I had my sleeve surgery on 11/9. Went back to work on the 23rd - tired, a bit sore, but back in to the swing of things. I did pretty good with logging my meals into My Fitness Pal, was walking, etc. Perfect. On the road to recovery. Even the issue with my lung not fully inflating was resolving itself. Life was great. My husband and I sat at the dinner table the night I went back to work and reflected on just how wonderful life was for us. Six happy, healthy kids ranging from 18-28. A beautiful home. Stable careers. And a wonderful family. Who could want more??

The very next day -- last Tuesday -- my oldest son asked me to make a trip up to Connecticut (he lives there with his girlfriend). He had not been feeling well and went for a colonoscopy to potentially diagnose colitis. That was what they expected to find. That's not what they found. Instead, they found a very large tumor in his rectum and were unable to continue the colonoscopy because it was nearly completely blocked. They set him up for a CT Scan for Wednesday and he asked that we come up there because the doctor didn't like what he found. I found out on Wednesday when we got there that he didn't want to tell me they already knew it was a cancerous tumor.

I grabbed Protein shakes, a few waters, and we headed up to CT to be with him for his scan. What we didn't realize was the day before, the doctor already put an entire team in place to meet with us -- including a surgical oncologist, a medical oncologist, and had quite a few tests set up as emergencies. By 1pm, our world had shattered. My seemingly healthy 28 year old son was told that not only was the tumor cancerous, it was already invasive and had progressed to Stage 4 - with lesions on his liver. Five in total. And they're a decent size. His tumor is inoperable right now - as it's too large and invasive and needs to shrink. He's at a high risk for a blockage and that would be devastating. Every ounce of focus has been on him since Wednesday. Back in the hospital on Friday for a chemo port and PET scan. Back to CT yesterday for the PET scan results and his first chemo treatment. Reaching out to other cancer centers for input/validation/etc.

Throughout this ordeal, I crumbled. I think I had 10 calories that day of diagnosis. Thanksgiving was a blur. Then Friday to Monday, I tried. I really tried. But I certainly didn't get anywhere near my protein or liquids in. This morning, I realized I am no good to anyone if I can't get my shit together. I took out my scale and weighed what I thought would be 4oz of my Ricotta Bake (which is heavenly). I was shocked to see it was under an ounce. I've been starving myself this past week with what I thought were "full meals". No wonder I haven't lost any more weight in a week. I'm in starvation mode. So I'm logging stuff back in My Fitness Pal starting today. I've got 2 bottles of Water on my desk. I added Protein powder to my egg this morning. I have to fix myself so I can help fix my son. But how do I keep myself out of this funk? Before surgery, I would have eaten 100 ice cream sundaes in the past week (not really 100, but you get what I'm saying). There is no food therapy anymore. And that's such a strange concept.

Funny how just a week ago, my entire focus was on me, my sleeve, healing, getting healthier. And then we get smacked in the face hard. HARD. Sure makes you realize what matters in life. <3

I'm sorry to hear about your son. I'll definitely pray for you and your family. But yes a healthy momma means that momma can focus on her son.

I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope you continue to take care of yourself.

I am so sorry to hear about your son. Many prayers to you and your family. You need to keep your proteins high so you can function through this, I know easier said than done. But try not only for your son but for yourself. God bless you all.

As a mother of three grown sons, my heart aches for you. This is going to be a real journey and you are right--if you aren't strong you're not going to be able to help when you're needed. My prayers are with you and your family.

I am so, so sorry to hear about your son. Sending prayers and hugs to you and your family.

Be gentle with yourself. I am glad you realize how important it is for you to stay healthy so you can be there for those who need you the most.

Let us know what we can do.

I'm heart broken for you. Please stay positive. May angels be with all of you.

so sorry to hear about your son. You and your family are in my prayers.

I am so sorry about your son. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I am so sorry to hear about your son. What a difficult road you have ahead of you. I will tell you to keep yourself strong so that you can be there for him. Do what you have to do, set a timer, put reminders in on your phone. You still need to be mindful of what is going on with you even though it's difficult to do when dealing with something like this.

Prayers to you.

my prayers are also going out to your family and your son. god bless.

You and yours are in my heart and prayers.

Please know that we are thinking about you and wish you and your son godspeed. Take care of your self and focus on today - not yesterday and not tomorrow. Just today....

As a mom of five myself, this is heart breaking to imagine. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family. I pray that his medical team will make the very best decisions! Please take care of yourself in this process as well. May God's peace be with you all.

Bless your heart. Even though the focus is on your son, you do need to take of yourself first. You cannot help anyone if you get sick also. Will be praying for your son and your family.

I am so sorry. That is just awful.

But you're right, you need to make sure you're taking care of yourself, too. About a month after my surgery, we found out that my dad was in heart failure and had to be immediately admitted to the heart hospital. I booked a one-way ticket and flew out to Indiana from Pennsylvania first thing the next day and ended up spending over two weeks there while he had all sorts of tests and eventually a triple bypass (he made it through and is doing fairly well now). Scrounging meals in airports and hospital cafeterias was not how I anticipated that my introduction back to solid foods would go, but I managed. I brought Protein powder and my shaker bottle with me (since I couldn't fly with RTD shakes)--I'm sure my seatmate on the plane was annoyed by my ordering a milk from the drink cart and proceeding to vigorously mix a Protein shake right then and there, but oh well! I picked up cheese sticks and other portable protein Snacks, and packed a little cooler every day to take to the hospital. I walked the halls of the hospital a lot, and drug my mom outside to take laps around the building when I felt like she needed a break.

Bottom line is--you'll be better able to give your son the support he needs if you are as healthy as possible. Being readmitted to the hospital for dehydration is definitely not going to help! Keep plugging away at the Water and protein.

I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts.