A message about hurt feelings on another thread reminded me of one of those moments when a zinger hits you without warning. I thought that probably everyone has had one of those moments and venting it here may help remove some of the punch. After all, it's not the sort of stuff you can vent in normal conversation.

One of my moments happened when we were on a four hour hike through the mammoth cave in kentucky. At mid point through the cave the guide is supposed to tell interesting stories and facts about the cave. He asked if anyone had any questions, so since we were two hours hike in both directions from the exit, I asked what they would do if someone had a heart attack there in the cave. WELL, He said, "they would die. AND ma'm I don't want to hurt your feelings but obesity is the main cause for that." :embarassed: The group was about 120 people, all of whom became quiet and wanted to see what obese person had asked that question. I was mortified. I hadn't been feeling all that "fat" that day (you all know that "fat" is a feeling like sadness), and as I always notice whether or not I am the largest person in the room (that day I wasn't), I suddenly became so huge that any interest in the rest of the tour was impossible.

If you are ever in mammoth caves, avoid the skinny old man tour guide who brags about his 28 inch waist. He is a jerk.

Wow... It is one thing to get crap from strangers and to have to put up with descrimination. and that is exactly what it is... but to have your husband, the one person that should be your biggest cheerleader say that.. it had to hurt. i hope he made it right. I have family that are awful..i mentioned it earlier... Just try to keep your head up. :mad:

A kid at the school I was subbing in said "Wow you are really fat"

Ladijane... wow... what a thing to say to a loved one. My heart goes out to you. Keep your chin up!

One of my peers who enjoyed calling me "retard" because of the fact I wear hearing aids is now the proud daddy of twin autistic babies. Karma is a bitch ain't it.

Wow Derick.

I think I have heard it all... and then I hear something like that and all I have to say is wow.

Well, I posted much earlier in the thread, but I had an incident happen recently that really hurt me more than I've been hurt in a long time.

I met a guy online and we decided to meet. Now before we met, I sent him photos, we talked on the phone, etc. He took me to his house to cook dinner for me and had flowers waiting there to. I felt like the night went really well. Then, when I hadn't heard from him in a couple of days I sent him an email and his response to me is what got me. He basically told me I was to old, I was to fat and not firm enough, my hair wasn't long enough, my voice was to raspy, and he didn't like women who wore glasses! Now mind you, before he cooked me dinner he pounced on me on his couch and then wanted me to go watch TV in his bedroom after we ate. Now how bad did I seem at the time? Makes ya wonder!

~Joan~

Sounds to me like you didn't give it up so now he is thru with you. GRRRRR! I have been out with men in the past who thought I was good enough in private but not good enough in public.

Thank GOD I have found my fiance who loves me unconditionally. One time I said, "Look honey! I am getting a shape and I am not just round!" (I made this remark after losing weight).. My honey said to me, "Round is a shape! and I love you no matter what!".. that clinched it even more for me.

Trust me, you should email this guy back and tell him everything that is wrong with him! Something like, "That is ok that you feel that way cuz I think your nose is too big and when you eat your nose whistles and I think your arms are too skinny".. LMAO

People who are superficial like that will never truely be happy.. quite sad actually..

~DonnaMarie~

Ok guys now I have a new one but it is completely different, its not about what is said but about what isn't said.

I have been married to my DH for 7 1/2 years, I have been overweight the whole time and he is also very overweight. I do NOT say anything to him about his weight but he is very insecure about it. Here is the problem:

I have lost 93lbs, and EVERYONE except him tells me I look wonderful. He NEVER tells me. I have told him that everyone in the world can tell me how good I look but none of it even compares to hearing it from HIM. He told me he would keep that in mind but he still hasn't ever told me! It kills me but I don't know what to do. Any advice. So it's not only what people say that hurts, sometimes it's what they don't say!!!

I was walking my dog (before I had surgery) and someone had the nerve to yell out of his car window, "FAT A$$." I cried all the way home. Now, I get whistles and cat calls - LOL!

You know, we've all heard them...all the nasty things that people say and those that just think them....we can read their minds just by looking at them.:paranoid

I have soooo many incidents that apply here.....

Mom, mother-in-law, etc...."you used to/still have a pretty face"....as if they should be talking. Of course, it's not about them and they think that it is ok to comment about me...all the time.

I carry a pic of the 'old' me and when people see it they ask "who is this, your sister?"...'No, it's me." (at 125lbs) They look at me and some of them actually ask... "What happened?":omg:

It is so strange to notice that some of the women in my kids' school will actually go out of their way not to talk to me.....it's evident. Shallow... it makes me realize that I don't want to socialize with them anyway if they judge me by my looks...they will be judged by their hearts. Their loss, I make a great friend and am really funny too.....to know me is to love me.:heh:

Having to ask someone to move their chair up so I can get by, or having to scope the area for the easiest way to make it thru.

Having gone to many amuzement parks and waited in line for great rides only to have them tell me that they don't have an extension belt long enough to fit me...or them having to push with their foot on the rail bar to get leverage while others watch. Having to ask for a seat belt extension when I fly. Humiliating:embarassed:

So many more stories...so many...thank God for those supportive friends and family...couldn't do it without them:grouphug:

This is my brilliant motto...feel free to copy it

.....look at YOUR insides before judging another's outsides....

Pretty catchy huh?

i have been banded for almost 2 months, i have lost 16 pounds, and feeling good.. on sat night while my boyfriend and i were getting intimate he told me oh so gently that my stomach is a bit of a turn off. !! gee was that a blow to my insecurties. he seemed to think nothing was wrong with that, he was being "honest". can i have ur veiws? was that offensive or am i over -reacting, cause it hurt like hell for me! im already a very insecure woman and he knows it!

Oh my! I think i would have Cried all night. I would show him what a bit of a turn off gets him. No intimate action at all ! make him wait as long as you can, and when you do give in wear a big sweat shirt and don't let him see any of your goods. After a while he'll be beggin to see that sexy tummy. Does he look like a calender model? I think all women are sexy , you are as sexy as you feel. If you feel sexy you come off sexy no matter what your size is. Iv been big for about 12 years now and iv never been very insecure. My husband has never once told me i was pretty, but i know i am, thats just me. iv been married 12 years when i met my husband i was 129 lbs. Poor guy.

Going Down,

has he ever said anything before? How long have you been together? is it like he has never seen it before? was he referring to the incisions or him being uncomfortable with the scars being fresh? Im trying to see it in the best possible light...but to be honest its a pet peeve with me when they know what they are getting into, and you are making things BETTER even, and NOW its not good enough? oh man oh man...a big part of me says "kick him to the curb" and get a new one for the time being

let him see you in six months and THEN let him know, that no...his build just doesnt 'do" anything for you...

I've had about three of those moments...

first moment - my family doctor, I was asking him about lap-band surgery and if he had had any patients with lap-bands. His reply was, "you know, your only problem is you need to spend some time with a psych doctor and learn self control." That was the last time I went to him for help.

second moment - first semester back to school since graduating in '74, a fellow student said, "dude, those are the biggest boobs I have ever seen!" I wanted to crawl under the table, :faint:

third moment - my mom, of all people! "You aren't going to be able to market yourself as fat as you are." Meaning, 'why are you going to nursing school, you are too fat.'

Some people, no matter who they are, just don't get that obesity is not a choice.

DollyRose

Going Down, I would point out to him that your body is going to continue to change. If he doesn't have something positive to say don't say it.