A message about hurt feelings on another thread reminded me of one of those moments when a zinger hits you without warning. I thought that probably everyone has had one of those moments and venting it here may help remove some of the punch. After all, it's not the sort of stuff you can vent in normal conversation.

One of my moments happened when we were on a four hour hike through the mammoth cave in kentucky. At mid point through the cave the guide is supposed to tell interesting stories and facts about the cave. He asked if anyone had any questions, so since we were two hours hike in both directions from the exit, I asked what they would do if someone had a heart attack there in the cave. WELL, He said, "they would die. AND ma'm I don't want to hurt your feelings but obesity is the main cause for that." :embarassed: The group was about 120 people, all of whom became quiet and wanted to see what obese person had asked that question. I was mortified. I hadn't been feeling all that "fat" that day (you all know that "fat" is a feeling like sadness), and as I always notice whether or not I am the largest person in the room (that day I wasn't), I suddenly became so huge that any interest in the rest of the tour was impossible.

If you are ever in mammoth caves, avoid the skinny old man tour guide who brags about his 28 inch waist. He is a jerk.

"I thought you were going to lose weight with that thing." That's after dropping 40 lbs too!

Its not what they said, its what he didn't say. I haven't spoken to a friend of mine but once in 7 months. There was no reason given to me as to why we don't talk anymore. I would have preferred a reason. What a jerk.

A good friends stopped talking to me and ended our friendship because she said, "I was going to change when I lost weight" WHAT BULL CRAP

I think she was just worried that I would be skinnier than her.

Oh Well, her loss not mine.

I never really had to deal with a lot of comments or anything, but one thing I remember too well, because it was such a "low blow" and in such an unexpected way...

I was on BCP and had to stop because I was getting superficial bloodclots in weird places. I had gained about half of my weight at this point, so I was about 100 lbs overweight. My doctor suggested I go to the hospital's well woman clinic for a consultation to find out what kind of BC might be my best option. So DH came with me. The nurse weighed me in, then showed is to the room and started taking my vitals. She asked what I was there for and I told her I needed a new kind of BC b/c I had to quit taking anything hormone-based. She looked over at DH and out of the blue says, "Well you're a lucky one. You found someone who loves you for who you are."

At the time it seemed odd, but it didn't hit me until after we'd left. Boy, do I wish it'd hit me sooner.

Funny how it's the comments that hit us on days when we're feeling GOOD about ourselves that are the worst. I can think of several worse examples, but the one that felt the worst came on a day I was feeling so good.

I had JUST gone under 300 lbs, so it was sometime in July 2006. I had on a new skirt that was 2 sizes smaller than where I started when I was at 358. It was summer and I felt like I looked nice. I mean, don't get me wrong -- I was still morbidly obese (and still am, actually), but I was just feeling better generally. I was walking up Madison Avenue on a Friday and it was REALLY crowded. I was keeping up with the pace of pedestrians, which was another reason I felt really good, because before I was slower. Anyway, the crowd was starting to thin out and I got to a construction area where the path narrowed a little. This guy behind me was in a hurry (I didn't know it and couldn't see him, as he was behind me and it was a really busy street). A hole finally opened up where he could pass me and he loudly said "geeze, I'm in a hurry and you're just so BIG to try and pass." I felt so low, not because I hadn't had things like that said to me 50 times before on the streets of NYC, but because I was feeling so good that day, having just gotten into the 200s.

As an over-weight person, I'm sure I've heard many mean-natured comments, but just last Sunday, in church, really p'eed me off.

A fellow Lutheran came up to me and punched me in the arm and then said it hurt. I told him that was because I'd flexed my muscles and he said no, it's cause you're so flabby!

Sometimes you just have to turn around and walk away. That was better than what I might have been tempted to say, in front of family and friends.

And of course, rude comments only seem to come from people who have 'just right' bodies, so they'll never understand what we're going thru, or attempt to care...

Bill

Now we've allllllllllllllll heard this:

"You have such a pretty face".

UGH!!!!! :faint: :faint: :faint: :faint: :faint: :faint:

Uh - yep. I hate that one.

Once when I first started gaining weight, I was probably oh... 19 or 20... and was maybe 30 lbs overweight, a guy in one of my classes pulled me aside in the hallway and admitted he'd had a crush on me all year, that I was "beautiful and smart and perfect", and that he had been too nervous to ask me out, but he would love to go on a date with me, and "maybe take it to a really serious level -- if you'd lose a little weight."

