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You pause looking at the red velvet seat and you can remember your last visit to this same theater almost 7 years ago. You squirm as you recall the embarrassment you suffered that night when you attempted to squeeze yourself into that empty seat. You shifted and struggled to the horrified look of your best friend who followed behind you as you fled, embarrassed, out of the auditorium.


Going to the movies, it’s a simple pleasure enjoyed by everyone. Who doesn’t love the smell of the hot buttered popcorn spilling into the giant, glass bins as you pass by, or the sound of squealing children anxious so see the next adventure of Harry Potter? Hidden away in their dark and dismal homes, there are a select few, who have not had the delight of strolling up to the ticket window or relished in the excitement of scanning over the lighted billboard filled with this week’s brand new releases. It has been a long time since they have experienced the joy of watching a movie up on the big screen..
A dark theater is a place of escape, fantasy and whimsy, where for two hours one is transported to another place, day or time. Most people walk through the doorway, past the black satin curtains and head for the middle rows and the center seats…the best seats. But you are not “most” people. You are a tentative visitor, cautiously walking into the theater alone. You inch your way, slowly towards the first available seat…on the end. Your heart pounds as you near what has been a source of anxiety and intimidation for longer than you care to remember. You glance around to make sure no one is watching. They are not. Instead they sit ripping open their giant boxes of Goobers and Sno-Caps, shoving greasy hot popcorn into their mouths. They fiddle in their seats, checking their cellphones before the opening credits begin to roll. You pause looking at the red velvet seat and you can remember your last visit to this same theater almost 7 years ago. You squirm as you recall the embarrassment you suffered that night when you attempted to squeeze yourself into that empty seat. You shifted and struggled to the horrified look of your best friend who followed behind you as you fled, embarrassed, out of the auditorium.
Today, you are here for redemption…a revenge of sorts. You come alone…just in case, well just in case it happens again. You hover in front of the portentous seat, your heart pounding in your ears. You take a deep breath, close your eyes and sit. To your pleasant surprise you glide easily into the seat as you exhale madly. The tears well in your eyes as the big beautiful screen transforms into a kaleidoscope of Technicolor. You settle back into your chair and as the movie begins you smile, knowing inside that you will remember this movie for the rest of your life. The great adventure of the day was finding the courage to walk into the building….the movie…whatever it is, is just a bonus.
Fondly,
Alana Marie
For more inspiration visit my blog:
Pickastrugglecupcake.com

I am 16 months out. I never made goal I still need to lose 40 pounds . My lowest weight was 173 in August. I had gained weight and was at 187 at my dr. Visit last week. Needless to say my surgeon challenged me to lose 10 pounds in two months. Told him I thouj my sleeve was broken. Turns out I have been grazing. I kept saying few snack won't hurt me. They have killed me and Im so mad at myself. I'm going to Paris in June and want to look fab.
This week went back to basics and have lost 6 pounds since monday. I have gone back to basics as everyone on here suggested and it works. 1 Protein shake in morning , greek yogurt for lunch. Lean protein for snack when get home from work. Additional lean protein around 7 pm. Also have gotten in all my Water something I never did before. Keeping my carbs at 20 grams and my protein at 90. I am so grateful. That I have this forum to see that I'm not alone on this journey

I'm a little under 15 lbs from my ultimate goal, but after buying new clothes for spring I decided I had to show them off!
HW: 260
CW: 164
GW: 150

^ Before
^ After - last weekend
I'm rockin' the sleeve! Best decision I ever made for myself!

A little over 11 months out and 149 since surgery and 205 overall for me.

I was 170 pounds overweight and I thought I had tried everything. I had a LAP-BAND for 11 years, during which I lost and regained 130 pounds. The LAPBAND was ready to do its' job, but I was not ready to do mine. This is the story of how I embraced, life, living, healthy food and exercise, and finally shed 170 pounds 8 years into my LAPBAND journey. From needing a "walker" to climbing America's tallest mountain in 2 years, this is my story.


Food was my way of comforting myself and relieving stress for as far back into my childhood as I can remember. There was alcohol and violence in my childhood home and I needed comfort. There was no human source for it so I created a source for it.

Food "hugged me" and made me feel safer. In an environment with stressors beyond my control. I had a small something I could easily access to sooth myself. It was my mind deciding what to eat for comfort and it was my hand lifting the food to my mouth. I was in the driver's seat regarding something in my life and body, even if I wasn't safe in my home. Food was my best friend, provided comfort and gave me a way to manage even a small part of my life.

By my teens, my chubby appearance morphed into actually being significantly overweight. At the age of 12, I jumped from a women's size 12 to size 18 and never looked back. By the age of 20, soon after my mother's death, I was a size 26 and 330 pounds. In my 30s, I lost 130 pounds too rapidly and much of my hair by binging and purging and in my 40s, I again lost 130 pounds after LAP-BAND Weight Loss Surgery in 2003.

But because I had not done the emotional, internal work on my relationship with food and childhood trauma, my food addiction shifted to liquid calories I could easily pass through the LAP-BAND, which is common. At this time, for the first time in my life, I developed an alcohol problem and my dinner each night was a six pack of "vodka coolers" followed by a pint of low-fat ice cream for dessert.

