A message about hurt feelings on another thread reminded me of one of those moments when a zinger hits you without warning. I thought that probably everyone has had one of those moments and venting it here may help remove some of the punch. After all, it's not the sort of stuff you can vent in normal conversation.

One of my moments happened when we were on a four hour hike through the mammoth cave in kentucky. At mid point through the cave the guide is supposed to tell interesting stories and facts about the cave. He asked if anyone had any questions, so since we were two hours hike in both directions from the exit, I asked what they would do if someone had a heart attack there in the cave. WELL, He said, "they would die. AND ma'm I don't want to hurt your feelings but obesity is the main cause for that." :embarassed: The group was about 120 people, all of whom became quiet and wanted to see what obese person had asked that question. I was mortified. I hadn't been feeling all that "fat" that day (you all know that "fat" is a feeling like sadness), and as I always notice whether or not I am the largest person in the room (that day I wasn't), I suddenly became so huge that any interest in the rest of the tour was impossible.

If you are ever in mammoth caves, avoid the skinny old man tour guide who brags about his 28 inch waist. He is a jerk.

Everyone of those comments make me ill. How can people be like that? They say what goes around, comes around, but I am still waiting to see that.

My brother asked me last summer if one cheesecake would be enough for me.

I believe most comments are made behind my back.

StephC.... I would have said: NO I AM NOT PREGNANT, WHY? ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT?

My family nickname is "Little Fatty". Which my mom has made sure I know about.

My mom refuses to give me the address of my family overseas, until I lose enough weight that I won't embarrass her. They'll probably be dead before I see them again.

My mom's yelled at me for what I eat and called me fat, ever since I was five years old.

She didn't call me fat when I was four, because I was so sick, I was in a coma and I lost 25 lbs. It was the only time she was ever happy with my body.

She also told my step-daughter to watch what she eats or she'll wind up fat, like me.

She's not doing it to be mean. She thinks telling me how fat I am will motivate me to lose weight. But compared with my homelife, nothing anyone else can say bothers me.

Sorry to break this to you, but she knows it's mean. It's not motivation...it's intimidation. And it doesn't work. Ignore her. She is the one with the problem, not you. She didn't produce, by her standards, a "perfect" daughter. So she's taking it out on you.

Now this was many many moons ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. The summer before my senior year of high school, I started working out at a local health club - and really toned up and lost some weight. My first day of school, I was hanging with some friends (guys and girls) and one guy pulled me aside and told me " You are such a pretty girl, a good friend, and fun to hang around with but maybe if you tried to lose weight, someone might finally decide to ask you out." After working so hard all summer I couldn't believe he said that. As an adult, looking back at my senior year book - it is funny to see that in the pictures with my class mates, I looked exactly the same size as all of them.

The other thing that does kill me is the reaction people have when I tell them that I had lapband surgery, "I never thought of you as fat or as having a weight problem." You can't tell me that people didn't see me as having a weight problem at 269# and 5' 4".

Most of us agree that when the comments are made we remember them like yesterday. I will always remember the day I was walking into WAL-MART. As a young thin woman walked past me, she paused and said, Slim-Fast is on sale in isle 5. I was mortified. My daughter was so mad she chased her down and told her a thing or two by starting with a comment (The woman couldn't get her items in her car fast enough.) about her teeth being crooked, her boobs two small, her feet two big, her cloths old and out of style, her butt was flabby, her nose to big, and other things as she thought of them, ending with (as the woman drove away), her car sounded like it couldn't make it around the block. I ofter wonder if the woman has thought about what was said and if it made a difference.

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes for all of you! I can't believe the way you've been treated by family, friends, and absolute strangers! HUGE hugs go out to all of you!!

I've been fortunate in that I carry my weight extremely well, and while I was getting bigger, it was all very proportionate...people just didn't realize how much I weighed. It is very interesting though, that as the weight comes off, NOW people are commenting - telling me they can see it in my face, etc. The woman next door, a friend of mine, told me this morning that all the MEN in the neighborhood are talking about how much weight I've lost!

It still amazes me today the things that people feel we need to hear. I have been overweight pretty much my whole life. There was a time that I was a size 8, during my Metabolife period. My immediate family has always been big. My sister is skinny now though, she has eating issues… My uncle was the worst. Of course people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. He died when I was 7 or 8 of complications with his diabetes and alcohol, he was in bad condition. But anyways, he always had a fat joke to say when I was around. His sons were not skinny now mind you. In fact one had diabetes too. What gets me to this day is when I hear any form of this rhyme or song. It makes me cringe…Kelly Kelly Bo Belly, banana Fanna Fo Felly Fe, <st1:place><st1:City>Fi</st1:City>, <st1:State>Mo</st1:State></st1:place> Melly, Kelly. I am sure anyone with names that rhyme with Belly Full of Jelly, or any other weigh induces child’s rhyme can understand.

There were two guys that I remember from middle school that really stick with me. One was a tall shinny guy names Cory. Cory loved his “fat jokes”, I am sure we all remember them: You are so fat that you use a VCR for a pager, You are so fat that when you are at the beach people yell beached whale or How do you have sex with a fat girl? …. I am not finishing that one. He was good too. He make everyone in class laugh at our comedy routine. Some days he got me to cry. Thanks to scheduling and being in a small town we had half of our classes together. We performed often….People love to laugh at the fat chick. The other person was Dean.

