Singles Forum

419 topics in this forum

I am just curious if any successful Lap Band patients have any good dating stories? Has your dating life increased?

I recently ran into an ex-boyfriend online and he keeps pressuring me to reunite. We split on somewhat good terms. Although I was a large person when we dated, I'm about 30lbs larger now. I am so ashamed for him to see me like this. I keep putting him off by telling him that my work schedule simply won't allow it. I keep telling myself that if I can get him to wait one more month (having surgery on the 12th) that he'll be seeing me at or near the same weight we split. I know that he's a great guy and I am more than willing to give it another go, but how can I get past this shame?

Well, I've been divorced for a couple of years and feel like I'm ready to make the plunge and start dating. That's a big "yikes!" for me. I'm kinda nervous. Sex is not in the plan at this point, but it may happen. I've lost a lot of weight, look great with my clothes on, but when they come off....not so great. Plastic surgery is not an option. I'm muscular and fit, but the loose skin is not attractive (think shar-pei thighs, boobs are gone, and bat wings for arms). If the time comes where the clothes would be coming off, how have others approached what's hiding under the clothes? I have a feeling some men may be turned off by the extra skin. Thanks for any input …

You guys have been such a help to me as I adjusted to my band. Every time I came to post a question, I found the answer already on this forum. But here's a topic I couldn't find. I'm just starting to date again post banding. I've lost quite a bit already and am finally getting my confidence back. I didn't tell most people about the band-- just very closest friends and family. Not embarrassed at all, but I didn't feel the need to address people commenting and judging my decision. But at some point, this will need to come up with the guys I'm dating. There is the scar, so assuming I ever take off my shirt, there will be that question. But also the slow eating (and occasi…

I am 39 years old and will be getting a sleeve on September 20, 2011. I was wondering if there is a website that anyone is aware of that is specific to bariatric patients. I imagine that it will be difficult to go on dates, as we can barely eat or drink anything. But having a date where the guy understands what you are going through ( because he had the same surgery) would be so much easier. Any suggestions.?

Hello All, Here's something I've been really struggling with. I'm 4.5 months pre-op (out of 6 total) and I just met a girl. She seems pretty nice, and taking the surgery out of the picture, I think I would be pretty excited. But in the back of my head, I keep thinking... a year from now I'll be an entirely different person. How do I know I'll still like her? or her me? How can I try develop a relationship with all this crazy sleeve business going on? What if she bakes me pies or something.. or we end up eating out all the time and it sabotages my WL efforts? I'm getting to the point where I kind of feel like maybe I should just wait until a year post op be…

Hello Okay I have lost weight (160 pounds from my highest) and am now 230 pounds and a dress size 16-18. I also have a 42DD chest so I can't go much smaller and fit them in (they were 44G a year ago) so I am making progress. I tried to venture into online dating but not getting many matches. I chose full-fiqured. Am i using the wrong category? I am still finding many shallow people, some are at least honest about it, others are what others have called frogs (half of what they said online was incorrect on further email). I was hopeful and thought I was ready but this is so hard. This is really a lot of rejection. Makes me think maybe I shoudl get a pet. TZ

currently I am single...but while i think losing weight will open up a new pool of men, I am totally nervous.... the prospect of having sex with someone new with loose skin petrifies me Has anyone had to tackle that? It seems most of u are luckily married

I have finally gotten enough confidence again to start dating after losing the a lot of my weight (87 lbs all together pre & post op)... and this is my dilemma ~ Everyone wants to go out to eat! How do you handle it? Last weekend was my first test and I was so worried, I barely ate and I am not sure if it was noticed. One of the men ordered riblets as an appetizer, he kept asking me if I was going to eat any.. I finally took one and cut it up in really small pieces and said I didnt want to use my fingers because I didnt want bbq sauce in my nails . I'm quite sure he thought I had a few issues LOL. How do all of you handle dating with your band? The men I have been da…

How did your new mate accept the lap band decision to loose weight.

