gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Well, I may not have expressed it right.  Anyway, he is looking for a real relationship... with a real future. No guarantees of course as it is early days... but he wants to be sure that the possibility is there is all.  It doesn't hurt that we have alot of chemistry and attraction already, but we are old enough to know that the "love and lust" stage doesn't make for a life together forever.

 

It has been a 360 from guys like Theo who are so focused on finding the "right woman" but are afraid to even try to get to know a person.  I think Kevin is actually just being open and honest about his motivations.  He is a warm loving man who wants a woman in his life.  How refreshing.

 

This sounds great to me. Sometimes trying to "lock things in" at a month is a warning sign, but then again, sometimes we do know what we want and showing interest when we find it is just being tuned into that. You have been dating enough lately to know when you have found a person who you click with. My dad knew he wanted to be with my mom on the first date... and they were married for 65 years. This is not true for all, but how do you know if you don't make the chance at some point? I had an Indian lover when I lived in India, he said to me "Independence is the antithesis of Relationship". I have given this a lot of thought through the years. I had another boyfriend (oh so many!!) who said to me "Relationships will survive as long as both people in the relationship are committed to stay in the relationship more than not committed to stay in the relationship" Just agreeing to be in a relationship is a powerful thing. Thats what makes vows powerful.... if you are serious about making them they do work. 

 

It's half term here, so that means a week off - yey! Had a good weekend; Sat night out with the girls. cinema with the hubby Sunday!  Too much good food but hey ho. Spent yesterday painting the bathroom - we are putting the house on the market and it needed a bit of TLC.  My son is home today from his adventures in NY -so all good here.

Having a break from the 5:2 at the moment... can't face being disappointed right now, so I need some 'time out' from weight and food. I'll beb ack on it soon though ''cos I don't wanna gain!

Selling? What are your plans? Making a move can be fun or stressful.... I can see you going to Spain someday! 

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Sheryl, I am glad you're enjoying Kevin. I hope it continues. I think you're right that it's good to know that he's looking for a real relationship. I've met so many men who way that, but really all they are looking for is sex. It's refreshing when you meet someone who knows that while having  good physical relationship is important, there is so much more to being in a relationship.

 

There's not much going on with me other than I'm having back surgery Nov. 4th and I am getting scared. I have a very low pain tolerance and I am wondering how the recovery is going to go. I sure hope it works. I have such bad sciatica that it's hard to function sometimes.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

The irony is that the "sex only" guys never get past my initial filter so I totally have NOT had that problem. Even Steven, my FWB guy for a really long time now....is very emotionally involved with me - but clearly in a way that is not complete or I wouldn't be open to replacing him. I sometimes wish (if wishes were fishes) that he could be THE GUY, but he isn't - I am a very pragmatic person and realize that emotional investment there has no payoff so I don't. It isn't for lack of caring it is that he has emotional issues that block him off from being a consistent reliable partner and he told me that up front and it is just plain the truth that won't be changing.

No, the few that I have pursued getting to know in the past have definately NOT been interested in sex only relationships. Opposite problem in fact - I am not sure they even care much about it anymore.

I think Kevin is just being honest about his intentions. He is concerned because he is 59, I am 50. He is from the southwest, new to this area - and while he likes it here in the summer, hates our winters (me too). He doesn't want to waste time with someone where there is NO possibility of a future. So yeah, talking about some things like what retirement might look like, snowbirding etc even though it is way too early from a relationship point of view. It is more like... should things develop, would our basic aspirations for our futures be close enough in alignment. This is someone who wants a serious relationship with a strong willed, independant woman (that is me in fact). He isn't into horses, but has owned them before and likes the nature of horse women (hard working, fit, busy, strong legs and core muscles don't hurt either...teehee).

At first I felt a little pressured by some of the conversation but then I started to realize that he is doing what I do... he is just more open about it. I try to uncover someone's intentions and aspirations early on... because i don't even want a "fun only" relationship with an incompatible person. You know my live in EX of 15 years - we started out as a temporary/just for fun thing and fell in love even though we were wildly incompatible. Don't want to make that mistake AGAIN.

But, in the meantime, it is fun to be seeing someone who is into me, I am into him, loves to dance and listen to live music, is just open and loving. Refreshing. It's a complete crush feeling right now - fun!

I however have been very hungry lately. Lots of work stress is being translated to a drive to eat. I haven't gained weight, but it needs to STOP now.

