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AvaFern

Gastric Sleeve Patients
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Everything posted by AvaFern

  1. AvaFern

    Question for the 100+lb losers

    I lost 100+ pounds, and I fluctuate within 3 pounds of my goal weight. Much as I thought I would say that I still workout and eat like I used to, oh no, I am lazy. Most of my adult life I have worked out, usually running, 4-5 days a week, even when I was overweight. When I was losing weight after the sleeve, most days I went for a run and did 2-4 hours at a boxing gym, 4-5 times a week. Once I hit goal, I had 3 plastics procedures, which hugely limited how much I could work out. I was so hyper terrified of gaining weight because I couldn't exercise, that I ended up doing a lot of walking during that time and just being more aware of my diet. It's been almost 2 years now since my last procedure and I am such a bum. Much as I like exercise, I'm so busy that I tend to de-perioritize exercise. Consequently, while I am still at my goal weight, I am very careful with my calories. I weigh myself everyday and while there are plenty of days I eat junk, as soon as I get to the top of my fluctuation range, I go right back to being strict for a few days and I drop back down to goal. I think we should work out regularly, I like working out, but I have found that I can maintain my loss without exercise if I am very careful with how I eat and I am consistently vigilant with the scale. I wouldn't advocate for being the lazy bum that I am, but you aren't locked into a life of daily gym visits once you hit goal as long as you are able to be very cognizant of the scale. Over Christmas I made more junk than usual and it is taking FOREVER to drop back down those few pounds I gained, so if I didn't weigh myself every morning I could have easily gained 10 pounds. Thankfully, I now only have 2 to lose to get back to where I need to be, but regaining is easy and relosing is a total beast compared to when I was newly sleeved. Therefore, you can eat and workout as it works for you, but for me the only way I stay thin is to weigh myself everyday and to make immediate changes if I see my weight moving upward.
  2. AvaFern

    PB&J

    I'm glad you called and checked with your doctor- that is generally the best bet. Beyond that, as someone else suggested, maybe try PB2. One serving has 45 calories, but 5g of Protein. Regular Peanut Butter has too much sugar and even 40 months post-op it still makes me sick. I get hot, sweaty, and breathe fast, which was way worse right after surgery, so PB& J wasn't something I had near the start. I do sometimes have half of one now, or even a Smuckers Uncrustable, which is just enough to hit my sweet tooth, but not enough that it makes me feel sick or that it totally kills my day in calories. If you find that the regular peanut butter doesn't work for you, PB2 tastes really good, is not terrible for you, and it also goes really great in a Protein shake.
  3. This is a good question. In the interest of answering honestly, be advised, I'm an a**hole, so don't be offended please. As a woman who has nearly killed myself (literally) to reach a point where I am now, I would not date a fat man. Keep in mind, I'm not talking about a guy who is thick, but someone who is actually obese. It has nothing to do with thinking they are not a good person and everything to do with the fact that I did what I needed to do to look the way I do and to be healthy. I work really hard to stay this size and if I am constantly around someone who eats like crap and doesn't have the same activities that I do, first I don't think it would work and second, I feel like I wouldn't be doing myself any favors. Also, here's where the jerk part comes in, frankly I'm not attracted to it. Again, nothing to do with what kind of person they are and everything to do with what interests me. I'm not attracted to really thin guys, super short guys, overly muscular guys (like body builders) and blonde guys (and come on there are some hot blonde guys). A certain body type within a certain range of features is what I am attracted to, and just like anyone else, if the personality that comes attached to that body type is crappy, well that kills it for me too. We can't control what attracts us to other people or what doesn't, and while some people have told me I'm shallow (which may very well be true), I'm honest enough with myself to know that certain things are never going to do it for me. Therefore, as it relates to dating, I'm just not into big dudes. As it relates to overweight people in general, I don't really have an opinion. My sister is very large and she is the kindest, most thoughtful, big hearted person I know, and God help anyone if they were mean to her because she is larger. I don't really notice fat and thin people in ordinary life- they're just people, living a life, just like me, and deserve exactly the same amount of kindness, respect, and when necessary, a solid smack down, as exactly everyone else of every size.
  4. AvaFern