ROFLMAO

well ive had alot of cringe moments:embarassed:

first one was when i was taking my kids swimming and a little girl asked did i have baby in my tummy and when i said no she said yeah well why are you so fat then :rolleyes there are times when seen but not heard very good idea:p .(i was at least three stone lighterback then)

then the one thing that really pissed me off and i even considered complaining was when i was pregnant with third child (i have 4 boys)i was about 40lb over weight and had flabby tummy from previous pregnancies and doctor was trying to feel position of the baby and suspected he was breech and while i was lay on bed he was squishing me and said its hard to tell what way baby lying as you have alot of conditioning there :embarassed: and then when on to say DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN AND WAS SNIGGERING i said i knew exactly what he meant and he said laughing YOUR TOO FAT FOR ME TO TELL !!!he sent me to hospital for next check up and funnily enough i wasnt too fat for any one else to tell position of baby:mad:

well i haven't got the band yet but my mom is telling my niece lots of bad stuff about me so anyways long story short my niece came over a couple weeks ago and she is 6 years old so this is what she said to me why are u so big??? and then she said why do u eat so much. oh i was piss off my mom is putting all this stuff in a head. and my dad told my husband that its a big waist of money to get this surgery because the day after i get the band i will be at kfc ( i don't like kfc) so i have great parents lol

Andree

It wasn't what WAS said, but what wasn't. I was out with friends, and we ran into an old boyfriend. A man I had at one time been quite serious with, he had proposed to me! When we dated I was thin, borderline skinny. When we ran into him I was not, in fact I was close to my heaviest, he acted like he barely knew me, shook my hand like a total stranger! And could not get the hell away fast enough---like before I blurted out in front of his friends that he had actually been involved with the likes of me before! Ironically, the reason I turned him down, and broke things off, was he was getting more and more superficial all the time!

He has since went on to marry 3 different arm candies, none of them lasting! Go figure!!!

Kat

My worst was a lady from work, who considers me close enough to tell everything "for my own good" said people were asking if I was pregnant. So yes I laughed it off and it hurt but then a few days later another lady said I guess you won't be going anywhere until after the baby is born. I replied to her, oh I'm not pregnant I'm just fat. (I guess you can all figure what bodyshape I have) Those hurt but they were old ladies, old busybodies and I could forgive. The one that hurt the most was a lady I drive to church, she knew I struggled with my weight, we both read the weigh down book, and she also knows that I'm going thro menopause. So one day she gets in my car and before we pull out of her driveway she touches my arm and says you aren't pregnant are you? I said no just fat. That one hurt - I felt it was malicious, and then I kinda think she's just stupid because she also has said about me getting the band that she doesn't really think wls is the answer and her daughter lost all this weight and she is so skinny but she works out at the gym all the time... my daughters say mom why do you give her rides? My answer? Because I'm a better person then her.

Another one - I ran into an old boss (who used to flirt with the 50 lbs thinner me) he said oh I didn't recognize you since... and stopped. I knew he was thinking since you've gained weight. UGH!

Mine was last year when I went to pick my little girl up at daycare, she was out in the yard playing and there was several boys playing up by the gate. I walked in, and a kid that was around the corner said who came in, and the boy yelled back, i dunno some big fat woman.

That hurt so much!!!

I had just posted this on the November Bandsters this morning. I don't know if this the post that got this started, but here it goes...

Something happened last night. I've been on a binge for last week. I've ate pizza, tacos, Cookies, cake, chinese food, anything I could get my hands on. I have gained 2 pounds this week. But to top things off I got a call from 78 years old father. He asked me how I was feeling, etc. Then he was talking about all that he ate for dinner and afterwards...he giggled and said that maybe he need the "lap band" ha ha. I blew it off, but by bedtime I was laying there and started crying. I guess my feeling got hurt. He was making fun of the lap band. I just thought he understood, but apparently he doesn't. I am still bummed out about it. You want your parents approval for everything you do. I have struggled with my weight all my life and he knows this and he knows that I am diabetic and struggle with it too. He doesn't make fun of the fact that a walk around everything 24/7 with an insulin pump attached to stomach. Man...I am sooo hurt, but I won't say anything. He is my father!

This is just one of my stories. I also have to deal with my daughter who is only 6 years old and has told me that I am fat for a couple of years. It hurts too, but I do have to remember that she is right and only a child.

I can relate to every story I have read so far. <!-- / message --><!-- sig -->