A message about hurt feelings on another thread reminded me of one of those moments when a zinger hits you without warning. I thought that probably everyone has had one of those moments and venting it here may help remove some of the punch. After all, it's not the sort of stuff you can vent in normal conversation.

One of my moments happened when we were on a four hour hike through the mammoth cave in kentucky. At mid point through the cave the guide is supposed to tell interesting stories and facts about the cave. He asked if anyone had any questions, so since we were two hours hike in both directions from the exit, I asked what they would do if someone had a heart attack there in the cave. WELL, He said, "they would die. AND ma'm I don't want to hurt your feelings but obesity is the main cause for that." :embarassed: The group was about 120 people, all of whom became quiet and wanted to see what obese person had asked that question. I was mortified. I hadn't been feeling all that "fat" that day (you all know that "fat" is a feeling like sadness), and as I always notice whether or not I am the largest person in the room (that day I wasn't), I suddenly became so huge that any interest in the rest of the tour was impossible.

If you are ever in mammoth caves, avoid the skinny old man tour guide who brags about his 28 inch waist. He is a jerk.

Oh wow this is so sad I can't believe some of the people in this world I can't get over how cruel people can be and it's such a sad reality that shit like this does happen. I was never teased about my weight not by family nor strangers ( not that I know of anyway ) So I can't begin to imagine how you guys feel or felt:( What gets us down only makes us stronger

Big hugs to you all and Im so sorry that you guys had to go through such cruelty..

I GOTTA NEW ONE!!!!! it was just a few nights ago. Thought id share. this is fun, you know...posting these takes some of the power out of them doesnt it. it puts them right there in front of you where u can see how tiny it is and move on.

so here is my offering de jour:

a dear friend invited me out the other night to have dinner with him, his partner and an old friend of theirs. I was overjoyed and hopped at the opp to go out. I dressed up and wore makeup. I felt GREAT and we went to a nice italian restraunt where i tried (unsuccessfully) to eat a cheese manicotti. Both my friend and his partner know about me being banded but the 'old friend' didnt. i think he was trying to be entertaining. anyway...during the dinner, i realized i was having a problem with the pasta, so i excused myself and when i got back, i believe they had told the 'old friend' about the surgery. As i sat down, miserable because id gotten myself stuck, he exclaimed in very loud voice, "So! you want to be THIN???" and explained quietly, that 'well, id like to be able to move like i did when i was young.' and i would have LOVED if it would have stayed here, he went ON with questions that really werent appropriate and it was obvious he was prying and i was trying to be delicate and evasive. I didnt WANT to talk to him. I would up excusing myself and leaving the group for the night but my friend opned my door for me, tried to explain for his friend and none was needed. its cool. just ...ouch. the old friend almost screaming in the crowded restraunt, "so you want to be thin" rings over and over in my head...along with the examination of how much i ate and how i should excercise because obviously i dont...(i ride eight miles a morning and around three in the evening, every day) OUCH!

whew...

i feel better.

thanks for reading.

The following is the extreme end result of being teased and made fun of since 3rd grade.

For about a 2 year period I had serious anger problem/homicidal rages from 18-20 yrs old (A mental breakdown of sorts), I have since recovered and though therapy and drugs have become a good, productive member of this so called society. It started my senior year of high school, before i would just ignore the comments and "looks" I would get here is what happened,

Jail time: Fellow HS wrestler makes a comment of me looking "plesently plump today" I took my 60 lb. back back and with one swing snapped his neck and shattered the left side of his face (Don't worry, he recovered) If it was not for my group of friends that managed to pull me off and detain me, I would have killed him.

Mental institution stay: After causing serious injury during my jail time to a fellow inmate who made a comment about my weight, I was ordered to enter a home for crazy people, after attempting to cause injury (damn orderlies and their needles) to my therapist for trying to tell me that what I did was wrong! (what about them?! eh doc!)

I am OK now (as much as I can be anyway)

I plan on moving away from my hometown and starting over once I lose weight. Start my life over, I hope it works

Do you think it will? anybody here ever do that? move away and start over?

Do you think it will? anybody here ever do that? move away and start over?

Derick,

I'm not moving, per se, but I'm changing jobs in a couple of months, which, when you live in NYC, is kind of the same thing (in that you rarely see the same people on the streets since there are so many, so changing jobs is really changing 95% of your daily contacts). Everyone at my current job knew me at 350. Everyone at the new job will only know me at 175. Kind of cool.

I highly recommend moving and starting over - in fact i do it regularly - i love to move and experience new places and my friend put it best - you love to reinvent yourself. Now i'm not talking multiple personalities here but back east i was skinny, a weight lifter and super fit - even worked in a gym - here out west i'm a ski bum, work various part time jobs and am fat again, I've been in the corporate world making big bucks (hate it) and poor - i love it.

why not - if you are adverturous and can move do it. Sometimes you can get stuck in a rut - with family, friends, situations and it is hard to change or especially have people see you differently (think family - since i moved away as a young adult my family is in a time warp with me - they think i'm exactly the same as when i left no matter how much i try and have changed and i'm guilty too - my siblings and i always get into the same routines/fights, etc)

- moving - near or far is a great way to shake up your life and become a different person/do different things, make changes.

go for it

I never really had to deal with a lot of comments or anything, but one thing I remember too well, because it was such a "low blow" and in such an unexpected way...

