Yesterday when I was getting my pre-surgery labs drawn I had a reality check. I don't always see my "bigness." I know what my scale says, and what my BMI is. I know it's been getting harder to fit into restaurant booths and that I've had to buy a larger size of clothing the last several months. I have losing weight on my mind constantly, and am so anxious for this surgery so I can finally do it. Despite that, I often look into the mirror and feel like I'm still proportioned well even with the fat.

So I was sitting there, and my stomach was partially sitting on the arm rest bar they swing down in front of you. At the same time, there was a pregnant woman having a test for gestational diabetes, and was having her timed blood drawn. She looked like she was 7-8 months along, and when she sat in the chair with the arm rest in place, she still had about 5 inches between her belly and the bar! How is it that I don't see what I really look like? In pictures I do. I totally do. Pictures show the true story, and show my proportions and size for what they really are. But I don't recognize it in the mirror. Is this denial? Or what the heck?

When I had my gallbladder out last year, I was unpleasantly surprised that I had to use one of the larger hospital gowns, and they had to use the large size blood pressure cuff rather than the regular size. I was shocked. My arm doesn't look that big to me. This is an interesting phenomenon to me and I'm just curious what others have to say about it. Has anyone else experienced this? Does it change after surgery?

I have always been heavy...but proportionate. I too have always thought I looked good though. I was very confident, and I knew I was pretty. It didn't help that my husband loved me just the way I was and would, and still does, tell me how hot I am every single day! But then, the same thing, I would look at pictures and say, OMG, look how fat I am, holy crap...I don't look that fat in real life, lol! I am not sure what it is, but I definitely understand it. I have even actually used the term a couple of times that "I am a skinny girl trapped in a fat girls body"...and that is how I truly felt...and part of the reason why I had the surgery...yet also the main reason why I think I am having "buyers remorse" right now. I am still trying to tell myself that I looked good and there was nothing wrong with me, so why did I do this?. But at the same time I know what kind of damage can be caused by the fat resting on my vital organs, joints and bones, and I have to remember that health is the main reason why I had this surgery. Good luck to you!

People used to tell me all the time that I was not fat, just big. This was, in part to my barrel chest. I knew I was morbidly obese but still wondered if I looked ok and didn't need the surgery. My questions were answered when I began to feel really lousy and began to bust out of a size 48 levis. I couldn't bend over to tie my shoes without getting out of breath. The least bit of exercise (like dancing) would make me sweat like a pig. My knees started breaking down due to the weight and that's what really scared me into getting the surgery. Almost from the start of the two week pre-op liquid diet I began to feel better, even though I only lost 11 lbs in that two weeks. I have no regrets, no compications, and feel better than I have in years. Weight-wise, I have rolled the clock back to 1979 and if I reach my goal weight, I will be back to 1971. Now, people compliment me on the weight I've lost and how good I look since losing the weight. Never heard that before and it feels great!

I did this for a while, but I started writing about my weight issues and the blinders came off me.

My family, however, was still wearing huge blinders when it came to my size.

I noticed that my husband and kids never thought I was fat even though I was morbidly obese. At my highest, I had a BMI of 40. I was fascinated that my family couldn't see it.

But I am also the daughter of a large man. My dad was over 400 pounds my entire life, and I never thought of him as obese. This made the whole "mom's not fat" thinking amazing to me.

It wasn't until months after my surgery when my kids were going through photos from last year that they finally SAW how heavy I had been. They couldn't believe it, but they never would have had that realization if I hadn't lost weight and given them a new perspective.

Another thing I noticed was that as soon as I started losing weight, my kids had a hard time picking me out from a distance. A weight loss of just 30 pounds made them wonder who was with their sister instead of realizing it was their mom and sister that was walking towards them.

I find the whole phenomenon of size perception fascinating.