    Body image and sex

    @@Dashofpixiedust8 You and I are close to the same age and we were almost exactly the same age when I was at the point you are at now. I completely understand how you feel, although I actually was somehow oblivious to my excess skin until I decided to get a boob job. I was fat and thin most of my life, so I guess I was used to being a little saggy. To be fair, I've never been super comfortable naked in front of men, but I somewhat messed around with one guy who I was good friends with about 20 pounds from goal, and at the time I don't remember feeling self conscious about my excess skin. In hindsight, I cringe thinking about what I must have looked like, but he has never once commented on it, and while granted he didn't get laid in the deal and we were mostly just drunk and better off friends, and he cared about me as a person first, I don't get the impression that it was a deal breaker. Despite this though, like I said, I was clueless about my extra skin until I decided to get my boobs done. Then I looked at about a billion plastic surgery pictures, particularly those of tummy tucks and I was like....oh wow, I could look like that? Well, three surgeries later, the only place where you can still sort of see I was once fat is my thighs because I had a groin incision thigh lift instead of the full thigh surgery. I had NO IDEA I could have tight skin and it has done wonders for the way I feel about myself. Guess what though? I'm still not really comfortable being seen naked. I've only dated one person since I've been at goal and he never once said anything about my surgery scars or anything to indicate he didn't find me attractive naked, but I preferred sex in the dark, or the light was fine as long as I could blindfold him. He played along like a good sport, but in hindsight, I do wonder if even with all of the surgery I've had, if I will ever be able to really feel comfortable naked, or if it's just something that is a byproduct of years of understanding that, while I have a lot of good qualities, being hot naked simply wasn't one of them. As such, while I completely understand your concerns, even when you lose excess skin, while I gained a lot of confidence in clothing, I wouldn't say I'm excited to get naked in front of someone, and I don't feel like amongst most women our age and older (and even a little younger), even those who have never been fat, there is total confidence in their appearance. Sometimes you just have to fake it, and the better able you are to appear confident in your own skin, no matter what it happens to look like, the less anyone else is going to recognize it as being something they should care about.
  5. I remember making a post like this after surgery...I was Burpy McBurpin and I distinctly remember that it lasted for at least 2 years, because I remember accidentally burping when we were eating when I had moved into a new condo. It was SO freaking annoying because when you eat alone, you tend to just burp (at least I did), so when you're around people and you're regularly burping, sometimes you forget and yeah, not exactly Ms. or Mr. Manners. I am now about 40 months post-op, and while I don't know when the burping stopped, I know that I learned how to "burp on the inside", which is probably why I don't notice it anymore. Lol, burping with your mouth shut accomplishes the same objective without seeming like no one taught you table manners and once you're consciously aware of doing it everytime, you don't tend to notice it much anymore. As I'm writing this, I realize I actually just burped on the inside, but I don't think that burping at this point is an issue for me. It's worst the first few months, and it lasted for me, but not to my knowledge most other people, for at least 2 years, but it was most excessively annoying right after surgery.
  6. AvaFern

    Secret Surgery

    I kept my surgery semi-secret. After the surgery was over, I told my three best friends. Over 3 years later they are still the only people that know. I took a week of vacation from work, but if I had to use medical leave, all you are required to say is that you are having a medical procedure- they can't push you into knowing what it is. In school, I would have the surgery around a break period, unless you take online classes and don't have to be in an actual classroom regularly. Still though, why you are not there is no one's business and unless you have mandatory attendance, there's really no need to tell them anything. If anyone asks, tell them you had a stomach bug and that's why you were gone. You really only need a week to recover physically. I had surgery on Monday, was working in my hospital bed on Tuesday (which I don't advise- I don't even really remember this day very much) and fully back working in my home office for a 12 hour day by Friday. Basically I sit on my butt all day, but even when I went back to an office job the Monday after surgery, I was fine working the entire day. If you have a job that requires lifting or physical activity, then my experience isn't applicable to you, but a basic desk job and classes, you're good to go in a week. I'm glad I kept my surgery a secret. Consciously I know that no one else's opinion should matter, but to me it did and I knew I wasn't thick-skinned enough to always be the girl that was only thin because she had her stomach cut out. There is no reason you should need to keep your surgery a secret and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in having surgery, but people are judgey jerks and I just didn't want to deal with them in my business, which I felt would be inevitable. It is entirely possible to keep your surgery a secret, if you choose to do so, and if not, there are also plenty of benefits of telling others as well. Good luck!
  7. AvaFern

    My horrible experience at a restaurant.

