Over the last year my previously supportive husband has grown increasingly insecure. The icing on the cake was my plastic surgery in January. Although he seems to like being seen with the “hot” wife, he’s also incredibly insecure, and has suddenly, after 7 years, decided it’s important to him to have a subservient wife. Something I’ve never been. No amount of reassurance is talking him off this ledge. Ugh.

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. Have you considered a bariatric therapist that is also marriage and family counselor for the both of you. I’m sure there is such a person with the statistics being what they are.

There probably is. I’m going to one on my own, but he has refused to go to counseling.

1 hour ago, kristieshannon said:

Over the last year my previously supportive husband has grown increasingly insecure. The icing on the cake was my plastic surgery in January. Although he seems to like being seen with the “hot” wife, he’s also incredibly insecure, and has suddenly, after 7 years, decided it’s important to him to have a subservient wife. Something I’ve never been. No amount of reassurance is talking him off this ledge. Ugh.

Yep.... was married 26 years..... Same here, it got worse after PS. But, mine was never supportive of my WLS ever and never supportive of the PS..... I begged for the last few years to go to counseling, but he would not go. He regrets that now, but what's done is done.

I have a wonderfully supportive husband now..... So happiness is achievable.

On 03/29/2021 at 07:15, BayougirlMrsS said:

Yep.... was married 26 years..... Same here, it got worse after PS. But, mine was never supportive of my WLS ever and never supportive of the PS..... I begged for the last few years to go to counseling, but he would not go. He regrets that now, but what's done is done.

I have a wonderfully supportive husband now..... So happiness is achievable.

Thank you, I believe that too. There’s someone out there who will appreciate all of who I am and the journey I’ve gone through. For now though I’ve got to just take care of me and get through this.

@kristieshannon: sorry you are dealing with this. Marriage issues suck. My first honest question to you would be: do YOU want to put in effort to work through it with him? Depending on your answer, the responses you get will reflect that in mind....

❤️

On 03/29/2021 at 09:09, ms.sss said:

@kristieshannon: sorry you are dealing with this. Marriage issues suck. My first honest question to you would be: do YOU want to put in effort to work through it with him? Depending on your answer, the responses you get will reflect that in mind....

❤️

I’m very torn at this point. Some things have been said that will be very hard to put aside. However, I love my husband and if I felt like he was willing to work on things, I’d also be willing to try and work things out. However, he has been very adamant so far that he will not go to counseling. I’ve got an appointment scheduled this Friday with a marriage counselor. I will go on my own either way.

Meh. 50% of marriages end in divorce. It's painful, hopefully you learn something, and life goes on. With really good luck, you find someone you want to be with for the duration. Might take a couple tries. Might take just one.

Back when we came up with the idea of being married to the same person forever....people lived to be like 38 and died. Marriage used to be a 20 year or so commitment. LOL

However it shakes out for your marriage....I hope you both grow as people. I hope you're honest with each other and try to be fair and kind to each other....even if you're not meant to be.

Best wishes.

6 hours ago, kristieshannon said:

Over the last year my previously supportive husband has grown increasingly insecure. The icing on the cake was my plastic surgery in January. Although he seems to like being seen with the “hot” wife, he’s also incredibly insecure, and has suddenly, after 7 years, decided it’s important to him to have a subservient wife. Something I’ve never been. No amount of reassurance is talking him off this ledge. Ugh.

So sorry ?

4 hours ago, kristieshannon said:

I will go on my own either way.

Good for you. Hope you find what you are looking for.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm the only one in my immediate family who's NOT been divorced, and I know depending on the circumstances, it can be really devastating. My heart goes out to you - and good for you for going into counseling, even if your husband doesn't go with you.

On 03/29/2021 at 12:56, GreenTealael said:

So sorry ?

Thank you, it really sucks :(

On 03/29/2021 at 08:00, kristieshannon said:

Over the last year my previously supportive husband has grown increasingly insecure. The icing on the cake was my plastic surgery in January. Although he seems to like being seen with the “hot” wife, he’s also incredibly insecure, and has suddenly, after 7 years, decided it’s important to him to have a subservient wife. Something I’ve never been. No amount of reassurance is talking him off this ledge. Ugh.

I’m so sorry. ❤️

@kristieshannon How did the visit go on Friday?.... I pm'd you

On 3/29/2021 at 5:00 PM, kristieshannon said:

Over the last year my previously supportive husband has grown increasingly insecure. The icing on the cake was my plastic surgery in January. Although he seems to like being seen with the “hot” wife, he’s also incredibly insecure, and has suddenly, after 7 years, decided it’s important to him to have a subservient wife. Something I’ve never been. No amount of reassurance is talking him off this ledge. Ugh.

I am so sorry. I am in the same boat. We have been married for 12 years. We grew distant over the years as I put on weight. We have grown more apart after WLS. I too suggested counseling and his response was "I am fine and don't need to see a therapist". I have been seeing a counselor for the past 9 months. I have made progress but don't know how to proceed as I don't want to lose custody of the kids despite me being the primary caregiver / guardian (The legal system in my country grants custody to the father unless he forfeits). I am with him just for the kids. I feel stuck.