My weight has been up and down since I was 18 - and I really for some reason never had a problem getting a boyfriend, I lowered my standards a bit. I was told basically I am a chubby version of Britney Spears - nice right? lol However, after this surgery, my concern like in the environment I work in now is 85 percent men - what if the hot one I always secretly liked now all of the sudden wants to talk to me because I am now "acceptable" by stupid man standards. I don't think I could go out with someone who knew me before and now that I would be thin they want to date me. A few of my friends have asked me about that. While I think my self esteem will improve - I…

Hi everyone! I'm new to the forum I'm still in the verrry early stages of this journey. My initial consultation is on Saturday! Yay! I guess my biggest questions are regarding the social impact on your life. I'm a single 27-year-old female and I work in an industry where attending parties and lunches is mandatory for networking and your appearance does make a difference in how successful you are. I love going out and socializing, so I'm a little worried about how the band will affect my ability to fully enjoy that aspect of life. What happens when new people you meet notice your eating/drinking restrictions? Do you feel left out when you can't indulge? What about da…

7 months post op and looking to start dating. Wondering how you fellow banders handled a first date / first few dates ... I feel comfortable eating out with people who know I've been banded, but for those that don't know its obvious that I'm not eating much. I'm not really sure I'm comfortable telling a guy 1st thing about my band ... I've only told a few people ... I just feel it's not everyone's business.

Single girls, At what size do you feel most comfortable dating? I understand that many of you don't relate size and dating, but for those of you who do, at what dress size do you feel most comfortable going on a date? I'd do a poll, but I don't know how. If somebody does, please feel free to go ahead. Thanks! 8,10,12,14,16,18

After nearly losing 60 pounds, I thought I should start dating again. I just started talking to this one guy. He knows I'm trying to lose weight and he knows I've lost 60 pounds. But he really doesn't know how. Luckily are first "date" was getting coffee. I'm sure we'll go on a dinner date soon. And, of course, there is always that possibility of getting stuck. Anyway, I would like to know when and how I should tell him. I mean it's really not that serious, but should he know? Advice would be very appreciated.

How do you handle your sleeve and dating. Do you tell them that you had surgery? If so, how long do you wait? If not, do you just keep it private? Are you ever asked about your food choices/portions now that your stomach holds a lot less food and you cannot drink liquids? I am sure many guys would just think that I am being a girl and like many girls just watching calories but I am sure along the way I will come across some curious guys who will ask. How do you handle that? Just be honest?

I'm single and I have been meeting people online and in person, nothing serious has come as of yet but my question is what do you tell people that you've just met about your surgery? There is this one guy that I met a couple of weeks ago and I really like him and he thinks that I'm having a "female surgery". My concern is if he wanted to come see me in the hospital or even at home after surgery and I'm drinking broth and pureed foods.

Not sure if I'm posting in the right area so I apologize if this is in the wrong place. I'm single and I dating for me usually involves going to restaurants and bars. I'm going to be banded next week so I intend to be single for a while after but what are the options for when I start dating again? Does anyone have any experience with this?

I was banded almost three months ago and have been single about two years. I am slowing getting back into the "dating game" and I'm wondering - if you've dated since being banded - do you tell them? If so, when?

Hey single ladies! I am not banded yet I am in month 3 of my supervised diet. I mentioned to a friend yesterday that I believe that when I am skinny, my dating life will be better. I am tired of being not noticed or over looked because I am overweight. When I go out to clubs, I NEVER get asked out. :eek: I believe that once I begin to lose weight, more guys will be attracted to me. (I do not have a self esteem problem!) What do you think about this? Do you think this is a fact that most overweight singles deny regardless of evidence around them? Has anyone's dating life improved since they have lost weight?:thumbup:

Wouldn't it be nice to go out and share a meal with someone who knows what its like to have a band? Let's post our information here and maybe we can get some groups together for social outings. I am Cassandra, 28 and live in Kansas City. Going through a divorce and I have 2 dogs. Down 78 pounds so far and 70% to goal.

