WARNING!!! Will Robinson--Danger! Danger! Run away! Rant ahead!

Ok guys, can we have a discussion--er, I mean a rant please? I just read an interesting article in BP Magazine: "The 5 Mindset Shifts You NEED To Make To Be Truly Happy After WLS". (click on link to read full article)

I will post the basic 5 tenets below, but the first one stands out to me. And I just really have a BIG issue with this philosophy. Because, WE (MO and formerly MO people) are NOT like the rest of the world...I'll explain more later. What am I missing?

I'll post the tenets first, then post my comments below.

1. My weight does not determine my success nor worth.

“If you accept your personal best at everything else in life, why not weight?” – Yoni Freedhoff

QUOTE-not mine: "Isn’t that SUCH a good quote?

Is your WLS team happy with your progress, but you aren’t? Why are you still pushing for and obsessing over those next 10 lbs? Reflect on why you feel that you must lose those extra pounds and what will happen if you don’t?"

2. I acknowledge that a healthy lifestyle (i.e. eating healthy most of the time and moving my body often) is a part-time job. Some weeks it doesn’t feel like work, but often it does.

3. I see meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking as acts of self-care.

4. I move my body because it feels good and helps me to re-charge. I don’t exercise to control my weight.

5. I am not on a diet. I eat foods that I enjoy. I practice moderation and flexible eating to the best of my ability.

My thought: Ok, so my biggest issue with this is the quote after the first point. No, your weight shouldn't determine your self-worth, but it DOES and SHOULD influence it somewhat. And the quote is just like saying...you've just rearranged your body. It's ok if you don't win at weight loss. You'll still get this lovely participation trophy. Well that's just nuckin' futs! I'm serious WHACKamole nuts!!! I'm sorry, there are no contradictions in life. If you find one, check the premise. That is what will be wrong. ~ Ayn Rand.

I did not alter my anatomy in such a drastic non-reversible manner to stop short of my goal by 10lbs. Or worse, to rationalize that it's OK to still be in the obese or overweight category after my honeymoon period ends. Fu*k no I didn't! I'm going balls to the wall, KISS stupid until I make goal. Then an only then will I modify my "diet" to a maintenance level diet. Right now, I'm in a take-no-prisoners-leave-no-man-behind weight loss mode and nobody better get in my way. (Oh I'm talking to you Little Debbie you pusher ho.) LOL.

So yeah, I don't get it. Fu*k my personal best. I'm a fatty. I have a FAT brain. I am addicted to food and LOVE it. I am a food seeker. That isn't magically gonna change after 55 years of programming. It's not gonna change even if I lose all my weight. I will still have a fat brain with billions of starvin' marvin' empty fat cells still secreting hormones urging me to feed greedy little empty Seymours. I will still have a hypothalamus that is programmed to jones for food hits. I will still have pleasure centers in my brain jonesing for that dopamine and serotonin fix it gets from food. And If I do change, it certainly won't happen within a short term period. I have to be de-programmed and re-programmed and that takes time, so much time, and repetition, and not quitting. And have you EVER tried to out match you lymbic system where the urge to eat lives? Some doc said, if you think you can beat it...try holding your breath and see how far that gets you. The hypothalamus beats all in the rock-scissors game of life.

So what I have to do in order to achieve success here is to realize that because of my MO and the reality that has set up biochemically in my body and my big FAT brain, I have to modify my thinking and behaviors for life in a way that no skinny person can even HOPE to understand. I have to work harder, try longer, be more determined, be more cunning. Of course it will ALWAYS be a diet. LOL. To believe that suddenly, because of a magic surgery whose effect "dim" a little after 2 years, you will SUDDENLY be able to tolerate life in moderation is like wishing on the tooth fairy. LOL. Just my opinion.

Ok, so sorry about the rant.

Do y'all have any thoughts on this???

Edited May 6, 20188 yr by FluffyChix

@FluffyChix

The problem with some folks and their goal is that the goals are unrealistic; however, other people seem to have goals that undershoot their potential (e.g., people who have goal weights that still leave them technically obese).

When I started at 397 and set a goal of 180, only my surgeon's NP thought that was realistic. She said I could do what I wanted to. Now, she might have been thinking I was nuts, but she didn't say it. But my ex, my family, many of my friends told me that I should try to get to 200 and let it be.

But that wasn't good enough for me. I was going to get 180 or die trying. And I did, with 10 more pounds to boot. (And when I have plastics later this year, I'll probably be closer to 160.)

