I had my sleeve surgery on 11/9. Went back to work on the 23rd - tired, a bit sore, but back in to the swing of things. I did pretty good with logging my meals into My Fitness Pal, was walking, etc. Perfect. On the road to recovery. Even the issue with my lung not fully inflating was resolving itself. Life was great. My husband and I sat at the dinner table the night I went back to work and reflected on just how wonderful life was for us. Six happy, healthy kids ranging from 18-28. A beautiful home. Stable careers. And a wonderful family. Who could want more??

The very next day -- last Tuesday -- my oldest son asked me to make a trip up to Connecticut (he lives there with his girlfriend). He had not been feeling well and went for a colonoscopy to potentially diagnose colitis. That was what they expected to find. That's not what they found. Instead, they found a very large tumor in his rectum and were unable to continue the colonoscopy because it was nearly completely blocked. They set him up for a CT Scan for Wednesday and he asked that we come up there because the doctor didn't like what he found. I found out on Wednesday when we got there that he didn't want to tell me they already knew it was a cancerous tumor.

I grabbed Protein shakes, a few waters, and we headed up to CT to be with him for his scan. What we didn't realize was the day before, the doctor already put an entire team in place to meet with us -- including a surgical oncologist, a medical oncologist, and had quite a few tests set up as emergencies. By 1pm, our world had shattered. My seemingly healthy 28 year old son was told that not only was the tumor cancerous, it was already invasive and had progressed to Stage 4 - with lesions on his liver. Five in total. And they're a decent size. His tumor is inoperable right now - as it's too large and invasive and needs to shrink. He's at a high risk for a blockage and that would be devastating. Every ounce of focus has been on him since Wednesday. Back in the hospital on Friday for a chemo port and PET scan. Back to CT yesterday for the PET scan results and his first chemo treatment. Reaching out to other cancer centers for input/validation/etc.

Throughout this ordeal, I crumbled. I think I had 10 calories that day of diagnosis. Thanksgiving was a blur. Then Friday to Monday, I tried. I really tried. But I certainly didn't get anywhere near my protein or liquids in. This morning, I realized I am no good to anyone if I can't get my shit together. I took out my scale and weighed what I thought would be 4oz of my Ricotta Bake (which is heavenly). I was shocked to see it was under an ounce. I've been starving myself this past week with what I thought were "full meals". No wonder I haven't lost any more weight in a week. I'm in starvation mode. So I'm logging stuff back in My Fitness Pal starting today. I've got 2 bottles of Water on my desk. I added Protein powder to my egg this morning. I have to fix myself so I can help fix my son. But how do I keep myself out of this funk? Before surgery, I would have eaten 100 ice cream sundaes in the past week (not really 100, but you get what I'm saying). There is no food therapy anymore. And that's such a strange concept.

Funny how just a week ago, my entire focus was on me, my sleeve, healing, getting healthier. And then we get smacked in the face hard. HARD. Sure makes you realize what matters in life. <3

As a mom of 4, my heart breaks for you. You and your family are in my prayers. Positive vibes all around.

lauraellen is right. you can give better care and support if you are healthy. your son needs to see that you are ok. i know as a mom, that would be hard as hell. if he sees you falling apart he will think/know there is a reason to fall apart. let him see you for the strong woman you are. get in your mind that he is going to be ok, and start acting like he is going to be ok, because he is!! start thinking and talking very positively. there has been leaps and bounds in technology and research. your family will make it through this just fine!!! things seem to just work themselves out.

i cannot even imagine what you are going through. my nephew was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer. he had a huge tumor removed last year. what should have killed him made him very much stronger and wiser. boy does he really enjoy his life now after feeling so much better for a year. it was hard enough seeing my sister go through what you are going through.

lots of people are praying for you. hang in there sister. you have lots of support. take care of yourself first. let us know if there is anything we can help you with, as much as we can do online

Sometimes life seems so unfair. Keeping you in my thoughts. I have three sons around his age (and 2 daughters a bit younger). I can't even imagine what you are going through. Keep us updated on his progress.... and yes, keep yourself healthy!

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I got my lunch down and 1/2 bottle of Water. Slowly but surely.....

I'm so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son! May God comfort your family!

Please know you and your family are in my prayers. Put yourself on a timer if necessary to get your nutrition needs met ... less to think about!

I'm so sorry to hear about the devastating news. I know there's nothing I can really say to ease your burden. Just continue on as you've been, the best you can, and that's the limit of expectations you should pile on yourself right now. Be as cognizant of your health as you are of his, as he needs you as healthy as you can be to support him and your family through this difficult time.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I can't say any more than what's already been said. But I still want you to know that you have many, many people here praying for you and your family. God bless!

So sorry to hear this sad news. I'll keep your family in my prayers

@@Mom26

Your post broke my heart I have an almost 26 year old son, and I just can't imagine what you're going through.

I will be thinking about you and your family.

Positive thoughts and hugs to you!

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Take care of yourself and also make sure to be kind to yourself.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

My thoughts and prayers are with you ,your son and family. Illness is tough, but when it involves one of your children it feels devastating and out of control. Hang in there. I can imagine how hard it must be to try and take care of yourself right now. But like you said- you have to stay strong for your son and rest of your family. One day at a time.

I just joined this forum a few minutes ago, and this was literally the first thread I clicked on.

I sometimes read things like this and say a little silent prayer as I'm scrolling, but this was the first time I actually stopped, shut my eyes, and prayed for someone I don't know.

Wishing you strength and focus, your son peace and resolve, and his doctors wisdom and guidance.

Jeff

Mom26 I am praying for all of you.....so sorry you have gotten this news. Please take care of yourself.....so you can be strong for your son and your other kids.