Nutrition was the last thought on my mind and my focus was on comfort calories that could pass through "the band." By 2006, all the weight I lost was back. I also continued to eat solid foods that would force me to vomit and caused my esophagus to become distended. When a LAP-BAND patient doesn't respect the "full" signals the body sends to the brain and continues to eat, the esophagus becomes a storage place for excess food and the esophagus stretches. This made the LAP-BAND useless and while it is still in my body, it no longer functions properly.

At the same time, during the last 20 years, I developed back problems from bulging discs related to the weight I was carrying. I began using opiates under a doctor's supervision to combat pain and muscle spasms in my back and in my knees that resulted in five knee surgeries. At first, I viewed the opiates as a wonderful tool as they relieved or masked some of the pain and also provided an emotional high. Soon I was using the opiates for emotional reasons more than for pain and as my tolerance for them grew, I needed larger doses to get the same effect. Then I needed to graduate to a stronger form of opiate and that is when, 10 years ago, I began taking Oxycodone and OxyContin around the clock along with Flexeril for muscle spasms.

Sitting for long periods became unbearable and I was forced to leave my career as a Court Paralegal and qualified for "permanent disability." I cried as I left the hearing in which I was declared disabled. I didn't want to be disabled but felt it must be true for a judge to decide it was. It was 2010 and I believed my life was essentially over. At 50 years old I was simply waiting to slowly die. I believed all my happy days were behind me.

When my doctor suggested I try yoga before we take the drastic step of implanting electrodes in my spine for the pain, I began attending a very gentle yoga class for people with disabilities. Slowly, over a two year period, I began to build stronger core muscles which made the back spasms less severe and less frequent.

But I continued to take the opiates because by then I had an emotional and chemical dependence on them. During this time, I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea which was caused by the opiates and excess weight. Opiates disrupt the brains signals to the lungs and suppress the respiratory drive.

On top of this - physical pain, addiction and emotional unhappiness - I was also caring for my father with Alzheimer's. Although in a safe and loving group home, I still felt responsible for my father's well-being and comfort. I was his only family within 3000 miles. As so often happens when caring for a loved-one, we stop caring for ourselves in every sense.

Soon after my father's death in 2012, I developed pneumonia because my breathing became so inconsistent that my lungs filled with fluid. I realized at that point I needed to change everything about my life including losing the weight and decreasing, even eliminating, my use of opiates or else I would die. At that moment, in the hospital in 2012, the desire to live was sparked in me by the threat of death!

After leaving the hospital, for 60 days, I detoxed and experienced cold sweats, tremors and anxiety as the opiates slowly left my bloodstream. Once I was drug-free, I began making small, sustainable changes to my diet and gradually increasing amounts of movement. (Yes, that means exercise!) Over the following 18 months, my weight dropped from a high of 333 pounds down to 185. As a 6'3" tall woman this is a healthy, lean weight for me.

In 2013, I decided then to give myself the gift of nearly full-body plastic surgery. Since I was already severely overweight in my teens, at a time of life when many young girls look their best and enjoy being pretty, I decided "it is never too late to have a happy childhood." During an 11-hour surgery, 13 pounds of skin was removed from my abdomen, buttocks, back, chest and under arms. For the first time since the age of 12, no part of my belly and buttocks continue to jiggle when I stop walking, no part of me droops and my thighs do not rub together. The Sleep Apnea is gone and I now climb mountains instead of grabbing railings to pull myself up stairs! But the hardest mountain I've ever climbed was a "metaphorical mountain" in those first few weeks of starting to change my relationships with food and drugs, as well as beginning to move.

I am enjoying a lovely renaissance in a healthy, lean, strong and coincidentally beautiful body. However, this transformation has not been about beauty. My goals are continued health and a desire to live with passion, and about choosing to do more than survive. I am driven from an internal source to live a vibrant, full life of joy so I can continue to enjoy the love of family and friends and so they needn't lose me to obesity and addiction.

This photo (above) was taken on the highest mountain in the 48 contiguous United States, Mount Whitney. After 10 hours of climbing 6,134 feet to an elevation of 14,508 feet covering 11 miles, I summited at 2:00 pm and like every part of my weight-loss, fitness and "reclamation of life" journey, I did it!

Yet, like during every aspect of my journey I had partners. My partners knew the lay of the land, my strength and challenges. I surrounded myself with people who knew how to help me get where I wanted to go. Physical and mental health professionals who coached me to express my full potential. What mountains will you climb in your life and who will help you get there? Build your team, including here at BariatricPal, and there is no "mountain" you cannot climb!

Michelangelo was considered the greatest artist of his day. Even now he is considered to be one of the supreme artists of all time. His works in painting, sculpture, and architecture rank among the most famous in existence. His creations in every field during his life time was prodigious. The sheer volume of correspondence, sketches, and reminiscences that have survived to this day is also part of his legacy. He is the most documented artist of the 16th century.


