A message about hurt feelings on another thread reminded me of one of those moments when a zinger hits you without warning. I thought that probably everyone has had one of those moments and venting it here may help remove some of the punch. After all, it's not the sort of stuff you can vent in normal conversation.

One of my moments happened when we were on a four hour hike through the mammoth cave in kentucky. At mid point through the cave the guide is supposed to tell interesting stories and facts about the cave. He asked if anyone had any questions, so since we were two hours hike in both directions from the exit, I asked what they would do if someone had a heart attack there in the cave. WELL, He said, "they would die. AND ma'm I don't want to hurt your feelings but obesity is the main cause for that." :embarassed: The group was about 120 people, all of whom became quiet and wanted to see what obese person had asked that question. I was mortified. I hadn't been feeling all that "fat" that day (you all know that "fat" is a feeling like sadness), and as I always notice whether or not I am the largest person in the room (that day I wasn't), I suddenly became so huge that any interest in the rest of the tour was impossible.

If you are ever in mammoth caves, avoid the skinny old man tour guide who brags about his 28 inch waist. He is a jerk.

When my youngest was a couple of weeks old, my mother decided to come for a visit. My sister, who has always been slender and beautiful, and I went to the airport to pick her up.

When she saw us (I was carrying my new son in his carseat) the first thing she said is "Julie, (My sister) you look beautiful. Jane, you look nice too, but wow, Julie, you sure look great."

My sister still remembers this as well. She, too, thought it was totally inappropriate. However, in her defense, my mother is an idiot. When I was 10 she used to find the biggest people she could, point them out and tell me I was going to look EXACTLY like that when I got older if I didn't watch myself.

BTW, both my sisters are really thin; but my weight was ALWAYS within the average range, just on the high end.

Then he was talking about all that he ate for dinner and afterwards...he giggled and said that maybe he need the "lap band" ha ha.

Now -- this probably won't help any, but when I read that, I was kind of like "What's the problem?" I don't see anything wrong with what he said. My parents have said that same thing, meaning that they would love to be in a position where a little bit of food filled them up, and they wouldn't overeat. No chance he meant it that way?

deckedout, I know how you feel. I have always been the obese one in the family. Yesterday my sister paid me a compliment and I thought she was crazy. I don't feel good about myself. I've lost 70 lbs but still feel like crap. I really hope and pray that my self esteem will improve through this process.

I think the worst thing that you can say to a woman is, "Are you pregnant." I always have to smile and say, "No....just fat." That is always the worst for me

Now -- this probably won't help any, but when I read that, I was kind of like "What's the problem?" I don't see anything wrong with what he said. My parents have said that same thing, meaning that they would love to be in a position where a little bit of food filled them up, and they wouldn't overeat. No chance he meant it that way?

No no no...my dad was being sarcastic. He has also called it a Lap Dance...making fun of it. If he knew how much I had to pay for this surgery he would flip out. He didn't ask and I didn't mention it. The other thing is that he was talking from my step brother house. My step brother was kind of in a three way conversation with us (in the background) When my dad laughed about the lap band...so did my step brother. It's all a big joke to them.

That's sad. Let me ask - why be quiet about it? He's your dad but that doesn't excuse being an asshole. Would he still do it if he knew it hurt you?

worst thing ever said to me: when DECADES ago the EX-wife said "I do".....and yes, she sure did.....but that was another lifetime....

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pissing myself laughing jack....

You nailed that one Jack. I too have an ex who I wish would have left me at the alter.

I have heard a lot of them but I think the worst were from when I was a teenager and younger. My mom used to always say 'why can't you be more like Sharon'...(our neighbor). Well, for the record, Sharon moved out of Canada, never had children (her mom wants grandkids), is incredibly self centered and NEVER visits her aging and unwell mother. Now, I am sure she is glad that I am me, and not more like Sharon...

And then there is the old stand by "you could be such a pretty girl" or when people are at my house and see old pictures of me they say 'wow, you were so beautiful, I wouldn't have even recognized you.' Now no one sees old pictures, they are put away.

worse for me....The day after I had my son and I was still in the hospital my mom comes to visit and says GEE YOU STILL LOOK PREGNANT. Ummm thanks ma love ya too babe lol. I know now she just wasn't thinking because she's struggled with her weight and still does. She totally encourages me right now too but, man....the hormones were already in a rage and to have that said OUCH!

how about "you would be a knock out if you could lose some weight". I bet pretty much everyone has heard at least some form of that one....

The one that hurt the most was from my dad. It was unintentional I know for a fact. Because when I told him it hurt me he apologized and hugged me and said he didn't realize it would be hurtful. He's such a practical man - a farmer who has spent his life doing hard physical labor and eating healthy things from the ground, he has never had to deal with the emotions of being overweight or the emotions that I dealt with by overeating. He asked me when I told him I was getting the band "Aimee, can you just do what your sister did to lose weight? Just eat less and exercise more?" And he honestly and sincerely thought he was giving me an idea that I had not tried. He has been so supportive of me and this choice since then, but it's been out of love, not understanding. And I think this hurt most because it's my daddy.

I ran into an old friend(male) that I had grown up with, and we were talking, and he said"I didn't know you were pregnant again!" And I said "i'm not". And he says "no, seriously, when are you due?" and I keep saying I'm not pregnant, and he's just not believing me! I think he finally figured out, that I was telling the truth, and getting very irrititated!!

While my husband's family is always good for making me feel horrible about myself, one of the worst things was the day before my surgery. I was spending time with my mother in-law when he brother and father asked me about my surgery. Instead of letting me tell them about it, they started spouting off about all of this crap they had heard (or made up more likely) about how I was going to end up after the surgery. Then, they asked me how much I weighed. When I told them that I was not going to tell them, and that they should NEVER ask ANY woman that question, they continued to talk about me like I was not even there. They thought that 'after she loses the weight, her self-esteem will be higher, and then she won't care about telling her weight'. When I told them that they were insensitive jack-asses, they looked at me as if I were the crazy one!:phanvan I hate going over there! Now, when I do, they've taken to calling me 'slim' and making a huge deal about any weight that I have lost. They still say crap like...you have such a pretty face....blah blah blah...and then ask how much my breasts have shrunk!

Holy crap Shannon! How awful! I have chosen to only tell three supportive friends so people can't comment on my weight loss. I have failed at so many dieting attempts before where people knew that I did not want to go through it again. It's nobody's concern whether you're gaining or loosing BTW.

One of my lowest points was standing in front of the Grand Bazzarr in Istanbul, just enjoying my day, when a man walked by and directly told me just how fat he thought I was in broken English. I used to get a lot of stares there.

I guess the worst think someone has said to me was the lady in the public library. It was one of the days that I did not look my best. You know the days; fat, sloppy... well that must mean you are stupid. Well I ask for help with a reference book that they kept in the back and she told me that people like me should not be in the library.

I was stunned, hurt, and speechless. I though about it for a few minutes and told myself that she must be having a very bad day and needed a dog to kick. I took it as a lesson of what not to do.

Honestly, the one thing that stands out for me was something that happened 24 years ago I was in HS and the boyfriend and I had broken up over something stupid (as was par for the course). A good friend of mine ran over to me and said "I was talking to BF last night and he wants to get back together with you...if you lose some weight"

At the time I was 5'4" and 130lbs!!