WARNING!!! Will Robinson--Danger! Danger! Run away! Rant ahead!

Ok guys, can we have a discussion--er, I mean a rant please? I just read an interesting article in BP Magazine: "The 5 Mindset Shifts You NEED To Make To Be Truly Happy After WLS". (click on link to read full article)

I will post the basic 5 tenets below, but the first one stands out to me. And I just really have a BIG issue with this philosophy. Because, WE (MO and formerly MO people) are NOT like the rest of the world...I'll explain more later. What am I missing?

I'll post the tenets first, then post my comments below.

1. My weight does not determine my success nor worth.

“If you accept your personal best at everything else in life, why not weight?” – Yoni Freedhoff

QUOTE-not mine: "Isn’t that SUCH a good quote?

Is your WLS team happy with your progress, but you aren’t? Why are you still pushing for and obsessing over those next 10 lbs? Reflect on why you feel that you must lose those extra pounds and what will happen if you don’t?"

2. I acknowledge that a healthy lifestyle (i.e. eating healthy most of the time and moving my body often) is a part-time job. Some weeks it doesn’t feel like work, but often it does.

3. I see meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking as acts of self-care.

4. I move my body because it feels good and helps me to re-charge. I don’t exercise to control my weight.

5. I am not on a diet. I eat foods that I enjoy. I practice moderation and flexible eating to the best of my ability.

My thought: Ok, so my biggest issue with this is the quote after the first point. No, your weight shouldn't determine your self-worth, but it DOES and SHOULD influence it somewhat. And the quote is just like saying...you've just rearranged your body. It's ok if you don't win at weight loss. You'll still get this lovely participation trophy. Well that's just nuckin' futs! I'm serious WHACKamole nuts!!! I'm sorry, there are no contradictions in life. If you find one, check the premise. That is what will be wrong. ~ Ayn Rand.

I did not alter my anatomy in such a drastic non-reversible manner to stop short of my goal by 10lbs. Or worse, to rationalize that it's OK to still be in the obese or overweight category after my honeymoon period ends. Fu*k no I didn't! I'm going balls to the wall, KISS stupid until I make goal. Then an only then will I modify my "diet" to a maintenance level diet. Right now, I'm in a take-no-prisoners-leave-no-man-behind weight loss mode and nobody better get in my way. (Oh I'm talking to you Little Debbie you pusher ho.) LOL.

So yeah, I don't get it. Fu*k my personal best. I'm a fatty. I have a FAT brain. I am addicted to food and LOVE it. I am a food seeker. That isn't magically gonna change after 55 years of programming. It's not gonna change even if I lose all my weight. I will still have a fat brain with billions of starvin' marvin' empty fat cells still secreting hormones urging me to feed greedy little empty Seymours. I will still have a hypothalamus that is programmed to jones for food hits. I will still have pleasure centers in my brain jonesing for that dopamine and serotonin fix it gets from food. And If I do change, it certainly won't happen within a short term period. I have to be de-programmed and re-programmed and that takes time, so much time, and repetition, and not quitting. And have you EVER tried to out match you lymbic system where the urge to eat lives? Some doc said, if you think you can beat it...try holding your breath and see how far that gets you. The hypothalamus beats all in the rock-scissors game of life.

So what I have to do in order to achieve success here is to realize that because of my MO and the reality that has set up biochemically in my body and my big FAT brain, I have to modify my thinking and behaviors for life in a way that no skinny person can even HOPE to understand. I have to work harder, try longer, be more determined, be more cunning. Of course it will ALWAYS be a diet. LOL. To believe that suddenly, because of a magic surgery whose effect "dim" a little after 2 years, you will SUDDENLY be able to tolerate life in moderation is like wishing on the tooth fairy. LOL. Just my opinion.

Ok, so sorry about the rant.

Do y'all have any thoughts on this???

Edited May 6, 20188 yr by FluffyChix

3 minutes ago, Tealael said:

i was pregnant essentially for three years straight. Each pregnacy gain compounded on top of the other . I gained around 110 pounds total. Decided to work on a total lifestyle change for my family by becoming vegan for a year (totally unsustainable for me) then vegetarian (or carbetarian lol ) for 10. I lost about 30lbs that way and was there for years.

I was never an obese child but i wasnt small either. As a teen i was in the range of 150. I was about 165ish when i got married and about the same when i got pregnant. I ate normally, i dont think i had any im eating for two moments. I also dont think i ever placed any real focus on losing weight until it became medically necessary. I was so busy that i put myself last, never recognizing my weight was a problem because i was "healthy fat" lol

I think people should have goals and smash them but not everyones goal is a set number, sometimes its range. Im ok with a range as long as its sustainable. I really only care about long term changes.