    I can appreciate your irritation, although...a $7 burger isn't really a fancy place to eat. If your total bill for a burger, presumably two non-alcoholic drinks, and a $3 split fee was $17, I feel like they're holding themselves a bit high as a "nice" establishment. Given the way you were treated, I tend to think their behavior supports the point that they aren't the fine dining they seem to consider themselves to be. That being said, I haven't ever been charged a split fee because I don't really split things. I eat what I want to, then take it home or let someone else at my table eat it. Margins on actual fine dining are slim, and you aren't being charged a $3 fee to actually cut the burger, just like a corkage fee has nothing to do with the manual act of removing a cork, but rather the right to split a meal or to bring your own bottle of wine, when to do so without any minor fee is really not customary practice. It certainly would have been nice though if they had put somewhere on the menu that the fee existed. At a nice place, I can see economically the purpose of a split fee and most people paying to eat at a nice place, first don't care about the $3 and probably don't notice it on their bill, and second at an actual nice place, there would not have been any attitude from a manager, the fee would have been removed. The difference in my experience between a classy place to eat and a place that likes to think its classy is that there is an understanding that you sometimes lose a few dollars, but you make up for it in customer loyalty. A truly nice establishment handles the customer in a way that leaves them feeling happy...sure they complain about you when you leave and they roll their eyes when you aren't looking, but they are never, ever rude to your face or in front of any other customer. They certainly don't have their family members replying to your Yelp comments- that would make them look incredibly stupid and any person who was accustomed to eating in nice places would absolutely avoid going somewhere that responded that way on social media if only because it clearly demonstrates a total lack of class. So...sure, a split fee is normal sometimes, and I understand that you were surprised by it, but I find the behavior of the business to be unacceptable if they are going to cast themselves as being a better than average place to dine. I wouldn't go there after seeing that exchange on social media because it reeks of a scene- something that you will rarely if ever see in a nice place, and certainly not in a way that is exacerbated by management. I'm sorry you were treated poorly, but if it makes you feel better, places like that rarely last very long for all of the reasons I've mentioned above. They will be sad soon enough, lol.
  8. I didn't have terrible gas pain. In the hospital they keep you highly drugged, so you really don't feel much, and while I didn't use the liquid narcotics at home, they give you drugs to take home too. I brought with me a heating pad which I kept under my shoulders, and I brought with me the meltable gas-x tabs. The hospital didn't have any and largely didn't much care when I asked for them, so I was glad I had the gas-x with me. I used the strips that melt, so you're not actually taking the pill version, which is a no-no. The gas pain usually refers to your shoulder area, so although in reality the heating pad scientifically isn't doing much for the pain, it made me feel better so I didn't care that it shouldn't actually work, lol. Overall, my gas pain was minimal- I was too busy being sick from the narcotics. I had them stopped at around 24 hours post-op, then I felt less awful, and I was fine with liquid Advil.
  9. I just bought all of this, in one trip, at a gas station, and I planned to eat every bit of it. So, I did everything right. I've worked 60-80-120 plus hour work weeks for over a decade, and before that, slightly less, as I was still a child. I have two successful businesses, multiple degrees, and this fall I got a full scholarship to law school. Ever since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was go to law school, but since I've been entirely on my own since I was 18, clearly that was never happening. I spent almost all of my 20's working super hard and yo-yo dieting, until I was so fat I had to have 80% of my stomach cut out. I then spent 18 months getting to goal weight, spent a year going through plastics surgery, and then finally, I felt like maybe I could really go after a dream for once. Since all I did was work, I didn't get to have a husband or kids, but hey no big deal, I was smart, I could do other things. So, I applied to law school, did decent on my LSATs, and got a full scholarship. I was so happy. Then I got to spend the last 4 months getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, because oh right, one does not get to work 80 hour weeks, when 40 of the hours that used to be available for work are now forced to be spent in a law school building because your classes are scheduled just far apart that you can't go home and you get to sit in the library and work. Also, thanks to traffic, and my fantastic forced 1L schedule I get to sit in traffic an hour to 90 minutes a day both ways. But hey, when you've got dreams, you can handle going to bed at 3am and getting up at 5:30am, you can sit in classes and try to learn what everyone else gets to spend literally their entire day learning, and then you can go home, work your ass off for 12 hours so that you can still pay your mortgage, because right, you're not a child, and you don't have a spouse, so the only person paying your bills is you. The only person you ever get to count on is you. And so, while everyone in law school full time has literally the only job of learning this crap, and no one even has a part time job, which,...not joking, there is an American Bar