hwequestrian

Also late jumping in, but I feel what I have to say should be heard... we are all here because we are/were addicted to food and/or sedentary lifestyles. It shouldn’t be considered shallow to not want to date someone with the same addictions. It’s just like two drug addicts in a relationship. There’s a high likelihood of disaster.

Finally, a new relationship is different than a previously established one. In an established relationship, you go through the struggle as a couple and make changes together. A new relationship hasn’t seen the pain and work that went into making you what you are today, and I don’t think the seriousness can be adequately described.

Also late jumping in, but I feel what I have to say should be heard... we are all here because we are/were addicted to food and/or sedentary lifestyles. It shouldn’t be considered shallow to not want to date someone with the same addictions. It’s just like two drug addicts in a relationship. There’s a high likelihood of disaster.

Finally, a new relationship is different than a previously established one. In an established relationship, you go through the struggle as a couple and make changes together. A new relationship hasn’t seen the pain and work that went into making you what you are today, and I don’t think the seriousness can be adequately described.

Anyone out there in your 20s?

I’m 25. I’m slightly embarrassed to be so young needing surgery, but I’m happy to have a chance to enjoy the rest of my 20s as a healthy person.

200 POUNDS! That’s right, I’m 200lbs on the dot this morning! I had a small gain for two days, I think due to weight training inflammation. But now I’m headed down again!

If YOU are having second thoughts...wait and work out a bit to see if you can accomplish goals without surgery..But dont worry about the negative thoughts of others. This decision is for YOU no one else.

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Tell him "I know you think you're right"
Then do it anyway...
Safe Journey ?

Well, the surgery won’t be an option for me, so I’ll be moving to non-surgical threads. I will be continuing to go to Bailey Medical Center in Owasso as a non-surgical patient. Good luck to everyone pursuing surgery!

We see it, it's just that not everyone judges a stranger based on their physical appearance some of which way be something out of their control.
I imagine a lot of people enjoy people watching, but I think you need a new hobby - perhaps volunteering for the not so fortunate and those down on their luck. It may give you some badly needed empathy.

Given the opportunity, I actually find myself going out of my way to smile, say hi, or even provide a compliment to someone overweight. A small gesture of kindness goes a long way. I think I do this because I remember (and honestly I hope I never forget) how it feels to be overweight and self-conscious that people are looking at you. I will admit sometimes I think to myself, God I hope they somehow are able to have the opportunity I had and look into surgery! I would never, ever think to randomly suggest surgery unless someone asked me about it.

I don't judge anyone, in fact I mind my business (unless they ask me a direct question, then I will tell them about surgery, keto or intermittent fasting)
After all I don't go around providing fashion, makeup, business, financial and child rearing tips to strangers that didn't ask for it. Why should I give tips for weight loss (It seems like an incredibly narcissistic thing to randomly do)

At least you're being honest, I'm not talking about pointing people out and laughing at anyone. I'm simply saying that when I'm in a store and a fat or skinny or any type of weird looking person walks in my path, yes, I check them out. Sometimes you have them in line at the checkout, you can't unsee that. People watching is more like a hobby for me and it's fun. I'm just being honest with it, because if anyone says they don't see this kinds of stuff they are lying. Thanks for being honest!

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I agree with you on this, maybe since I am at the older range of posters. There is too much sorrow, too much weight bashing we need to show ❤. Not one Man Jack leaves this mortal coil alive, let's show kindness to each other while we are here!???

This has been an interesting thread. Thanks for all of your perspectives.
I guess I'm older and in a different place in life. Attitude, behavior and opinions are choices. I'd rather build people up.

No, I have enough of my own **** to work through. Like fitting comfortably in an airplane seat when, four years ago, I watched a couple fight over who had to sit next to me on a flight from Chicago to LA. Or yesterday, when I fit easily onto a roller coaster that I was thrown off of for being too fat two years ago (and after being proud of myself for having lost 60 pounds, no less). Why would I have the time to judge others when I have all this to work through?

This isn’t about security or confidence. It’s about empathy. Mocking people is cruel. You’re not just avoiding the homeless person, you’re staring at them and making jokes with your friends about how filthy their jacket is.
Think what you want. But when thinking translates into action (snickering, staring, gossiping) then you’re officially in the “doing” zone.
It baffles me that you’re trying to frame this as “I’m just confident and free, and you’re a hypocrite”. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think for a second what your actions are making them feel. Sure, you’re breaking no laws but those are just guidelines. Kindness is what actually makes society work.

If you don’t like what you see, avert your eyes. Mocking strangers for what they are wearing is incredibly childish and likely just projecting your own feelings of inadequacy and your own insecurities. Get some self-confidence and leave others alone.

People should dress however they want to. Who cares? What if that’s all they own? What if they’ve gained some lbs and can’t afford new clothing? What if they feel like they look awesome? Who are you to bring them down? What gives you the right to insult them or say/do things that could be damaging to their self esteem.

Shame on you.

I'm surprised that, as a former fat person, you aren't painfully aware of the sensation of people staring at you and then sniggering. Or the horrible feeling that you've JUST missed catching someone's eye because they look away a second before you made eye contact, and now they're exchanging significant looks with their friends.
It's not actually harmless. Communication isn't just verbal and overt; when you're mocking someone, they usually know you're doing it, even if you haven't walked right up to them and said "you think you're sexy but you're FAT". That's been one of the strangest (and most depressing) discoveries while losing weight: the absence of that feeling that I'm being observed but excluded. I can't tell you how vividly different it is to get on a subway car these days; before, I'd get on a somewhat crowded car and most of the people would treat me like I'd put on an invisibility cloak while a few would openly stare and judge. Now everyone sees me and no one stares, and some even move their bags so I can sit down.
The energy you put out there is a real and palpable thing. If you silently hate someone, they usually know you don't like them. If you silently love someone, they often feel that too. And if you silently laugh at someone or judge them, same deal.