Posting here as well, since the "Singles" forum has limited traffic... I need help, all! :smile: -------------------- Hi all. So, as of now, I'm dating someone whom I really like, same for him, we're really just in awe that we hadn't met before and that we did finally meet (we have a LOT of friends and acquaintances in common). However, this isn't about all that, as much as I need some advice on how to deal with my sleeve, eating, etc, while "dating". From the very first date, this guy noticed that I ate VERY little, and even went so far as to comment about it twice on our first date. Since then, he has "commented" on this repeatedly, even going so far as to say to m…

I'm coming up on surgery pretty soon and looking forward to some post-op dating experiences once I've healed and recovered. But, I keep having these wierd thoughts about how a man might react once he finds out that I used to be obese and had to cut my stomach out to loose weight.:thumbup1: Like, is he going to go running away screaming at the top of his lungs? Is he going to be thinking that I'm going to blow my surgery and get fat again? Will he think it's just better to dump me before I get big again or before I cut some other part of my body off? I know this is crazy, nonproductive type thinking, but I can't help it. I'm doing my best to be prepared for how things…

I posted not long ago that I am seeing 2 guys at the same time. I thought by now I would be able to decide which one I like better. I like them both! They are different as night and day, and there are things I like about both of them. I don't really care, as long as they don't find out. It's so weird after being so heavy for so long, to have this happen now. good grief, I am 57 years old. I didn't date 2 guys at the same time even when I was a teenager. It's a really small town, and it would be easy for one of them to see me out with the other one. I have to be really careful.The funny part is that they both love to cook. They are always inviting me over …

I'm scheduled to have my surgery next month and I'm afraid to tell the guy I just started dating. My doctors believe the surgery would of great benefit to my health because of my current co-mormidities. My BMI was 36 when I started this whole process, but on the liver reduction diet I've lost almost 20 lbs over the last 3 months. They guy I'm dating doesn't think I need to lose any weight (maybe he's just being kind) but it's obvious to me that this could really improve my health and self-esteem. I'm worried about his reaction when he finds out. Has anyone else out there been in a similar situation? I don't want to be dishonest and say the surgery is for something e…

my friend says the only way I am going to get over my last bf (actually, I am doing pretty well with that) was to meet someone new. She wanted me to meet a friend of hers. She sang his praises. I went to lunch with him and thought he was weird. Maybe I am picky. It's difficult at my age because guys in their late 50's look like little old men to me. This guy didn't look that way, but I thought he was odd. Maybe I'll just be alone the rest of my life. It took me 3 years of dating when I met Bill and called my daughter and said he's a keeper. All the rest, I had no desire to see a 2nd time. Can't wait for my ball room dancing classes to start. At least I will…

So, here I am, 110 lbs down with probably 60 to go. My self esteem is getting better, not great yet though. But since I am feeling so good physically and somewhat better mentally, I think others are detecting this and have started asking me out. Now, I love being single, but its always nice to have someone to play with. I will not go into the mental issues that are cropping up about dating, but here's the one thing that I have found. Men who ask me out are the guys who like their women thick. I don't like me thick, and never will. I say yes to them, not knowing that this is the case (i try not to assume anything about anyone without knowing them). Since I am still…

Oh men. I have been fat all my life, and it has (in my opinion) really hurting my romantic life because I am AFRAID of being rejected, or being treated like the desperate fat girl, so I just stay away from men entirely. I just sort of let the idea go, of being the girl that men wanted, I became the funny girl that hung around all the guys. The best friend you'll never want to date. Now, here I am, on my way to being skinny, and I realize, I am LONELY. Its hard, all of the sudden, now that I am only semi invisible to men, its hard seeing them look at me. I am scared shitless of men. I dont know how to talk to them without instantly turning it into a friendship thin…

I'd love to know how everyone is surving dating with the band. I'm married but bi and poly, so dh and I have agreed that I can have relationships with other women as well. I told him on our first date, btw I'm bi and really tend to date more women than men. So this is nothing new at all. Anyway, what is it with women freaking out over me having the band? I was seeing a woman, let's call her N. Anyway N our relationship was going well she's also poly and bi. Anyway she knew I was having surgery, didn't ask what type and I didn't tell her because it was only a few weeks into our relationship. Anyway she knew I was on a diet, exercising and trying to loose weight. …