Association rule that you can't work more than 20 hours a week, and if they find out they start deducting your grades until you're at part-time, starting of course with your highest grade. Class elitism much? We wonder why there is such a huge class separation in our country and then we see the fact that law school, all law schools in the country ban their students from working. HOW IS THAT LEGAL?! So, back to the "all about me" story. I'm also working on an MBA, which isn't terribly difficult since I have other graduate degrees, but when your law school will actually kick you out if you work more than 20 hours a week, you can't say..."oh I'm sorry, I had to work more hours than most of you idiots are even awake this week" when you don't do great. But I didn't do badly...I got A's and B's on all my midterms, without studying, because I'm supposed to be smart right? I booked the property midterm, and I thought I was golden. Well, 2 of my final 5 grades just posted and I got a f****ing F in my contracts class. AN F. Never in my entire life have I gotten an F. I've been first in almost every class I've been in for almost a decade. I thought I knew contracts...clearly I did so freaking horribly that I got an F. The fact that a girl with accomodations, who gets 4.5 hours to take a 3 hour test got an A, oh well hey cool, the law allows her to cheat. Several others have the same accomodations, which when law schools have mandatory curves, their high grades, knock down my grades. I resent the hell out of that, it is absolute bullshit, and the more I think about it, the madder I get. I have the exact same diagnosis that she has, but I decided that I was going to pass law school without cheating...clearly that worked out well for me. I got an F, in a 1L doctrinal class, which not only tanks my GPA for the entirety of law school, but now I need to re-take the class, which is the absolute best case scenario, or if my other grades suck, then I fail out of law school, not to mention the fact that my school is $45K a year and if I don't have a 2.0 GPA it's revoked. My other grade was an A-, which doesn't even balance out my F. I have 3 more grades to post, and if I don't have at least a B or C in all of them, I just failed out of law school. I will be the absolute laughingstock of the world. I have had more career success than almost everyone I know, and yet, I possibly just flunked out of law school because I can either pay my bills and suck at school, or I can be homeless and have the time everyone else does to do well. I don't get to rely on anyone else...it is ALWAYS on me and for the first time in a very long time, I have possibly failed at life and because I am feeling narcisistic at the moment, I am absolutely convinced that everyone is going to be highly amused that I failed. Oh, how far it is too fall. Man, I'm whiny. So...I will leave out the pharmaceuticals I first enjoyed, but I then walked to the gas station and bought $25 worth of stuff that will make me feel better. Peanut Butter cups, ice cream, chocolate shake, twix, butterfinger....all the things that used to make it so much less hurtful that I was a worthless loser. So far I ate the ice cream sandwich and I already feel like puking. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to bed, wake up, and throw all of that stuff out. I suppose the lesson here is that 3 years ago, I would have eaten every bit of that while crying myself to sleep, and yet 3 years ago I would never have even been in law school because I wouldn't have thought the fat girl had any business being anywhere other than on a treadmill. Now, I want to barf up my ice cream sandwich because apparently milk, chocolate, and Cookies are still on the list of things that make me sick, and even while buying all that crap, there wasn't the same old, feeling, like I was bringing my chocolate-food-friends home for dinner. The more I write, the more I have no desire to go eat anything else. Also, much as I tend to take the side of people who fall off the wagon, because I have my fair share of Starbucks mini scones and sometimes a few bites of sweets (and I thumb my nose at a lot of the rules), around Christmas is really the only time I eat sugary baked stuff because it makes me gain weight quickly, and makes me insanely sick. The last two Christmases I've had almost none of the sweets I'm allowed, and I haven't really missed them. Maybe that's a good indicator for anyone who is considering surgery...you really do stop using food as a crutch, as a friend, as an old reliable companion, even if sometimes you go spend $25 at a gas station in the middle of the night on all kinds of crap that you're probably not going to eat. So, since I need to retain my calm, cool, reserved, never worried about anything reputation with my friends, you all get subjected to the hot mess I am right now. I think I'm going to go drink Scotch. Or Tequila. Or both. For the record though, this is why I try not to judge the bad decisions of others...I make all too many supremely crap choices myself.
  10. @@Heather I Thank-you for asking! We still aren't at a point where we can review the final exams, but all of my other grades were high, so I am not getting kicked out of law school! I might end up on academic probation if that F stands, lol, but when my last 3 grades finally posted I was well over the academic dismissal GPA, thank God. I have no idea what happened, and I spent most of Christmas freaking out about it, since they oh-so-kindly didn't post our last grade until the 27th, but in the end, the other grades balanced out the bad one. Fortunately, merit scholarships are apparently reviewed annually, so if I do ok next semester, I should be ok there too. I'm still hopeful the F is a mistake, but they are really careful with grades so I think that is being too optimistic. Hope you had a nice holiday!
  11. AvaFern

