A message about hurt feelings on another thread reminded me of one of those moments when a zinger hits you without warning. I thought that probably everyone has had one of those moments and venting it here may help remove some of the punch. After all, it's not the sort of stuff you can vent in normal conversation.

One of my moments happened when we were on a four hour hike through the mammoth cave in kentucky. At mid point through the cave the guide is supposed to tell interesting stories and facts about the cave. He asked if anyone had any questions, so since we were two hours hike in both directions from the exit, I asked what they would do if someone had a heart attack there in the cave. WELL, He said, "they would die. AND ma'm I don't want to hurt your feelings but obesity is the main cause for that." :embarassed: The group was about 120 people, all of whom became quiet and wanted to see what obese person had asked that question. I was mortified. I hadn't been feeling all that "fat" that day (you all know that "fat" is a feeling like sadness), and as I always notice whether or not I am the largest person in the room (that day I wasn't), I suddenly became so huge that any interest in the rest of the tour was impossible.

If you are ever in mammoth caves, avoid the skinny old man tour guide who brags about his 28 inch waist. He is a jerk.

My ex husband weighed 125 #s soaking wet.... . Anyway there was a comedian on the radio one time when she was visiting my home. I happened to just be coming around the corner hearing the comedian talking about fairs and how all fat women walked around eating all the carnival foods and their skinny little husbands walk behind them just waiting for a scrap to fall and I heard her say to my husband "Hey honey that would be you"! I had to go back upstairs and compose myself and come back down and act like I hadn't heard anything. 8 years and a divorce later that still hurts!:phanvan

Oh Sasha~

That is horrible. Your own cousin saying that. I would have punched him in the face. I absolutely discustes me how some people treat others. I have more than once said someone who acts like that is not family to me. I have enemies that have treated me better. I don't subscribe to the "Blood is thicker than water" saying. I think people who are good to you and make you feel loved are family. I have stayed away from family members just because of that sort of treatment. And I have made it well know to them that they are the reason why I stay away.

Don't let an Ass like that ruin your life. Its not worth it. Keep on keepin on (wow that saying certainly dates me LMAO)!!!

dat is so true. many people don't know that sometimes their worst enemy could just be in their family. and yeah, when i think about, i wanna just go back and punch him in the face for real. the worst part is that that was the time i had started losing weight and i wasn't that big. it just so happen that they got most of the "skinny genes" and they consider everybody else fat.

I am 6 weeks post op and my father who is very wealthy refused to lend me the money for my operation, however i was determined and i got a loan to pay for it. To this day he doesnt know that i have done it and i dont intend to tell him. All the while my whole life my father puts me down about my weight infront of anyone that would listen, the most memorable thing he told me infront of a group of young and older men was that i ought to be tied to his ute and draged accross the country. Or that i cant move im so big, mind you my biggest weight is 200lb.

I have been asked if i am pregnant, or my fav is 'you have a such a pretty face, shame about your body, what a waste'.

I have since lost 14lb and my father still goes on and on and on about my weight. but i guess as they say he who laughs last laughs the loudest! i hope im loud and clear when the time comes.

You know it's funny how just simple words..."comments" if you will; Can literally cut like a knife and scar you for life.

I can remember back in high school, being 6ft tall and around 260ish and hearing the comments, esp when it came time to play shirts vs skins in football (and of course as luck would have it, me having to be a 'skin') being teased in the meanest ways imaginable over my weight and stretch marks I have as a result...

Even now, being almost 12 years out of high school and still hearing the comments. Not so much in as mean a spirit but in a joking manner, even still though it hurts to be reminded in any form or fashion that you still have a weight problem.

I've been wondering ever since my journey started to get a 'band, is if those old verbal scars will disappear from my 'rearviewmirror' as I would like to call it

Going down~

I hope you are loud and clear also. There is no reason for that. I had gotten down to about 200 lbs I was thinner than I had been in years I was also 6 months out from having a tummy tuck and a breast lift. I was so proud of myself. I had a friend who is a man old enough to be my father tell me that no one would want me except a blue collar worker who was out to get a good f__k. I was defistated absolutely crushed.

I have not told him about my fiance or my surgery. I don't talk to this man very often because I am afraid of the ration of crap that he will lay on me.

I am pulling for you!! Keep up the good work. But don't be surprised if he acts like he doesn't notice the next time you see him. People like that are never happy.

well i have struggled with my weight since i was a teenager and my step mom used to charge me for every pound that i gained. ( she is a witch) then a couple of years ago i went home to visit my family and she took me aside and said" you could have warned us about your weight" ooooo that pissed me off! Ive decied i am not gong home till i loose all of my weight... and they dont know about my having the surgery.. and they wont...

on a lighter note...One of the funniest things i have had happen is i work in a day care with toddlers and one day i was taking them for a walk and one of them ( cute as can be) said "teacher, baby in tummy?" it was so darn cute. i was kind of taken aback but then laughed it off and said no no baby... then he insisted lol.. ( one of the other teachers is pregnant and he knew it) I guess i looked like her... kids dont understandt hat some people are fluffy...

the one that i HATE the most is " you have a preety face and have a great personality!" GRRRR it drives me nuts...:angry

On my wedding day, a drunken male friend of my father's came up to me and said that my mother had confided to him that she was worried about my being able to get a wedding gown. Then he said that he knew why, that I must have had to go see Omar the tent maker.

