Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Rant. I’m adding to the post WLS divorce statistics



Recommended Posts

Over the last year my previously supportive husband has grown increasingly insecure. The icing on the cake was my plastic surgery in January. Although he seems to like being seen with the “hot” wife, he’s also incredibly insecure, and has suddenly, after 7 years, decided it’s important to him to have a subservient wife. Something I’ve never been. No amount of reassurance is talking him off this ledge. Ugh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. Have you considered a bariatric therapist that is also marriage and family counselor for the both of you. I’m sure there is such a person with the statistics being what they are.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There probably is. I’m going to one on my own, but he has refused to go to counseling.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, kristieshannon said:

Over the last year my previously supportive husband has grown increasingly insecure. The icing on the cake was my plastic surgery in January. Although he seems to like being seen with the “hot” wife, he’s also incredibly insecure, and has suddenly, after 7 years, decided it’s important to him to have a subservient wife. Something I’ve never been. No amount of reassurance is talking him off this ledge. Ugh.

Yep.... was married 26 years..... Same here, it got worse after PS. But, mine was never supportive of my WLS ever and never supportive of the PS..... I begged for the last few years to go to counseling, but he would not go. He regrets that now, but what's done is done.

I have a wonderfully supportive husband now..... So happiness is achievable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 03/29/2021 at 07:15, BayougirlMrsS said:






Yep.... was married 26 years..... Same here, it got worse after PS. But, mine was never supportive of my WLS ever and never supportive of the PS..... I begged for the last few years to go to counseling, but he would not go. He regrets that now, but what's done is done.




I have a wonderfully supportive husband now..... So happiness is achievable.


Thank you, I believe that too. There’s someone out there who will appreciate all of who I am and the journey I’ve gone through. For now though I’ve got to just take care of me and get through this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@kristieshannon: sorry you are dealing with this. Marriage issues suck. My first honest question to you would be: do YOU want to put in effort to work through it with him? Depending on your answer, the responses you get will reflect that in mind....

❤️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 03/29/2021 at 09:09, ms.sss said:



@kristieshannon: sorry you are dealing with this. Marriage issues suck. My first honest question to you would be: do YOU want to put in effort to work through it with him? Depending on your answer, the responses you get will reflect that in mind....




❤️


I’m very torn at this point. Some things have been said that will be very hard to put aside. However, I love my husband and if I felt like he was willing to work on things, I’d also be willing to try and work things out. However, he has been very adamant so far that he will not go to counseling. I’ve got an appointment scheduled this Friday with a marriage counselor. I will go on my own either way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Meh. 50% of marriages end in divorce. It's painful, hopefully you learn something, and life goes on. With really good luck, you find someone you want to be with for the duration. Might take a couple tries. Might take just one.

Back when we came up with the idea of being married to the same person forever....people lived to be like 38 and died. Marriage used to be a 20 year or so commitment. LOL

However it shakes out for your marriage....I hope you both grow as people. I hope you're honest with each other and try to be fair and kind to each other....even if you're not meant to be.

Best wishes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, kristieshannon said:

Over the last year my previously supportive husband has grown increasingly insecure. The icing on the cake was my plastic surgery in January. Although he seems to like being seen with the “hot” wife, he’s also incredibly insecure, and has suddenly, after 7 years, decided it’s important to him to have a subservient wife. Something I’ve never been. No amount of reassurance is talking him off this ledge. Ugh.

So sorry 😢

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, kristieshannon said:

I will go on my own either way.

Good for you. Hope you find what you are looking for.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm the only one in my immediate family who's NOT been divorced, and I know depending on the circumstances, it can be really devastating. My heart goes out to you - and good for you for going into counseling, even if your husband doesn't go with you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 03/29/2021 at 12:56, GreenTealael said:






So sorry 😢


Thank you, it really sucks :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 03/29/2021 at 08:00, kristieshannon said:

Over the last year my previously supportive husband has grown increasingly insecure. The icing on the cake was my plastic surgery in January. Although he seems to like being seen with the “hot” wife, he’s also incredibly insecure, and has suddenly, after 7 years, decided it’s important to him to have a subservient wife. Something I’ve never been. No amount of reassurance is talking him off this ledge. Ugh.

I’m so sorry. ❤️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 3/29/2021 at 5:00 PM, kristieshannon said:

Over the last year my previously supportive husband has grown increasingly insecure. The icing on the cake was my plastic surgery in January. Although he seems to like being seen with the “hot” wife, he’s also incredibly insecure, and has suddenly, after 7 years, decided it’s important to him to have a subservient wife. Something I’ve never been. No amount of reassurance is talking him off this ledge. Ugh.

