I'm having an internal struggle about telling people that I am having bariatric surgery. My husband has been so supportive so has my parents and 3 really close friends. But when I told my mother in law after I received my official surgery date. She said well why can't you just follow a diet. I don't think she meant it to be as hurtful as it sounded but its comments like that I don't want to hear. It was already hard enough to make the decision to start my weight loss journey and to get to this point I am now. Its an accomplishment that I am proud of but I feel like I am keeping it a secret. After my mother in laws comment I don't think I will tell anyone else. Has anyone had the negativity with telling people in their life?

Who and who? I'm grown. I do what I want.

Everyone has felt they get a say in what I do with and to my body friends coworkers family members especially all the family at my son’s bday party etc. did I tell them all? nope my mom felt the need to call all of our family and let them know. Even though I’m happy I had the surgery, I’m only 4 days out I’m glad I had it but extremely hard without any cheerleaders in my corner. ? even though my family has told me how stupid this was and what a waste of money it is I’m greateful they kept my 2 yr for a couple days after surgery so I could heal.

I feel like I've been extraordinarily lucky with the support and responses that I've received. I did have some people tell me that I had lost a bunch of weight before (with KETO) and so why couldn't I just go back to that? A few people who looked at me like I wasn't heavy enough to warrant the surgery, but all in all - people have been really supportive of this decision.

I am not sure what they say behind my back, or what the comments will be once I starting losing noticeable weight. But I've come to realize that my life isn't about other people, it's about me. Morbid obesity IS a health issue (trust me, I'm all for a body positive world - but my "size" was not healthy.) I want to feel better about myself. I don't want my weight to hold me back.

On 12/12/2018 at 5:59 PM, Queenbee34 said:

Awe you are getting close to your surgery day! I'm so excited for you. My surgery day isn't until Feb 1st because my surgeon is just booked out that far. My mother in laws comment was just off putting to me because I thought she would be happy for me. And it did hurt my feelings for 2.5 secs because I know how hard I worked to get where I am now. I actually have lost weight during this whole process because I'm learning healthy eating habits and exercise for my body. I've had the support of the bariatric unit at the hospital.

I did not tell my Mom she would not understand. I told my cousin who is a recovery and prepping nurse and she. Said she sees some family members at the bedside as the person’s preop saying you sure you want to do this? She says it’s terrible.

I’ve told a lot of people and so many people have friends and family who have done it , have heard many interesting stories. My mother , who is 5’3 and 122 lbs at 82 was skeptical and both she and my father questioned why I “couldn’t just stick to a diet”. But when I explained about the hormonal result of so many years of yo yo dieting and the fact the surgery reduces what is Probably an over abundance of lepton and ghrelin, they got it and became supportive

Your words encouraged me and were very uplifting!
Thankyou for referencing the brain which has a direct relationship with how addictive behaviors are managed when triggered by stressors! I am only successful one day at a time in staying focus. For me it begins with commitment to change for better quality of life!

I've only told my immediate family, boyfriend, and one friend (who had WLS earlier this year). I don't have plans to let anyone else know. The first 6 months after surgery are the months during which there is the most potential to lose weight and that's what I want to focus on. I don't want anyone who may not be supportive to ruin that.

I’m a very shy person and keep to myself. I simply stay private about my personal experiences in life. I only told my immediate family and my parents. I now regret it though.

I had a hard time making the decision to keep it private because I knew I would have a rapid weight loss and it would strike up conversations about my weight loss. It would then definitely keep the rumor mill busy and boy, it has.

I regret not coming forth and just telling people I had WLS when they asked me and not worry about criticism. The reason being is that during my first 6 months, I avoided lunches with coworkers and other friends as I wouldn’t be able to eat a regular sized meal and the questions would pop up. Now that I can eat up to 8 oz of food, it’s still difficult to hide or beat around the bush. Some folks will notice that I eat very little and some have asked me straight up “have you had WLS? You eat like my friend, relative, brother or sister that had WLS surgery.” I deny having had WLS and I hate it because I’m lying to my friends and coworkers. I’ll sometimes say that I splurged on the donuts/cake in the break room or that the vegan lifestyle I’m trying to live by is upsetting my stomach. I just think that I created a very uncomfortable situation for me and I think people suspect that I had WLS. I’ve had close coworkers tell me that people talk about my new eating habits and that most likely I was one of Dr. Nowzaradan’s patients. There’s also other nasty criticism that has come along with it.

In hindsight, in my case, I should of just answered with the truth when asked and not worry about the nasty criticism and stupid rumors. They’re doing it anyways. This would of let me know who are the true supportive individuals.

I hope your experience with this topic goes as you wanted it to be. Good luck with your journey. It’s going to be a positive transformation, trust me.