Being overweight sucked. It sucked that people stared at me, that I got an endorphin kick off of eating, that planes have middle seats, that the clothes I wore were the best I could assemble out of bad options. It sucked that social events were based around calorie-laden moments. It sucked that I had to spend years trying diets and counseling and have humiliating conversations with HR to get this op covered, then do a complicated insurance switcheroo when they said no, and then scrape up the money to cover the surgery. It sucked that even when I did lose weight before, I’d regain it when people’s reaction to me (shocked praise, aggressive flirting, extensive recitations of all the hideous health complaints I’d now avoid) actually made me REGAIN just so they’d STOP TALKING.
So no, I don’t judge. I feel sad that the other person is likely still trapped in some part of that depressive cycle, whether they’re actively looking to lose or not. And then I treat them exactly as I would absolutely anyone else.
My one rule with this surgery is that if a thin person asks me how I lost weight, I generally don’t spill the beans because they’re usually looking for random diet tips or are being nosy. But if a fat person asks, I tell them honestly. The last thing I want to do is imply that I lost this weight through diet and exercise alone, and I want them to be able to ask me anything they want to know.

Feel free to ignore what I have to say about your post.
I had surgery in the same year as you. I get that you are excited about how life changing WLS is. Great to praise surgery and your outcome. I don't feel the need to educate or preach it to others. I am not the spokesperson for weight loss or surgery. If they ask, I will give information.
You asked "do you find that you seem to judge overweight people now ?? or is it just me ??
Is it only you judging people? Probably not, Many judgmental negative people in life. Biting your tongue and shaking your head judging people?...Seriously ???
I have to ask....
Did you enjoyed being judged or fat shamed when you were obese? Were you approached that you needed to lose weight pre surgery? How did they come off to you? Did you jump right on it and lose all your weight? Did you ignore their advice? Did you find it intrusive or offensive? You said "Im curious if anyone will really admit,,, to shaking your head to a overweight individual."
Really admit ??? No not all of us think this way about other obese people. I look at someone struggling with obesity with compassion. Why would I judge someone with a disease? I have not forgotten where I came from. I walked in the shoes of an obese person. Treatment options are their personal choice.

I am always super sensitive about this when talking about the surgery with other overweight people (I’m still losing, but would consider myself overweight still). I answer any questions they ask or receive any positive comments from them, but I try to steer clear from proselytizing to them or insinuating I think they should do it.

Like someone else said, some people are totally happy and fine with their size. Some people are fat and not unhealthy. Just because this was the right choice for me, does not mean I can say it’s the right choice for them... that’s not my call, that’s theirs. Just like the decision to have it was mine and based off of my own situation. And I try to be very careful about implying or insinuating I think they should, because it’s a deeply personal choice and not my g*d d*mned place.

I do think about how WLS has changed my life for the better, so many things are easier now than a year ago I feel so grateful and blessed.
The truth is out there for those that wish to find it. There are TV shows about weight loss surgery, you tube videos about it, books about it, countless Instagram posts about it. It is not my job to inform every obese person that they could lose weight, they are most likely aware of this.
If someone I know asks me how I am losing weight, or inquires about my diet I do share with them. If a very obese person asked me, I would even share that I had surgery if I thought they were honestly interested. Most people want a quick and trite answer though. Eyes glaze over once you mention exercise and lowering carbs so it’s not a topic I discuss with people.
Just as other people with unhealthy habits need to want to make changes: smokers, alcoholics, drug users, etc....people have to be ready to change. Making comments to strangers does not inspire change, likely just shame and embarrassment.

I'm very happy for you that you've had success.
However, I'm a bit concerned by you saying "I frequently try to bite my tongue."
"Frequently" implies not always
"Try" implies you don't always succeed.
My advice would be to keep your thoughts to yourself, and do your best not to indicate your thoughts with your facial expressions. Not everyone who is large is unhappy about it, and if they are, they don't need you reminding them.
Perhaps I'm reading your post incorrectly; the style with all of the commas makes it a smidge difficult to follow. However, I would only offer up opinions or advice if someone explicitly asks for it.

Again, congrats on your continued success though!

Hello all!

I am 5 months out and a 100lbs down. I am honestly so grateful that I got the opportunity to have this operation done. I don’t miss my old life style at all, I now love the gym, I love my lean protein and veggie meals, I love being able to shop anywhere without worrying about if they’ll carry my size, I love not worrying about taking up too much space on public transport, I love running about everywhere and not feeling the excess weight on my knees and feet.

Have I had bad days?? Of course! One day I ate an entire block of brie, another day I ate a slice of pizza. But the difference is now I don’t let my mistakes define. One bad meal isn’t going to get me back where I started. One bad meal isn’t the end of my journey. I accept it, and move on. Maybe i’ll move around even more the next day.

I have another 30lbs to go until I hit my goal weight, I will never ever ever be skinny, because i’m naturally curvy and you know what? That’s ok. I own these curves and i’m healthy and curvy!

HW: 298
SW: 289
CW:185
GW:150 ish?

In the left photo (pre-op) , I was in my choir’s 80s concert. In the right photo (7 months post-op) I was in the play “You Can’t Take It With You”.

Isn't fishing for compliments something else?
Like "OMG, I'm so FAT!!!!1", hoping to get the answer: "Oh NOOO hon, a BMI of 19 is not FAT!!!!!1"