I have finally gotten enough confidence again to start dating after losing the a lot of my weight (87 lbs all together pre & post op)... and this is my dilemma ~ Everyone wants to go out to eat! How do you handle it? Last weekend was my first test and I was so worried, I barely ate and I am not sure if it was noticed. One of the men ordered riblets as an appetizer, he kept asking me if I was going to eat any.. I finally took one and cut it up in really small pieces and said I didnt want to use my fingers because I didnt want bbq sauce in my nails . I'm quite sure he thought I had a few issues LOL. How do all of you handle dating with your band? The men I have been dating know nothing about my band and I dont intend on telling any of them at this point.

Good Topic, I'm not banded yet but I also have no intention of telling anyone I may date about my band. so i'm just interested in the replies.

I'm a pretty open person, and I've been upfront with the guys that I've dated. But that's just me. I tell pretty much everyone it seems. Every guy that I've dated since losing weight hasn't had a problem with it. Honestl, the only person that I've ever had issues with over my surgery is an ex. He just stopped talking to me the week of my surgery. But that's off topic, and a whole other story, lol. Back to the topic on hand, I've found that it's easier for me to tell people ahead of time, if possible. They have all understood, and didn't look at me weird when I ordered a half appetizer, or in the case of my now boyfried, when I will eat a couple bits of whatever he's eating and I'm good. But again, I'm a very open person, and I don't care who knows. In teh end, it's all about you being comfortable.

Gosh, I don't know how you feel because I have a wonderful husband but I can tell you that in dealing with other people, I savor every bite and tell everyone that I can only take a small taste. I appreciate the taste of stuff so much more and every person I have told about my band has been so excited about my enthusiasm. I personally think that other people take their cues about how to feel about the band based on how we feel about it. I have posted this before but I am 40 years old and have shrunk in the face of my problems before trying to do everything on my own. As I get older, I realize we are all dealing with something and we all need the love and support we can get from whereever we can. The more I tell people I tell about how I prayed for help and got it, the more I see other people light up and know that help is available to them too. My happiness about it is one of the miricles that helps me see the positive changes and it is about time. It also helps me see the one's who are in support of my happiness and those who are stuck in their own pits. If they are happy for me then they cheer me on and if they don't then maybe my excitement will rub off on them.

It's your own personal decision as to tell someone or not and only you know if the time is right. I just hope you don't let fear dictate whether or not to tell someone. I persoanlly am not a very good mind reader so I don't know how someone will react but I know it makes me feel wonderful to share my good news.

Well this is a good topic …. I haven’t told anyone either and I don’t intend to. I’m sure going out on dates is a little more nerve racking then just going out with friends but I even have the same issues when I’m with my friends. I have always heard from my guy friends that they like girls that aren’t afraid to eat in front of them… I guess it shows them that we can be ourselves (I’m assuming they don’t like girls that can eat more than them… hehehe good thing I had the surgeryJ). I guess what I do is order something really healthy (but a normal sized meal) and then pick at it until I’m satisfied, most of the time no one notices that I haven’t eaten that much and if they do notice and ask I just reply “Oh man I’m just so full … this meal just really hit the spot!” Plus the leftovers that you get to bring home are usually more than a meal and you can have them for lunch the next day! It definitely is hard when you don’t want to let everyone know that you are banded … but hey that’s up to you and I understand!! Someday you may find that certain someone that you are so totally comfortable with you will have no problem letting telling them!

I guess in a nutshell YAY for you and going out on dates!! That’s the important thing here! You should be so incredibly proud of your new found confidence! Yay for you!! And in the end the guy that’s right for you will accept who you are … including the person you used to be!! Any guy that is worth your attention and love is going to understand and love you right back for who you are!

I am not worried about the eating part. I am worried about the what happens if we get naked part!

I look like a sharpei without my clothes. And without my super duper bras my boobs look deflated. And trying to wiggle your way out of your spanx body suit is not the least bit sexy......

I am not worried about the eating part. I am worried about the what happens if we get naked part!

I look like a sharpei without my clothes. And without my super duper bras my boobs look deflated. And trying to wiggle your way out of your spanx body suit is not the least bit sexy......

Oh that's funny!

Fortunately I am married to a wonderful man, but I too am still self-conscious about my body.

I'm getting SmartLipo done on my arms on 5/7. I know exactly what you mean about deflated boobs. After the arms I'll be saving for that.

I am not worried about the eating part. I am worried about the what happens if we get naked part!

I look like a sharpei without my clothes. And without my super duper bras my boobs look deflated. And trying to wiggle your way out of your spanx body suit is not the least bit sexy......

