I'm having an internal struggle about telling people that I am having bariatric surgery. My husband has been so supportive so has my parents and 3 really close friends. But when I told my mother in law after I received my official surgery date. She said well why can't you just follow a diet. I don't think she meant it to be as hurtful as it sounded but its comments like that I don't want to hear. It was already hard enough to make the decision to start my weight loss journey and to get to this point I am now. Its an accomplishment that I am proud of but I feel like I am keeping it a secret. After my mother in laws comment I don't think I will tell anyone else. Has anyone had the negativity with telling people in their life?

I guess I have been very lucky because everyone that I have told has been very supportive, family, friends, employer etc. My dad had some concerns at first, but it wasn't the "why can't you just stick to a diet!" type of BS. It was just concerns about the risks of surgery--which is understandable. I think the reaction you get from people is related in part to how you explain the surgery and your reason for getting the surgery.

In my case, I told people that "I had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and I have a family history of heart disease. I having 'metabolic' surgery at the recommendation of my cardiologist because he thinks it will significantly improve my diabetes and reduce my risk of heart disease etc. The fact that I will lose a substantial amount of weight is great, but the real goal here is to become much healthier, live longer and have more time with my kids." First, I am calling it metabolic surgery, not weight loss surgery. Weight loss surgery makes it sound like this is just another form of cosmetic surgery, like lipo---and it's definitely NOT cosmetic surgery (not that I have a problem with cosmetic surgery). No one is going to be judgmental when you say you're having surgery to treat diabetes or some other co-morbidity (just like they wouldn't question someone having surgery to remove a tumor--who the hell would leave a tumor in place if they could have it safely removed??). Even if you don't have any co-morbidities, that only means you probably have a BMI over 40 which also puts you at risk for heart disease and orthopedic issues. In that case, I would still tell people that you are having the surgery at the recommendation of your cardiologist and/or orthopedist (since weight and joint issues go hand in hand) etc. Not many people are going to question you for following your doctor's advice.

Again, the less you make this about appearance the less likely people are going to judge you negatively. More importantly, I am not suggesting anyone lie--only that they share information in a way that makes it easier for people that don't have understand this surgery to appreciate why you would choose those over just going on another pointless round of weight watchers or jenny craig.

1 hour ago, SteveT74 said:

I guess I have been very lucky because everyone that I have told has been very supportive, family, friends, employer etc. My dad had some concerns at first, but it wasn't the "why can't you just stick to a diet!" type of BS. It was just concerns about the risks of surgery--which is understandable. I think the reaction you get from people is related in part to how you explain the surgery and your reason for getting the surgery.

In my case, I told people that "I had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and I have a family history of heart disease. I having 'metabolic' surgery at the recommendation of my cardiologist because he thinks it will significantly improve my diabetes and reduce my risk of heart disease etc. The fact that I will lose a substantial amount of weight is great, but the real goal here is to become much healthier, live longer and have more time with my kids." First, I am calling it metabolic surgery, not weight loss surgery. Weight loss surgery makes it sound like this is just another form of cosmetic surgery, like lipo---and it's definitely NOT cosmetic surgery (not that I have a problem with cosmetic surgery). No one is going to be judgmental when you say you're having surgery to treat diabetes or some other co-morbidity (just like they wouldn't question someone having surgery to remove a tumor--who the hell would leave a tumor in place if they could have it safely removed??). Even if you don't have any co-morbidities, that only means you probably have a BMI over 40 which also puts you at risk for heart disease and orthopedic issues. In that case, I would still tell people that you are having the surgery at the recommendation of your cardiologist and/or orthopedist (since weight and joint issues go hand in hand) etc. Not many people are going to question you for following your doctor's advice.

Again, the less you make this about appearance the less likely people are going to judge you negatively. More importantly, I am not suggesting anyone lie--only that they share information in a way that makes it easier for people that don't have understand this surgery to appreciate why you would choose those over just going on another pointless round of weight watchers or jenny craig.

"In my case, I told people that "I had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and I have a family history of heart disease. I having 'metabolic' surgery at the recommendation of my cardiologist because he thinks it will significantly improve my diabetes and reduce my risk of heart disease etc."

That is exactly why I'm not saying anything. I don't feel I should have to explain my reasons or justify it to someone else.

"I am calling it metabolic surgery, not weight loss surgery. Weight loss surgery makes it sound like this is just another form of cosmetic surgery, like lipo" And I'm not going to make up a name to satisfy others. It's weight-loss surgery. But that's your prerogative.

Everyone has to decide whats best for them. I just don't feel the need to go into dialogue when someone starts questioning me why, so I don't say anything.