    Should I be upset?

    I can appreciate how annoying it is to have people eating in front of you when you're on a liquid diet, but for the rest of your life people are going to be eating in front of you and if you want to be successful, you will eventually have to be able to be ok being around what others eat without having it yourself. Only my three best friends know I had surgery 3+ years ago, but I have never asked them to modify what they eat so I don't have to be around foods that might mess up my diet. My one friend routinely does Paleo and another can't have gluten, but they never ask me to change how I eat because of what they can and cannot have. Although it's hard to imagine, soon enough you really won't even want that pizza. I didn't eat very well over the holidays, but I can say that I have no real urge to eat junk food the vast majority of the year and someone else eating pizza, Pasta, or cake in front of me, doesn't even cross my mind as being tempting to me anymore. Right now, it's annoying, but in the future it will continue to happen, so you do eventually just not really notice it anymore.
  12. AvaFern

    No where else to vent

    I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Your husband certainly took the cowardly way out and it sounds like you are a strong woman who will, when you are ready, find a strong man, if you happen to want one, and if not, you and your children will be just fine because of you who are and the resiliency you have. While I know it doesn't feel like it, at some point in the future, this won't hurt anymore and you will be able to look back on it and see how it has made you the person you're going to be. Right now it sucks though and I will keep you in my thoughts.
  13. @@FrankiesGirl I am SO hoping it was a mistake! The problem is though that in law school all of your grades are done with a special anonymous number. You can't ask any of your professors about your grades until they have all posted because it risks the anonymity of your stupid special number. You can also get an F automatically if you put your name on the test (which I am 99% sure I didn't do, but who knows), if you fill out the stupid bubble part wrong on the multiple choice part, and for a few other random dumb things, which I think you can dispute. I haven't had less than a B on anything, and I had As and Bs on midterms- I just can't understand how I did so badly as to be at the bottom 5% of the class which is the only time you get an F in Contracts- which was a class I thought I knew fairly well. So...I have to wait until the end of the week when all of the other scores post until I can find out what happened, and then it will be Christmas, so hopefully after the holiday, this time next week I will actually be able to talk to the professor. Of course nothing else has posted yet today, given I have been obsessively checking it, so I get to spend god knows how much of the next week finding out if I only suck at one class, or if I blew any others too. At least though I know it was nothing personal. Between the anonymous grading and the fact that this professor didn't even know I was in his class (I asked him about next semester during another final and he was shocked I was his student, lol), I'm trying to convince myself I'm just a random number and somewhere something got messed up. Unlikely, but one can pray. @@Nymea Don't be too impressed with my walking, lol. I took half a xanax to quell my hysterical sobbing long enough to finish working after I saw the grade and I didn't want to risk driving. The gas station isn't too far from my house, and I figured the cold air might make me feel better. Mostly it just made me cold, but at least I burned off maybe a bite or two of the ice cream,haha.
  14. @Moogle @@woo woo They added midterms to our school because too many people just flat out failed the finals, lol. Our midterms are such a tiny portion of the grade though that in the end it's still all about the final. The class I failed was the one that had the heaviest weight on the final at a 70%, so I guess the fact that I had a solid B with the curve on the midterm didn't matter. Thanks to my A- in the only other class that posted, I'm still technically beneath the acceptable curve, but hopefully the other grades help cancel out the F to the point I don't get kicked out, but who knows...I thought I did well in Contracts and apparently I got an F. Outside of the fact that now I will likely have to repeat that class, I'm pretty sure it will screw me out of my scholarship at the very least. I really only went to law school at this point in life because it was free. I've wanted to be a lawyer since I was a kid, but at some point I just accepted that I could either pay my mortgage or go to law school. Having free tuition was like winning the lottery and now...I have one semester of law school, and if I don't pay for the next 2.5 years, I'm forever the person that flunked out of law school. I never thought at a Tier IV school, when I got into Tier I based pretty much entirely on my LSAT that I would suck so much I'd possibly get kicked out my first semester. The waiting for the other grades to post is killing me....it's like being executed, except that every time you step into the noose it starts snowing and they call a snow day and send you back to your cell. Ok yes, dramatic a bit, but ugh. Everytime I read through all of these postings I feel so much better. It is really nice to have such kind and supportive people who have never me and don't know me take the time to help a stranger feel less like a complete loser. Thank-you all.
  15. @@jvleeuw Thank-you for the clarification. I'm glad I chose to take it the way it seems you meant it. I'm sorry that you lost your first wife at such a young age and I am certain that raising children on your own was a far more difficult situation than I have ever dealt with. Congrats on your upcoming anniversary and I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season!
  16. @@jvleeuw You can't get an F in law school. In regular college, I wouldn't be too worried about it, but in law school, if you are beneath a certain GPA, you are dismissed. Also, because I am full scholarship at a school that is $40K a year, if that F drops my GPA low enough, not only do I get academically dismissed, but I also lose the entire scholarship. Unfortunately, it's a full-time scholarship, so I don't have the option to go part-time, without paying full tuition. A single F in law school, especially your first year, has the potential to literally screw you into eternity. At a 4th tier school, which is where I am, if you are not in the top 10-20%, which that F will prevent me from being, you are almost automatically barred from most jobs in big firms. I don't really want to work for a big firm, and I'm less concerned about the overall GPA problem than I am about the issue that first, if I have to repeat that class and it isn't available next semester, by default I'm dropped to part-time, which then eliminates my scholarship, and second, if I score badly on the other exams, the scholarship is gone AND I get academically dismissed. Hopefully, @@cheneisew is right and they don't dismiss the first semester, but our handbook which I have now read all over again, seems to indicate that I could very likely be kicked out effective sometime within the next week. Also, as a fun little kicker, once you are academically dismissed from any law school it almost entirely eliminates your chance to ever attend law school again. So, while I can appreciate the advice to chill out and not sweat it, I'm not that kind of person...I have always done well academically and it is the one thing that I have always believed myself to be...smart. I got an F in undergrad in statistics, and that was almost 12 years ago, and I had to justify it on my graduate and law school applications ever since. An F in law school may not be the end of the world, but it has the potential