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I can’t date overweight people



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11 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

I agree with @Sosewsue61, that finding a woman without children and who doesn't want children is by far a bigger hurdle than finding someone not obese.

He would have totally found this woman here. So we are out there.

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7 minutes ago, summerset said:

He would have totally found this woman here. So we are out there.

I'm in that category as well, so I know we exist. But I also know I am an exception.

Every time you add a criteria you are narrowing the funnel. The further outside the norm the criteria is, the more dramatically you shrink the potential dating pool.

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On 9/3/2018 at 3:13 PM, summerset said:

He would have totally found this woman here. So we are out there.

*high fives* right you are.

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On 9/2/2018 at 3:35 PM, ryan_86 said:

I’m just frustrated with dating. Two years after surgery I know I will always need to be vigilant to keep weight off. I can’t be with someone who struggles with food or isn’t active. I’ll get sucked right into their lifestyle.

It makes me feel shallow, even though I know it shouldn’t, and it limits the dating pool. I guess I didn’t have any expectations concerning relationships after weight loss, but I did/do have aspirations. I’m tired of being single, and when you exclude overweight women, single moms, women 8+ years older than you, people who don’t have their **** together, women who want kids, and people so into Jesus it’s in the first 15 words of their dating profile, it’s like trying to find a specific needle in a haystack-sized pile of needles. It’s frustrating and sometimes it hurts.

That’s my venting for the day. Off to find something enjoyable.

Just curious, you listed all your exclusions, what is it you are exactly looking for?

I know for me personally, I have set expectations or lists of what I want / don't want and rarely do we find that person. I think you have to look outside the box. Stating that you just can't date overweight people because of their possible eating habits is probably the wrong way to look at it. As a person who has always been heavy, I've ALWAYS watched what I eat and have always been active from kickboxing, gym, sports leagues and weekend hiking trips and unfortunately for me the weight just never came off. The best I ever got to was 169 and hovered in the 170's. I was a big girl but at the same time very active person who was health conscious.

Don't just look at the book cover, take a chance and open up the book and you may be surprised your soulmate may be out there.

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This kind of cracks me up because (although pre-op) I went through a list of criteria with my best friend for when I do get back into dating once I lose my weight, and after I went through my list which was something along the lines of "in 30's, wants no kids/has no kids, never married, educated, goes to gym, eats healthy, doesn't enjoy going out to eat constantly, etc)... she said it was going to be like finding a needle in a haystack and laughed. She is 38 with 4 kids and has been married twice and is now engaged again. The older we get, the harder it's going to be to find people without kids or never married. And I feel the same about being with someone who is overweight. I have NEVER had criteria regarding physical looks, even when I was 130lbs. I've dated skinny men, obese men, it never mattered. But I don't think I could date someone after this that is a big foodie or doesn't have a healthy lifestyle. I will need to straight and narrow to keep me on track, and I know that. Single forever? OH WELL.

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Kinda late jumping in here, but a few thoughts: if online dating (or really however you're dating), putting it out there that you're committed to fitness and looking for a partner that is like-minded is appropriate. I think even saying "I've worked hard to improve my health and my body, and I want a partner who has similar values" or something to that effect is totally fair.

Also, to those of whom saying finding a woman who doesn't want kids is hard...nah. Sure there are plenty that want kids, but nowadays more and more women are owning the fact that they have no desire to have children. I find it's a wee harder to find dudes that don't, because traditionally they don't have to make as dramatic of lifestyle changes to be a father (not saying all, but old school dudes aren't really 50/50 parents). Anywhoozle, that's why I'm feeling good about being mid-thirties; I feel like with every year that passes, fewer people are looking at me like "you'll change your mind, dummy!" "life isn't worth living without kids" "you're selfish" etcetcetc. At a certain point, let them think I wanted them and now it's too late. I dgaf, just git out of my business. :)

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Also late jumping in, but I feel what I have to say should be heard... we are all here because we are/were addicted to food and/or sedentary lifestyles. It shouldn’t be considered shallow to not want to date someone with the same addictions. It’s just like two drug addicts in a relationship. There’s a high likelihood of disaster.