This is SO understandable and gives a great window into your weight history, so thank you for sharing!!! ((hugs)) And love your motivation! And I completely agree for some it's a number and other's it's a range and still others it's measured in things you can do or significant improvements to quality of life. And we all have different goals. And that's A-okey dokey with me. Vive la differance!

For me, the number is a symbol that encapsulates ALL of those things. But what it mostly does is it marks that transition into maintenance. And for maintenance in my private Idaho, that's hopefully more calories. It's walking a carb ladder on low glycemic healthy carbs to see what my bg meter tolerates and where my personal threshold for maintenance resides. It's having a little more wiggle room each day if I want to have a casserole for dinner rather than my strict low fat protein + veg + healthy fats (ie a meal with more cals and gooeyness for lack of a better term). It's perhaps a tiny bit extra healthy fat in the form of avocado, or olive oil or nuts/seeds.

Also, I feel certain people making a judgement on my personal goal being a number--or for having issues with this first statement in the article. When I was quite clear to outline that this was MY issue and that I wasn't expecting anyone else to follow my rules or make my goals and views theirs. I want to be VERY clear that I am judging no one here. But I don't think that respect is being returned. And whatevs. LOL. Whatever floats their boat. Thankfully their opinions do not determine my self-worth.

I am determined! However, I'm not inflexible. Also, I am no longer a perfectionist. I'm a "just good enough"--except when it comes to me capitalizing on this amazing gift and chance I've been given. Cuz when I hit normal weight, when I hit my goal, it will ALSO mean I have a 38% less chance of recurrence of Stage IIIC high grade hormone positive (aka fat mediated) breast cancer. It means less asthma (medication free). It means hopefully normal bp and good bye to the last 2 of 3 meds. It will hopefully mean my A1c goes lower and remains out of my prediabetic range. It means a lessening of PCOS and will hopefully confer a lower fasting insulin number. It means hyperinsulinemia is in remission. It means a lessening of DDD pain and other osteoarthritic changes. It means a lessening of my left arm lymphedema from the BC treatments. It means a whole bunch more health things will also be corralled and I might possibly be able to live medication free save for my breast cancer drug and supplements. I'm willing to not stop until I hit that magic number because of those things. They were the motivation for this surgery in the first place.

6 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

Sometimes I think perfectionist thinking gets a lot of us into trouble.

Must be perfect. Must eat exact foods. Must measure perfectly. Must keep calories exactly under certain number....etc. (not saying these aren't good ideas, and not even saying they're not habits we should strive for)

BUT....

How many times in dieting history have you started the day off perfect....

only to have one little slip up...

(a stupid impulsive moment with a baby candy bar...grabbing a couple of hubbies fries that turned into a handful....)

and you go....I've screwed it all up for the day. I am no longer perfect. Time to throw it all out the window and eat like a lunatic and try to be PERFECT again tomorrow.

Is that familiar to anyone? I know I used to do this A LOT.

"I'm no longer perfect...so screw it...lets go get take out."

And see...I think that's dangerous. I think it's a mindset that has to change going forward.

Little screw ups happen. Or they will happen sometime in the future.

Coping with imperfection, being stable and ok with..."not quite, but getting there"...is an important skill that I didn't have for a lot of years. And it bit me in the arse....over and over and over.

Feeling too fixated on perfection might not be entirely a good thing for some of our histories.

2 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

Well first off, I fully am grateful we live in a diverse world and that people have their own unique perspectives and beliefs. The power to choose is a blessing. And my choice will and should never be anyone else's but my own. And God bless on that!

For me, there is EXTREME danger in telling myself right now at this point in my very TOUGH journey that it's just "hunky dory" for me to opt out of reaching my goal, excelling, and doing my personal best (which is goal--because I know I am fully capable of that being my personal best). It's dangerous and deceptive to allow that little whisper that says...."Psssst, hey dummeh, over here. Wanna buy a watch? Want some crack? This one tiny bite will make you feel good. It will ease your pain. You don't wanna process life without this Little Debbie do you? A Little Debbie will do you."

Would you honestly give a drug addict that same advice relative to their disease? Would you give an alcoholic that same advice? Oh...you can self-regulate! You can self-moderate! Obesity has now been classified as a disease. It has. I am MO. Won't matter my goal weight or not. Once MO, you will ALWAYS be MO internally. You will always have a gazillion empty fat cells helping to regulate your hormones and who will be working against you. Seriously. I can't make this stuff up!

Hells to the no you wouldn't! LOL. I am no different. I've had a lifetime of obesity. I am a junkie. I have a forked up mind and forked up (permanently) biochemistry. I have empty fat cells littering my super highway, just waiting for a slight of hand to send some new fat their way. And it turns out, that I can't even Lipo it out cuz once the body recognizes that you once had X number of fat cells, it's so smart that it REGROWS those mother fuc*ers in a new place. Isn't that a kick in the teeth? That's how smart our bodies are and that's how much it wants to stay in homeostasis.