The point is to be healthy and to be happy. For me, that meant being in the normal BMI range; for others, that doesn't matter at all. I just never want to see anyone sell himself/herself short because they think they can't do it (or listen to those who might say so).

Keep on keeping on!

7 hours ago, blizair09 said:

@FluffyChix

The problem with some folks and their goal is that the goals are unrealistic; however, other people seem to have goals that undershoot their potential (e.g., people who have goal weights that still leave them technically obese).

When I started at 397 and set a goal of 180, only my surgeon's NP thought that was realistic. She said I could do what I wanted to. Now, she might have been thinking I was nuts, but she didn't say it. But my ex, my family, many of my friends told me that I should try to get to 200 and let it be.

But that wasn't good enough for me. I was going to get 180 or die trying. And I did, with 10 more pounds to boot. (And when I have plastics later this year, I'll probably be closer to 160.)

The point is to be healthy and to be happy. For me, that meant being in the normal BMI range; for others, that doesn't matter at all. I just never want to see anyone sell himself/herself short because they think they can't do it (or listen to those who might say so).

Keep on keeping on!

Thank you so much for this!! Your journey has been a big inspiration for me. I feel the EXACT same way! You know? It's like when in life will we have this same exact scenario set-up to maximize any amount of effort we put into losing weight and getting into a healthy maintenance lifestyle.

It's like we're at maximum lifting load re: weight loss, and we also have the MOST number of professionals on our side to help us experience this. If we're not gonna jump on the train and capitalize on it now, when will we ever?

To Riff on an old SNL skit, "now is the time for work and pain on Schprockets!--then we dance." LOL.

My top secret goal by the way EVERYONE would say is unrealistic, but I actually would adore seeing anything under 140lbs. Shhhhh don't tell!

BTW you look AHHHHHH-mazing dude! I'm so happy for you.

Everyone's responses here have been so thought-provoking and don't know about you guys, but they have helped me explore stretching personal beliefs and goals. Thank you so much for taking time to give such in depth, thoughtful responses!!

In doing this I found this most recent interview with Dr. Weiner that I wanted to share. And his thoughts on set points and weight loss are going to be confirmation to some and challenge others of us! I just thought it was interesting and real world from his practice. And wanted to share.

(BTW, I don't hold with his vegetarian/vegan approach but do believe that we need the phytonutrients that are found in good consumption of leafy greens, low glycemic veg, and low glycemic fruits. So I cherry pick from his philosophy and from the low carb docs such as Dr. Stephen Phinney, Dr. Jeff Volek, Dr. Eric Westman, Dr. Jason Fung, Dr. D'Agostino, and many more.)

14 hours ago, Tealael said:

Hmmm now I wonder what my goal/maintenance weight actually is?

I think its too soon to tell. My current target is my doctors' target. Once I reach that, I will reconsider. I got my first "you've gone far enough" comment today, at 189 pounds Yeah, right!

Just now, Apple203 said:

I think its too soon to tell. My current target is my doctors' target. Once I reach that, I will reconsider. I got my first "you've gone far enough" comment today, at 189 pounds Yeah, right!

Hey girlie!!!! WWWWWWWooooohooooo the stall, she's gone!!! Congrats! Huge congrats on breaking free of the 190s!!!!!

16 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

Hey girlie!!!! WWWWWWWooooohooooo the stall, she's gone!!! Congrats! Huge congrats on breaking free of the 190s!!!!!

Thanks, hope I've said goodbye to the 190s forever! I'm watching the Dr. Weiner video you posted right now -- I love his set point theory, and kind of wishing I did the bypass instead of sleeve.

Just now, Apple203 said:

Thanks, hope I've said goodbye to the 190s forever! I'm watching the Dr. Weiner video you posted right now -- I love his set point theory, and kind of wishing I did the bypass instead of sleeve.

I really had to review the bypass v. sleeve thing before surgery. Cuz until they found my gut stuff, the doc was really pushing for sleeve. But I just felt in my gut that to help fix my metabolic state as much as it can be fixed through surgery, I needed the RNY (and maybe even the DS--I just couldn't make my mind go to DS.)

Watch the end of the video. He says what I've believed all along. USE this magic window to maximize your changes! All. The. Changes! Cuz it does come to an end. Anywhere from 2-5 years, the full magic windo ends for all of us. Then we MUST fall back on the healthy habits we've developed through this time frame in order to sustain us and help us maintain the traction we re-gained. It's like we have a super-important Mulligan that we will never again get. Don't fork it up.