Please don't take this as I'm bashing you, or how you choose to approach it. That's up to each individual and what they feel comfortable with.

I wish you a lot of success on your journey. See you on the thin side.

Edited December 13, 20187 yr by Johnny B

I myself brought the news to my grammar and aunts few days after discharging from the hospital, whatever negative comments I would reply "I understand your concerns thank u, but it's my health and my decisions" and if any further negative comments I would just engage myself in a game or a mobile chat ([emoji113]talk to the hand)

10 minutes ago, Johnny B said:

"In my case, I told people that "I had been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and I have a family history of heart disease. I having 'metabolic' surgery at the recommendation of my cardiologist because he thinks it will significantly improve my diabetes and reduce my risk of heart disease etc."

That is exactly why I'm not saying anything. I don't feel I should have to explain my reasons or justify it to someone else.

"I am calling it metabolic surgery, not weight loss surgery. Weight loss surgery makes it sound like this is just another form of cosmetic surgery, like lipo" And I'm not going to make up a name to satisfy others. It's weight-loss surgery. But that's your prerogative.

Everyone has to decide whats best for them. I just don't feel the need to go into dialogue when someone starts questioning me why, so I don't say anything.

Please don't take this as I'm bashing you, or how you choose to approach it. That's up to each individual and what they feel comfortable with.

I wish you a lot of success on your journey. See you on the thin side.

I agree. Everyone needs to do what's best for them. Frankly, you don't have to tell anyone anything. I don't discuss my health condition with anyone that doesn't need to know. When it comes to close family that loves me, they are going to notice significant difference in my lifestyle as well as my appearance (eventually), so I think it made sense to share this information with them.

P.S.

You are wrong about one thing though. In the medical professional labels matter and these procedures are being called "metabolic surgery", not just weight loss (or bariatric) surgery. That's why the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery changed its name to add the term "Metabolic" a few years ago. This is the case because these procedures, which were originally popularized for weight loss benefits, are now being used to treat many different illness that are not necessarily related to obesity. Even the American Diabetes Association strongly supports the use of "metabolic surgery" to treat Type 2 Diabetes. This surgery is also used to treat very thin people that suffer from treatment resistant gastroparesis and other GI and metabolic illnesses. Sure, a large number of people are having these procedures done primarily because they are tired of being overweight, but to call it weight loss surgery does make it seem like "the easy way out" to the outside world. Metabolic surgery has a different connotation to the layman's mind as well as the minds of insurance companies. So, I suggest getting away for the use of the term "weight loss surgery" as much as possible.

Edited December 13, 20187 yr by SteveT74

At first I wasn't going to tell anyone but close family...but as I got closer to that time I decided that I would tell any and everyone who was interested in my weight loss, plus at my work the rumor mill is no joke tehehehe...so I said they might as well hear it from the source.

I don't have a FB so for me I wouldn't go that far but I'm glad that I was open about it because if I can help someone else that's struggling then it's great and one person that I told, her husband has already had the surgery after I told her all about it and another guy co-worker did not even know that our company insurance covered the surgery now he's looking into it...Since I have lost weight so may people at the office are now on diets, walking and trying to get healthier and I think that is excellent, they compliment me all the time and they see that I am putting hard work into it and not eating all of the junk food that is being brought in to our office from customers.

So basically I told anyone who asked LOL...That's just me though guys, I respect everyone's privacy and choices as well.

I told everyone that I see on a regular basis, because they would be seeing me and see a big change. My grandma was nervous for me, but she wasn't critical. Everyone else was very supportive. If anyone asks how I've lost so much weight, I tell them about the surgery too. I'm not embarrassed that I've had the surgery, and I really don't care what people think. I know that I'm healthier and happier than I was before, and that's what matters.

I have decided to be fairly open about my process (surgery countdown on T-4 days). So far I have gotten nothing but support with just a little bit of concern that goes along with any surgical procedure.

I have to say that I have the advantage of being a man. I know it is a harder decision for women because they are judged harsher. I wish it weren't the case but it sure seems to be.

I decided to be open for a couple of reasons. For me, it has been a long slow decline into obesity and I have been in denial for a long time. My first step was admitting that I had a problem and needed help. I wasn't ready to really make a change until I had broken through enough to admit it openly.

Second, I have a feeling that my weight loss is going to be quick. People will either guess that I had surgery or think that I am dying. Personally, I would rather them talk about the reality than conjecture.

Third, if I can be an example to other people, I will gladly take the scrutiny that comes with it. I fully expect to coach additional people through this process in the future. I have already gotten a few curious inquiries.

In the end, it is a personal decision for everyone to share what they are comfortable with. On one hand, there is no reason to talk over private medical matters with others. On the other hand, there is no shame in taking positive control over your life and doing something that will make you healthier.

