I've been obese for about half of my life and I have an extensive medical history. I had my surgery April 11th and I decided before the surgery not to tell anyone. Only my wife knows and she is aware of my wishes to keep my surgery secret. Right now I am trying to figure out how to respond when my family members inquire about my rapid weight loss? Has anybody kept surgery a secret and how is it working out so far?

I did for the most part close family knew. When I got married in February 4 months out work asked because they thought I was sick beat cancer last year and at my wedding of all places someone made a rude comment about weight loss suddenly so I finally just came out with it

On ‎4‎/‎16‎/‎2017 at 8:06 PM, Jamocoa said:

My Mom, sister and two good friends know. But I haven't even told my husband. I'm going to tell him tonight. "I think" I know he's going to try and talk me out of it. But I need the help. I've tried everything. I've gotten bigger and bigger. I'm in so much pain. I'm doing this for my health do his opinion doesn't matter. I wouldn't tell him at all if it wasn't for the overnight stay in the hospital

Only my husband knows. I didn't want my kids to judge me. Surgery 4/26 and I'm doing fine so far.

When I first made the decision to get surgery, I told my wife, who attended the seminar with me. I asked her not to tell anyone because I was going to keep it quiet/secret. But the more I thought about it, I said screw it and began telling people, i.e. family, co-workers, friends. And to my surprise, everyone has been supportive, not judgmental, they just have lots of questions. Its a personal decision everyone has to make for themselves.

I was just sleeved 4/17/17 no told a handful of family & friends. There are some people that I know will ask how I lost the weight and I plan on telling them that I have been working very hard watching what I eat and exercising. That is it! It really is none of their business and it is those that will think I took the easy way out. It is definitely not easy and I don't feel I have to defend my decision to them. My family & friend's that I did tell have been very supportive. A few are constantly wanting updates and I may have to just say "enough" when they ask how much I have lost this week. The reflection on the scale does not accurately represent the NSV I see in the mirror.

I told my daughters, my husband, and 3 friends. I will not tell my judgemental relatives or friends that would be unable to relate. One friend has a lap-band, but I am her mother's friend in a shared activity, and another friend that is on a special diet herself for intestinal issue - I only told her I was looking into it. I just don't need the criticism or want to defend my decision. My sister would just be horrid, she already makes comments about how fat she is and really!!! 15-20 is the only extra she is carrying - but I get to hear ' I hate this fat, I have NEVER had a weight problem in my life, blah blah blah. So no to her. Also a niece had a band and she was snide to her. At some point a few others may get told because they should have the surgery too. I am retired so no coworkers to tell.

I was a serial weight watcher member and did lose 70 pounds - 7 years ago and put it back on - so people know I have worked on this before and I can just claim I am back at making changes. I always do that when I get close to 230 because I just can't stand the way that feels, so I lose 20, 30, 40 and then allhell breaks loose and I gain it back.

I kept mine a secret except to my daughter and husband. I have a couple of reasons. First, it's no ones business. Second, I am embarrassed to admit I couldn't do it on my own. I ran into a couple of neighbors and they saw how poorly I looked. They didn't ask but I volunteered that it was "women" surgery, and there were complications (there were). If people ask about weight loss, just tell them you have been dieting. Again, it's nobodies business.


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I have only told my immediate family (parents and siblings) and plan on keeping it that way.

I haven't even told my coworkers that I'm having a procedure. I have already begun eating healthier and making a conscious effort to better myself, and they're aware of that because I'm "dieting" with one I of my co-workers. I've also joined a gym.

Also, I'll be taking a 2 week "vacation" from work during my surgery so they'll never be the wiser.

I thought about saying I was getting my gallbladder removed or some other excuse, but it's not that I'm ashamed of that I'm trying to keep a secret. It's just not ones business and I don't feel the need to share information and allow room for unwelcome advise or comments.

I have only told my immediate family (parents and siblings) and plan on keeping it that way.
I haven't even told my coworkers that I'm having a procedure. I have already begun eating healthier and making a conscious effort to better myself, and they're aware of that because I'm "dieting" with one I of my co-workers. I've also joined a gym.
Also, I'll be taking a 2 week "vacation" from work during my surgery so they'll never be the wiser.
I thought about saying I was getting my gallbladder removed or some other excuse, but it's not that I'm ashamed of that I'm trying to keep a secret. It's just not ones business and I don't feel the need to share information and allow room for unwelcome advise or comments.

