Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

I can’t date overweight people



Recommended Posts

11 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

I agree with @Sosewsue61, that finding a woman without children and who doesn't want children is by far a bigger hurdle than finding someone not obese.

He would have totally found this woman here. So we are out there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, summerset said:

He would have totally found this woman here. So we are out there.

I'm in that category as well, so I know we exist. But I also know I am an exception.

Every time you add a criteria you are narrowing the funnel. The further outside the norm the criteria is, the more dramatically you shrink the potential dating pool.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/3/2018 at 3:13 PM, summerset said:

He would have totally found this woman here. So we are out there.

*high fives* right you are.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/2/2018 at 3:35 PM, ryan_86 said:

I’m just frustrated with dating. Two years after surgery I know I will always need to be vigilant to keep weight off. I can’t be with someone who struggles with food or isn’t active. I’ll get sucked right into their lifestyle.

It makes me feel shallow, even though I know it shouldn’t, and it limits the dating pool. I guess I didn’t have any expectations concerning relationships after weight loss, but I did/do have aspirations. I’m tired of being single, and when you exclude overweight women, single moms, women 8+ years older than you, people who don’t have their **** together, women who want kids, and people so into Jesus it’s in the first 15 words of their dating profile, it’s like trying to find a specific needle in a haystack-sized pile of needles. It’s frustrating and sometimes it hurts.

That’s my venting for the day. Off to find something enjoyable.

Just curious, you listed all your exclusions, what is it you are exactly looking for?

I know for me personally, I have set expectations or lists of what I want / don't want and rarely do we find that person. I think you have to look outside the box. Stating that you just can't date overweight people because of their possible eating habits is probably the wrong way to look at it. As a person who has always been heavy, I've ALWAYS watched what I eat and have always been active from kickboxing, gym, sports leagues and weekend hiking trips and unfortunately for me the weight just never came off. The best I ever got to was 169 and hovered in the 170's. I was a big girl but at the same time very active person who was health conscious.

Don't just look at the book cover, take a chance and open up the book and you may be surprised your soulmate may be out there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This kind of cracks me up because (although pre-op) I went through a list of criteria with my best friend for when I do get back into dating once I lose my weight, and after I went through my list which was something along the lines of "in 30's, wants no kids/has no kids, never married, educated, goes to gym, eats healthy, doesn't enjoy going out to eat constantly, etc)... she said it was going to be like finding a needle in a haystack and laughed. She is 38 with 4 kids and has been married twice and is now engaged again. The older we get, the harder it's going to be to find people without kids or never married. And I feel the same about being with someone who is overweight. I have NEVER had criteria regarding physical looks, even when I was 130lbs. I've dated skinny men, obese men, it never mattered. But I don't think I could date someone after this that is a big foodie or doesn't have a healthy lifestyle. I will need to straight and narrow to keep me on track, and I know that. Single forever? OH WELL.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kinda late jumping in here, but a few thoughts: if online dating (or really however you're dating), putting it out there that you're committed to fitness and looking for a partner that is like-minded is appropriate. I think even saying "I've worked hard to improve my health and my body, and I want a partner who has similar values" or something to that effect is totally fair.

Also, to those of whom saying finding a woman who doesn't want kids is hard...nah. Sure there are plenty that want kids, but nowadays more and more women are owning the fact that they have no desire to have children. I find it's a wee harder to find dudes that don't, because traditionally they don't have to make as dramatic of lifestyle changes to be a father (not saying all, but old school dudes aren't really 50/50 parents). Anywhoozle, that's why I'm feeling good about being mid-thirties; I feel like with every year that passes, fewer people are looking at me like "you'll change your mind, dummy!" "life isn't worth living without kids" "you're selfish" etcetcetc. At a certain point, let them think I wanted them and now it's too late. I dgaf, just git out of my business. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Also late jumping in, but I feel what I have to say should be heard... we are all here because we are/were addicted to food and/or sedentary lifestyles. It shouldn’t be considered shallow to not want to date someone with the same addictions. It’s just like two drug addicts in a relationship. There’s a high likelihood of disaster.

Finally, a new relationship is different than a previously established one. In an established relationship, you go through the struggle as a couple and make changes together. A new relationship hasn’t seen the pain and work that went into making you what you are today, and I don’t think the seriousness can be adequately described.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/3/2018 at 5:05 AM, ryan_86 said:

I’m just frustrated with dating. Two years after surgery I know I will always need to be vigilant to keep weight off. I can’t be with someone who struggles with food or isn’t active. I’ll get sucked right into their lifestyle.

It makes me feel shallow, even though I know it shouldn’t, and it limits the dating pool. I guess I didn’t have any expectations concerning relationships after weight loss, but I did/do have aspirations. I’m tired of being single, and when you exclude overweight women, single moms, women 8+ years older than you, people who don’t have their **** together, women who want kids, and people so into Jesus it’s in the first 15 words of their dating profile, it’s like trying to find a specific needle in a haystack-sized pile of needles. It’s frustrating and sometimes it hurts.

That’s my venting for the day. Off to find something enjoyable.

Absolutely agree turning big 35 this year and my weight has been my issue of my long time single-ness, I have plans to do RNY this year and I completely understand the issue with dating obese people because you don't want to get sucked down the rabbit hole again after all the time and effort put in to lose weight and also absolutely agree I'm sick of people telling me oh you must find a woman close to your age but I'm yet to meet a woman over 30 that doesn't have a bunch of kids yet and also the issue with the woman biological clock could stop at 40; as I'm yet to begin a family and it will be a year from now before I get near my goal weight and start a family so the only logical choice is looking for a girl that's around 10 years below as I want 4 kids which takes 10 years to make happen and that's only if all things are going perfectly so yeah it's hard to start dating when at my age I'm ready for kids and marriage and every girl I've spoken to anywhere near 30+ has kids and divorcee so it's hard indeed so I've made the decision for myself to look 10 years younger at least so I'll be able to have many kids if that's what is to happen :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×