Body Dysmorphia In Reverse

[Christine1322 20]

Yesterday when I was getting my pre-surgery labs drawn I had a reality check. I don't always see my "bigness." I know what my scale says, and what my BMI is. I know it's been getting harder to fit into restaurant booths and that I've had to buy a larger size of clothing the last several months. I have losing weight on my mind constantly, and am so anxious for this surgery so I can finally do it. Despite that, I often look into the mirror and feel like I'm still proportioned well even with the fat.

So I was sitting there, and my stomach was partially sitting on the arm rest bar they swing down in front of you. At the same time, there was a pregnant woman having a test for gestational diabetes, and was having her timed blood drawn. She looked like she was 7-8 months along, and when she sat in the chair with the arm rest in place, she still had about 5 inches between her belly and the bar! How is it that I don't see what I really look like? In pictures I do. I totally do. Pictures show the true story, and show my proportions and size for what they really are. But I don't recognize it in the mirror. Is this denial? Or what the heck?

When I had my gallbladder out last year, I was unpleasantly surprised that I had to use one of the larger hospital gowns, and they had to use the large size blood pressure cuff rather than the regular size. I was shocked. My arm doesn't look that big to me. This is an interesting phenomenon to me and I'm just curious what others have to say about it. Has anyone else experienced this? Does it change after surgery?

[flipflop 28]

I totally understand! It is like you read my mind...I seriously have thought these same thoughts! I am not sure what it is...but you are not alone!

[Marty McSkinnystein 342]

Also we get used to it in order to, sort of, I guess, survive.

I recently began to REALLY see myself after hiding behind funky jewelry and nice makeup and clothes. Somehow I thought people couldn't see the fat with all that?!?

Ah the games our minds can play.

[Fallenangel2904 494]

I had this issue a lot growing up. I never saw myself as big as I was, only when I would stand next to a normal size person, or compare clothes with them did I see differences. I think it hurt me in a way in my teens because I didn't see I had a problem most of the time so I didn't want to recognize it and work on it. Now I definitly see it, though sometimes I still see myself as 'normal'. I definitly understand.

[blessedbeauty85 6]

This is SO true; you read my mind in so many ways lol. I do the same thing to myself, that's why I've carried this weight for so long. You think to yourself "Oh I carry it well, so it's not that bad". But it is....and pictures tell it all!....I've seen pictures of myself and wanted to crawl under a rock somewhere and hide because that image is not the person that ive made myself believe that I am. That image is reality, and it hits hard! But that's is why we are here; because we have finally come to terms with it and are standing up to do something about it. GREAT TOPIC!!!

[Mom_24 72]

I completely relate to what you are saying. It took going to the doctor and having some labs come back that were a bit concerning, before I realized that I really HAVE to do something about this NOW, before I develop really bad health problems as a result of my - dare I say it - obesity.

[jusstice 103]

OMG! I was just mentioning to my DH that I used to look at myself and think I looked like a fuller Jessica Simpson. Except, that I see now that I acutally look like Homer Simpson (what with my abdomen being all round and now being a pear-shaped instead of hourglass).

[5DoxieMom 87]

I can SO relate to all the above posts. I even have a couple of heavy friends who say..."I'm lucky, I carry my weight so well." And I'm thinking, "no you don't." That's what really made me think....oh, and the photos, ugh! painful!

[Back~To~Amy 307]

I think it truly is one of those mysteries if the brain. As you lose weight you probably won't see it. I'm down 40 pounds and people say they see it. I don't. I know its happening because I've gone down a pants size and am not far from going down again, so logically I know my body must look smaller, but I see no change. I'm hoping next Monday when I do pics again, I will see it.

[tiffers 55]

I completely understand what everyone is saying. Now I'm trying to adjust to the new me, but that's not a bad thing. I catch my reflection in windows, etc. and frequently stop and look b/c I can't believe it's my reflection. At the same time, I see old pics of my self and think, " I can't believe I was soon big!" It's def. an adjustment, but I like adjusting to the new me. . Good luck to everyone on your WL journey and may you enjoying watching your body transform as much as I have enjoyed my transformation!

[Back~To~Amy 307]

The way you are going is a much better way to be shocked! Good luck to you too.

[minaleigh 95]

I was just searching for a topic just like this! I can totally relate. I am a shy person, and used the old trick of holding your purse or a pillow over your stomach while sitting down in front of other people (heck, I STILL do it subconsciously), but I still didn't see myself as obese as I was. Sure, I always dogged on myself (because let's face it, it doesn't hurt so much if you're the first one joking about your weight) but I still walked around like I was almost normal.

I was looking through old pictures from a year and a half ago, probably at my highest weight. Dear lord, how did I not notice?! Why was I wearing that?! Why did nobody tell me?! I just can't believe I let myself get that big. I also can't believe I'm 75 pounds down and still in the "obese" range. Size 14 and M/L shirts and I'm... obese? Will I look at pictures of me at this point, thinking I'm looking pretty good right now, only to groan and still not believing I thought I looked okay at this size?

[petite-size-me! 70]

I am actually porportionate, but really heavy! My breasts are huge and my ass is supersized, so of course my waist and legs look small!

I used that as armor for a long time. Doesn't help when u have friends that tell you that your figure is nice. I think they mean to make me feel better but when I see pics I just want to crop them to head shots!

But when I get myself done up and swagger out the door, in my mind I look HOT! Pmsl!

I have heard it can take ages to start picking up smaller sizes by habit. Lots of ppl lose weight and then continue taking larger sizes to the dressing rooms!

[haich1 5]

I have always had it in my mind that I looked pretty much ok, and even thought I had it 'goin on' lollll. In these last few weeks before my surgery (July 24th) I had stopped wearing my makeup, I have my hair scraped back into a pony tail, I stopped mani/pedi, and took all my jewellery off. To some this may sound weird, but I wanted to see myself 'as is' so that I wouldn't be tempted to slip back into thinking, that, 'I'm fine' and back out. Crazy hey ????

[haich1 5]

In other words...my 'armor' is off.