A message about hurt feelings on another thread reminded me of one of those moments when a zinger hits you without warning. I thought that probably everyone has had one of those moments and venting it here may help remove some of the punch. After all, it's not the sort of stuff you can vent in normal conversation.

One of my moments happened when we were on a four hour hike through the mammoth cave in kentucky. At mid point through the cave the guide is supposed to tell interesting stories and facts about the cave. He asked if anyone had any questions, so since we were two hours hike in both directions from the exit, I asked what they would do if someone had a heart attack there in the cave. WELL, He said, "they would die. AND ma'm I don't want to hurt your feelings but obesity is the main cause for that." :embarassed: The group was about 120 people, all of whom became quiet and wanted to see what obese person had asked that question. I was mortified. I hadn't been feeling all that "fat" that day (you all know that "fat" is a feeling like sadness), and as I always notice whether or not I am the largest person in the room (that day I wasn't), I suddenly became so huge that any interest in the rest of the tour was impossible.

If you are ever in mammoth caves, avoid the skinny old man tour guide who brags about his 28 inch waist. He is a jerk.

Being a guy it may have been a little different for me. I have always heard the your fat comments like most of us have. The difference is I just knocked them out when I could :heh:. I think the most depressing thing for was about 2 years ago when I was going to go to Iraq with a firefighting government contract and had all my plans set, told everyone I was going and then a week before I was supposed to ship out I get a call from the company telling me I was kicked back due to my BMI being to high ! It was depressing to say the least and just caused me to gain another 20 lbs ! :faint:

I cant wait to get banded ! :rockon:

Well lets see, that my family, when I was younger were ashamed to walk down the street with me and walked ahead of me, that I looked like a line backer, Are you eating that???, What diet are you on NOW??? You'd be so pretty if you could lose some weight, congrats when are you due?? (and I wasn't pregnant/pre tummy tuck), my butt looked like it was on hydrolics and out of control, that when I stopped dancing my butt kept on jiggling,hhhhhmmmmmmmmm to name a few!!!

Audree

Well the worst thing said recently was from my boss at a new job. I have had to get a fill then a slight unfill within a week in December and I am going to get another fill this week (if they can get to the port). She asked if it "wouldn't just be cheaper to quit eating?" Well duh, don't you think I would have done that if I could have?

Valarie

how about "you would be a knock out if you could lose some weight". I bet pretty much everyone has heard at least some form of that one.....

Yeh, I'm almost a normal weight and I'm still waiting to be a knockout! When will that happen?

This past Halloween we were on a hay ride with our kids. I was sitting in the back with another lady who was not as heavy as me, but not skinny either. The tractor spun its tires for a second and she looked at me and said "Looks like you have to get off Melissa", I didn't let it sink in until later. That comment was totally rude. I knew I was going to have this surgery, so I just focused on how great I will look at the next Halloween party.

Melissa:rolleyes:

I don't know why the comments that people feel entitled to say are just so amazing to me. Family, lovers, friends and outright strangers. Continually amazing to me.

I can totally relate to everyones comments on this thread for sure. I have 2 particular incidents that stood out in my mind as I read through all of the posts. The 1st one was about 28 years ago from an ex-boyfriend. When I met him I was really thin and feeling good about myself, but what he put me through caused me to gain weight. Damn I wonder why. But anyway, he wrote me a letter telling me there was no reason for me to go around looking like a side of beef! Needless to say why he's the ex.

The most recent thing that happened was said by a very dear friend of mine and I still can't believe she said it. Her brother was going through a divorce last August and needed a friend, so she introduced us. We talked on the phone for several weeks before we met, but we have talked almost everyday since then, but no romance. About a week ago, I was talking to his sister about some of the women in his life he has been telling me about lately. I think they're not of the best character for him, to put it nicely. Then, she told me that after my TRANSFORMATION, being losing my weight after being banded, he would probably be ready for a relationship and would probably pick me. I just sat there on the phone for a minute before I said anything back to her. For one thing, she is as fat as I am, if not fatter, but the fact that she's my so called "best friend" really hurt me. However, my response to her was, "who are you talking about Donny?" She said yes, so I told her immediately without thinking, "I don't think so! If I'm not good enough for him now, he damn sure won't be good enough for me then!" The thing that hurt me the most was that she just sat there and didn't say anything for at least a full minute. So I finally told her that if her brother was that shallow and couldn't love me for who I am, then I didn't want him anyway. I told him about it the next day and he asked me if I thought he was shallow. I told him I thought he was if that's how he felt. He didn't tell me that's how he felt, so we changed the subject. But, I have to point out that he tells me the weight of every woman he meets. I think I get the true message! He's told me before that my weight didn't bother him and he wasn't embarassed to be seen with me, but if that's the case, why does he point out everyone elses weight to me? Hummmmmmmmm.... Just wondering....

