WARNING!!! Will Robinson--Danger! Danger! Run away! Rant ahead!

Ok guys, can we have a discussion--er, I mean a rant please? I just read an interesting article in BP Magazine: "The 5 Mindset Shifts You NEED To Make To Be Truly Happy After WLS". (click on link to read full article)

I will post the basic 5 tenets below, but the first one stands out to me. And I just really have a BIG issue with this philosophy. Because, WE (MO and formerly MO people) are NOT like the rest of the world...I'll explain more later. What am I missing?

I'll post the tenets first, then post my comments below.

1. My weight does not determine my success nor worth.

“If you accept your personal best at everything else in life, why not weight?” – Yoni Freedhoff

QUOTE-not mine: "Isn’t that SUCH a good quote?

Is your WLS team happy with your progress, but you aren’t? Why are you still pushing for and obsessing over those next 10 lbs? Reflect on why you feel that you must lose those extra pounds and what will happen if you don’t?"

2. I acknowledge that a healthy lifestyle (i.e. eating healthy most of the time and moving my body often) is a part-time job. Some weeks it doesn’t feel like work, but often it does.

3. I see meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking as acts of self-care.

4. I move my body because it feels good and helps me to re-charge. I don’t exercise to control my weight.

5. I am not on a diet. I eat foods that I enjoy. I practice moderation and flexible eating to the best of my ability.

My thought: Ok, so my biggest issue with this is the quote after the first point. No, your weight shouldn't determine your self-worth, but it DOES and SHOULD influence it somewhat. And the quote is just like saying...you've just rearranged your body. It's ok if you don't win at weight loss. You'll still get this lovely participation trophy. Well that's just nuckin' futs! I'm serious WHACKamole nuts!!! I'm sorry, there are no contradictions in life. If you find one, check the premise. That is what will be wrong. ~ Ayn Rand.

I did not alter my anatomy in such a drastic non-reversible manner to stop short of my goal by 10lbs. Or worse, to rationalize that it's OK to still be in the obese or overweight category after my honeymoon period ends. Fu*k no I didn't! I'm going balls to the wall, KISS stupid until I make goal. Then an only then will I modify my "diet" to a maintenance level diet. Right now, I'm in a take-no-prisoners-leave-no-man-behind weight loss mode and nobody better get in my way. (Oh I'm talking to you Little Debbie you pusher ho.) LOL.

So yeah, I don't get it. Fu*k my personal best. I'm a fatty. I have a FAT brain. I am addicted to food and LOVE it. I am a food seeker. That isn't magically gonna change after 55 years of programming. It's not gonna change even if I lose all my weight. I will still have a fat brain with billions of starvin' marvin' empty fat cells still secreting hormones urging me to feed greedy little empty Seymours. I will still have a hypothalamus that is programmed to jones for food hits. I will still have pleasure centers in my brain jonesing for that dopamine and serotonin fix it gets from food. And If I do change, it certainly won't happen within a short term period. I have to be de-programmed and re-programmed and that takes time, so much time, and repetition, and not quitting. And have you EVER tried to out match you lymbic system where the urge to eat lives? Some doc said, if you think you can beat it...try holding your breath and see how far that gets you. The hypothalamus beats all in the rock-scissors game of life.

So what I have to do in order to achieve success here is to realize that because of my MO and the reality that has set up biochemically in my body and my big FAT brain, I have to modify my thinking and behaviors for life in a way that no skinny person can even HOPE to understand. I have to work harder, try longer, be more determined, be more cunning. Of course it will ALWAYS be a diet. LOL. To believe that suddenly, because of a magic surgery whose effect "dim" a little after 2 years, you will SUDDENLY be able to tolerate life in moderation is like wishing on the tooth fairy. LOL. Just my opinion.

Ok, so sorry about the rant.

Do y'all have any thoughts on this???