I did a horse thing last night with a friend I used to do alot with. She has really missed me so I agreed to go, but then I remembered why I separated myself, put distance between us. She gets frustrated so easily and blows her top. I just hate that. Horses are supposed to be fun!

i have really been changing my life to reduce negativity and negative people and it was a sharp contrast spending a few hours with her.... she has many good traits too, don't get me wrong - but basically a bummer.

Denise, I find surgery pretty scary. I bet you are a little stressed by it all. I am sure it will be fine, but I would look for ways to care for yourself, eat very nutritious food, do what you can comfortably as far as physical stuff. Make yourself a priority preparing for the surgery. I have never had back surgery but i am guessing recovery isn't more painful than what you have been going through...

Kim, those are really good quotes from your "ex" - I am going to think on them some more.

S

Sheryl, I am glad you're enjoying Kevin. I hope it continues. I think you're right that it's good to know that he's looking for a real relationship. I've met so many men who way that, but really all they are looking for is sex. It's refreshing when you meet someone who knows that while having good physical relationship is important, there is so much more to being in a relationship.

There's not much going on with me other than I'm having back surgery Nov. 4th and I am getting scared. I have a very low pain tolerance and I am wondering how the recovery is going to go. I sure hope it works. I have such bad sciatica that it's hard to function sometimes.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Just got my labs back....  My lipid panels are up again.... I REALLY do not want to start taking statins.... Hope my doc gives me another chance to get the numbers down. My mom dying and all the other stressors in the last 4 months have thrown my off track on my health.... eating out more, snacking (including butter popcorn at work most days)... and not eating my chia, flax and beta stanolls....  MY BAD. I am starting to pull it back in the last few weeks, but now soon enough for it to show up on the labs. Going in net week for the talk with the Doc....

[Globetrotter 1,340]

what are beta stanolls?

Coops, you are moving?!! where?

Denise, are you really sure you want to have surgery? Have you tried acupuncture?

[feedyoureye 3,087]

what are beta stanolls?

 

Coops, you are moving?!! where?

 

Denise, are you really sure you want to have surgery?  Have you tried acupuncture?

http://www.med.nyu.edu/content?ChunkIID=21394  

They reduce cholesterol levels in the blood. I took them the last time I went in for lipid labs and my numbers were good/down, this time I was lax about taking them, and my labs were way up. I need to get back of track.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I've recently switched over to a raw/vegan diet in all things but meat consumption, lol, does that make sense? I mean, no eggs, no dairy, no white sugar no white flour, etc etc. totally raw/vegan except for the eating of chicken and fish and beef.

So, why then am I telling you this? Because I have recently been experiencing the sort of discomfort I had prior to my gall bladder removal... The only fats in my diet are coming from coconut oil, and whatever traces are in my chia eggs, my sardines ...

Today's food - frozen banana slices dipped in bitter chocolate, some homemade chicken broth with veggies (no meat), and tea, probably some yogurt before bed.

[coops 1,790]

Erm, nothing exciting on the moving front - Kim, Spain - I wish...lol

Just moving nearer my parents... they are getting old and I worry about them - Dad is having a lot of problems with his knees ( he has collapsed a few times due to the pain and weakness in them) and my Mam is very frail. I just want to be in walking distance from them - not next door, say 20-30 mins walk away.  Also where we live is lovely - quiet, safe and secure - but the public transport is a  nightmare and I want my kids to be able to catch a bus and not rely on me and Steve to ferry them around... a little independence goes a long way, I feel.

 

The estate agent came this morning... we have been decorating and cleaning like frenzied idiots to get it 'show house' ready... all done now.  Just gotta wait for lady fate to be kind to us and find another family to enjoy this house.

 

Hope everyone is ok... I have been popping on to read.  Not a lot to say on the weight and 5:2 front really... the only thing that has changed is that my hot flushes are back and they are driving me mad!  I really do hate being hot and sweaty ( well, the only time it feels good is when I am on holiday sun bathing!).

 

Hugs to all across the pond!

[UK Cathy 977]

Aged parents they are a worry aren't they Sue and we can only do our best. Ruby (MIL) has recently left her room went into the staff room exited a fire door, crossed a metal bridge and went down 4 flights of fire stairs - all in the dark! She frightened the life out of the staff as they had only checked he 5 mins before. There was a discussion about whether the home is suitable for her and we wept. The home is working with us and a technology Co has been brought in to assess if they can help. They think they can and we are hoping and praying that they can. We think it would be awful to put her in a 'closed' home especially as the Alzheimer's has got worse and she is happy where she is.The home has brought in an extra member of staff to take extra care of her until we get the company's report. Fingers crossed.