OK, BBL, gotta go walk and do Vitamin D therapy (you know my anti-fish belly white campaign). Laters!

I'm approaching this a little differently... I was an overweight, but not obese child, lost weight by running in college and got to my body's happy weight of 145; I could eat what I wanted on weekends and eat healthy (but not perfect) during the week. Infertility treatments, pregnancies, my knees took running off the table etc upped my weight close to 200 and then my mom being on hospice, plus menopause took my weight to close to 240. I lost the 20 lbs and gained them over and over. I hated how I felt because I knew what it felt like to feel physically fit, I felt uncomfortable in my skin.

BUT- the worst part about dieting was that getting on the scale could and often times would literally ruin my day to the point of me not finding any joy in anything or anyone; and I'm a "glass in half full," person. When I hit my first stall I felt those feelings or despair rise up again and I was DONE.

I put the scale away, and I'm not sure when I will get on it again. BUT, my clothes are way too big, wearing jeans I haven't worn in forever. I feel better, I can move better. I'm really, really happy.

I walk my dogs every morning and I'm happy.

I am careful about what I eat, but I had a glass of wine with some friends on the patio while we laughed until we cried, and I was so happy.

So... will I reach my goal weight? I don't know. But I feel more in control, healthier and happier than I have been in a long time and that is all I really care about.

I am sort of here right now. I lost down to 116 after surgery. Before conceiving my doctor made me gain 10 pounds. Was right at 127 when I conceived. Gained up to 155 during pregnancy. I was not able to be very active during pregnancy due to some issues early on. I did walk and use light weights every single day. I was not able to run, lift weights, etc like before. My baby just turned 5 months yesterday and I still need to lose about 10 to 12 pounds to get back down to 125. I have cut calories from about 1400 to 1800 (pre baby) to about 1200 and do the same workouts as I did prebaby. I have been running 7 days a week, lifting weights 2 days a week, zumba once a week, and my normal busy life and still need to lose weight. I've cut calories down to 800 a day for awhile and I GAINED. There is no mathematical reason as to why I am this weight. Now, I have lost inches. I can mostly wear the same clothes as before. I am not sure what the answer is. Do I stress over these last 10 pounds or just be happy?

[mention=323408]FluffyChix[/mention]
The problem with some folks and their goal is that the goals are unrealistic; however, other people seem to have goals that undershoot their potential (e.g., people who have goal weights that still leave them technically obese).
When I started at 397 and set a goal of 180, only my surgeon's NP thought that was realistic. She said I could do what I wanted to. Now, she might have been thinking I was nuts, but she didn't say it. But my ex, my family, many of my friends told me that I should try to get to 200 and let it be.
But that wasn't good enough for me. I was going to get 180 or die trying. And I did, with 10 more pounds to boot. (And when I have plastics later this year, I'll probably be closer to 160.)
The point is to be healthy and to be happy. For me, that meant being in the normal BMI range; for others, that doesn't matter at all. I just never want to see anyone sell himself/herself short because they think they can't do it (or listen to those who might say so).
Keep on keeping on!

Hmmm
Maybe I am under shooting my potential (which I'm not prone to doing)
I have a lot to think about now
Thanks for the words of wisdom


HW 270
SW 238
CW 188
VSG 11/7
[emoji471][emoji471][emoji471]

Quote

“If you accept your personal best at everything else in life, why not weight?” – Yoni Freedhoff

The thing is many people don't seem to do this and you can feel their frustration. (I guess we all know at least one person who is like this).

They never seem to be satisfied with what they have reached and there seems to be an interesting line between "wanting to be the best you can be" and striving for more to reach the next doable goal and "linging on to goals that they will never reach without running themselves into the ground if ever and missing to celebrate the successes they had and have in life.

"I'm not a success until I reached my goal 110% and rather feel like **** because I'm only earning 250k a year instead of 350k a year!". In terms of WLS: "I'd rather feel like **** about myself because my BMI only dropped from 48 to 28 but my goal is dropping from 48 to 22.41232 and having the hot body of a 20 year old and nobody is going to change that!!!!"

Yeah well, of course people can go through life with that kind of attitude. When it comes to weight loss it seems to be quite common.

Bariatric treatment teams seem to have a long way to go when it comes to their patients' attitude regarding weight loss success.

On 6. Mai 2018 at 11:41 PM, Creekimp13 said:

Sometimes I think perfectionist thinking gets a lot of us into trouble.

