betrthnever

I am sorry for everything you've been going through (mum & the others who have posted about having cancer and losing because of cancer). Its been some time since you've posted. My thoughts are with you. How are you doing?

I can have pressure issues (or back up issues, as I like to call them) when I'm a little constipated, or have eaten a little too much. But when I had my uterus my fibroid didn't cause me any issues. Maybe its as simple as you being a little to tight or retaining too much water?

You will stop hurting, you will feel human. It just takes time. You also are contending with a hernia repair so you have that added issue. And you might or might not be a little more sensitive to pain then others. Everyone is different.

ok, ok, I know I don't have lots of room to talk being divorced myself, but I'm playing at a what if. What it we do what we can to help a relationship? Wish I realized I had a "what if" when I could have done something about it.

I can feel your fear, and I understand it. When you say she's drinking more, is it like every day or on weekends or...? If she's doing it daily & lots of it then there's more of an issue going on. If its just in a party environment then I would say (from experience, BTW) that she's just in the moment and that parties do end. I can understand about her wanting to go out and have fun after hiding from her body for so long. Those of us who have been big for so long, we want to enjoy our bodies, be noticed because of them and maybe just have the fun we never or haven't had for decades just because of being big for so long. But even my "wild & crazy times" with my friends was short lived. I'm a mother, I have a job (sometimes two) and getting over hangovers takes days anymore. Reality does come back. Think of a pendulum that's swinging back & forth - one end is the very insecure person who doesn't want to be noticed, and on the other end is this new "swan" who wants to strut her stuff & whoop it up like she's 18 again. In the middle is the person who is more confident and loves herself more but is tempered with responsiblities. Why not go out with her, or make the mutual friends together and go out with them? Use that sexual energy she has to your (the relationship's) advantage - meet her at the bar and try to pick her up in a very hot way? I'm not a psychologist, but I will say from my experience that the when I started doing more and more things apart from my husband (which was pretty much day one in our relationship - he just never wanted to do much at all. And this was way before the band.) I started no longer feeling like I was part of a marriage. We SHOULD have tried to find more things to do with each other and just insist on it if we really wanted to keep our marriage. Hind site is almost 20/20.

*****HI all, I've read so much about how the divorce rate goes up after having weight loss surgery, esp within the first 3 years. And with divorce statistics as high as what they are already it makes me wonder. I didn't want to attempt a survey but I am aching to ask those who have been banded for a while if you have experienced this - divorce after being banded & what do you think the reasons were that caused the divorce. OR did the surgery help your relationship with your SO?***** Hi Everyone, As I was the originator of this post I thought I'd better get my rear in gear and actually say that I am now a statistic. Lots has happened since I first posted this post. I'm officially divorced as of a couple of months ago. I'm also suppose to close on my very 1st house (was suppose to close a month ago but it keeps getting pushed back knock on wood that this is it. Had enough of living with the ex, a room mate & his (the roommate's) very obese girlfriend - I've worked hard to lose weight and it bothers me being around someone who doesn't care ). I had problems with my band back in October & gained 15-20 pounds back (which I am now losing, btw) due to 6 months of a complete unfill. My children have had a hard time dealing with the divorce & the overall changes in our lives & this has been the hardest for me to deal with. Three family members have passed away in 3 weeks (my grandmother (natural causes), my uncle & aunt (murder suicide). My ex still isn't working, and I'm looking at a life of financially supporting my children by myself - but no different then it has been for years now, anyway. Strength shows itself in times of hardship. Its not always about losing weight sometimes, but just maintaining it. That, I feel, in itself is a big victory. I'm proud of myself. I might have been the one who pushed for the divorce but I was the one who decided I no longer wanted to live a life where it was better to stuff it inside then to admit I wasn't happy. And I've always wanted to own a house (something my ex never thought was important) and I've worked hard to make it happen by working two jobs. I just can't control some of the things that happen to me. And that's the way it is. Sometimes I'm sad & lonely, and wonder how I'm going to do it all on my own, then I'm reminded that its OK to feel fear but just to do it anyway.

Susan, how long were you divorced before meeting this great man?