If that man would have just kept his mouth shut, I would have had the perfect wedding day.

You would think that the one day in a woman's life that would be sacrosanct would be her wedding day.

Kara~

That is so sad to have someone do that at your wedding. Why do people think its ok to be rude in the name of being funny? It's not funny and it's not acceptable.

My first husband left me for another woman because I gained alot of weight during the 5 years that we were married. Totally broke my heart. But if that was'nt enough, I called my brother crying to tell him that my husband had left me and my brothers reply to me was...."Well, have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?" It felt like a double wammy, and if that was'nt enough, my mother said that my brother was just telling me what everyone else was thinking..third wammy... :)

:hungry: HI Janiee

I can understand what it feels like to have family against you and justify the acts of an A**hole. I too have been told by my father that being FAT isnt going to get me a husband and thats why i was ditched by the last man i fell in love with. I just can't understand why they make FAT an issue, isnt the unconditional love supposed to come from family? My father told me to my face that he was to embaressed for me to come with him to see his cousins for fear they may look down on me, however he was asking my two thinner sisters to go with him. I cant tell you how that made me feel.

As for your ex, well babe he is just a poor excuse of a man, did he not take his vows seriously? What i find most hurtful (my own experience) is the fact that when your family is supposed to be there for u at your lowest, they tend to kick you while your down. I have learnt one thing in my life and that is to rely and comfort yourself without the need for anyone else, unless they can prove that they are truly there for you. Gaining weight is no excuse to be treated like dirt, its sad to see we live in a society that is so shallow to think that someone can leave their partner based wholly on the fact that they are over weight! What have people become?

I say stay beautiful, your the winner in the end, you can see why that would hurt you, the ignorance is theirs not yours and thats victory babe!

I know this is an older thread, but this just happened to me about a month ago and I think some of you may benefit from my story. I am just starting to look into the lapband. I went to Wendy's for lunch with a friend. We were in the drive through and I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich for me and she wanted the taco salad with sour cream. I ordered it together and when we got to the window to pay, I paid the girl (who was not small herself) and asked her if she included the sour cream in the bag. She just smiled and said 'yep'. Just before I pulled away, I heard her say 'like you need it fatty.....' Here is where I become proud of myself. I stopped my van right in the drive thru...at the end just past the window and went in the store and asked for a manager. You should have seen the girls face. She had no clue I heard her and you could tell she was embarassed. I told the manager what had happened loud enough for others in the line to hear. He called her over to apologize and then asked how they could make it right. He wanted to give me free meal coupons but I refused. I told them that I would not be returning to that store and that I would tell my 'fat' friends about the comments and was sure they wouldn't return either. Being that it is a small town and I work for a large company, I knew that wouldn't sit well with the manager. He took my name and address and ended up sending me meal coupons and stuff.

I refused to put up with any comment and still do. I may be heavy but I am a human with feelings too!

Mollysmom, I love the fact that the "jock" is now 120 lbs overweight. Serves the bastard right!

Good Job Badonkadonk~~~~You go Girl!!!!!

Wow...How I can relate!

The first time I ever realized I was so mistreated by my father/mother/grandmothers was when I had to go for my psych evaluation. Until then I always thought that the things people said to me were because they cared, and they were just too insensitive or ignoarant to say them in a "better way" (if there is one)...And trust me...just like all of you, I have heard them all, except the pregneant one.

The one that really makes me boil..."You have such a beautiful face. Why don't you lose some weight?" BECAUSE I CAN"T A$$HOLE!!! Do you think I like to pointed at and made fun of??? HELLOOOOOOOOO!!

It'll all be over soon! :welldoneclap:

Mollysmom~

Isn't it great to be able to to have revenge without really doing anything to instigate it. Of course carrying it on could be fun!!

Good Luck Girl!!

Two things have sent me bed crying.

When I was about 6-7 months pregnant with my first child I was going to pick up some take out Thai food for my husband. I was feeling pretty good, finally at that point where I looked pregnant instead of just fat. I took the elevator up to the 2nd floor where the resaurant was and just as the doors were closing a group passed by and someone asked about if they should grab the doors and this guy said "no way I'm riding that with HER, it's gonna break." They made it into the restaurant before I did and I just started at them the whole time, screaming in my head "I'm pregnant!!!"

Last year ago my husband hit me with the worst thing ever said to me. I was complaining about some weird symptom that popped up and I was inquiring if he thought if it was serious (he's in the medical field and works at a prison). He blurted out "Look I have to deal with a***oles all day making up stuff, I don't need you bi**hin about stuff you bring on yourself being fat." Seven years of marriage and I never ever felt one iota of insecurity around him. Blown away in one sentence.