I met a guy the week before my lap-band surgery. He's a close friend of someone I was casual friends with in high school. He's a year older than me and he's a total gentleman. When I met him, I figured I had nothing to lose and I wasn't looking for a relationship so I told him I thought he was cute. We exchanged numbers and a week after my surgery, we went on our first date. Since then, we've gone out 4 times and we talk on a regular basis.

On our first date, we talked briefly about our last relationships. He was dating a girl for 5 years and they were living together when he discovered she was cheating on him. The break-up happened last spring. I had just broken up in November with a guy that I was with for a year who moved in with another woman and got her pregnant during the duration of our relationship. Finding out all that is what initiated the break-up. Both of us agreed that we weren't looking for new relationships, but because we had such a great time together he suggested that we take things very slow and get to know each other as friends first and let a relationship just naturally happen. I thought it sounded like a great idea.

On our third date, we were walking through a residential area of downtown, looking all the pretty historical houses, when he said to me, "I really enjoy spending time with you." I blushed. Then he said, "I know we agreed to take things slow. I just feel like I've messed things up in past relationships by rushing and not being friends first, and I want to do things right this time. I think you deserve that." That pretty much sealed the deal for me: I'm totally crazy about him. Still, we agreed to just stay friends and let things happen on their own.

So, we happen to go to the same gym. I had been considering joining this branch of Gold's Gym when we first started dating because my mom was raving about how much she loved it and how she had signed up for a membership. One conversation he and I had was about working out and I admitted that I didn't want to join that particular gym in case he felt uncomfortable running into me there. He assured me that he wouldn't feel that way at all. "I think it would be cool! You could come say hi if you saw me!" After he asked me a week later if I was going to join, I decided to go ahead and take the plunge.

On Friday, I got there after work and noticed my crush on a treadmill next to my step-father and my mother. What a coincidence, huh? I hadn't introduced them and I hadn't planned on doing that for a while, figuring that if we ever did end up in a relationship it would be more appropriate then. I worked out on an elliptical for a little while and when I finished, my mom was the only one left on the treadmills. We talked for a moment and she asked me, "Have you seen that guy friend of yours?" and I replied, "Yeah. He was on the treadmill next to [my step-father]." My mom asked if I had talked to him yet and I said, "Nah, not yet. I figure I'll catch up with him later. I don't want to interrupt him." I figured I had kept things vague enough. I hadn't pointed him out or anything.

Later Friday evening, I got a call from my crush. He was laughing but he called to tell me that he met my mom and my step-father. Apparently while I was in another area of the gym, out of sight, he was back on a treadmill finishing up his work-out when my step-father approached him to ask, "Are you the guy dating [secretstolen]?" and when my crush replied that yeah, that was him, my step-father told him, "I think you need to turn the treadmill off so we can have a little talk." How humiliating. How embarassing. I was so sorry and while he laughed and told it like a funny story, I kept telling him how sorry I was for the fact that they had done that. He said, "Don't worry about it! It's fine. It's kinda funny, really." Still, I was incredibly embarassed.

I called my mom Friday night and asked her what she thought she was doing, letting my step-father approach him like that. My mom believes that she was just being friendly and no harm was done. I tried to explain to her, "He and I are not formally dating. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend. It's just a friendship thing right now. When it was appropriate, I planned on introducing you guys. Don't you think I should have at least been there to mediate the situation? Do you realize how uncomfortable that might have been? He's laughing about it and reassuring me that everything's cool, but I'm angry that you did that because it's pretty disrespectful to me as a grown woman." She said I was being irrational and she hung up on me.

*Sigh*

I tried to figure that things were cool. My crush and I talked Friday night before we both went to bed and it was a cool, fun conversation. No worries there. I thanked him for being so understanding of everything at the gym and he assured me, "Hun, it's no problem. Really." I went to bed feeling okay with what happened.

Then, today, my mom and my step-father are at it again. This time, they get to the gym and they spot my crush on a piece of cardio equipment. They're walking by and they wave to him and he doesn't return the wave or say hello. My mom called to tell me about it, insisting that my crush is rude and that he dissed them. I tried to rationalize with her that most likely, he was just not aware that they were there. Hell, I passed him on the treadmill the day before and although we've been out on 4 dates, he didn't outright notice or recognize me. I told her I was sure it was nothing personal. Still, the whole point of the call was for her to tell me that my step-father thinks he's rude.

I called my crush today and was like, "I really feel bad about my mom and my step-father. They're idiots, really. If they make you uncomfortable or anything, please let me know. You're a nice guy and I don't think you'd be the type to come out and say so, but I hope that you'll let me know if they do." I explained what my mom had said and he interrupted me to say, "Honestly, I didn't even see them. I was watching a movie on my iPod and I wasn't paying attention to much else. Please tell them that if I offended them or insulted them, I certainly didn't mean it and I'm sorry." I felt bad then because I didn't want him to apologize. I really wanted to go bash pinatas in the likenesses of my mother and my step-father for being nosy in my life, but make him feel bad? No, never. I explained that and he said, "Here's what we'll do: I'll be polite and friendly with them, and that's no problem. If they ever do offend me or cross a line with me, I will come and talk to you about it. That sound like a plan?" and I agreed it was cool. He assured me that he wasn't weirded out by them and that I shouldn't be sorry about it.

So, I've gotten about 4 different opinions from friends. Both of my girl friends say that the fact that we've since then talked on the phone and sent text messages back and forth - with him initiating - is a good thing. "If he was uncomfortable, he wouldn't be calling you." Both of my guy friends say that guys deal with that on a regular basis. Guys are used to a girl's parents confronting them or intimidating them and it's expected to some degree. They also said, "If he likes you enough, your mom and step-father aren't going to stop him from liking you."