We are having a good rest and we will approach it all again when we get back tomorrow.

Just before we came on holiday, last Thursday, we had to have one of our cats put to sleep. She had lived with us for at least 13 years so she was 14+ but it was still sad. We left her sister alone while we are on holiday so we hope she is OK, a neighbour was popping in to feed her. Our dog is about 11.5 years too so the next couple of years are not going to be too happy with the pets. It's amazing the effect pets have,I find they bring such comfort.

I'm eating and drinking plenty this holiday. I will have to recommit when I get home.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Oh Coops, sounds like a good move to make. Good bing closer to mom and dad.

 

Cathy! That must have been so frightening...glad she came through OK. Hope all works out for the best... sounds like nice people at the place she's at now....

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Reading everyone s post. Aging parents are so tough.

Had another great date with Kevin last night, having fun and trying not to think about the "fall". We laugh and talk so much together it is just great.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

So, I did something very brave for me. I like Kevin, we haven't had the "exclusive" talk but he dominates my free social time so I am not dating anyone else in fact. I am not quite ready to callhim my boyfriend, but we are moving to that territory.

I have so much fun with him, he is funny, full of life, into me, I am into him all that good stuff. On Saturday though something small came up. I realized it was very subtle, but I felt like his jokey sarcasm felt a little cutting, a little unloving. It was nothing big, but i felt it. All it was is that he wanted me to do something differently and instead of kindly saying it, made a sarcastic joke about it. My first reaction was... well, guess this isn't going to work out because sarcasm does not belong in a loving relationship, and in a lovey dovey setting...even though i am totally fine with it elsewhere. Then, trying to decide do I keep just seeing him because it's fun, knowing we aren't going to be a long term thing? I decided instead to tell him how it made me feel. i was too unclear on my thoughts to tell him right then, so i sent an email. Okay, maybe I wasn't that brave, but it was a big step for me.

The old me would have just let myself feel hurt until it built up and I was just "done".

So, he might tell me to kiss off... but at least I spoke my mind. And, i don't think he will.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Why didn't you just clear the air right when it happened?

[feedyoureye 3,087]

 

So, I did something very brave for me.  I like Kevin, we haven't had the "exclusive" talk but he dominates my free social time so I am not dating anyone else in fact.  I am not quite ready to callhim my boyfriend, but we are moving to that territory.

 

I have so much fun with him, he is funny, full of life, into me, I am into him all that good stuff.  On Saturday though something small came up. I realized it was very subtle, but I felt like his jokey sarcasm felt a little cutting, a little unloving.  It was nothing big, but i felt it.  All it was is that he wanted me to do something differently and instead of kindly saying it, made a sarcastic joke about it. My first reaction was... well, guess this isn't going to work out because sarcasm does not belong in a loving relationship, and in a lovey dovey setting...even though i am totally fine with it elsewhere.  Then, trying to decide do I keep just seeing him because it's fun, knowing we aren't going to be a long term thing?  I decided instead to tell him how it made me feel.  i was too unclear on my thoughts to tell him right then, so i sent an email. Okay, maybe I wasn't that brave, but it was a big step for me.

 

The old me would have just let myself feel hurt until it built up and I was just "done". 

 

So, he might tell me to kiss off... but at least I spoke my mind.  And, i don't think he will. 

I'm glad you did it. I know its sometimes hard for me to "clear the air" right when something like that happens, because I don't want to "not be able to take a joke" and at the same time, might feel like I don't want to be the butt of someones joke.... My husband told me once that "guys can be sarcastic with each other and shake it off" , perhaps they have different training in such things, but I feel like sometimes guys (and women for that matter) can slip something underhanded into a "joke" as a dig, but would not like it if it happened to them... It might have jut been a bad cal by him, and not a regular go-to behavior... I guess time will tell.... let us know what his response is... hope it clears things up and defuses the event.....

Edited November 4, 2014 by feedyoureye

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I didn't understand my feelings or the reasons at the time is why.

And he is pissed as hell at me. He admitted he has a history of "my way or the highway".

Whatever happens. .at least I didn't just swallow my feelings. .