I was on BCP and had to stop because I was getting superficial bloodclots in weird places. I had gained about half of my weight at this point, so I was about 100 lbs overweight. My doctor suggested I go to the hospital's well woman clinic for a consultation to find out what kind of BC might be my best option. So DH came with me. The nurse weighed me in, then showed is to the room and started taking my vitals. She asked what I was there for and I told her I needed a new kind of BC b/c I had to quit taking anything hormone-based. She looked over at DH and out of the blue says, "Well you're a lucky one. You found someone who loves you for who you are."

yeah, that took me a second or two to process. That was rude and the person seems like one of those "medical personel".

..............................................................................................

DerickM: I did not punch out anyone but I did move away. I went through a nasty and unexpected divorce from my high school sweetheart. (he did me a favor but at the time I didn't know this) I moved 1000 miles away from home with a friend. New Year's Eve I was married and living on a midwestern farm, by December I was in paradise.

New starts are amazing. I highly recommend them. Nobody knows your name or who your family is or what you looked like in 3rd grade. I grew up rather quickly and to be honest, I found that there are some awesome people on this planet. The first gay person (that I knew was gay) I made friends with filled me to the brim with self confidence. After two years I knew I would never go back.

Find a place you DREAM of living in and then move there. That is what I did.

Do you think it will? anybody here ever do that? move away and start over?

Go for it!!! I will always be the fat kid in my hometown. To this day, if I go back, I'm the fat kid. Yeah, I know, I am fat now, but even when I was my thinnest, I'd go back and people would make comments like 'wow, you must be on the hunt!' 'ON THE HUNT???' :angryWhy would you say something like that? However, when I lived on the west coast and was thin, I once had a guy hang out the passenger side of a car and scream 'I want you to be the mother of my children' at me as I walked by!!!

Give those folks the finger and never look back!

For me, there's no WORST event. It's a worst sentiment. I am ready to crawl through the TV and sit on everyone who says we could do it if we would just diet and exercise. No words could be more damaging, bigoted, or false. And for years I believed them and kicked myself.....

:heh::heh::heh::heh:

BRAVO! I kicked myself too. That was then this is now.

Derick~

I moved from Idaho to California after I got married. I was 18 and had never really been away from home. I was quite sheltered and moving was one of the best things I ever did. It was culture shock to begin with however, it helped me grow into my own being. I had to make friends, I had to do things for myself, I had to learn to be more open minded, it was a great experience for me. When I did move back to Idaho 14 years later, my now ex husband had to drag me back kicking and screaming. I lived in my home town until my kids were out of school then moved away again.

You would do great in a new environment!!! Good Luck!!

So many stories. I hesitate to say anything because others have been far more hurtful. Crying in the shower...I so understand that one Kity.

Little did they know I was there for the sugar free/fat free soft serve they carried. Jerks!-Faithmd, unfortunately they were also so closed minded that they never stuck around to find this out. "Hit and run" I call that.

Famouslastwords- I was one week post delivery of my first child. My grandfather said to me as I was nursing "you sure have put on the weight".

My mother, who is overweight guided me to the Plus sizes and said "we'll look for clothes in OUR size".

My mother, who is overweight guided me to the Plus sizes and said "we'll look for clothes in OUR size".

See, I don't see anything wrong with the above, it's true.

I was six weeks out of surgery and a friend wanted surgery too. I made it a POINT of saying "us" vs. "you" because I didn't want her singled out or to feel singled out. I still don't. She's lost 10 of 250 pounds, I'm 50% at goal. I still refer to "us" vs. "you" even when I'm not in that group.

I never want her to feel it is her and only her, I always refer to us.

Ok...one of the most hurtful things that has been said to me has nothing to do with weight. I have had bad headaches since I was in the 7th grade. If I go a day without a headache it is a very good day. I try not to impose my pain on anyone else, however, when I do have a headache it is hard not to see it all over my face. When I would get a headache, my sister would say to me "Oh so you have one of your headaches." and it was said with a snide tone to it. Now she has headaches and she will throw the back of her hand up to her forehead and say. "OH my I have one of my headaches."

this is not the most hurtful thing i've heard but a while ago when i was at my cousin's house. his friend came over and i was standing in a distance with another girl (his sister's friend). my cousin's friend asked him where his cousin that came out of town is (me). and my cousin says: "oh she's down there, the fat one". i just acted like i didn't hear it.

Oh Sasha~

That is horrible. Your own cousin saying that. I would have punched him in the face. I absolutely discustes me how some people treat others. I have more than once said someone who acts like that is not family to me. I have enemies that have treated me better. I don't subscribe to the "Blood is thicker than water" saying. I think people who are good to you and make you feel loved are family. I have stayed away from family members just because of that sort of treatment. And I have made it well know to them that they are the reason why I stay away.

Don't let an Ass like that ruin your life. Its not worth it. Keep on keepin on (wow that saying certainly dates me LMAO)!!!

On my wedding day, a drunken male friend of my father's came up to me and said that my mother had confided to him that she was worried about my being able to get a wedding gown. Then he said that he knew why, that I must have had to go see Omar the tent maker.

If that man would have just kept his mouth shut, I would have had the perfect wedding day.

You would think that the one day in a woman's life that would be sacrosanct would be her wedding day.