Dean was the brother of a guy I was “seeing”. We were all hanging out talking trying to figure out what we wanted to do. It was prob about a group of about 8 kids. Dean was a mean spirited person to begin with. For no reason that I can think of this day, he walks over to me and announces for everyone to hear “If I was as fat as you I would just kill myself.” I was about 12 at the time.

People don’t understand that most everything that they say to a person, stays with that person. Especially if it was a negative remark.

One of my kids came in crying one time because one of their friends said that I was fat. Although it hurt I laughed it off and told my son,"well I am fat."

Another time I had to go to the hospital ER for Tachacardia which is a very fast heart beat but not a heart attack. Later on I had to get a copy of the Dr's report. In the report the Dr had written that I was obese. I knew I was overweight. I knew I was fat. But OBESE!!! That was a slap in the face.

My mother is one of the sweetest people on earth. But sometimes she is not very tackful. If I am with her and she sees a large person she will say well at least your not as big as they are.

Just an added note. I have always been well proportioned and I get hit on a lot. It's interesting how some people see you one way and others see you another way.

i still think we should all go over and kick ollies mominlaw...

can we kick someone's mom in law?

Well....

I'd have to say that being of only 18 YOA I have experienced quite a few things. I dropped out of school and got my GED and enrolled in College cause it got so bad.

Everyday at lunch two specific girls would moo at me from across the courtyard so everyone could hear. Yeah try eatign lunch a fter that happens...I can't tell you how many times I starved because I could eat infront of peole.

Once I was riding my bike, probaby in 6th grade, and I had gotten off to push it up this very steep hill, when two GROWN MEN drove by in a pick up truck and said "Why don't you ride fat ass?" I remeber going home to my mommy telling her that even grown ups make fun of fat people too.

Once told by an EX that I needed diet slim fast....and when I replied "uhm your retarded there is no such thing" he said well yeah why do you think I cheated on you...have you looked in an F***ing mirror...er wait could you even see all of your self in a mirror. I got in my car and said "hey sorry about your dick buddy...and get some proactive"

Which by the way proactive rules.

Then there was the time when my dad called my sister nad I slobs when we were in 5th grade...he continued to clal us fat pigs and then I do remember one tiem him threatening to chain up the fridge. But who the hell cares...he was a drunk back then.

But just recently the big thing that hurt me was when we found out my moms insurance doesn't cover the lap band (which was a huge suprise because at her old company she had UHC and the did cover it...but I wasnt 18 then her new company had UHC as well so we just figured it would be the same coverage) I broke down into tears and my dad was so confused. He aksed well why don'y you just lose weight the normal way...diet and exercise instead of that belly band thing....GEE DAD if that worked I wouldn't be 275 pounds....anyways the fact that his daughter was considering major surgery and he didn't even know the name of it pissed me off. So I just looked at him and said "Dad you wouldn't understand you've never been fat you and mom were always the good lookign ones in high school always popular. Why do you think I'm fat...do you remember whe you calle dme and Amanda (my sister) names for all those years...oh no wait thats right you can't you were to bus guzzling bud light. I want this surgery because I want it for life. I want the gaurantee of never beign fat. Never being unhappy. I don't want to end up like you. 44 years old and miserable. "

He never said a word to me about it again.

To borrow from Judge Judy, taking literary license....

Fat can change. Stupid is forever.

I've just finished reading all or your stories and "I feel your pain". I remember every fat comment made towards me. Once I was walking out of a restaurant with a LARGE tray of food for the family and a few friends. Several people walked past me, one said "you think that's all for her?" and another said "don't doubt it". I got in the car and cried, took the food home, thew it on the table, went to bed and cried...no I did not eat that night. Another memorable hurtful story. Was walking out of a store and someone held the door open for me and turned to their companion and said did you see Dr Phil yesterday? No........well I had, it was about obese people that could not leave their homes because of their weight. I think I was walking out of a Subway with sandwich in hand....couldn't seem to choke that sandwich down through the tears!

And my father only said one hurtful thing that I can remember (although I always felt my parents were ashamed of my weight and I felt like a failure) I was around 10 yrs old and we were just starting a long (6 hr) car ride, just the 2 of us, and he lit up a cigarette (which I hated in the closed in quarters of the car) I said, "Why don't you quit smoking?" His response, "why don't you quit eating?" That was one long silent car ride! At that age I did not know how to respond, I now know to say, that smoking is not a necessity of life!

Having been overweight all my life, there have been so many incidents. Never being asked to dance at the dances. I just remembered one! Picture this.....high school dance...all the girls standing in a line, kinda listening to music, just waiting to be asked to dance. A not too popular guy starts down the line...."wanna dance?"...no, wanna dance...no, SKIP THE FAT GIRL...wanna dance? wanna dance? You get the picture, don't you? I could go on and on, I have a life time's worth of stories.

I am sitting here, hungry for the last hour, but cannot bring myself to eat right now...cuz I am fat and should be NOT EATING and should be EXERCISING...right? Reading all these posts has made me feel sad for all WE have gone through. On the brighter side, I am glad I made the decision to have the lap band surg. I look forward to being thin and healthy the rest of my life.

In the report the Dr had written that I was obese. I knew I was overweight. I knew I was fat. But OBESE!!! That was a slap in the face.

Same thing happened to me. I had to transfer my medical records from one doctor to another and I sneaked a peek, only to find, "Robin suffers from obesity...."

Gee. I'm "suffering" here. I had no idea. :bored

Hey you guys... At least the bad stuff is behind us now. Life is good, gotta see the positives! Look to the future and all that good stuff, right?