He could take a piece of stone, say marble, look at it, study it and see what lay inside that piece of rock. He saw beauty in it and worked until that beauty was exposed. He would chip away at the stone little by little shaping it, molding it, working every angle of the rock to make sure that what he saw inside would come to life at his hands. He stood back and looked at his progress and wondered if he was getting the results he knew was inside. He measured, considered and chipped away until the piece was perfect in his mind.
Did he expect to find the beauty within the stone in two months? Or even a year? Maybe! Most likely not as his work was calculated and loved as he proceeded to get the most out of the marble that he was working with. His love and artistry has lasted down through the centuries and has awed many of us to this day. Some who dabble in the arts would long to be a fraction of the greatness attributed to Michel Angelo. He worked at it until it was the beautiful piece that he intended it to be. Did he give up! No! Did he question his thoughts and his fortitude to complete the work? Most likely. But without his hard work and seeing his art through to a finish, he would not have been the man everyone considers to be the ultimate artist of all time.
Are we like Michelangelo's in our journey to find the beauty within the shell that we are chipping away at bit by bit. Shaping and forming and rebuilding until we have the desired results needed to say our work is complete. Or do we continue to chip and chip away at ourselves with negative talk or expectations of more then what we can find in ourselves?
Do we want to go far beyond what is possible and put ourselves in a position where we will never be content and happy about who we have become. Or who we are meant to be for that matter. Do we long to look like we did at sixteen and therefore set ourselves up for failure! What is the goal here? Is it working to get healthy and improve our lives and well being! Yes most definitely!!!
We need to see ourselves as we are meant to be. Not what society dictates as normal today. Stick thin and then some! There is so much fat shaming out there and sadly it is accepted by many! If we buy into this thinking we will believe that our body type is not 'correct'. Therefore we may never see our true wonderful selves. The sacrifices we have made to change our lives such as changed personal and family relationships, even financial sacrifices. Not to mention the courage required to even take this step. Why should we allow society to dictate to us what we should look like.
When we decided to have weight loss surgery our goals were to lose the excess weight so that we could become more active and live a better, more fulfilled life. While some of us end up ten or even twenty pounds below what was expected there is another group that have gone well beyond this. Some have traveled this journey and have not taken care to find who they are inside. They have gone beyond what was suggested by their surgeon and nutritionist. Their health has suffered because they did not see the beauty of who they were inside the outside coating. New addictions surfaced by following a rigid former failed diet along with the pressure of wanting to be like others we have seen in movies, magazines, friends or even relatives. Some of us have pushed ourselves to the brink of unhealthiness.
Some keep carving and chipping away until there is nothing left to work with and the desired finish is not met. Going beyond what was necessary, to see just how small we can be or weigh can become the central point of our existence. Would it be possible to maintain this new life style? In most cases no. Setting ourselves up to fail again is not the answer to long lasting health benefits. Being balanced in everything will bring us good health. Not to mention the ability to do all the things we listed on that piece of paper stuck to the refrigerator or the goal weight we put down here in our profiles. When deep inside we thought we would never ever get to that goal. Right!?
Learning to retrain our brains to see food as a form of nourishment, rather then a reward or a comfort for troubled times. We must learn the best way to feed our bodies so that we will reach our proper weight level resulting in sound health.
So where does it end? When will we see ourselves as successful? When will we be able to say, “I finally got here and now I can maintenance it and enjoy the fruits of my labors.” When will it be okay to say, “I am happy with myself and proud of all I have accomplished?” We deserve to say it. We deserve to live it. We need to learn to enjoy the new us and look forward to what life has to offer us. So we can grab it, run with it and live it to the limit!
When Michelangelo grew older he started to feel and see his mortality. That was when he sculpted the Rondanini Pieta. This was likely his last sculpture. It was never to be completed because Michelangelo carved it until there was not enough stone left. The legs and a detached arm remain from a previous stage of the work. As it is, the sculpture has an abstracted quality, in keeping with the 20th-century concepts of sculpture.
So, may we never over sculpt our body's, suffering the results of it going far beyond who we were meant to be. Believing that there would never be a size that is right for us. We must find a place of contentment. Most of all we must see the beauty within ourselves as we travel this life as a successful weight loss surgery patient.

If I didn’t have a sense of humor, I could never have survived 60 years of living, including 2+ decades of morbid obesity and the 6+ years of my WLS journey. Don’t get me wrong – I took my band (and later, my sleeve) surgery very seriously because I felt that this was my very last chance to get healthy – but laughter is part of what makes my life happy, and makes it much easier to bear my ridiculous fear of starving to death.


Today’s episode is: I’M GONNA STARVE! That title is exactly what I thought in the beginning about my post-op life – Deprivation! Suffering! Starvation! I know I’m not alone in this because through the years I’ve seen so many posts on the “When will this get easier?” theme.
To reach the easier part of my WLS journey, I had to do some mental, emotional and spiritual fine-tuning. The idea of a middle-class woman living in a rich and obese country like the USA actually starving to death was and is absurd. Absurdity is ideal material for a comic strip. I hope you’ll get a laugh or two from I’M GONNA STARVE.