This totally cracked me up...I look forward to these issues...but I also see plastic surgery in my future. Not for a long time yet, but if I'm going to put all this effort into losing the weight, I'm having the extra skin removed and if the boobs look as saggy as some have said they do, I'll have them reinflated!

PS Jackie, I had my surgery at the same location you did, hope to meet you at a support group meeting some week.

Hi Lady....nice to see a fellow Mainer here......

I don't go to the support groups.....

So we will have to connect here on LBT>......!!!!!

Jackie

Oh my Jackie that cracked me up as well!!! (and man can i relate!)

I'm also married so don't date, but I did have someone hit on me the other day. I know my husband is going to have issues if men pay attention to me as I thin out (he's a suspicious duck, for no reason as I am 200% comitted to him & our marriage and always have been). In social situations, though, if people ask about my "odd" eating I plan to just explain I'm ona special diet and cannot eat certain things. I'm also very open and most people already know, and I'm not hesitant to expalin if people ask em to elaborate. That's just a very personal decision, though.

Kuddos to you for being on the dating scene! Have the time of your life, girl!!!

Well this is a good topic …. I haven't told anyone either and I don't intend to. I'm sure going out on dates is a little more nerve racking then just going out with friends but I even have the same issues when I'm with my friends. I have always heard from my guy friends that they like girls that aren't afraid to eat in front of them… I guess it shows them that we can be ourselves (I'm assuming they don't like girls that can eat more than them… hehehe good thing I had the surgeryJ). I guess what I do is order something really healthy (but a normal sized meal) and then pick at it until I'm satisfied, most of the time no one notices that I haven't eaten that much and if they do notice and ask I just reply "Oh man I'm just so full … this meal just really hit the spot!" Plus the leftovers that you get to bring home are usually more than a meal and you can have them for lunch the next day! It definitely is hard when you don't want to let everyone know that you are banded … but hey that's up to you and I understand!! Someday you may find that certain someone that you are so totally comfortable with you will have no problem letting telling them!

I guess in a nutshell YAY for you and going out on dates!! That's the important thing here! You should be so incredibly proud of your new found confidence! Yay for you!! And in the end the guy that's right for you will accept who you are … including the person you used to be!! Any guy that is worth your attention and love is going to understand and love you right back for who you are!

Thank you!! I am having fun! But I really do stress out still when It comes to food. I have been getting online trying to look at menu's of the restaurants we are going to prior so I can have an idea of what to order. Like you said I didnt want them to think I was afraid to eat in front of them... so I have tried the taking small bites and moving things around on my plate. I just don't feel like these men that I am not that close to yet need to hear about my weight loss and band. I want them to know me first... for once in my life, i dont want a focus to be on weight. I'm sure if I get serious with someone I will tell them, but until then, no one needs to know. To me this is a personal journey that only a few people need to know about. But this whole dating thing is tough because it seems like most dates revolve around going to lunch or dinner or out for a drink (which I have given up all alcohol too). Hopefully with Spring here the weather will be nice enough so that a date can be putt putt golf or a walk in a park or something that doesnt involve food. I'm not complaining... I am loving my new lie just trying to figure some things out.

I am not worried about the eating part. I am worried about the what happens if we get naked part!

I look like a sharpei without my clothes. And without my super duper bras my boobs look deflated. And trying to wiggle your way out of your spanx body suit is not the least bit sexy......

LOL!!! Ok thats my other worry!!

What if you arrange your first few dates with someone to be catching up for a coffee? That way, you could just have a drink and say you don't feel like a brownie or anything - or order a small food item and just sample the corner of it or something?

Then you could advance your date to something other than dinner - going to a sports game, and just getting a drink while you watch? Or a physical outing - going for a walk on the beach/lakeside/parkland, etc?

Right on Jackie! That's me!!!

Well after I lost 70lbs I met the man of my dreams and five months later we got married. Coming up on our 6 month anniversary. When I was dating I would tell the guys and asked if we could share a dish. They didnt mind. But all is well that ended well with me. I think my husband would have loved me if I was still 265lbs but I like me much better under 200 for sure.

Jackie-too stinking funny-I remember a real old episode of "the Golden Girls" and Bea Arthur making the statement "You should always be on top, that way the girls don't fall of to the side" LOL

I am also married-but I go out with friends and take my boys 7 & 9 on special days, they always want to go out to eat at sometime- Yesterday we went to TGIFridays - I ordered the chicken skewers off the appetizer menu-they have a larger order on the main menu, I just told the waitress that I would like it as my entree', the entree size comes with extras that I know I would never eat, the appetizer size was more than enough and came with just the skewers, a grilled pita, some tzecki sauce and a very small portion of slaw. The appetizers are a great way to go, and just ask for it as I did for the entree', if anyone asks just say that you are eating healthier , which is true and the portion size is much better for you. Best of luck in the dating world!!