Here's the scoop. I'm a 35 year old single mom. I just got the band about 5 weeks ago. I know I did the right thing for the right reasons, but here is the delima; We all know most people who have never had weight issues just don't "get it". So I'm wondering what will happen when I feel well enough mentally and physically to enter the dating world. What do I say to a potential new partner when I can't eat a full meal? Or if it gets to that point.. what the scars are from.. and here's the biggie..what the heck is that huge lump under your skin! I know my health and the happiness/health of my child are my priority, but with my hot new slim body I'm also looking for…

I have been avoiding dating for awhile... especially since my weight climbed up quite high. The last time I was seeing someone was a year ago and that lasted like, a week! I think I am going to be ready to date again soon. I am feeling so much better about myself. Has anyone else gone through this? I know there are lots of women out there... but I am also older now (31) and it seems like the bars are full of 21-24 year olds. What should I do? Where should I go? I live in a big urban area with a big gay/lesbian community and have lots of LGBT friends... however, almost all are coupled up. Thanks!

Okay everyone - so I am down almost 70 pounds and all my girlfriends, my mom, sister, and every other person I know in my life, has asked me when I am going to start dating. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't know how to bring the band up in conversation. I mean, seriously, what do you do when you go to restaurant and the date asks why you have barely eaten anything off you plate, or what about when you have decided to take the relationship to the bedroom and there is a scar on your stomach. Is this something that you want to bring up on the first date? But I feel like it has become such a huge part of my life and I am very excited to talk to just about anyone ab…

Hey this for the singles out there. Do you find dating harder or easier now that you have had your band? Do you think it would be easier to date someone who has had "WLS" regardless of the surgery? My thinking is it would take away all the explanation of why you eat the way you do and such. I'm just throwing this out there, because I know for me dating is a pain and I wanted to know if other's feel the same way I do.

Ok, so I'm curious about something. Before the band, meeting men, feeling attractive, flirting, dating, and sex has been an awkward and uncomfortable thing for me. mainly because i feel so self-conscious about my fat and totally insecure and uncomfortable putting myself out there. Aside from all the health and shopping perks, I'm really hoping this dating and sex stuff gets better. For you single bandsters, or even not single, how did this change after band (if at all)?

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ok so I am dating a new guy, I've not been with anyone other than my recent ex since my surgery. I am a little nervous about it but I really like the guy and he's so totally hot!!!! I am just wondering how people have dealt with changing partners and adjusting to someone new

I was asked out for a dinner date. We went today. I was sipping Lemon Water, and we were having a nice visit. All was well. I ordered Ahi, and nothing else. It was good, and I have tried ahi before, and eaten it without incident. This day, though, that was not the case. I was trying to focus on chewing thoroughly, and eating slowly. I was paying extra close attention, because this was a first date, and I really didn't want it to turn into dinner AND a show! But, soon, I have that stuck feeling. And the feeling that I cannot swallow my own spit. And he is talking, and I am trying to keep it together until he pauses, so I can make my escape to the bathroom, a…

okay so I'm waiting for insurance approval to get the lapband and I have told 2 of my friends this they are both bigger girls, when I told my friend Halley she asked me if I was going to really go thru with it? and I told her of course if the insurance approves it then she asked what if the ins. doesn't approve it and I said that I suppose I would have to stay morbidly obese and she said well me and Amy are.... I felt like she was acting like it was this horrible thing to do like I should be doing it in a back alley or something I"m not really sure how I feel about this. I try to explain that this will only make me healthier but unfortunatly I don't think they are as conc…

Hello Everyone! I have a couple of questions about dating life, after/during the band (and weight loss): 1.) Do you tell your date (probably not on the 1st date) about your band? 2.) Have you ever had a bad response from a date to the lap band (not interested after finding out)? 3.) Sorry if this one is too X-rated, but does the port get in the way during sex (uncomfortable?, feel the port?)? I'm being banded on 7/24/08 and I've been thinking of many questions! Thanks all!

