I had my sleeve surgery on 11/9. Went back to work on the 23rd - tired, a bit sore, but back in to the swing of things. I did pretty good with logging my meals into My Fitness Pal, was walking, etc. Perfect. On the road to recovery. Even the issue with my lung not fully inflating was resolving itself. Life was great. My husband and I sat at the dinner table the night I went back to work and reflected on just how wonderful life was for us. Six happy, healthy kids ranging from 18-28. A beautiful home. Stable careers. And a wonderful family. Who could want more??

The very next day -- last Tuesday -- my oldest son asked me to make a trip up to Connecticut (he lives there with his girlfriend). He had not been feeling well and went for a colonoscopy to potentially diagnose colitis. That was what they expected to find. That's not what they found. Instead, they found a very large tumor in his rectum and were unable to continue the colonoscopy because it was nearly completely blocked. They set him up for a CT Scan for Wednesday and he asked that we come up there because the doctor didn't like what he found. I found out on Wednesday when we got there that he didn't want to tell me they already knew it was a cancerous tumor.

I grabbed Protein shakes, a few waters, and we headed up to CT to be with him for his scan. What we didn't realize was the day before, the doctor already put an entire team in place to meet with us -- including a surgical oncologist, a medical oncologist, and had quite a few tests set up as emergencies. By 1pm, our world had shattered. My seemingly healthy 28 year old son was told that not only was the tumor cancerous, it was already invasive and had progressed to Stage 4 - with lesions on his liver. Five in total. And they're a decent size. His tumor is inoperable right now - as it's too large and invasive and needs to shrink. He's at a high risk for a blockage and that would be devastating. Every ounce of focus has been on him since Wednesday. Back in the hospital on Friday for a chemo port and PET scan. Back to CT yesterday for the PET scan results and his first chemo treatment. Reaching out to other cancer centers for input/validation/etc.

Throughout this ordeal, I crumbled. I think I had 10 calories that day of diagnosis. Thanksgiving was a blur. Then Friday to Monday, I tried. I really tried. But I certainly didn't get anywhere near my protein or liquids in. This morning, I realized I am no good to anyone if I can't get my shit together. I took out my scale and weighed what I thought would be 4oz of my Ricotta Bake (which is heavenly). I was shocked to see it was under an ounce. I've been starving myself this past week with what I thought were "full meals". No wonder I haven't lost any more weight in a week. I'm in starvation mode. So I'm logging stuff back in My Fitness Pal starting today. I've got 2 bottles of Water on my desk. I added Protein powder to my egg this morning. I have to fix myself so I can help fix my son. But how do I keep myself out of this funk? Before surgery, I would have eaten 100 ice cream sundaes in the past week (not really 100, but you get what I'm saying). There is no food therapy anymore. And that's such a strange concept.

Funny how just a week ago, my entire focus was on me, my sleeve, healing, getting healthier. And then we get smacked in the face hard. HARD. Sure makes you realize what matters in life. <3

Positive vibes headed your way.

That's a lot to be hit with at once. So sorry to hear about your son. However, you are to be commended for trying. You didn't let yourself fall down a pity hole. You got out the scales, weight and measured. You are taking all the right steps. Just keep doing the best your can.

That's all that anyone can reasonably expect

@@Mom26, I will join the multitude of people who are praying for your son & your entire family. Hit cancer in the face! Fight hard, pray hard.

I pray for complete healing. Please take care of yourself.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. <3

@@Mom26 - A moms worst nightmare.

As a parent of a son with a serious drug addiction, I can understand your fears concerning yours sons mortality. My son can, himself, possibly turn his life around...

I still worry about him overdosing - a friend lost her 31 y/o son in Oct, he overdosed. I had no words for her except a tearful eye exchange and a big hug.

If I could {{{{{{hug}}}}}} you right now I would. I will pray for your son, you & your family...

you are not alone....

Sending good thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

Some chemo treatments do a great job at shrinking difficult tumors. It has worked three times for my husband.

Again, thank you all. <3

My prayers are with you ????????

I am sorry you are having to deal with such an ordeal. My prayers are with you. Please take care of yourself, so you can be there for your son.

Sending prayers to you and your family!

I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I will pray for you and your family. You need to take care of yourself because you can't help him if you can't help yourself.

I'm so sorry to hear about your son I don't have kids yet so I have no knowledge of what your going thru but I will send prayers to you and your family.

Mom26, So sorry to hear about your son. I have a son that is 26 and know you are devastated but take care of yourself so you can be a support to him. I am a Stage 3 colorectal cancer survivor myself. I had surgery, chemo and radiation. It is tough but he can get through this.....I am praying for him and your family. God is good and is still a Healer....I have been cancer free for 10 years. I'm not supposed to still be here. My chances were not good for greater than 5 years survival, but here I am. I am believing and praying that your son will be healed as well through the work of his medical team and the touch of God. I am having my sleeve January 12. Something I never thought I'd be able to do after my cancer diagnosis.

So sorry about the heaviness of the news you had thrust upon you.

I will keep you, your son and family in my prayers - that he gets the very best of care while you all navigate such foreign territory.

@@Mom26 ... maybe this will be useful to you or not. It's just my story.

On August 18, 2014, I had VSG surgery. Easy recovery. Great surgeon. A month later I had gall bladder surgery. Again, easy recovery by my same excellent surgeon. Onward and upward.

Three weeks later my fabulous husband was diagnosed with cancer. Cut to the end of the movie -- mercifully, he is now in remission, and I'm now 12 pounds below my original weight loss goal and maintaining easily at 138 pounds. Life is good again for me, because life is possible again after losing 97 pounds.

So here's what worked for me during that nightmare. My Fitness Pal is an online app you can use to help you plan and track all your food. It tells you everything about food macronutrients -- how many calories and grams of carb, Protein, fat, sodium, Fiber -- you name it -- are in any food you could imagine.

As a control freak who was completely unable to control anything about my husband's cancer, except to support him the very best I could (which still didn't control much), I put all my worrying energy into controlling what I ate. Don't get me wrong -- I didn't starve myself or eat too little. I just focused probably overly much on learning about nutrition and portions.

I cannot tell you how much my obsession with that tool distracted me from my fears.

Everything you've ever heard about cancer being a family disease was certainly true for me. I had to give up planning for next week or next month. I had to learn to love every day, every hour, every moment. And we loved each other all the time and appreciated each other all the time.

Since then we've had some other blows -- this year he lost his oldest son and his father, and I lost my mother. Also, our beloved dog died unexpectedly.

But we have come through it all. And we still focus less on next year and more on right now, today. Because that is all any of us has.