to entirely end any chance at ever becoming a lawyer. @@LipstickLady Yes, I tried really, really hard to let the "find a man" part go. I'm going to take it to mean relax, get laid, drink some wine, get a good night's rest, and you'll feel less crappy in the morning, as opposed to far more offensive ways to take it, lol. @@woo woo and @@LipstickLady Also, I do think you both make valid points about accommodations. Periodically today everytime I have had a mini little meltdown whilst thinking about my epic f-up, school comes back to haunt me. Blaming others for my issue isn't generally my style, and it's a very extrinsic locus of control characteristic, which I really try to not engage in. I feel like if I can at least objectively recognize that I'm doing that, it is somewhat less awful of me. I think my biggest issue is that I don't believe that the accommodations for everyone are valid. For example, I have one kid in my class, SUPER nice dude, works really hard, and is dyslexic. He gets time and a half to take the exams, he's had his diagnosis since he was a kid, and he works his butt off to keep up with everyone because he can't read as fast. To me, that is more than fair. I am mostly frustrated that several people, one of which I referenced in my first post, who have never, ever had any diagnosis until after midterms when they realized with a diagnosis they could have 4.5 hours to take a 3 hour test, now have this benefit. Several people then went to a psychiatrist and magically ended up with ADHD just in time to take finals. I am careful about my comments on ADHD because I recognize that this is a very valid condition, but when your entire adult life it never occurs to you that it might be a problem, and then 2 weeks before finals you suddenly have a diagnosis that gets you accommodations, I think you are full of crap and you worked the system. That then makes it even harder for people with valid diagnoses to be respected because everyone knows that multiple people don't have the condition, but they took advantage of the rule to get an advantage over the rest of us. When you have a valid disability, I am fine with leveling the playing field, I just think that when you get a brand new convenient diagnosis, after you fail all of your midterms (which this person did), just in time for special accommodations for finals, I call bs on that. Do you think I'm wrong? I would never say anything negative about the one guy I know who has had his accommodations in place for years...the dude is dyslexic, that's only fair, but when never before have you had a problem, and suddenly you realize you get extra time on very, very hard exams if you come up with a condition you should have had diagnosed well before now, I really feel like this is working the system and frankly, cheating. That is where my statement came from yesterday, although I was too busy crying into my icecream sandwich to clarify it as well as I should have. I know that my F is not the end of the world, it just feels like it. Best case I have to repeat that class and I think I can find a way to do that without being dropped to part-time, but worst case I get kicked out of law school. I would be so ashamed. I worked so hard to get there, and I worked so hard to do well, which I had been doing great until this grade, that now I feel just so much like a failure. I can handle failing at some things (like sports...I like sports and I play a lot of them, but man I'm kind of a clutz in some of them), but a big part of my identity is my belief that my brain can get me through anything, and now the one thing I have consistently been confident in may be why I fail at what has literally been my goal in life since 4th grade. Apologies for my whining...fingers crossed my last three grades are high enough to save me. Thanks again everyone for your kind thoughts.
  17. Thank-you all for your very kind words- I much appreciate it. It was nice to wake up this afternoon (except for the 2 times I woke up to re-check to see if more grades had been posted) and to have such supportive, thoughtful replies. I haven't slept into the afternoon in years, so it's now almost 5:00 and I feel like it must be 8am, haha. I'm feeling like a highly emotional hot mess right now, so several of you made me feel quite teary that strangers would be so nice to someone they don't know. I very much appreciate you and the time you took to make my day better. Thank-you. To the 3L, @cheneisew I hope I don't fail out- the first semester, ugh. I had a B on the midterm in this class, and full credit for the attendance/ professionalism component...I don't understand how I ended up with an F! The only reason I know of that grades would default to an F is if you put your name and not your secret number on the test, which I didn't do, but good lord, I knew the material well enough for at least a C. And of course I can't even ask until next week, when all of the other grades are posted. If I am under a 2.0 I both lose my scholarship and get kicked out. I got into Tier I & II schools, but I went with the Tier IV school because it was full scholarship and in the city I live. In hindsight, I guess the curve is stricter, but how humiliating to get kicked out my first semester if that happens and how insanely expensive it would be if I lose my scholarship. Also, go you for being a 3L- you are almost done- congrats!!! (I am so jealous, lol). To the one person who obviously knows nothing about law school (and who I'm not going to specifically call out by name), how law school loans work, and the fact that when you own a business you can't just decide to stop working or you literally tank your entire future and that of all of the employees depending on you...I'm going to let that post go. We all have ideas about things we know nothing about, me included, so thank-you for taking the time to reply with an overall uninformed post- I'm going to take it as tough love instead of taking it personally. I hope I helped you have a better day. xoxo. Beyond that though, you are entirely correct though that legal accommodations are not cheating. They are though incredibly unfair when the grades of other students are determined by a mandatory curve and people included in that curve have 4.5 hours to take a 3 hour test. If their grades did not have the ability to so substantially hurt mine, I wouldn't much care that they aren't held to remotely the same standard. Alas though, I will concede that using a handicap to an advantage is not cheating, but frankly given that I would qualify for the same accommodation and I recognize that the real world does not care if you need extra time to do something and I choose not to use it, I think it puts me in a unique position to have an opinion, albeit one that is not remotely polite or politically correct. I struggle with this problem because I have a friend with two little girls who do have accommodations and it would break my heart if someone was ever hurtful to them because of it, and I try to let it go and be grateful that I have never needed to use my own diagnosis to perform well. I am just so very frustrated that since so few people get A's, that people with accommodations take up those slots and bump the rest of us down. I am fine with them getting good grades, I am just not fine being measured by a standard that is not the same for everyone and having my grade influenced by it. Also, by the time I went to bed last night I had eaten my one ice cream, I had a Peanut Butter cup, and a mini butterfinger. The rest went into a bag and my best friend (skinny dude who can eat as much junk as he wants) is going to get it later this week, lol. I basically paid $25 at a gas station for an ice cream and a few bites of chocolate, but I would have felt far worse this morning if I had eaten it all and in the old days pre-sleeve, I'd have eaten it all plus more. Today blows, but at least I didn't eat 4000 calories last night, hahaha...silver lining.
  18. AvaFern