Yesterday when I was getting my pre-surgery labs drawn I had a reality check. I don't always see my "bigness." I know what my scale says, and what my BMI is. I know it's been getting harder to fit into restaurant booths and that I've had to buy a larger size of clothing the last several months. I have losing weight on my mind constantly, and am so anxious for this surgery so I can finally do it. Despite that, I often look into the mirror and feel like I'm still proportioned well even with the fat.

Christine your words are the words in my head. I don't understand it. I look at a picture and I am in total disbelief... there is no way my butt is really that big. I'm aware that I'm big but WHAT? It's crazy! I hope a lot of things that go through my head change with the surgery.

Linda, I can relate to family not seeing it! My husband doesn't seem to notice at all. But once we had a foster child that said, "You need to stop eating so you can be flat like us." Totally innocent, but I was certainly faced with reality!

OMG! I totally agree with everyone's posts on here. I see myself as "in shape" or not "too bad", until I see a picture of myself. I think that can't possibly be me. I don't look like that! But, I do. I have taken pictures of myself as my "before" pictures and I use them as reminders as to why I want this surgery (if I'm doubting myself). Once I see the pics, I'm horrified and disgusted with myself. I want to be healthy and can't wait to have a great picture of me, for ME!!!

I am so glad u mentioned this because this is exactly how I'm been feeling for the last 4 years I look in the mirro and I don't see what others see

Yes I feel the same even when working out everyday and hanging in with the class of skinny girls I thought I was good and in shape, just a little fluffy. Well my picture that someone from the gym took of me finally made me face the truth. I was fat not simply fluffy so I got my sleeve and there is no turning back. I am not nothing short of fabulous now.

I can so relate to what everyone has said. When I was at my heaviest I knew I was big/fat, but when I looked in the mirror I thought, it's not that bad, I didn't see myself for how big I really was, until I would see a picture!

My boyfriend and I went to this local concert, I got this cute top and I remember I thought I looked really cute that day. Well later in the night we took pictures and when I seen them I was horrified! I can't believe I walked out of the house. I'm so mad my computer crashed and lost the picture, it would have been a good before one.

Now I feel like I have the reverse problem! I know I don't look like my biggest, but I have a hard time seeing myself as 100+ down.

Sent from my iPhone using VST

I did not realize how much weight I gained until I had surgery and started losing weight.

I, too, can relate! I always knew I was fat but still thought I looked good sometimes, and clean up nice, etc. I think we were all in denial. It's a defense mechinism because to face reality would be too painful. I always have my parents telling me I am too big, but I would just tell myself I don't look that bad and they are just being jerks. Then if I saw a picture of me looking really big, I would be horrified, and would think that's not what I *really* look like. I think that's why as we lose weight a lot of times we don't *see* it ourselves, because in our minds, we always looked that way. I can't wait to drop this weight, get new boobs and a new tummy... and for once actually look great!

How many of you ask your closest people, "Hey, see that woman, I'm not as big as her am I?" And you happen to pick the biggest person so they say "No way!!!" LOL

I completely agree I do it all the time!!!! When I went to my baratric seminar I was thinking gosh I'm so much smaller than most people here.....in hind site I'm embarrassed because a picture says a thousand words!!!!

I wonder how many of you were large in your teen years and feel this way???? I have wondered if the image of ourselves that we carry in our mind comes from those teen years. I was big as a teen and feel very big now. I once lost 100 pounds, and still felt as large as I do now.

OMG! I was just mentioning to my DH that I used to look at myself and think I looked like a fuller Jessica Simpson. Except, that I see now that I acutally look like Homer Simpson (what with my abdomen being all round and now being a pear-shaped instead of hourglass).

I can so relate to this. I mean when I see myself in pictures, I'm like who the heck is that! I can hardly believe that it's me. I wonder, man did other people see this, OMG they must be horrified! I don't think it really sinks in initially. When I started taking before pictures of myself, I couldn't believe my eyes. I dare not post them until I have some after pictures to soften the blow! LOL