletic and played softball for my school. So most of the time, I didn't deal with anything.. at least not to my face. The incident happened in Algebra class.. this class clown/trouble maker named Jack put a "WIDE LOAD" sign on my back.. I left class and walked down at least 3 hallways before a teacher took it off my back while everyone was laughing. I tell you, the look of PITY in the teachers face was worse than the laughing.

Fast forward, 15 years later, Jack messages me online thru messenger out of the blue.. saying he recognizes me from high school. I didn't recognize him.. then he told me his name.. I immediate remember the incident. I even told him about it. He totally didnt remember and said he was a jackass back then and he apologized! OMG.. never thought that would ever happen.. He went on to tell me he dropped out of school cuz he was a loser but then got his GED and college degree and now is successful in computers.. needless to say, that chapter closed in my life and I am blessed that I was able to talk with him and get the apology.

~Donnamarie~

I had an incident a couple of summers ago that was memorable. I was with my husband, daughter and daughter's friend going to have sushi for dinner. I had been to this particular restaurant before. They have these wooden booths as well as traditional tables and chairs. We walked in and I was the last person in our line. The waitress took us to a booth and then looked up to see me. She immediatley said - "oh, you sit here at table instead. Booth not very strong - you too big"

I just looked at her, sat down in the booth and told her we were just fine thank you. If it wasn't for the kids there, I would have made a fuss, but they were young (only 7, and did not hear what she said). I never went back there again.

It is amazing to me the cruel things that people will say to your face. I admit that I am no angel and I have had mean thoughts about other people's clothes etc., but I would NEVER say anything to someone that would humiliate and embarass them.

Susan

DonnaMarie,

What a great story. I think that it is great that you were able to get an apology from him. It also shows that a lot of the people who attack other people are really doing it out of weakness in themselves. I bet you really were able to put the whole thing to rest after that.

One that comes to mind was a recent run-in with an ex live-in boyfriend. I was parking at a supermarket and here comes Erik. I hadn't laid eyes on him in ages, and he had grown in weight exponentially since the day I threw him out about 9 years ago (he was lazy as hell and I wasn't taking it anymore). Anyway, he didn't even say hello, the very first thing out of his mouth was "Hey, I've been on Nutri-System since June and I've lost XX (don't remember 40 or 60) pounds" I was stunned.

My reply? "Well hello to you, too. I'm glad Nutri-System is working for you, I never liked the stuff." And I walked away.

Didn't hurt me, just pissed me off.

My experiences have been sorta the same above. I hate it when people say after talking with me........"you have such a pretty face"....why don't they just go ahead and say "but you need to lose weight"? It's so obvious. Or one time after being out of work for a few days, one of my residents said "I haven't seen you in a while, You're kinda hard to miss". Of course the thing I really hate is when someone comes up and gives you a "pat" on the shoulder that would knock any one else out of a dang chair. What instead of a rub....they gotta whack ya one good time to make sure you feel it through all that blub? Geeze.

In Junior High there was a cheerleader.....we were in art class and she pointed out to everyone that my initials in lower case was the abbreviation for pound.

The same cheerleader informed me one day walking down the high school hall that if I didn't walk so fast my butt wouldn't wiggle so much.

Haven't told anyone that before, not even my parents when I got grounded for letting the air out of her tires during our Junior year! Just took my punishment, wasn't the right thing to do but it sure did feel better!

I have lost a little over 30 pounds since January 18 of this year, was feeling really good about myself. Had gotten into a swimming suit I was hoping to be able to wear this summer, if all goes like it's going now I will need to buy a new one!!! ANyway, we went to an indoor water park this last weekend, we go every year and last year I was too self-concience to even attempt the water tube slides with the kids. Finally got up enough courage to try to go down....no problem and was treated fantastically! Anyway, my seven year old asked if I would go down with him again, sure, this is great! We get in line and there are two little girls (maybe 5 or 6 YOA) in front of us. Girl A looks back sees me, looks up and down at my body and then nudges Girl B and points back at me. Girl B tries her best but can't pull off letting me see that she's looking at me.....now I know that they are children so I only smiled and said Hi. But that one kind of blind-sided me, my children know not to treat people like that and for the girls to do this on a day that I was feeling great about myself and my accoplishments really hurt.

"you have such a pretty face"

Oh that's such a knife through the heart. I've had that said to me all through the years. While not the meanest thing said to me it's definitely often asked of me..."Are you Hawaiian?" I just simply respond, "Sorry, I'm just a fat Filipino." I was telling a friend that I'm usually mistaken for being a Hawaiian, Guamanian, Samoan...and she stops me and says to me "Samoan? You're not that fat." So apparently I'm too fat to be Filipino, too skinny to be Samoan, but big enough to be Hawaiian. WTF?!!! Talk about being offensive three times over.

I was telling a friend that I'm usually mistaken for being a Hawaiian, Guamanian, Samoan...and she stops me and says to me "Samoan? You're not that fat." So apparently I'm too fat to be Filipino, too skinny to be Samoan, but big enough to be Hawaiian. WTF?!!! Talk about being offensive three times over.

Wow. That's offensive on so many levels. :eek:

Hello - three things come to mind 1.) guy I liked in highschool said he really liked me but did not think he could take all the insults he would get if we were together. 2) Riding my bicycle I heard one kid yell "hey look at the beached whale riding a bike 3.) two co-workers speaking german at the table next to me. They stopped speaking german only long enough for one "workout babe" to say that she did not want to get pregnant because she did not want to get fat, then resumed their conversation in german.

There are many many more. People sure can be cruel.

Yeah, people can certainly be a**holes!

I remember once I was in line at the local Dairy Queen (an outdoor ice cream shop) which is situated at a traffic light on a rather busy street. A car was sitting at the light and just before the light changed someone yelled out the window at me, "Hey fat ass, YOU don't need any ice cream, why don't you go on a diet!"

Little did they know I was there for the sugar free/fat free soft serve they carried. Jerks!

this is slightly off the subject, but still dealing with the feeling insulted when someone points out the obvious. I am a home health nurse and see patients with complications from obesity, whether it be diabetes, surgical incisions that open/become infected. Some of the worst complications from obesity can be leg ulcers. My current patient is starting to have discoloration on her legs and swelling. We all feel horrible when someone, even a doctor or medical professional calls us obese...it feels like a label. But it is a diagnosis! It has to be said....they could say...."so and so is 80lbs over weight" in medical terms it is called obesity. WEll, I need to tell her (teach her) that many of her problems are caused by her weight and lack of activity. Also to explain why she is developing problems with her legs. This woman weighs exactly the same as I. I have the delema of trying to teach someone about complications of a disease they have while suffering from the same thing myself. If it was any other disease....like arthritis it would feel different, people are always thinking...if you know so much about my problem, why don't you do something about it yourself? Well, I am now, and have lost 45+lbs. I hope as a medical professional I can talk to this woman with tact and not offend her, but still come across as someone who knows what I am talking about!