Dating in the Pre\Post WLS mindset

TheWatcher · March 31, 2008

Ok so i was just going over my own personal preferences and i stumbled upon a moral quagmire. As a big person is it ok to not want to date other big people. Cause looking back on my social life and relationships i can see a definite pattern emerging.

So what do you think...

i really should have added a poll to this:tt1:

Daisalana · March 31, 2008

There's a thread about this in Rants & Raves I believe.

I have never been attracted to an obese man, and never dated one.. despite what I was! I didn't take my own weight as a factor, and had I actually dated someone who was obese, I wouldn't have thought anything of it.. it just never happened.

I don't think you should date any 'type' of person just because you feel an obligation to?

whimsy · March 31, 2008

As a big person is it ok to not want to date other big people. Cause looking back on my social life and relationships i can see a definite pattern emerging.
So what do you think...

i really should have added a poll to this:tt1:

Is it ok? Well, I suppose it is ok to have your own set of standards. Is it hypocritical? Possibly.:crying: It's not necessarily a bad thing, you know? I've dated all sizes, shapes and races. Cute is cute, smart is smart and funny is funny, regardless of the size of the package. :blink:

I'm generally attracted to intelligent men with a great sense of humor. That's not to say that I'm not attracted to men who are in shape (LL Cool J comes to mind. :tt1: )

However, I do find the lead singer of The Barenaked Ladies, Steven Page, incredibly sexy. I also find Kevin Smith incredibly sexy. Neither of them would be considered fit and trim. I still think they are both incredibly hot and I definitely wouldn't throw them out of bed unless they looked better on the floor. :huh2:

Basically, I think to each his own. What is attractive to some is not always attractive to others. Of course, I'm also of the mind that you shouldn't expect more from your mate that you aren't willing to give yourself.

Meaning, if you expect your significant other to be in shape, well groomed, etc - then you should be willing to give that to him or her as well. :tt1: And, if they are able to love and accept you as you are, completely and unconditionally, regardless of your appearance/weight, then you've hit the jackpot.:thumbup:

amc581 · March 31, 2008

I don't think i have a preferance but i've only ever dated "normal weight" guys usually really tall one's though and i'm 4'11" So thats wierd. But as far as not dating someone for any reason in thier appearance I don't think i've ever done that but who really knows. All i know is i'm attracted or not. However that being said I refuse to date guys who have a thing for fat girls. that is a absolute NO NO the min they mentions I like larger plump fluffy however they want to mask it I'm out. I feel it's insulting plus I'm a skinny girl under my fat so they are not looking for me.

anniedub · April 1, 2008

Ok so i was just going over my own personal preferences and i stumbled upon a moral quagmire. As a big person is it ok to not want to date other big people. Cause looking back on my social life and relationships i can see a definite pattern emerging.
So what do you think...

i really should have added a poll to this:tt1:

Hey Watcher,

I'm kinda the same way - it sounds bad, but I've never been attracted to overweight/obese men. Even though I am obese myself!

Granted, I'm working on it, and i've always had luck in relationships that all my former partners have been gorgeous! I've been in a relationship with one man who was overweight, but we were just so attracted to each other based on other elements that weight/appearance didn't even come into it. So i guess it is possible!

Now, i've been single for 18 months, and I'm just worrying whether I will ever have anyone again - let alone how they look! :puke:

Annie

mandilou · April 1, 2008

I am so happy to see someone post about this. My fiance and I have gotten into many a discussion about this. He's the first guy I've dated that has been a bigger guy... typically, I'm not attracted to larger men. However, he's always liked heavier girls, which I had a HARD TIME with at the beginning.

I've always loathed the idea of being a "BBW" and all the stereotypes it implies. I also have always hated that a guy would date you BECAUSE you're fat, not in spite of or regardless.

I guess we all have our types, but it just creeps me out when guys specifically troll for "fat chicks"... it makes me feel like a fetish.

aubrie · April 1, 2008

Watcher.... I think I might see where you are going with this. If you are spending tremendous amounts of energy, time and money to change your eating habits and behavior, and become healthy and positive, and stick to a difficult challenge in your life, I can see why you would not want to date someone who was not of your same mindset. Spending a lot of time with someonw who has poor eating habits, likes junk food, doesn't exercise, etc. etc. would just be a negative temptation for you. I can see where you are coming from. You just have more important priorities right now, and that's as it should be. Now.....should you turn down flat a guy who exceeds your expections in every other way???? They are typically few and far between, so you have quite a dilemma.

TheWatcher · April 1, 2008

The most frustrating part for me is that I do feel that I have been out of a relationship for too long but... I am not willing to settle... I could be in a relationship in a week if I wanted... But I would (by my preferences) be settling.

TheWatcher · April 1, 2008

Watcher.... I think I might see where you are going with this. If you are spending tremendous amounts of energy, time and money to change your eating habits and behavior, and become healthy and positive, and stick to a difficult challenge in your life, I can see why you would not want to date someone who was not of your same mindset. Spending a lot of time with someonw who has poor eating habits, likes junk food, doesn't exercise, etc. etc. would just be a negative temptation for you. I can see where you are coming from. You just have more important priorities right now, and that's as it should be. Now.....should you turn down flat a guy who exceeds your expections in every other way???? They are typically few and far between, so you have quite a dilemma.

Nail on the proverbial head... Ill be damned if i am going to put all this time effort and energy in to bettering myself to get romantically involved with someone who is not willing, or doesn't want to put in that same effort. I; even now am a active person. but i wanna get back to the better things in life, i was a jock in HS and wouldn't mind going back to that; i miss talking a horse out when i go to Tahoe. I get scared to go out on a wave runner alone cause i may not be able to pull my frame out of the Water and back on the machine if i fall and i aways fall cause i like to ride the wakes of bigger boats. I want my fucking life back and i want little or no reminders of the me that exist now.(fine as i may be)

Edited April 1, 2008 by TheWatcher
spelling

Daisalana · April 1, 2008

The most frustrating part for me is that I do feel that I have been out of a relationship for too long but... I am not willing to settle... I could be in a relationship in a week if I wanted... But I would (by my preferences) be settling.

Should never settle, especially if it's just because you feel you should be in a relationship. Let it happen when it happens!

Chrisann · April 1, 2008

I have always been attracted to tall large men. Not really large, like 400 pounds, but guys around 325-350 and 6'0-6'4". I have never been attracted to men under 200 pounds.

I always dated football, baseball or hockey playing guys. Even dated a shot putter in college.

What I can't stand at all, is sloppy dressing guys or guys who don't take care of themselves.

soriminah · April 2, 2008

This is something that I have thought about on and off over the years. I've never been with an overweight man and never been attracted to any so I've always thought myself hypocritical.

Funnily enough, at my size, my ex who I was with for 2 years is a personal trainer. Go figure. My weight has never been an issue for him though.