So yeah. I feel FOR ME, that I must realize that for me to get to goal is an imperative. And for me to maintain, I'm gonna have to change my brain, my habits, my thoughts, emotions, and DEF behaviors and relationships for the better. It will be a daily lifetime walk. One day at a time, sometimes one step at a time. And it may border on the obsessive. I don't know yet what that toll will be. But simply declaring that I'm gonna be balanced is just plain magical thinking because of the brokeness of my body.

Does that mean I will be devoid of happiness or joy? Oh hells no baby! I'm loving the crap outta life right now and doing things I've not done in 18 years. LOL. It gets better and better every day! Thank ya sweet baby Jesus of the golden fleece diapers!

I will forever be diligent and a bit obsessive to keep my weight in line. It's not up to me to rescue other people. I can only rescue myself.

This is so much like Alcoholics Anonymous...Nothing worse than a recovering obese person..lol I try not to come off as judging or preaching . I realize that my enthusiasm level may not be everyone's enthusiasm level..*laughing at myself*

@jenn1 I so agree with @Apple203. That is COMPLETELY amazing!!!! You are such an inspiration for me!!! TYTYTYTY for hanging around to help so much!!!

I have a question about maintenance, how do you know when you have truly reached it? Does your body signal this or will you come up with a goal with your team?

Maybe that's a question for @jenn1 or any of your guys that have hit your magic goal? Can't wait to hear the answer!!!

20 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

This is SO understandable and gives a great window into your weight history, so thank you for sharing!!! ((hugs)) And love your motivation! And I completely agree for some it's a number and other's it's a range and still others it's measured in things you can do or significant improvements to quality of life. And we all have different goals. And that's A-okey dokey with me. Vive la differance!

For me, the number is a symbol that encapsulates ALL of those things. But what it mostly does is it marks that transition into maintenance. And for maintenance in my private Idaho, that's hopefully more calories. It's walking a carb ladder on low glycemic healthy carbs to see what my bg meter tolerates and where my personal threshold for maintenance resides. It's having a little more wiggle room each day if I want to have a casserole for dinner rather than my strict low fat Protein + veg + healthy fats (ie a meal with more cals and gooeyness for lack of a better term). It's perhaps a tiny bit extra healthy fat in the form of avocado, or olive oil or nuts/seeds.

Also, I feel certain people making a judgement on my personal goal being a number--or for having issues with this first statement in the article. When I was quite clear to outline that this was MY issue and that I wasn't expecting anyone else to follow my rules or make my goals and views theirs. I want to be VERY clear that I am judging no one here. But I don't think that respect is being returned. And whatevs. LOL. Whatever floats their boat. Thankfully their opinions do not determine my self-worth.

I am determined! However, I'm not inflexible. Also, I am no longer a perfectionist. I'm a "just good enough"--except when it comes to me capitalizing on this amazing gift and chance I've been given. Cuz when I hit normal weight, when I hit my goal, it will ALSO mean I have a 38% less chance of recurrence of Stage IIIC high grade hormone positive (aka fat mediated) breast cancer. It means less asthma (medication free). It means hopefully normal bp and good bye to the last 2 of 3 meds. It will hopefully mean my A1c goes lower and remains out of my prediabetic range. It means a lessening of PCOS and will hopefully confer a lower fasting insulin number. It means hyperinsulinemia is in remission. It means a lessening of DDD pain and other osteoarthritic changes. It means a lessening of my left arm lymphedema from the BC treatments. It means a whole bunch more health things will also be corralled and I might possibly be able to live medication free save for my breast cancer drug and supplements. I'm willing to not stop until I hit that magic number because of those things. They were the motivation for this surgery in the first place.

I hope no one is judging you for what you want for yourself

That would suck

I hope you dont think i am, because im not. Im solely focused on me and I only can state what i want for myself, which is why i would be happy even if i dont make it to goal as long as im in range of it

No sweetie. Def not you. ((hugs))

26 minutes ago, Tealael said:

I have a question about maintenance, how do you know when you have truly reached it? Does your body signal this or will you come up with a goal with your team?

How do you know when you have truly reached it? I selected a weight that put me in a Normal BMI range. I knew I reached it when I hit that number range- See bmi chart below

Does your body signal this or will you come up with a goal with your team? My team gave the statistics - you will lose 60% of your body weight with the sleeve. I gave myself a goal weight of 140.

My weight plateaued and stalled. I kept working until I hit my goal. I could have stopped during my stall as if it was a signal from my body.....I kept going to get to a healthy BMI.

The only person that has to be happy with your results is you.