Edited May 6, 20188 yr by FluffyChix

I'm not doing a sour grapes thing here where i'm looking down my nose at people passionately wanting to reach their goals....I think it's a terrific plan and a great hope. And Fluff...you go girl. Hit your goal and celebrate. I hope you do:) (and I'm pretty sure you will)

But I'm not sure this..."MUST reach goal" all-or-nothing approach is realistic for everyone. I hate "all or none" thinking. There are degrees of success, and everyone defines it differently. And in reality, MOST people who have this surgery don't reach their goal. That's a fact. And not reaching goal...doesn't make you a failure. It make you human...and a work in progress. And that's ok.

For me? I'm beating the odds. I really did not expect to lose as much or as well as I have. I'm kinda shocked. I didn't expect to enjoy getting into exercise or regaining so much stamina. It's been an awesome surprise.

But you want to know the honest to God truth?

The statistical average...60% of my excess weight....sounded pretty damned good to me when I started out.

ANY improvement to lifelong eating habits is an accomplishment and progress toward a forever goal.

ANY improvement to fitness and exercise habits is an accomplishment and progress toward forever health.

ANY maintained weight loss is an accomplishment.

Some is better than none.

Most is better than All.

My priorities are more about changing habits and feeling at peace with food and having balance in my life.... than reaching set numbers.

Just different ways of looking at it, maybe?

22 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

If you TRULY do not have any food addictions or anything like that, and don't have any medical reason, how do you suppose you got to weigh 249lbs at 5'3"? How long were you in this category?

I also have no food addictions or medical reasons to have gotten to 243 at 5'3".

My weight gain was caused by making poor choices at nearly every opportunity. French fries or steamed veggies, vinaigrette or ranch, etc., etc.. I simply made the tastier choice because my mindset was, "this one meal isn't going to make a difference"

This was compounded by going from a physical job to a sedentary job in my mid twenties. Then my weight gain accelerated when I began traveling and entertaining for business.

Well first off, I fully am grateful we live in a diverse world and that people have their own unique perspectives and beliefs. The power to choose is a blessing. And my choice will and should never be anyone else's but my own. And God bless on that!

For me, there is EXTREME danger in telling myself right now at this point in my very TOUGH journey that it's just "hunky dory" for me to opt out of reaching my goal, excelling, and doing my personal best (which is goal--because I know I am fully capable of that being my personal best). It's dangerous and deceptive to allow that little whisper that says...."Psssst, hey dummeh, over here. Wanna buy a watch? Want some crack? This one tiny bite will make you feel good. It will ease your pain. You don't wanna process life without this Little Debbie do you? A Little Debbie will do you."

Would you honestly give a drug addict that same advice relative to their disease? Would you give an alcoholic that same advice? Oh...you can self-regulate! You can self-moderate! Obesity has now been classified as a disease. It has. I am MO. Won't matter my goal weight or not. Once MO, you will ALWAYS be MO internally. You will always have a gazillion empty fat cells helping to regulate your hormones and who will be working against you. Seriously. I can't make this stuff up!

Hells to the no you wouldn't! LOL. I am no different. I've had a lifetime of obesity. I am a junkie. I have a forked up mind and forked up (permanently) biochemistry. I have empty fat cells littering my super highway, just waiting for a slight of hand to send some new fat their way. And it turns out, that I can't even lipo it out cuz once the body recognizes that you once had X number of fat cells, it's so smart that it REGROWS those mother fuc*ers in a new place. Isn't that a kick in the teeth? That's how smart our bodies are and that's how much it wants to stay in homeostasis.

So yeah. I feel FOR ME, that I must realize that for me to get to goal is an imperative. And for me to maintain, I'm gonna have to change my brain, my habits, my thoughts, emotions, and DEF behaviors and relationships for the better. It will be a daily lifetime walk. One day at a time, sometimes one step at a time. And it may border on the obsessive. I don't know yet what that toll will be. But simply declaring that I'm gonna be balanced is just plain magical thinking because of the brokeness of my body.