You are right. It's no one's business. I've told those who have asked what I'm doing to lose weight that I cut out rice, bread, pasta, sodas and sweets. I eat 4 small meals a day and protein shakes. lol.. I was sleeved 4/25/17 I've lost 31lbs. I'm​ still waiting to get to the point where I feel that this is the best decision I've made. I'm not there yet. Good luck to everyone.

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I think of myself as a private person but maybe it's my age--I just don't give a rat's ass, pardon the expression, what anyone else thinks or says. I've told some friends, all supportive, and my sister and one of my brothers--not sure the other one cares enough for me to bother, unfortunately. But I'm doing this for me and my health issues. And I can always quote some statistics--like, 95 percent of nonsurgical weight loss attempts fail. Or, 84 percent of diabetics who get the sleeve weight-loss surgery stop being diabetic. If that isn't reason enough for me to do this, anyone critical is crazy or stupid or both!

OTOH, I totally support anyone's decision not to share this information. It's completely a personal decision.

I think it depends on your support system...some have it and some don't. For me I didn't need any negative vibes around me whether it's the surgery or anything else. There are other things in my life that I don't yell from the roof tops but that's just me because I am a private person. Then there are people who are a part of my support system who know and I am OK with that.

I feel have no one to tell! My husband flat out refuses to talk about it. He says I'm going to fail at keeping the weight off, and that I'm cheating by having the surgery. My brother will just say I'm only doing it cause his wife did 2 years ago. My best friend had hers done 4 yrs ago and has gained most of her weight back because she eats junk all the time, so I know she will be constantly comparing me to herself. Or stop talking to me WHEN I'm successful at losing the weight and keeping it off. My in laws and other family will just chalk it up to me never being able to do anything right without cheating. So I don't know how to go about having surgery without even letting my husband know.

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Tried to keep my surgery secret. Enter my mother-in-law who's told everyone she knows. So livid. Not her business to tell!! Btw I didn't tell my MIL my husband did. I was livid with him at one point as well because she is a HUGE gossip!!

3 hours ago, losing2live4Him said:

So I don't know how to go about having surgery without even letting my husband know.

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Well, if you live with your husband, then he needs to know you had a procedure.

This is because of the possibility of complications. Now, whether he knows what type of procedure you had... that is up to you. But at least he needs to know you had abdominal surgery so he could inform the doctor if you are too sick to talk.

I guess you could write VSG or RNY on your belly with sharpie, and that way you are labeled! Lol!

You are right. It's no one's business. I've told those who have asked what I'm doing to lose weight that I cut out rice, bread, pasta, sodas and sweets. I eat 4 small meals a day and protein shakes. lol.. I was sleeved 4/25/17 I've lost 31lbs. I'm​ still waiting to get to the point where I feel that this is the best decision I've made. I'm not there yet. Good luck to everyone.

Thats a great idea, telling other about just the dietary changes ... And it's all true [emoji12]

And 31 lbs?! That's fantastic!! Congratulations on your loss/ success already! And good luck on the rest of your journey!

I feel have no one to tell! My husband flat out refuses to talk about it. He says I'm going to fail at keeping the weight off, and that I'm cheating by having the surgery. My brother will just say I'm only doing it cause his wife did 2 years ago. My best friend had hers done 4 yrs ago and has gained most of her weight back because she eats junk all the time, so I know she will be constantly comparing me to herself. Or stop talking to me WHEN I'm successful at losing the weight and keeping it off. My in laws and other family will just chalk it up to me never being able to do anything right without cheating. So I don't know how to go about having surgery without even letting my husband know.

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I agree with Berry78... As long as you tell your husband, regardless if he supports you or not, you can also tell him you wish to keep it private and not share it with his family. But, he does need to know.

Don't bother telling anyone who will be toxic and unsupportive. Focus on you and your goal.

I love your can-do attitude!! Prove the nay-sayers wrong!!

Also, keep in mind that people will have their opinions and comments regardless.