I had my sleeve surgery on 11/9. Went back to work on the 23rd - tired, a bit sore, but back in to the swing of things. I did pretty good with logging my meals into My Fitness Pal, was walking, etc. Perfect. On the road to recovery. Even the issue with my lung not fully inflating was resolving itself. Life was great. My husband and I sat at the dinner table the night I went back to work and reflected on just how wonderful life was for us. Six happy, healthy kids ranging from 18-28. A beautiful home. Stable careers. And a wonderful family. Who could want more??

The very next day -- last Tuesday -- my oldest son asked me to make a trip up to Connecticut (he lives there with his girlfriend). He had not been feeling well and went for a colonoscopy to potentially diagnose colitis. That was what they expected to find. That's not what they found. Instead, they found a very large tumor in his rectum and were unable to continue the colonoscopy because it was nearly completely blocked. They set him up for a CT Scan for Wednesday and he asked that we come up there because the doctor didn't like what he found. I found out on Wednesday when we got there that he didn't want to tell me they already knew it was a cancerous tumor.

I grabbed Protein shakes, a few waters, and we headed up to CT to be with him for his scan. What we didn't realize was the day before, the doctor already put an entire team in place to meet with us -- including a surgical oncologist, a medical oncologist, and had quite a few tests set up as emergencies. By 1pm, our world had shattered. My seemingly healthy 28 year old son was told that not only was the tumor cancerous, it was already invasive and had progressed to Stage 4 - with lesions on his liver. Five in total. And they're a decent size. His tumor is inoperable right now - as it's too large and invasive and needs to shrink. He's at a high risk for a blockage and that would be devastating. Every ounce of focus has been on him since Wednesday. Back in the hospital on Friday for a chemo port and PET scan. Back to CT yesterday for the PET scan results and his first chemo treatment. Reaching out to other cancer centers for input/validation/etc.

Throughout this ordeal, I crumbled. I think I had 10 calories that day of diagnosis. Thanksgiving was a blur. Then Friday to Monday, I tried. I really tried. But I certainly didn't get anywhere near my protein or liquids in. This morning, I realized I am no good to anyone if I can't get my shit together. I took out my scale and weighed what I thought would be 4oz of my Ricotta Bake (which is heavenly). I was shocked to see it was under an ounce. I've been starving myself this past week with what I thought were "full meals". No wonder I haven't lost any more weight in a week. I'm in starvation mode. So I'm logging stuff back in My Fitness Pal starting today. I've got 2 bottles of Water on my desk. I added Protein powder to my egg this morning. I have to fix myself so I can help fix my son. But how do I keep myself out of this funk? Before surgery, I would have eaten 100 ice cream sundaes in the past week (not really 100, but you get what I'm saying). There is no food therapy anymore. And that's such a strange concept.

Funny how just a week ago, my entire focus was on me, my sleeve, healing, getting healthier. And then we get smacked in the face hard. HARD. Sure makes you realize what matters in life. <3

@@VSGAnn2014 - that's an awesome story, thanks for sharing!

@@VSGAnn2014

Thank you so much for your story. I'm trying like hell to focus on what I can control. And trying not to let my head go where the despair is. One day at a time. This nightmare is surreal.

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Sorry to hear about your Son will keep you all in prayer.

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@@Mom26 ...

A couple more thoughts ....

The great thing about this online message board is that it is anonymous. Nobody here knows who you are. The advantage in that is that you can say anything you want -- things you couldn't say to those right there in the room with you. Nobody here will hold you responsible for anything you say. You can change your mind later. You can rant / rage / vent / whatever. Whatever you feel / think right now is subject to change down the road based on your future experience and new information. In other words, this is just a place to process and assimilate what you know now.

Finally, there is no end to most of life's journeys. They just go on along paths we never have trod before, even when there are sharp turns along the way and it seems we've crossed the border into a foreign land. What I mean is we're never "through" or "finished" or "graduated." We just move on to the next phase. As my mother who died a few weeks ago used to say to me, "Honey, I don't know. I've never been this age before / I've never faced this kind of thing before."

Like her, I am now more willing to admit I don't yet know what I'm just now learning.

(((hugs)))

Sorry to hear about your son. I've prayed for you all. Take care of yourself.

I am very sorry to read this about your son.

You need to take care of yourself, your son and family need you now more than ever.

I hope and pray that your son will be ok.

Sorry to hear about your son! Prayers for you and your family!

@@Mom26 - how are you and your son doing?

Please take care of yourself. I think many people misunderstand the true benefit of the sleeve as a "tool." Yes, the patient needs to do the work to change his/her ways, and yes, it is impossible to completely circumvent the sleeve and make the surgery for naught, but I think this story highlights what is important. Food therapy was what got us here, and it seems like you know that in a difficult time such as when you heard this news about your son, this would've been your go-to solution. Now, this solution is not available, and therefore, you will not jeopardize your health by engaging in these behaviors. I think at two weeks out it is still understandable, under any set of circumstances, that you would not be able to have the allowed portion sizes. But I that is just temporary. Using food as a coping tool is so yesterday, and you should take great pleasure in the fact that despite what you are going through in your family, you have already scored a huge victory with the sleeve.

My word. I will place your son and your family in my prayers. Keep your faith and don't give up. Much love.

Wishing for the best outcome for your son. Stay strong & take care of yourself too!

@@jane13

He had his first of 12 chemo treatments from Monday-Wednesday of this week. Each treatment is 48 hours long. Yesterday was a difficult day for him. His body is beyond exhausted. But today he was back at work and said he felt better than he has in awhile.

Again, thank you all for such kind words, compassion, thoughts, prayers, stories. <3

Your story is touching. I also have three grown sons and my heart breaks for him, for you and your family. Please be sure to take care of yourself. Prayers for you all.

I'm very sorry to hear about your son. He and your family are in my prayers!!