Wootsie,

Interesting story. I wonder if she said that becuase her brother told her something like, "as soon as Wootsie loses weight I want to be in a relationship with her" and that was her way of relaying the info.

The thing that always bugs me about stuff like that is... You have to choose that person too, they don't just get to choose you.

I mean why would you want to go out with someone who picks crappy women to go out with? He is going to have all kinds of relationship baggage and drama based on his past choices. Something that may be okay for you as his friend, but that you are way beyond in a relationship.

Harumph.

After I had lost a lot of weight years ago, my hubby told me that before I lost weight, I had a "shelf" butt. He said he could sit a cup of coffee on my butt....while I was standing! Of course, I laughed at the time, 'cause the "shelf" had disappeared. But, when I regained the weight, every time I looked in the mirror, I'd see the "shelf butt" once again!

Tami

I can come up with several (as we all can), but I will only mention a few.

At my last job during a performance review, I was told that I dressed really nice for a fat person. I just looked at her, totally shocked.

Another time after interviewing for a job and being told that I basically had the job (by one interviewer), he came back and told me that others were afraid I wouldn't be able to keep up. You have got to be kidding me!

My cousin's son has made several comments. When he was 5 he told his parents he didn't want to hug me because I was fat. And one time he asked me why I was so fat. It was really loud and we were in a crowded restaurant. Talk about wishing I could crawl under a table.

i haven't had anything really said to me per se, but i've had situations. the most recent was when i went shopping with a skinny friend of mine. we were in one of those trendy girl stores where an xl is like a medium. i obviously couldn't fit into the clothes so i was looking at the shoes. a sales person started to come up to me, looked me up and down and walked away. a few seconds later a blond barbie doll walked up and the sales person zipped right up. it was the shoe section! what? i'm too fat to wear skinny girl shoes?!

my mom is naturally tiny. she weighed 115lbs 9 months pregnant with me and that was after gaining 20lbs. she would always say stuff like "when you get skinny i'll buy you a new wardrobe..." or she'd call to tell me where diet stuff was on sale. i know she was doing it to be nice but it just reminded me that i wasn't little like her. a few years ago i crash dieted and lost 70lbs. i wouldn't eat anything but blended ice and coffee or dry Cereal. my hair fell out in huge clumps, i broke out, my nails peeled off, i was always covered in bruises, i was always exhausted and miserable... but she'd sigh and go 'you are so pretty skinny'. my health didn't matter - my apperance did. *sighs* :think

Well I ask for help with a reference book that they kept in the back and she told me that people like me should not be in the library.

I'm a librarian and I can't believe someone said that to you! Jeez, w/out patrons, we wouldn't have jobs!!! I am sooooo sorry!

Speaking of working in libraries...I worked w/ an Indian lady (India Indian) who told me one day in rather poor English that I'd really let myself go and I needed to get on a diet and do something about it. I told her she had the manners of a goat and she should learn to mind her own business!!! What's wrong w/ people? I would never have commented on her poor English! Then a guy I worked w/ made a comment one day that no one was as big as me. I told him I didn't think he wanted to start throwing stones because when I threw some back he'd find out what I really thought about his baggy ass!!! :angry

But the one that really made me feel crummy was when I was out shopping one day. Two teenage girls (yeah, I know, they'll get theirs in the end) were walking behind me through a narrow section of the store and one started mooing and the other one said I thought I told you to leave your cow at home today! :think

I was asked by my father inlaw if i was charged double when i got on a bus , i tried to ignore him but he continued to say that i must do as i must take up two seats , hence i left immediately and have never been back since , that was five years ago .

hmm...so many to count - ugh

As a pre-teen watching ice skating which I've always loved and saying to my mom - I want to do that; Answer - You have to be skinny and pretty to do that. My first time at the doc getting doctor pills - little yellow jackets (I wasn't fat)

In high school - what's wrong with your legs? Nice face - fat body - regularly called Fat Ass and Shamu

In college at a job interview at the psych clinic - the boss says if you work here I am like a mother to everyone and I will ride you about your weight unmercifully. Dead silence in the room full of grad students.

As a young adult running my first 5K race (fat but getting fit) - A man says to his wife running by me - You're not gonna let that fat bitch get ahead of you are you?

Grocery shopping with my uncle asking me what I want/like and saying - how can you be so fat if you don't like this/that?

ok - I'll stop here -

A cuter one that didn't bother me - my 5 year old neice and I taking a shower together and she says - You're jiggly like mommy - I love her and said everyone is different - some people are more jiggly than others!

When my oldest son was in 3rd grade (he's now 25), he got into a fight at school "defending my honor". The kid asked him why his mom was so fat. Well, my son was sent to the principal's office and got "pops" for fighting. (Yes, it was legal then.) I felt SOOO bad. I could not punish him at home.