(Oh and I've already decided I'm going to pretend it never even happened and not mention it ever again. I've apologized, we've agreed that we'll talk about it if it becomes a problem for him, and that's that.)

I'm sure that everything's cool, really. I'm just still mad with my mom and my step-father for doing that. I called my mom tonight and explained what he told me about how he hadn't even seen them. She was flippant with me on the phone and the conversation was short. I don't want to offend her and make her think that I don't want her in my life, but at the same time, I'm 23 years old and I haven't lived at home for 2 years. I'm not even formally dating this guy. Neither of us had talked about introducing our parents into this and I felt that it was way too soon to have him meet mine, anyway. I mean, we just met each other's friends this past week.

I just don't know what to say to my mom or my step-father to have them understand that although my crush isn't mad about it, I am. They should have been more respectful of my private life to not intrude on it like they did. My mom, especially, should have known better than to say anything to my step-father since I've asked her repeatedly not to talk about my dating life with him. I told her tonight on the phone, "I have to censor everything I tell you now. I can't confide in you like I should be able to because I don't know what will come from it." She wasn't really hearing any of it. Instead, she rushed me off the phone and was like, "Okay, okay, bye! I've gotta go! Bye!"

Argh. I don't know whether I'm over-reacting to this.

Well, the whole nosy parent thing aside, I think I would be more upset if I was told I was 'irrational' for feeling that way. It implies my feelings are not valid and that is just not cool. If your mom could just say 'I am sorry you feel that way, we meant no harm' maybe you would feel different? I am really glad they guy is not weirded out, sounds like a keeper.

Hi Secretstolen, I am a Mum and a Grandmother and I would never have done what they did. I would have waited until he was finished exercising and then if the opportunity was there I would have just said hello I'm so and so's Mum. Your stepfather had no right to approach him especially if you aren't even close. Husbands and wives have secrets together but when you have specifically asked your Mum not to talk to your stepfather about some thing she should respect that. Hope you feel better now that you have let it out on here. Good luck with the guy.

Saleel22

I guess I have a question, make that 2 why do our parents[step or otherwise] feel as though they can treat us as children forever and why do we take crap from them that we would never take from our friends. Just wondering!

jasmona,

because 1 we still feel responsible for you. It's genetically programmed, and you probably won't ever get around it. 2 because they are our parents and they gave us life and raised us and put up with all of our crap, so we feel forever like we owe them. I'm between my twentysomething kids and my mother who wants me to visit her every day, so I'm feeling the pain both ways.

Hey everyone! Sorry I hadn't been around the last couple of days..

Just wanted to thank each and every one of you for your thoughts and feedback. It was nice to be able to vent about it and get other perspectives.

I'm pleased to say that the reason why I haven't been around much is because I've been meeting up with (I'll refer to him as) "Lloyd Dobler" at the gym after work (and how fun is it to be on a treadmill next to him and watch him try to impress me? ). Yesterday evening as we finished working out he asked me to have dinner with him, which I did graciously. Today at work he asked me if I was interested in spending Saturday with him in Northern Virginia where we'll grab dinner, see a movie, and do some other stuff. Before leaving work he also asked me if I wanted to have coffee with him tonight. All of which I've been more than willing to do.

And, because some of you wanted updates..

I met him at Starbucks this evening to get coffee and we were just sitting and talking when two of his friends walked in. They're both young women, roommates and very good friends, and they all know each other from college. One of them I have met twice before and she's hilarious. We all were talking and joking around when she said loudly to Lloyd, talking about me, "This girl is awesome! I love her! She is great and you'd better not mess this up!" It was just a really cute moment. His friends like me! Yay!

A little while later, the same girl pal asked me what I was doing tomorrow. Apparently they were all going to get together just as a big group of friends to go see Cloverfield (which I've already seen), but she asked me if I wanted to come and I told her sure, as long as Lloyd was ok with me hanging out with all of his friends, which he says he is.

We left a little bit after that. He walked me to my car and gave me a big hug like he always does. He was on his way to a friend's house to hang out for a couple hours so I told him, "It's getting late, you'd better go. I hope you have fun tonight. Tell [friend's name] I said hello." He smiled and then leaned in and kissed me. Then I got giggling and he was like, "Is it ok that I did that?" and I was like, "Of course!" and then he kissed me a couple more times! A few minutes later, I told him he had to go.. he couldn't keep his friend waiting.. and we left. He sent me a text message when he got to his friend's house and he says he's going to call me in the morning.

Yeah. I'm kinda still blushing.

Wow! Sixth date and he finally kissed me! Yay!

So, everyone, thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my spastic, nervous, worried little heart! :eek:

Hi Secretstolen,

I'm glad every thing is workng out for you and your new friend. Sounds like you are very sensible and taking things slow. Good for you. I look forward to more updates in the future. You know engagements, weddings, family, lol. It is a bit like one of those commercials that continues as a story. Don't leave us in limbo. Best of luck.

Saleel22

Didn't I say this would be a story to tell the kids and grand kids. You two are soo qute its like a movie:lol:. You 2 seem to be spending ALOT of time together and its great that even his friends like you (I have seen that break up even the best of unions).

Llyod and you make the Hopeless Romantic me think there actually is hope.:redface: I'm sure things will work out just fine. And about that kiss did it make your toes curl???

SO congrats and keep up the good work at the gym. My band date was moved to the 4th so I am even more scared:scared2:, but I think it will be fine. SO keep me posted all of us on here are curious:w00t:.

He sounds like a great guy, and it's great that his friends are cool too!

I'm so happy for you :redface:

I'm so happy for you. I wish you both the best.