I am so sorry. I am in the same boat. We have been married for 12 years. We grew distant over the years as I put on weight. We have grown more apart after WLS. I too suggested counseling and his response was "I am fine and don't need to see a therapist". I have been seeing a counselor for the past 9 months. I have made progress but don't know how to proceed as I don't want to lose custody of the kids despite me being the primary caregiver / guardian (The legal system in my country grants custody to the father unless he forfeits). I am with him just for the kids. I feel stuck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • BlSm12

      27 Pounds down!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      I ordered the Barbecue Protein Crisps here from BariatricPal, and find them quite tasty. The Ranch flavour, not so much. They are very filing and have a satisfying crunch.
      I continue to shrink, and am amazed at the changes all over my body. Visually, it is striking to me. In the mirror, I look thin to my eyes, but I don't feel thin, although I can see more bones and veins and tendons and floppy skin. Cardio-wise, It takes a lot more effort to get my heart rate up and I'm now monitoring which heart zone I can get into and for how long. My resting heart rate is the lowest it's ever been.
      If I think about it, and I left myself feel it for a time, I weep (like, boohoo cry) with joy. I am so grateful to myself, and proud of myself for having the courage to have taken the leap to better health.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Yearofme43

      Well round 2 fight, second attempt at this sleeve surgery.  First attempt found out i have situs inversus that was a year ago, so after another long journey i received a new date for December 1, 2023 for the sleeve. Started pre op diet Friday going well just waiting for the big day, for any tips for newbies look at my prior post alot there of what not to do under temptation,  lol 😆 😅 😀 hope everyone has a great outcome
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • NickelChip

      Feeling a little sad today because a few weeks ago I had a call from the surgeon's office and they had a last minute opening on November 20 because of a cancellation. I am not scheduled until December 27, which is way later than I had expected when I started all this. My "ideal" date in my head had been November 13. I was so ready to jump at the chance, but I just couldn't make it work. As soon as I mentioned it to my mom, instead of being supportive, she had all sorts of reasons why I shouldn't move the date. Some were valid, like my teen daughter has a special (but not super special) thing going on later in the week that I would probably have to miss, and others were less valid, like she didn't feel ready and it might ruin everyone's holidays. Um, excuse me? It's not about her! And how would I single handedly ruin both Thanksgiving AND Christmas for my entire family by having a surgery? But she had informed me when I first got the December date that she planned on getting a hotel near the hospital and staying that night to be nearby, despite the hospital only being about 40 miles away from home. I didn't ask her to do that, but that's her plan, so there you go. She didn't ask me if I felt ready now, or what the wait through the holidays felt like for me with the surgery looming. So that was the part that hurt. I felt like I was having to make sure everyone else was okay with my choices instead of me, which is a theme in my life for sure. Don't get me wrong, my parents have been there for me so many times, and I don't want to sound ungrateful. But this really made me sad that what I wanted simply didn't factor in. Basically, I passed on what felt like a dream come true to get that call, and I've had to reconcile myself to it as best I can. I've found some silver linings, like more time to clean my house and test some recipes. But if I hadn't, I would be on my pre-op diet now (my surgeon only does a short liquid diet beforehand, so a Monday surgery starts the pre-op diet on Saturday morning). Instead, I'm getting ready to make dinner for myself and the kids, and I still have 39 days to go...
      · 2 replies
      1. New To This23

        I can relate to the parent's situation. I am 42 and still struggle with pleasing them. Yet they do whatever they want with no concern for how it affects anyone else, so why do I feel so obligated to them? I wish I had some advice that could help. One thing I have tried to do is stop sharing things with them that I really don't want to hear their opinion on. (like the business I am starting)

        Like with this surgery, I knew I was going to need their help getting to the appointments and back from the surgery, so I knew I had to tell them. But I did not tell them until I was almost at the point of getting surgery that I was doing this.

        I got hard judgment from my father, which I expected, I made him promise not to share this with his brothers (who are assholes) I told him whether he likes it or not I am an adult and I deserve respect and privacy especially when it concerns my health. (he begrudgingly agreed)

        My mom on the other hand was supportive, but she has the tendency to add some dramatic flair about everything. her typical M.O. is to pop onto social media and rattle on about how something that is not happening directly to her, is affecting her ( I get it there no talking to the man she married about this stuff, so it's nice to have someone to listen).

        I know they both struggled with trying to respect my wishes, they looked shocked when I told them that if I lived somewhere else, I would not have even told them I was having this surgery.

      2. NickelChip

        I'm glad your father did agree to respect your privacy by not sharing with your family. And I guess I should be glad my mom keeps the dramatic flair off of the socials!

        I'm both lucky and unlucky that my brother had VGS 15 years ago. On the one hand, my mom understands the concept and has seen my brother's good results from it, (we inherited the obesity from my father's side, and Mom has never dealt with more than those pesky 10 lbs average weight people always want to lose). On the other hand, my brother took exactly the opposite approach from me. He didn't live near family and told no one, had no support. He went to Mexico as self-pay and didn't say a word until about 4 weeks after when he was having some serious emotional struggles, living alone, and compounded by the fear of realizing that to get family support, he had to "confess." So his recovery was very different than what I anticipate for me. But because of all that, my mom definitely sees this as a "REALLY BIG DEAL." Which it is, but not the level she's at with it. Like, it's not an open heart surgery being performed in 1982, or experimental cancer treatment. I've also noticed that as my mom ages, she takes change a lot harder. She doesn't have the mental flexibility anymore to make an instant change of plans and roll with it, whereas I do that probably a dozen times a day.

        I'm grateful for their help, but it comes at a price.

    • Heidi911

      Has incorrect surgeon but won’t let me fix
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×