Best of luck and let us know how it goes no matter what you decide.

I wasn't expecting such a huge response to my question. Thank you everyone for all your personal experiences and advise. I talked to my husband about it and he brought up so really great points for me to remember. I'm not going to tell anyone else in my family or friends until after I am post op and I am going to use Bariatric Pal to talk to people because I know I will get the positivity I need and support while I am going through the motions of my journey. I can offer support, advise and motivation to others here as well. Again Thank you guys for all the advise and sharing your personal experiences with me. Not everyone in my personal life will agree or be excited for me. But I'm choosing not to give them a chance to bring me down about something I've worked so hard for.

I decided I would only share that I was having surgery with my adult children, sister and my mom and dad. My husband is super supportive and has not pushed me to share with others unless I wanted to. In the past I have lost large amounts of weight and like many have gained it and more back soon after. I don’t want to be judged against my past history. I may never share that I had the sleeve with anyone else. I believe it is a personal decision and whichever way you choose to go share or not share is the right decision.

My mam-in-law is the whole "I heard someone who had it and got lots of problems, why can't you try Slimming World?" for five minutes, but she was scared of me going under the knife. I tried to explain it was laproscopic but she didn't understand. Now that I'm out the other side she's very supportive.

I told the women in my Qur'an class I had "stomach surgery" but I've lost a noticeable amount of weight so they even though they don't know specifics, they keep congratulating me. I even had someone come and ask me dieting tips *splutter*?!

Hubs is very supportive although he was worried beforehand. He saw me through a failed lapband so I think like me he was wondering if it would actually work. Now he jokes he's been secretly fiddling with my scales to make me think I'm losing weight. He can't believe it when I come downstairs and announce (lost another half a kilo!) couple of times a week.

So....this is a GREAT question!

I'm a GIANT compared to my family. They are all petite tiny little Asians. I am not only taller...and at 5'3" that's almost laughable. But my father is a fat shamer and he has not been kind. His side of the family has been large (and his sisters and cousins who are nurses have had bariatric surgery) but my immediate family is full of very thin people. My mother put me on my first diet when I was 12 and at my thinnest..I think I was this height and weighed 125 lbs.

But I did tell my father. I think his first inclination was to say...JUST DIET. But realizing that I have struggled my entire life with hereditary health issues and weight - he just wants me to be healthy. So he has been as supportive as he knows how to be.

IMHO, this is my journey and my journey alone. Ppl can support me or not. My husband is only afraid of complications and wants me to be comfortable. He knows at my current weight I am suffering b/c of the extra weight on my joints and b/c I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Also my job requires me to be available whether I am on vacation or even on holiday, so I did inform almost half of my company that I am having a 'surgery', and not available for the pre-op days and time in-patient. Other than that....they don't need to know.

First reaction was honestly not that bad some people had their doubts but at the end of the day health comes first after a while everyone understood my point of view and now everyone is extremely happy for me tell them and give them a while eventually they’ll understand and be happy for you

I think part of the reason I have kept this quiet is because with gastric sleeve, most people lose around 60% of their excess weight, not the dramatic loss that the general public may expect, and I didn't want to be the focus of "Hmmm, she had her stomach stapled and she is STILL FAT" sort of gossip, and I also don't want people wondering if I look like a melted snowman under my clothes because they saw some lady on some tabloid tv show who had 10 yards of skin removed after WLS. The surgery is misunderstood because it complex and effects vary from person to person, but someone who hasn't seriously looked into it doesn't understand.

On 12/12/2018 at 5:47 PM, Jean9 said:

I've had that reaction too from a few people. Why can't you just lose weight normally? I get mad cause obviously it's not that easy and not like I've tried! Tons of factors come into play. I think people just might not know what to say about the whole surgery thing. Surgery to some is probably very traumatic. All that matters is that we are choosing to better ourselves. Whether its through surgery, non surgery or what ever other method they need to see that! When's your surgery? Mine is Dec 26th...my moms bday! I sure hope everything goes well!

Best of luck Jean. You will do fine. I'm right behind you on Dec 27. Take care

I feel it’s my journey, my life. We’ve tried to do things to lose weight and studies prove long term most are not able to keep it off for good. I commend those that have been able to do it. I also commend those of us taking this route because the surgery alone doesn’t make you successful. It’s still a long term battle because we still have the same brains we started with and to be honest most ppl overeat regardless of their size. We are doing what’s best for us and you don’t have to like it but we’re not asking you to either. Be happy with your decision. December 27th for me!!! I’ve gone through the steps 3 times and I’ve finally decided I’ve had enough and need some assistance.