On 12/17/2018 at 10:29, gahvi said:

I’m a very shy person and keep to myself. I simply stay private about my personal experiences in life. I only told my immediate family and my parents. I now regret it though.



I had a hard time making the decision to keep it private because I knew I would have a rapid weight loss and it would strike up conversations about my weight loss. It would then definitely keep the rumor mill busy and boy, it has.



I regret not coming forth and just telling people I had WLS when they asked me and not worry about criticism. The reason being is that during my first 6 months, I avoided lunches with coworkers and other friends as I wouldn’t be able to eat a regular sized meal and the questions would pop up. Now that I can eat up to 8 oz of food, it’s still difficult to hide or beat around the bush. Some folks will notice that I eat very little and some have asked me straight up “have you had WLS? You eat like my friend, relative, brother or sister that had WLS surgery.” I deny having had WLS and I hate it because I’m lying to my friends and coworkers. I’ll sometimes say that I splurged on the donuts/cake in the break room or that the vegan lifestyle I’m trying to live by is upsetting my stomach. I just think that I created a very uncomfortable situation for me and I think people suspect that I had WLS. I’ve had close coworkers tell me that people talk about my new eating habits and that most likely I was one of Dr. Nowzaradan’s patients. There’s also other nasty criticism that has come along with it.



In hindsight, in my case, I should of just answered with the truth when asked and not worry about the nasty criticism and stupid rumors. They’re doing it anyways. This would of let me know who are the true supportive individuals.



I hope your experience with this topic goes as you wanted it to be. Good luck with your journey. It’s going to be a positive transformation, trust me.

Yikes! I guess this was partly why I was so blunt and open about the whole thing. I’d rather people have the correct information than speculate.

That said, it really is no ones business what we do with our bodies, let alone their place to comment on them. We do not owe them explanations or justifications for our appearance/decisions.

This is one thing that grinds my gears a bit. Just because I’m open about having surgery, does not mean it’s open season on commenting about my body. ?

Like I said, I told a couple friends -really the folks I'd eat out with. For my coworkers that ask, I just look them dead in the eye and tell them that talking about a coworker's body is beyond inappropriate. Maybe they talk behind my back, but by now most people know better than to say anything to me.

So wow, I told my Dad last week I was having the surgery - now he's just so awkward. But I'm hoping it's just him.

He had called tonight (which btw, is very unusual since we've primarily communicated via email for the last 10 years). I think it was his way of being supportive. I asked how things were going...and he said "Well, me and your mother are both stuffed. She just made this amazing pot of gumbo." Then all I heard was gurgling. He was choking from embarrassment b/c he had somehow talked about FOOD and I guess he thinks that's now off limits...he got so flustered he accidentally hung up the phone. Ten seconds later he calls back and said he just wanted to call and wish me and my husband Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays..!

So that was fun...LOL. Oy!!!!!! : \

And THIS is why I have told so few ppl. I probably can handle the conversations - it's the PPL AROUND ME that cannot!

Edited December 18, 20187 yr by SimoneMonet

I haven’t kept it a secret. I decided that if they don’t support my decision to get help to get healthy then that’s fine. I’ve been lucky that friends, family and coworkers have been extremely supportive. It’s made this journey a lot better. Gotten a lot of well wishes today as my surgery is tomorrow. I think I needed this for my journey but I understand why people don’t tell others as well. Good luck.

My surgery date is 12/24!! The very few who know have been very supportive and encouraging. I chose who to tell, but surprisingly my 16 year old son is the only one that gave me a lot of grief. My BMI is actually 37. He feels I don’t need to do this and thinks I can lose a *few* pounds on my own as he says. (It’s amazing how our children see us, he tells me I’m perfect everyday.) I know it’s scary for him, I talked to him about it like this... I told him about all my co-morbidities and how much this is going to help me. I told him it’s not JUST about weight loss but it’s about curing my GERD, High blood pressure, everyday aches and pains (which I think is Fibromalgia), sleep apnea, and the list goes on. I think it helped, but I know he’s still worried. So if anyone has anything negative to say I’ve decided that’s exactly what I’m going to tell them.

My folks were good with it. I told immediate family before surgery, and then sprung it on the rest of the family one by one, which was pretty enjoyable. Coworkers and friends get the info on a need-to-know basis; for instance, a new mom who’s struggling with baby weight got the full WLS story because otherwise it’s mean to make her think I’ve got some dieting secret, but the nosy gym fiend got stonewalled because he’s just rubbernecking.

I thought I’d get the most resistance out of my parents and siblings, but surprisingly they all said that they know I research things into the ground, so if I say that my metabolism is broken and this is the best solution, they believe it. I mean, they’re right, I’ve spent much of my career as a researcher and that is my pattern, but it was really nice that they all listened, asked non-biased questions and were totally on board. And now they’re all just completely delighted because not only my body has changed, but my personality too.