Finally, a new relationship is different than a previously established one. In an established relationship, you go through the struggle as a couple and make changes together. A new relationship hasn’t seen the pain and work that went into making you what you are today, and I don’t think the seriousness can be adequately described.

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On 9/3/2018 at 5:05 AM, ryan_86 said:

I’m just frustrated with dating. Two years after surgery I know I will always need to be vigilant to keep weight off. I can’t be with someone who struggles with food or isn’t active. I’ll get sucked right into their lifestyle.

It makes me feel shallow, even though I know it shouldn’t, and it limits the dating pool. I guess I didn’t have any expectations concerning relationships after weight loss, but I did/do have aspirations. I’m tired of being single, and when you exclude overweight women, single moms, women 8+ years older than you, people who don’t have their **** together, women who want kids, and people so into Jesus it’s in the first 15 words of their dating profile, it’s like trying to find a specific needle in a haystack-sized pile of needles. It’s frustrating and sometimes it hurts.

That’s my venting for the day. Off to find something enjoyable.

Absolutely agree turning big 35 this year and my weight has been my issue of my long time single-ness, I have plans to do RNY this year and I completely understand the issue with dating obese people because you don't want to get sucked down the rabbit hole again after all the time and effort put in to lose weight and also absolutely agree I'm sick of people telling me oh you must find a woman close to your age but I'm yet to meet a woman over 30 that doesn't have a bunch of kids yet and also the issue with the woman biological clock could stop at 40; as I'm yet to begin a family and it will be a year from now before I get near my goal weight and start a family so the only logical choice is looking for a girl that's around 10 years below as I want 4 kids which takes 10 years to make happen and that's only if all things are going perfectly so yeah it's hard to start dating when at my age I'm ready for kids and marriage and every girl I've spoken to anywhere near 30+ has kids and divorcee so it's hard indeed so I've made the decision for myself to look 10 years younger at least so I'll be able to have many kids if that's what is to happen :)

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I can relate to this topic. I really need someone who enjoys being active and prefers to eat healthily. I have a hard enough time keeping myself motivated in the right directions without struggling against another person's bad habits on top of my own. With that said, though, I would be happy to meet someone in a similar situation to my own who is highly motivated.

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On 09/03/2018 at 05:35, ryan_86 said:



I’m just frustrated with dating. Two years after surgery I know I will always need to be vigilant to keep weight off. I can’t be with someone who struggles with food or isn’t active. I’ll get sucked right into their lifestyle.




It makes me feel shallow, even though I know it shouldn’t, and it limits the dating pool. I guess I didn’t have any expectations concerning relationships after weight loss, but I did/do have aspirations. I’m tired of being single, and when you exclude overweight women, single moms, women 8+ years older than you, people who don’t have their **** together, women who want kids, and people so into Jesus it’s in the first 15 words of their dating profile, it’s like trying to find a specific needle in a haystack-sized pile of needles. It’s frustrating and sometimes it hurts.




That’s my venting for the day. Off to find something enjoyable.


I laughed so hard at this, because I relate to the whole dating process. Not that I’ve done much dating in the last couple of years.

But I’ve certainly said to myself no one will want me while I’ve been larger.

I’m an odd female, never married no kids. And don’t count/want to have any, just due to being nearly 46. Seems way too crazy to have kids now and not with someone anyhow.

I sometimes think I’ll be alone forever now. But I do hope I meet someone to have as a special friend that I spend time with who becomes a partner. But I slightly err on the side of I can’t see it happening... since it hasn’t happened thus far.

And I know I’m someone who has some shit, but it’s mine and I own it. I’m very young at heart and have a lot to give.

I hope the right person comes along in some random way for everyone at the ‘right’ time or when least expected.



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13 minutes ago, TheFlinstones said:

I laughed so hard at this, because I relate to the whole dating process. Not that I’ve done much dating in the last couple of years.