Hi Everyone!! Ok, so I have been dating a lot lately and have a question for you all. I have met someone I really like and am shy of my lap band scars on my stomach. He does not know I had the surgery and I am not sure if I want to share that with him yet. What do you do? Has anyone else has this issue? What do you say when he sees your scars? Any guidance would be so helpful. Tanya

Are there any dating services special for plus size people? I have looked through many services and whenever I told someone my weight, they said no thanks. It's very frustrating going through all this trouble and would be so easy to just meet someone who likes big girls. I'm not looking for a man, I got one that I love dearly, but my sister needs a man and she can't handle any more rejection and heart ache!

I haven't been banded yet, but I'm wondering, is there any anger or resentment while dating post banding? I'm sure once you've lost a lot of weight it is easier to meet men. Does it anger you that these guys will date you now, but wouldn't have before?

Ok so i was just going over my own personal preferences and i stumbled upon a moral quagmire. As a big person is it ok to not want to date other big people. Cause looking back on my social life and relationships i can see a definite pattern emerging. So what do you think... i really should have added a poll to this:tt1:

OK, here is my deal. I have recently started dating since losing weight. Before I lost the weight I had not dated in years!!! Now I am dating and the men I date are hot! They work out 4-6 hours a day, they have amazing bodies. I am so insecure about my body anyway but when you add them into the mix it is too much. This has happen 3 times now with my last boyfriends. I don't seek them out, they find me. Anybody else have this low self esteem problem??? Its not that I don't feel good about myself, I just dont think I can have a relationship with someone this good looking!! Am I crazy or do others go through it too!

I met a guy the week before my lap-band surgery. He's a close friend of someone I was casual friends with in high school. He's a year older than me and he's a total gentleman. When I met him, I figured I had nothing to lose and I wasn't looking for a relationship so I told him I thought he was cute. We exchanged numbers and a week after my surgery, we went on our first date. Since then, we've gone out 4 times and we talk on a regular basis. On our first date, we talked briefly about our last relationships. He was dating a girl for 5 years and they were living together when he discovered she was cheating on him. The break-up happened last spring. I had just broken up in …

Ok here goes: My husband and I are seperated and I have been talking with someone that I met on an online dating site. It started out as emails, then exchanging pics, chatting, and now phone conversations. We seem to get along really well. He asked me to go out with him this weekend but I am very nervous. I have been overweight all my life and just had lapband surgery in Aug. I've lost 20 pounds so far and feel great but am still lacking in the self-confidence department. So here is my question: 1- Do I tell him that I am overweight? Or does that sound too lame 2- Do I tell him I had lapband surgery? Or is it too soon? I am really stressing over this so please g…

Hi, I just decided this week to try my first dating site. It's actually a free site called Plentyoffish. I finally built up the nerve to add a picture today. I feel kind of strange doing that, but everyone keeps telling me that I probably won't get any responses or atleast good responses with out posting a pic. I actually also finally put a pic up here too. My first online pics ever... I joined on Thursday and so far, I have gotten one response and that was before I added the pic. I did a very accurate description. I really didn't know what to say though. I just wanted to get some views especially from plus size or formally plus size ladies. Eventually, I wi…

Hello everyone. Just a quick intro - my name is Lara, I'm 22 years old and I live in Brisbane (Australia). I got my surgery done in October 2005 and at the time weighed 155kg's. I now weigh 75kg's (I have lost 80kg's). I have a question about handling new people who don't know about my surgery. I feel a bit concerned about telling people about the surgery (there is a fair bit of judgement) especially when I first meet them. But I sometimes have problems where I have to make an excuse not to drink after I have dinner (on a date, for example). I find myself in situations where I have to explain why I can't do certain things or eat certain things but don't know exactly what…

Greetings all! I've been posting under the heading of "wonderkidsmom" for the last year and 1/2, and recently re-named myself butterfly07 to reflect my new beginnings. I'm legally a single woman after almost 22 years of marriage, new job, new apartment, and now...a new man. Because dating again after all those married years is scary and post-lab band dating is too, I thought I'd look for some support here. First off, my new man is actually an old friend and former co-worker. We've been good friends for almost 7 years and recentlly decided to give in to the mutual attraction and start dating. He's wonderful to me and I really think he's close to everything I want…

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