It's a choice of getting back into weight loss mode or to be satisfied where you are at. (exception goal weight may not be your choice if you have medical issues etc)

I can only speak for myself on maintaining...I'm four years out I can still gain and lose weight. I give myself a ten pound bounce range to maintain.

Disclaimer - lol

I used the BMI for a guideline...Yes I know it's not perfect...

I am, as usual, on both sides of this one. I admire and salute people who set a goal and go after it with gusto. I also understand those whose goal is "better if not perfect"; I'm definitely in that category. My goal weight is one I selected based on my weight in college--forty years ago. Before my back injury, before bad knees, before diabetes. I have no idea if it's realistic--I know it's not what my surgeon is expecting me to do. His expectation is for me to lose maybe another 40 pounds or so.

For me, though, it doesn't matter that much. What matters to me is that I'm better off now by 78 pounds than I was before. I sure hope to be better by double that, or triple that, but I won't be beating myself up if that doesn't happen, and I'll still be happy about being better off than I was.

That said, I'm also aware of the danger of making excuses for myself (or, one reason why I got so big in the first place). But after being so overweight for so long, I have a whole list of goals, only one of which is a number--I'll be thrilled if I can get off most or all my medications. If I can shop for regular-sized clothes. If I can fit into an airplane seat. If my knees stop hurting (either because of weight loss or because I can have replacement surgery--because of my weight loss). There are a lot of ways for me to measure success--it's hardly an all or nothing battle for me. That's FOR ME. I'm totally not judging anyone who feels differently. You go!

This is a weird one for me, I too see both sides. I think some of it boils down to individual temperament and personality differences... motivation and learning are powerful things and different for different people, so are the reasons we became morbidly obese.

I was a power through follow the rules to the 10000th degree type during my weight loss phase. That said, I actually never set a goal weight, so I can’t fully relate to either side. I set interim goals....under 200, less than my husband, size 10, my wedding weight, my lightest adult weight....

And then I waited to see where my body settled. It totally found a “new normal” on its own. And honestly, while I know the science—always have those fat cells and less restriction and sliders.... at going on five years out with the changes I have made habit wise and the changes I truly feel have happened hormone wise or gut bacteria wise or whatever I do feel it would honestly be very hard for me to become morbidly obese again. I have gained.... when I go crazy and throw caution to the wind I can get up to 150....but I don’t gain beyond that. And it’s easy to get back down to 140. 135 is harder... I have to fight for that and sometimes it’s worth it and sometimes it’s not.

I don’t go hungry. I eat. I have added carbs—fruit mostly—and occasional treats(usually a cookie or brownie, occasionally some French fries). Other things I am still quite strict about—bread/wheat pasta/rice are still off the table completely.

I am part of another weight loss group that’s runners.... most have not had weight loss surgery. We talk about health pounds versus vanity pounds. Nothing at all wrong with vanity pounds. When I want to stay at 135 and fight to get there that’s about those vanity pounds and nothing at all wrong with that. But when I get up to 150 I have still lost the HEALTH pounds and I can’t beat myself up over the vanity pounds. That is where I personally need to let the perfectionism go sometimes. Because sometimes living life... going wine tasting for my sisters bridal shower, baking Christmas cookies with my kids, etc... well those things are sometimes more important than the vanity pounds.

And for me personally, I don’t think those things are a slippery slope leading me back to morbid obesity. For me personally things have changed at a fundamental level—some of it is biology, I am not drawn to food like I used to be, some foods just don’t sit well with me and I still have great restriction. Some are habit. But I feel.... NORMAL. Like every other almost 50 year old woman who has to be careful but isn’t in some barely under control freight train that could jump the rails.

Another thought... there was a member on here that talked about this as weight MAINTENANCE surgery not weight loss surgery.

That’s a huge distinction to me and one I embrace. And that is my measure of success. If I can maintain 150 that’s a success, not that I lost to 135.

Long ago a weight watches leader said if you could take a pill and stay at a weight forever—never again gain but never again lose either—the highest weight at which you would be willing to take that pill is a realistic goal. At the time for me that was 165. I was much younger then! So I’m all good!

I love the WW quote!

Sent from my SM-G935V using BariatricPal mobile app

Hmmm now I wonder what my goal/maintenance weight actually is?


HW 270
SW 238
CW 182
VSG 11/7
[emoji146][emoji146][emoji146]

I know myself well enough to know that I've always been a perfectionist. And when the doctor said we can definitely get you "60% of excess body weight off" I calculated that to 163 and said PFFFFFTTTT, that won't do. My goal weight is 130 and I only have 24lbs to get there. Even if it takes all the way up until my one year appointment, I'll fight for it.

There will be some insanity days where I track everything to the T and obsess about how to get that last 2 grams of protein and do 10 extra push ups, but there will be other days where I have an egg roll from the Chinese joint down the street. *shrug* But I'm in the camp of "fight till you get there"