Directed to those of you who were able to get your insurance to pay for PS: what kind of hoops did you have to jump through? I get the rashes and have been to several drs so there is a paper trail. Was it harder for you to get the approval for PS then it was to get the band? I'm wondering...thanks for your help!:biggrin:

I was. They had me keep a boat of a pad between my legs - no underwear - and that was that. Less then a year later I had a hysterectomy. Bye bye pads!

Thanks, Kate. And this is even harder because I know my husband is a good man. He, too, loved me when I was big. He loves me still, I believe. And maybe we can come back together. Of course I can't predict the future but I will say that I will always care for him and he will always be dear to me. I might have said this before but sometimes love isn't enough.

Jaffa, was going to ask what your avatar was but I understand now! I use to really be into Stargate back in the day, too. Good that things are working out for you in the love department. When talking about love the reality is is that love, in many ways, is like your dream car (just roll with me on this one - I'm not implying that love or relationships are as trivial as autos). It can be wonderful for a long time, or a lemon right from the start. Say its great from the get go - If you're lucky it runs beautifully, smoothly for years. But there's gonna come a time when someone/something crashes into the bumper and you have your first *ding*. No big deal! Doesn't effect the ride; it still runs beautifully. Then it gets hit by a car door in the parking lot another *ding*. But so what? Its been so reliable, has run so smoothly for a long time who cares what it looks like? And even after its broken down on your way home from work for the 2nd time in a month you still feel you can make it work, although maybe the seeds of doubt start to grow. Your friends & familly start to ask if you really feel like you can rely on that car - if its really working for you. Still you stand firm - its been reliable for a long time and you've always wanted it. But when it breaks down (for the umpteenth time) on a back road in 112 degree heat (Phoenix summer), and your AAA membership's lapsed and your cell phone battery's dead, AND its your time of month (sorry, just had to throw that one in) you realize that, although it was a great car at one point, it just can't be fixed anymore. You can park it or move on. What it boils down to is you can still love it but if it doesn't work it doesn't work. OK so there are going to be people pissed off about the analogy I used but so what? It is what it is.

I'm with Jazma. Not single (yet) but will tell you that no matter what size you are - 26 or 6 (I've been at the 26 and I am now around a 6) you need to be comfortable with yourself no matter what.

Thanks so much, Heather! Support is something I really need right now. Funny before starting this journey I think I held on to an obviously unrealistic belief deep down inside that "if only" I were where I should be weight-wise things would just fall into place (come on, you've had that thought, too, if only a teansy-ensy bit?). Esp. in terms of my marriage. And that just hasn't happened. What has happened though is its opened my eyes to just how long we've been limping through our marriage & also to just how unhappy my DH has been as well. At this point our concern is to get DH out of school (he's been in school off & on for about 8 years now - the original goal was for him to graduate and start working so I could go back to school full time. The school I want to go to is an intensive 26 month program, during the day, and its suggested we don't work. What I have been able to do is to get some of the prereqs out of the way at night at the community college). At this point I'll have to find another way to make it happen. But he needs to finish up to be better able to provide for the kids. He hasn't worked for some time. The "when" we will actually seperate physically is still up in the air. I still care for him, he'll always be the father of my kids (and he needs to be able to support them), and he's not a bad guy are all reasons why I haven't just upped and moved. I would like it to happen sooner rather then later and I will be making sure I'm not being taken advantage of. Should I just start a new thread with this?

Well, here I am, almost 2 months shy of two years since I posted this question (and 2 1/2 years since being banded) and now I, too, am facing seperation. Just a month ago or so I asked my husband for a seperation. The reasons are numerous and long lasting and are far too complicated to get into right now. But I WILL say that I am a much different person then I was before my surgery - and may I never go back to that being that person! - and I can no longer be a part of my marriage as it has been for years now. Within the same context. This doesn't mean I want divorce although I do feel I want my husband to be someone that he just can not be and that is worrisome. But more later. Banders, what say you on this? Any changes? Esp. you long time banders? I'll post pictures soon. Even though I'm very close to goal - maybe 15 pounds or so I'm still not comfortable with the way pictures show me. It doesn't help that I have lots of extra skin to deal with. But I'll deal!

Good for you Sadie! I am about 20 poounds away from goal - I think I can say that I haven't used my band wisely but I am losing. You are an inspiration!