Does that mean I will be devoid of happiness or joy? Oh hells no baby! I'm loving the crap outta life right now and doing things I've not done in 18 years. LOL. It gets better and better every day! Thank ya sweet baby Jesus of the golden fleece diapers!

9 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

My weight gain was caused by making poor choices at nearly every opportunity. French fries or steamed veggies, vinaigrette or ranch, etc., etc.. I simply made the tastier choice because my mindset was, "this one meal isn't going to make a difference"

Don't you think that represents a food issue?

1 hour ago, Creekimp13 said:

4. I refuse to starve anymore. Starving always leads back to weight gain. I want off that merry go round. When I'm hungry, I'm gonna eat. F*ck starving. I can eat and make good choices, now. I trust myself.

I agree with this so much. I am not going to be miserable anymore, in any way. I won't be miserable about my weight any longer. But I also am not going to be miserable by starving myself, or being on a super restrictive diet. I will follow a diet that is healthy and balanced, but still has room for the occasional indulgences.

One of the most appealing things about this surgery was feeling satisfied by smaller portions. If I can make healthier choices, and eat significantly smaller portions, then I can succeed without feeling deprived.

1 minute ago, FluffyChix said:

Don't you think that represents a food issue?

I don't, and my psychologist agrees

2 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

One of the most appealing things about this surgery was feeling satisfied by smaller portions. If I can make healthier choices, and eat significantly smaller portions, then I can succeed without feeling deprived.

And what are you prepared for in 6 months when you wake up and overnight you can now eat more? And you no longer feel a big restriction in your quantity? Suddenly moderation is gonna take on a whole new meaning.

2 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

And what are you prepared for in 6 months when you wake up and overnight you can now eat more? And you no longer feel a big restriction in your quantity? Suddenly moderation is gonna take on a whole new meaning.

That is why I said it is combined with healthier eating.

20 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

But I'm not sure this..."MUST reach goal" all-or-nothing approach is realistic for everyone. I hate "all or none" thinking. There are degrees of success, and everyone defines it differently. And in reality, MOST people who have this surgery don't reach their goal. That's a fact. And not reaching goal...doesn't make you a failure. It make you human...and a work in progress. And that's ok.

I am a perfectionist by nature. I tend to only set goals that I know I have the skill set to achieve. Honestly, it has made me very successful in my career. But the downside is, if I don't succeed at something, I usually jut say f*ck it, and just eliminate that as a goal. This surgery has helped give me the skill set, a smaller stomach capacity, combined with my learning to embrace healthier eating.

So for me saying that I MUST get to a certain weight is dangerous territory. There is no reason that 140 is better than 142, or 148, or even 150. I will be successful if I get to a weight that is near my goal and I look and feel good at, period. If I struggle, have to starve or be miserable to get to 140, then I will feel like a failure, and I'm afraid I'll be fine with 160-170-180, whatever, failure is failure.

I also will have plastic surgery when I am at or near goal. Unlike some on here, vanity is definitely one of my motivations for surgery. I want to look and feel attractive, and once I have achieved that, I know I will be motivated not to screw it up.

I can eat a lot these days. My restriction is still pretty good, but I could easily eat the wrong things and gain weight.

What saves me..is not a fixation with a goal. What saves me.....is that my habits have changed.

I'll come home after a hard day and what I really and sincerely CRAVE...is a bowl of sugar free oatmeal with cherries and pecans. I used to want bread, pasta, crackers, leftovers, frozen instant-food, candy.....now i want a packet of oatmeal and I'm good. LOL:)

Friday night celebrations are no longer a bunch of takeout or fancy/fatty restaurants.....they're cooking at home with the hubby nights...and almost always consist of steak salads or crab leg boils with melon or strawberries w/chocolate sauce for desert.