But I’ve certainly said to myself no one will want me while I’ve been larger.

I’m an odd female, never married no kids. And don’t count/want to have any, just due to being nearly 46. Seems way too crazy to have kids now and not with someone anyhow.

I sometimes think I’ll be alone forever now. But I do hope I meet someone to have as a special friend that I spend time with who becomes a partner. But I slightly err on the side of I can’t see it happening... since it hasn’t happened thus far.

And I know I’m someone who has some ****, but it’s mine and I own it. I’m very young at heart and have a lot to give.

I hope the right person comes along in some random way for everyone at the ‘right’ time or when least expected.


Totally understand where you're coming from.

I'll be 35 this year. Been big most my life haven't had a partner since high school been a very independent single male for like ever.

Unlike women, men can have children at any age where the female clock can stop at 40.

I've never had any luck with dating at my size even though I know there's many big guys with wife and kids and all that good stuff, I'm not sure how they are able to do all that and it has made me sad at times you know because I came from a huge family and love kids and hope to be a dad some day.

I feel now I'm looking at surgery it is the perfect time for me to finally get my life back on track. Lose the weight. Get healthy and fit then find a nice girl and start a family...

As mentioned earlier it is harder to find a girl as you get older because most have a bunch of kids or baggage but I've already decided because I want a big family I'll definitely have to look at ladies about 10 years below me so that there's no issues with them having children as if I hope to have 4 children that could take up top 10 years!

I also feel much younger at heart and have to remind myself exactly how old I am sometimes and in that way I feel I relate to younger girls much better I'm in no hurry to grow old whilst I still enjoy being young and fun and after losing the weight my body will match my personality :)

It's not so much the overweight person it's the personality if a person is negative and pessimistic that would annoy me much more than someone just being fat, because a big girl May be open to your help and if they know you've been through the same thing and can help them that may help even if you meet the fittest person they will never understand where you came from... Like a bigger person will.

also there's many stages of overweight, a girl can be curvaceous and only be like 50lbs over which is much different to someone whose 400+lbs

keep an open mind

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I understood the point you were making. Sadly, it come off as Jerkish! Lolol I completely understand. food is an addiction just like all others. When someone is changing their life they are encouraged to stay away from their addiction. Drugs, alcohol, Unhealthy food. So yes I understand needing to stay away from someone with bad habits that can sabotage your "Recovery." Just remember this is not Drugs or alcohol, this is food. If you keep finding women who are living an unhealthy lifestyle, then the problem is not them, it's you. You are still subconsciously seeking these women out. You still have "Obesity Brain." Get yourself involved in activities and social groups, that the focus is healthy living. Once there you will have to deal with your addiction and your insecurities about "Relapse." (For lack of better term.) I applaud you for getting healthy and recognizing the things to avoid. But now it is time to live. And that includes meeting real people, with real lives, real issues and don't have time to isolate from their family functions, events, etc because you are projecting your fears. You are not ready for them. Good luck on your journey!

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Well a good app I had once said If you don't allow a**h****s in your brain, why would you allow them in your daily life? A little rough but true. I was judged too much of my. life on my appearance, maybe I wouldn't have married the man I did if someone else had looked past the chubby thighes and chipmunk,cheeks. And now you want to come across self- righteous and say Ooh,I just cannot date overweight people! I rolled over and took the abuse as a young woman, but no more! You don' t want me, someone who has lost 111 pounds and trying to lose more? Well Big News Flash Buster, I dont Want You! I remember where I can from, the difference,is: I have a plan, I have a goal, I know I can make it and I will not drag a Millstone like you along! So put that in your pipe and smoke it! Frustr8 Out!

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No help here but I have a feeling that I could have written the same rant. Thinking about being in the "dating pool" or having to fish there doesn't give me good vibrations at all.
How old are you, btw? Is that 86 in your name the year you've been born?
The fish tho lolScreenshot_20190626-215644_Snapchat.jpeg

Sent from my SM-N950U using BariatricPal mobile app

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