Must be perfect. Must eat exact foods. Must measure perfectly. Must keep calories exactly under certain number....etc. (not saying these aren't good ideas, and not even saying they're not habits we should strive for)

BUT....

How many times in dieting history have you started the day off perfect....

only to have one little slip up...

(a stupid impulsive moment with a baby candy bar...grabbing a couple of hubbies fries that turned into a handful....)

and you go....I've screwed it all up for the day. I am no longer perfect. Time to throw it all out the window and eat like a lunatic and try to be PERFECT again tomorrow.

Is that familiar to anyone? I know I used to do this A LOT.

"I'm no longer perfect...so screw it...lets go get take out."

And see...I think that's dangerous. I think it's a mindset that has to change going forward.

Little screw ups happen. Or they will happen sometime in the future.

Coping with imperfection, being stable and ok with..."not quite, but getting there"...is an important skill that I didn't have for a lot of years. And it bit me in the arse....over and over and over.

Feeling too fixated on perfection might not be entirely a good thing for some of our histories.

This a million times.

14 minutes ago, summerset said:

The thing is many people don't seem to do this and you can feel their frustration. (I guess we all know at least one person who is like this).

They never seem to be satisfied with what they have reached and there seems to be an interesting line between "wanting to be the best you can be" and striving for more to reach the next doable goal and "linging on to goals that they will never reach without running themselves into the ground if ever and missing to Celebrate the successes they had and have in life.

"I'm not a success until I reached my goal 110% and rather feel like **** because I'm only earning 250k a year instead of 350k a year!". In terms of WLS: "I'd rather feel like **** about myself because my BMI only dropped from 48 to 28 but my goal is dropping from 48 to 22.41232 and having the hot body of a 20 year old and nobody is going to change that!!!!"

Yeah well, of course people can go through life with that kind of attitude. When it comes to weight loss it seems to be quite common.

Bariatric treatment teams seem to have a long way to go when it comes to their patients' attitude regarding weight loss success.

I think that is the other extreme of course. And yes, I know people like that for certain! But if a goal is to get to the "healthy" range and there is a 5-10lb difference between the goal an RD sets for you and the goal you have--why wouldn't you shoot for the fences?

If you find yourself stalled 20lbs short of your RDs goal and you KNOW you're not eating to your full capability and you've allowed "treats" to be come daily things or even at every meal...do you just sit back and lie to yourself?

Cuz that's what I'm talking about. Why settle? Why placate and rationalize rather than using this amazing chance at re-writing your future to get to a healthy weight? I'm not talking skinny minny. I'm talking out of the obese or over weight category.

At 140lbs I will be "normal" range. I will not by any stretch of the imagination be a skinny minny. LOL. So why would I allow myself to rationalize that it's ok to give up and stop at 160lbs? When I'm still severly overweight?

That's all I'm saying.

Edited May 11, 20188 yr by FluffyChix

On 6. Mai 2018 at 9:55 PM, sillykitty said:

I also will have plastic surgery when I am at or near goal. Unlike some on here, vanity is definitely one of my motivations for surgery.

Don't worry. I think "vanity" is an additional reason for a lot of WLS patients. However, we're not really allowed to admit it (think: insurance coverage).

Quote

I want to look and feel attractive, and once I have achieved that, I know I will be motivated not to screw it up.

I think this isn't true. Lots of people who've lost weight swore the same and it didn't work out this way though I know it's very tempting to think like this. There seems to be a lot of logic behind it so I'm actually kind of surprised it doesn't work this way exactly a lot of the times (WLS or not WLS) though there seems to be evidence that having plastics means higher chance of maintaining (maybe think: empty fat cells being cut off here).

3 minutes ago, summerset said:

I think this isn't true. Lots of people who've lost weight swore the same and it didn't work out this way though I know it's very tempting to think like this. There seems to be a lot of logic behind it so I'm actually kind of surprised it doesn't work this way exactly a lot of the times (WLS or not WLS) though there seems to be evidence that having plastics means higher chance of maintaining (maybe think: empty fat cells being cut off here).

There actually has been a study that WLS patients on average maintain their weight loss better if they have plastics.

https://www.medicaldaily.com/weight-loss-surgery-plus-plastic-surgery-could-help-obese-people-maintain-healthy-weight-306789

The study doesn't go into the why's, but I certainly believe making the financial and emotional investment in plastics is a motivation to keep the weight off.