    Pet peeve: extra skin.

    I'll be honest, I'm a shallow a**hole, and I'm cool with it. My weight fluctuated a lot...I would be thin at around 140 for a few years, then fat at around 180-200, then back to thin, then back to fat, then back to thin, until the last time I somehow ended up at 237 and nothing I was doing was getting me thin again. I hated myself. I was so ashamed of what I looked like and I was miserable. I had the sleeve because I wanted to like myself again and I didn't want to feel as if I had no control over my weight. Also, I like being hot. I'm now at 39 months post-op and I've been at goal for about 20 months, and within 3 pounds of goal for about 25 months. I had three major plastics procedures where I had pretty much all of me "fixed", but I actually did not really even think about the loose skin until I was within about 25 pounds of goal. Because I had lost weight before, I guess I just never really thought about being saggy, or more likely, I had not quite weighed that much before and I had gotten older, so my skin didn't bounce back like it had before. I only actually thought about it when I happened to wonder what fake boobs would look like. I scheduled a consult, with a surgeon who I think is totally awesome, and then a few days later I called and made another consult for a tummy tuck. Before I had that surgery with those two procedures I had no idea how confident I could feel in my own skin, since apparently I was pretty saggy most of my life and I just didn't realize it. I then had the rest of the 360 lift, a thigh lift, and a brachioplasty, and while yes, plastic surgery is a bit of a B, I would do it all over again in a second. I would do so, not because other people now really have no idea I was ever fat, but because I can look in the mirror and not feel shame. I can wear tight clothing that I never could have worn before, I can run my hand across my stomach and feel tight, hard abs, which never, ever had I been able to do, and I can wear all of the backless shirts I never had the chance to before because the girls couldn't handle going without support. I am superficial and shallow, and I derive great joy from the fact that I wear a size 2 or 4 and I can look somewhat decent in almost anything. Plastic surgery though, while seems like it is all about shallow goals, for me was about feeling comfortable in my own skin. When someone is a jerk, I get dumped, or I have a really bad day, my first thought is never...well you're fat, so of course you're worthless...which is the way it always was before. Having my extra skin removed gave me confidence I never realized I was missing before and it has done wonderful things for my mental health. Also, there is the very valid point made by Babbs that research indicates that people who do have plastics after major weight loss are more likely to keep the weight off. For me, I can look in the mirror and I see an attractive woman, not a deflated fat girl, and this may be shallow and stupid and I know that...but I have the right to do what makes me happy and a small luxury car in plastic surgery accomplished that. I imagine part of the reason that people who had plastics kept the weight off is because they aren't looking, everyday, at a reflection of the person they used to be. Also, for me, the removal of my extra skin made me WAY better at working out because nothing is flopping around anymore- I actually bested my 3 mile time a few months after my last procedure by almost 5 minutes, and I can definitively say that I noticed a HUGE difference in the way I felt working out when I didn't have any extra flubbiness getting in my way. I will forever be grateful that I was in a place where I could have those procedures done and that I had such an awesome surgeon, because our goal may be to be physically healthy, but why can't the goal also be to be entirely happy in our own skin? Why shouldn't the former fat girl be allowed to feel...sexy...for the first time in her life? I don't think that wanting to be healthy means that you aren't also allowed to want to be beautiful, on your own terms, in your own way, and through whatever means you are able to accomplish that. I am ok being shallow, because I am happy AND healthy, and I don't feel any great need to justify to myself or anyone else the road I took to get to the place I am now. So I'm as plastic as Barbie...good for damn me...and good for everyone else who does what they need to do, to be where they want to be. In the end, everyone's path is their own and how they get to where they want to be is hardly something I have any right to have an opinion about.
  19. I replaced food with shopping. Somehow in the last 18 months or so, I've managed to buy myself an entirely new wardrobe. When I used to sit at home and eat, now I find that I go shopping. Although it does tend to serve as a stress reliever, it is also a nice reinforcement for me in that fitting into clothing in the size I wear makes all of the difficulty of the process that got me to that point worthwhile. While I imagine there were more budget-friendly ways to replace food, I suppose we all spend money on something, and for me that is what I have found to be the result.
  20. AvaFern

    I don't get it.

    @@Babbs I should have mentioned I don't eat like that everyday, lol. There are a few times a year where I'm extra busy and that is about what my diet works out to, but the rest of the year my diet is much more aligned with being mostly healthy. I don't eat a ton of vegetables, I eat almost no fruit because the sugar makes me sick, and I probably have too many carbs, but past the days where I'm not trying to stay awake for days at a time, my diet involves a lot of chicken, granola, and crackers. Not super healthy, but calorie and nutrition wise, if I added vegetables and dropped some of the carbs, it wouldn't be as terrible.
  21. AvaFern

    I don't get it.

