GLP Pill 4 years PO from Gastric Bypass- Curbing Regain, feeling ashamed.

Hi everyone again! Long venting sesh. Looking for support and advice.

I'm back perusing the forums because I've been on a most frustrating journey to curb my regain. Unfortunately, life, life-ed and I went through a lot of stressors/changes and let the old maladaptive comfort eating cope slither back into my life. I am working on feelings of shame around my weight gain. I've gained about 25 lbs now and it's been a slow burn. I feel so embarrassed, so ashamed that I can't even talk about it with my family or my husband. It's pretty bad. I keep thinking "how did you get a gastric bypass and still have issues controlling what you eat?! What is wrong with you?"

I know this is not a productive mindset to be in however it's eating at me (no pun intended) and it's making it really hard not to fall into a depression. I want nothing more than to stop the constant thoughts about food, what I should/shouldn't eat and the itch to eat all the time no matter what the food is. I did therapy for years before my bypass and I got to a really good place mentally where I was able to lose 30 lbs on my own before surgery. But I understand life ebbs and flows. It's not always going to be easy, you need tune ups and check ins. I kind of let myself go (not in a physical sense) but a mental sense thinking it would just be perfect from here on out because the high of weight loss after bypass, there's nothing like it! I was on top of the world.

I cannot go back to the life I was living. I know food can be such a dangerous game for me and my psychology. It always has been, hence why I had wls in the first place. I can't go back to the knee pain, the weakness, the tiredness, the isolation of binge eating etc. I CANNOT! I REFUSE!! But I also can't sit here and stare at my wounds and call myself stupid for getting wounded in the first place. I just want to focus on getting better.

Anyway, I've been advised actually for a while now to take a GLP1. And I keep hearing that it's the best thing since sliced bread to add to your bariatric after-care in terms of long term success. But it's so stigmatized it kept me from even asking. But I truly believe obesity is a disease. It's a chronic illness that must be managed and you have good years and bad years. There is a lot of modern studies in obesity medicine that suggest-so, the system-wide inflammation associated with it its proof in of itself for me. This isn't about looking my best or fitting into some size. It's about saving my life because I know where it all leads to. I'm in my 30's now. I want kids soon. I want to be the best version of myself. And I have to ask the universe for help again. And I can't let that make me feel small and ashamed.

I think to myself being scared about the stigma is ironic because I'm sitting here with a bypassed stomach and 30 years of weight-related trauma lol. Yes, I've been obese most my life. The second layer was cost. I spent so much money on stupid things I didn't need. The money I paid for the bypass, well every cent was worth it. I didn't get on a GLP1 because it was so expensive. This week, I pooled together some funds, only enough to try the meds for 3 months and I am currently awaiting my first month of the compounded pill. If it offers me the same relief as the bypass did, even a fraction, I'll take it. It's worth the money to fix my health.

I am hoping and praying that this works for me. It's okay if it doesn't, and I am exploring psychiatric options with my providers as well as I have bipolar type 2 and receive medication management for that. I am open to other psychiatric interventions for obsessive eating. I am in group therapy currently. I am exercising and walking everyday and I eat at least 100 grams of protein a day. The problem is the extra meals (grazing) outside of the healthy ones. But here, I guess I am starting on a new foot. I have to put these negative feelings away because they are not serving me. They're driving me to eat. It's the same pain I felt before I had surgery and I can't let it get as bad as it did. The only thing that helped me get help and get a therapist and lose the weight was relinquishing shame. I have to go back there.

I've been on a mood stabilizer for 5-6 years now. I don't feel badly about telling people I need that. So why is it so hard to admit to myself and others that I need a GLP1 after bypass? So odd. How do I even begin to look at this normally and in a positive light?

So I got a 1.5 mg compounded pill (says it's Wegovy but I'm not sure that comes in pill form). I start that for a month then it increases from there. The goal is to get me to 4mg? But I want to see where one month leads me. If I can stop this constant feeling of emptiness inside of me, being head hungry and craving to have something in my mouth, well then I'll take it as a win.

Can anyone share their stories and/or tips with bariatric regain? How did you go about it? What did you feel? How did people around you react?