I don't want chips or sandwiches for snacks anymore. I want apples and hard boiled eggs. Honeycrisp apples. With peanut butter. LOL:)

Another weird habit I've gotten into recently.....cans of mushrooms. LOL

I LOVE mushrooms. They're like 40 calories for a whole little 4oz can of them. And 4g of Protein! And 4g of Fiber!

I'll eat a little 4 ounce can with a fork. Yum!

Weird snack.. (I REALLY like mushrooms)

I also love frozen green beans with some garlic, some turkey bacon, and balsamic vinegar. I could eat this for a meal (in fact, I have, many times). Love them.

Oh! and I make my own dry meat and baked chickpeas....which is like....WAY better than any crap snacks you can buy. And makes a great quick meal with a piece of fruit or a side salad.

I just feel too happy with where I'm at...to feel like anyone should be discouraged or suffer.

The big change is the habits. The numbers follow.

Make sure your new habits...are ones you can live with and love for a lifetime.

Sometimes I think perfectionist thinking gets a lot of us into trouble.

Must be perfect. Must eat exact foods. Must measure perfectly. Must keep calories exactly under certain number....etc. (not saying these aren't good ideas, and not even saying they're not habits we should strive for)

BUT....

How many times in dieting history have you started the day off perfect....

only to have one little slip up...

(a stupid impulsive moment with a baby candy bar...grabbing a couple of hubbies fries that turned into a handful....)

and you go....I've screwed it all up for the day. I am no longer perfect. Time to throw it all out the window and eat like a lunatic and try to be PERFECT again tomorrow.

Is that familiar to anyone? I know I used to do this A LOT.

"I'm no longer perfect...so screw it...lets go get take out."

And see...I think that's dangerous. I think it's a mindset that has to change going forward.

Little screw ups happen. Or they will happen sometime in the future.

Coping with imperfection, being stable and ok with..."not quite, but getting there"...is an important skill that I didn't have for a lot of years. And it bit me in the arse....over and over and over.

Feeling too fixated on perfection might not be entirely a good thing for some of our histories.

2 hours ago, Apple203 said:

Jenn, did you lose all 115# in 6 months? It drives me a little nuts trying to assess the possibilities and expected rate of losses when there is no surgery weight in our profiles. /vent over, LOL

• Pre surgery 254
• Date of surgery 234 .... 94 pounds in 6 months

2 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

Ok. Got it! That makes sense. So did you gain pregnancy weight and were never able to lose it and it compounded? Or did you have one and gain excessively? What caused you to gain weight with pregnancy? Were you hungrier? Did you eat anything you wanted? Did you fall into the myth of eating for two? Just curious. Cuz that's absolutely something I can see happening. And goes to the "two types of people in the world thing" from Dr. Vuong. Those who've been obese since childhood and have NEVER known what it feels like to be and live at normal weight (ahem, me... ) and those who have adult or sudden adult onset obesity. The two different types MUST take completely different paths re: weight loss/maintenance.

i was pregnant essentially for three years straight. Each pregnacy gain compounded on top of the other . I gained around 110 pounds total. Decided to work on a total lifestyle change for my family by becoming vegan for a year (totally unsustainable for me) then vegetarian (or carbetarian lol ) for 10. I lost about 30lbs that way and was there for years.

I was never an obese child but i wasnt small either. As a teen i was in the range of 150. I was about 165ish when i got married and about the same when i got pregnant. I ate normally, i dont think i had any im eating for two moments. I also dont think i ever placed any real focus on losing weight until it became medically necessary. I was so busy that i put myself last, never recognizing my weight was a problem because i was "healthy fat" lol

I think people should have goals and smash them but not everyones goal is a set number, sometimes its range. Im ok with a range as long as its sustainable. I really only care about long term changes.

Jenn that is crazy amazing. Wow!

21 minutes ago, jenn1 said:

• Pre surgery 254
• Date of surgery 234 .... 94 pounds in 6 months

wow!