    I'm not offended by your post- you certainly have a right to your frustration. As a heads-up though, I am one of those people that didn't follow all of the rules post-op (after the 6-week point- during the first 6 weeks I was an angel), because I have a medical background and I am fully aware of what will hurt me as opposed to what will just make it hard to lose weight. Every surgeon has different guidelines, so there is nothing wrong with getting opinion from others when there is a documented difference in what surgeon's suggest. Some surgeons still tell you not to use a straw, and yet my surgeon took the time to explain to me why (because some people end up with gas that makes them uncomfortable) and knowing this, using a straw was the only way I got in enough fluids the first few weeks. Many surgeons, in fact almost all, still say you can't drink with your meals. This is not a medically required rule, but rather a guideline that was set because they don't want you to wash the food out of your stomach faster, feel full for a shorter amount of time, and then eat more. A lot of surgeons say no carbonation ever, and yet the origin of this rule is because after the first few weeks (before that the carbonation can irritate your stomach), if people had been weaned off of carbonation, there was a good chance they had eliminated empty calories from non-diet soda. Carbonation won't hurt you after you're healed, but it certainly won't help your diet and teaching it as a "rule" is designed for the benefit of weight loss, not actual immediate health effects (yes it's bad for you, but no it won't kill you right this minute). Despite their belief to the contrary, surgeons are not actually God, and not all of their directions should be taken as the bible- many yes, but certainly not all. When you are being reasonable in your question (it's 2 months out, can I have a few bites of a burger?- YES, you can), that's sort of the point that forums exist. The idea is to be supportive, not to be holier than thou because you were perfect on the diet and someone else wasn't. I have been within 3 pounds of my goal weight for two years, and at or below goal for about 20 months, and guess what...sometimes I eat crap and I have done so the entire time I have been sleeved. Some people do well with strict rules, and others do not, but when your stomach has healed, you are not physically hurting it by eating crap, you're just hurting your chance of ever being healthy. I had a granola bar for Breakfast today, goldfish for lunch, and 1/4 of a lean cuisine for dinner. I also had 4 SF Red Bulls, and about 6 cans of diet pepsi. Yesterday I hadn't slept for 40 hours and I had a cookie for dinner. It was good. I did not die or wake up fat, although I am 100% sure my surgeon would not be remotely pleased. Life is for the living and for the imperfect, and online forums can be a place to knock others down or pick them back up. Every time you make a post you get to decide what kind of person you want to be, to a type of person who may be just like you...scared, alone, sad, and very much in need of a bit of grace. I read plenty of posts where I role my eyes and think the person is an idiot...I then hit the little "x" and move on. I think it is awesome that you have been so successful and I completely appreciate your right to your frustration, but ultimately, it's not your problem that other people break the rules, so why waste your energy caring? Either click the little "x", grumble about how stupid people are, and move on, or take a little bit of time to provide constructive (key word there) guidance in a way that will not further the hurt and isolation that they already feel. One day you won't be perfect and someone will be kind to you... and it will make all the difference.
  22. AvaFern

    Doctor has a lawsuit

    Nah, doctors get sued all the time. If she has a lot of suits, then, like Babbs said, maybe be concerned, but it is very difficult to entirely avoid being sued as a doctor, especially as a surgeon. Doctors are also easy targets because their insurance almost always settles claims out of court, which keeps the claim usually sealed, but also works out to people knowing they can make a few $ in civil court without a whole lot of actual basis for the claim.
  23. I was ungodly sick on day 2 and by day 4 I just felt like a zombie. For the most part, you continue to feel better each day and a few months from now you will barely remember the misery of right now.
  24. I'm sorry those people were rude to you. I think most of us have had a comment like that at some point. If it makes you laugh a little, when I was walking around the hospital after my sleeve surgery one of the staff (I think she may have been an orderly) says to me...oh well honey, you have such a pretty face...now the rest of you will match. Lol, at the time I was like, well gee, thanks, but now I can look back on it and realize she wasn't trying to be hurtful. Ha..and now I do have a rest of me that matches a pretty face, so in the end it all worked out well for me.
  25. When I saw your post and that it was in the trending section I had an idea of how it was going to go and I thought...ahh poor person who thought it was a good idea to post here about blowing their post-op liquid diet. I hope you have thick skin. I like to comment on all of the posts about screwing up the diets that everyone else followed religiously and never messed up, because I am generally a big proponent of doing what works for you, which is often directly against what the literature says you should be doing. My stipulation though is that rules can be bent a smidge at the phase when you're almost done with soft foods, and flat out broken at some point beyond the two month mark where you can't actually hurt yourself by eating anything, but just won't really do yourself any favors. In the first weeks after surgery, even I, the person who most heavily advocates for making informed decisions that don't always align with doctor's orders, tend to say to stick with the plan you are given because it does actually impact your health and safety. That being said...clearly you know you made a mistake and since you've been commenting in here, you're doing just fine. Your mistake didn't hurt you this time, and so use this as a learning experience and move forward. We all screw up, but those of us who have maintained weight loss successfully know that when you fall off the wagon, you just have to get right back up. For the next few weeks, you aren't going to feel great, you will want normal food, and you are going to be cranky. It really does get better from here though and soon enough you will be back at a point where you can eat whatever you want (in small portions) and if your experience is like mine, you really won't have any great desire for food you shouldn't be eating. The sleeve is a long and periodically miserable journey. I am now 38 months post-op and I have maintained within 3 pounds of goal (above and below) for about 20 months, and within 3-4 pounds of goal for about 2 years now. There are days I eat things I shouldn't, but for the most part I don't care a whole lot about food anymore. I weigh myself everyday and when I find that my weight is creeping up again, I go back to being more strict with my diet. Right now you don't have the value of hindsight, so I'll give you mine. For every bit of misery that the first few weeks- months caused, every single second was worth it. I remember sobbing to my best friend the first week that I had ruined my life. I spent most of years 2-3 puking everytime I tried to eat anything that wasn't a dry carb, and I still can't eat a bunch of stuff without getting sick. I look at my scars from plastic surgery and sometimes I feel ashamed. I look at cake and Cookies and sometimes miss my old friends. I then go put on my size 2 jeans and my xs shirt and I smile....because in the end, all of the feeling of missing out on something and being sick and tired and hungry, it all pays off. You can do this. Time passes no matter what you do, so as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, handle every day as it comes, and use your past mistakes as ways to learn and do better in the future, soon enough you will realize that your life goes back to normal, except it's a new normal where you are healthy, happy, and when you can look back on this point and realize that all of the misery now was worth the future, which at some point will be your present.
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