So I had surgery this past nov, only lost 20lbs so far but things are starting to look up (FINALLY!). Anyway Out of nowhere one of my old bffs, hits me up. Says hes been looking for me everywhere and missed me so much! I was happy We started texting and then talking the past 3days. The thing is, hes married! He got married this year because last year she got preg after dating for 3months, and now he has a kid. It was nice to hear from him, my old bff who I was supperrr close to! congradulated him on the baby an all that. But anyway..hes been super flirty an its getting a little weird. I've made hints like, I don't think your wife would appreciate that and blah blah blah. But he uses the excuse shes still friends with like all of her exes & its no big deal. Though its only been 3days, I'm starting to remember why we were so close and I'm scared of getting caught up. Plus I feel like its a disrespect to his wife by allowing him to flirt!. Well he wants to keep talking, and texts me everyday after work and we've just started talking on the phone and stuff but I feel kind of bad. Like I'm doing something wrong? even though its really just innocent conversation. I guess its the joke flirting that makes me feel guilty? We're all in our early 20's but I don't feel like hes matured like I thought he has. I just don't even know! Well today he made comments like. I wish we would've been together..I've always had feelings for you. Wish that I would've faught harder to stay in your life & blah.. It made me feel good but unsure of rekindling this friendship at the same time because of like..all the comments that just made me feel, unsure?. Sooo anyway I have nooo idea what to do at this point. Yes I would love to stay friends with him but I feel like its already going to a place that it shouldn't and it hasn't even been a week! I guess I'm just looking for advice at this point.. :/

He sought you out, and he's flirting - I assume he's hoping to start something. If it was me, I'd back off now before anything has a chance to start.

He's looking to cheat for sure.

If he has intentions of being with you and leaving his wife.. then maybe..? But if I were you, I'd say goodbye. It sounds sketchy and unstable.

It's been 3 days and he's already saying stuff like that so yeah, I'd say he's actively looking to be a bad boy.

Run!!!!!

Run fast!!!

Something I read somewhere just the other day..............."Yes, he might DESIRE you, but does he VALUE you ? " It was some story about a girl who bragged about how popular she was with men (Take that anyway you want ) and wasnt real shy about it either. The other person was a bit choosier about men , and while she appreciated men wanting her, she made sure they valued her first and foremost. I think this story applies to your very married (and a daddy !) friend. Just sayin '.

@@ZombieQueen --

The "Run!!!!!" and "Run fast!!!!!" say it all very well, but here are my two six cents.

If his wife doesn't know he's been communicating with you the past few days, he's already cheating. For him to be married and telling you -- out of nowhere -- that he's always had feelings for you is a big, fat line.

The guy has nothing to offer anyone. In fact, he's offering nothing.

You want better than that from anyone you get close to, whether as a boyfriend or a pal.

Edited December 2, 201510 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

I never figured a cheater to be trustworthy so I would not want him even if he left the wife and their baby.

why did you break up to begin with? Was he unfaithful (like he is NOW to his WIFE!) or didn't appreciate you?

RUN!

*@ZombieQueen, I just reread your note and spotted these lines especially:

"Though its only been 3days, I'm starting to remember why we were so close and I'm scared of getting caught up.......but I feel kind of bad. Like I'm doing something wrong? even though its really just innocent conversation. I guess its the joke flirting that makes me feel guilty? We're all in our early 20's but I don't feel like hes matured like I thought he has. I just don't even know!........ It made me feel good but unsure of rekindling this friendship at the same time because of like..all the comments that just made me feel, unsure?. Sooo anyway I have nooo idea what to do at this point. Yes I would love to stay friends with him but I feel like its already going to a place that it shouldn't and it hasn't even been a week! I guess I'm just looking for advice at this point.. "

Like Dorothy of "The Wizard of Oz," you know the answer to your question. You've written it yourself. You've grown up a lot since you and your friend lost contact. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Friendships and romances are supposed to make us feel happier, not cause stomach aches. Let him slide. Someone better will come along.

As a general guide for life, never do or say anything or go anywhere that will keep you from holding your head high.

Edited December 2, 201510 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

It's not worth your time. It's disrespectful to his wife and child and go you as well. Let it go.

In order to keep him in your life as a BFF, there has to be ground rules. Guy pals are great. However, he has to know that you are not interested in being his lover, only his friend. Compliments from guy friends are huge ego boosters. So, I am sure it is tempting to keep him around. Is he looking for an excuse to leave his wife? Some people won't leave a bad relationship until they have something better come along. I would keep this one at arms length. Don't answer his texts for a while. His BFF should be his wife.

I agree with the other posts...run like hell and never look back (unless he's divorced). And one more thing...if either one of you guys are questioning whether anything being said/done is inappropriate, here's the test...if what you are saying/doing to each other is NOT something you would say/do in front of his wife, then it's inappropriate.

Hey ladies..thanks for the feedback. I pretty much agree with every single one of you. A little about our background, we were friends for 3 1/2 yrs, bestfriends for 3. Yes i had feelings for him at some point, but did not pursure them because he was VERY immature. He is a year younger then me, but I thought he'd eventually grow out of that an when he didn't I kicked him to the curb. He got to a point he was ruining his own life, and yet causing ME stress. After that we didn't talk..its been a little over 2yrs since we've had contact. Admitedly in the past hes tried to date me, asked me out multiple times an admited to having strong feelings for me..but I told him we're at very different places in our lives. (Him being in that immature, stuck in the whole teens stage type of thing) I wanted to but I knew it wasn't the right thing for me. Now we're in waaaay diff places in our lives, and yes I agree..Its time for me to run the hell away. I care about him so much, and wish him the best. But I don't feel comfortable with a married man and father saying those things to me. I know I would be heartbroken if my future partner said things like this to someone else! an so thats why I'm chosing to walk away from the whole situation. Hes texted me twice today, I haven't yet responded because I don't exactly know how I'm going to word what I want to tell him. I do know I want to let him know I'll always be there for him, if he REALLY needs someone. But not when he has a wife, that could be there for him and give him what he needs. Anyway Thanks again girls.

You're a very smart woman.

You'll word your text right. In fact, I think you're already there.

good for you to make the decision to walk away...I agree with everyone else on this post--your BFF was full of crap and was just looking for a way to cheat. Just like someone else mentioned above, if you and the BFF cannot have a conversation in front of his wife, then it's probably inappropriate. And if you have to ask yourself if a conversation or behavior is inappropriate, then it probably is. I don't know you but I do know that you deserve so much more than what the BFF can offer you at this time.