Hi y’all, I’m back for some support because I can feel mine waning so quickly it’s actually outpacing my weight loss. So today I got to see a friend for a second for the first time since November. (I’ve lost 48 lbs since then). She told me I looked “sickly” and “50 lbs is plenty” and that I was going to regret “butchering my body” in 10 years when I end up back where I started. She said all what I’ve done is undermined the hard work that people like her have put in to do it “the non cheaters way out.” I was actually stunned to hear those words uttered to me. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I’m nice to a fault, like I get told by people all the time I have no mean bone in my body. I didn’t have the guts to stand up for myself in that moment. I would never dream of being unsupportive of ANYONE trying to better themselves. So seeing people I’ve confided in and spent so much time with in my adult life turn on me for something that was done for health reasons that would have eventually killed me, has absolutely demoralized me. I don’t need to be coddled, but a little bit of “yeah we’ve seen first hand, your health deteriorate in the last 2 years, this is definitely something that’s going to help you so we’re here” would just mean a lot. But alas, I guess my expectations are too high.

This is my 3rd friend in 3 weeks to completely rail on me and tell me how dumb I am or how big of a failure I’m going to be, and I don’t think this isn’t the kind of journey that I can do on my own. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know who to confide in, and I don’t know how to convince myself that people are gonna judge and I’m just going to have to be okay with it. But I’m struggling. Never thought doing something to save my life would rid me of all my 3 best friends. And these aren’t co-workers or acquaintances, these are hang out every weekend, talk daily, been doing it for 5 years, type of people. How do I get through this? Any advice is welcomed and appreciated.

Sorry for being so long winded. If you read this far, thank you. I just needed to vent.

On 2/20/2021 at 11:40 PM, BayouTiger said:

Hi y’all, I’m back for some support because I can feel mine waning so quickly it’s actually outpacing my weight loss. So today I got to see a friend for a second for the first time since November. (I’ve lost 48 lbs since then). She told me I looked “sickly” and “50 lbs is plenty” and that I was going to regret “butchering my body” in 10 years when I end up back where I started. She said all what I’ve done is undermined the hard work that people like her have put in to do it “the non cheaters way out.” I was actually stunned to hear those words uttered to me. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I’m nice to a fault, like I get told by people all the time I have no mean bone in my body. I didn’t have the guts to stand up for myself in that moment. I would never dream of being unsupportive of ANYONE trying to better themselves. So seeing people I’ve confided in and spent so much time with in my adult life turn on me for something that was done for health reasons that would have eventually killed me, has absolutely demoralized me. I don’t need to be coddled, but a little bit of “yeah we’ve seen first hand, your health deteriorate in the last 2 years, this is definitely something that’s going to help you so we’re here” would just mean a lot. But alas, I guess my expectations are too high.

This is my 3rd friend in 3 weeks to completely rail on me and tell me how dumb I am or how big of a failure I’m going to be, and I don’t think this isn’t the kind of journey that I can do on my own. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know who to confide in, and I don’t know how to convince myself that people are gonna judge and I’m just going to have to be okay with it. But I’m struggling. Never thought doing something to save my life would rid me of all my 3 best friends. And these aren’t co-workers or acquaintances, these are hang out every weekend, talk daily, been doing it for 5 years, type of people. How do I get through this? Any advice is welcomed and appreciated.

Sorry for being so long winded. If you read this far, thank you. I just needed to vent.

jealousy is such an ugly thing ... hard to say but maybe you need 'new' friends. Anyone who thinks WLS is the "easy way out" is just plain ignorant.

On 2/20/2021 at 11:40 PM, BayouTiger said:

Hi y’all, I’m back for some support because I can feel mine waning so quickly it’s actually outpacing my weight loss. So today I got to see a friend for a second for the first time since November. (I’ve lost 48 lbs since then). She told me I looked “sickly” and “50 lbs is plenty” and that I was going to regret “butchering my body” in 10 years when I end up back where I started. She said all what I’ve done is undermined the hard work that people like her have put in to do it “the non cheaters way out.” I was actually stunned to hear those words uttered to me. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I’m nice to a fault, like I get told by people all the time I have no mean bone in my body. I didn’t have the guts to stand up for myself in that moment. I would never dream of being unsupportive of ANYONE trying to better themselves. So seeing people I’ve confided in and spent so much time with in my adult life turn on me for something that was done for health reasons that would have eventually killed me, has absolutely demoralized me. I don’t need to be coddled, but a little bit of “yeah we’ve seen first hand, your health deteriorate in the last 2 years, this is definitely something that’s going to help you so we’re here” would just mean a lot. But alas, I guess my expectations are too high.

This is my 3rd friend in 3 weeks to completely rail on me and tell me how dumb I am or how big of a failure I’m going to be, and I don’t think this isn’t the kind of journey that I can do on my own. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know who to confide in, and I don’t know how to convince myself that people are gonna judge and I’m just going to have to be okay with it. But I’m struggling. Never thought doing something to save my life would rid me of all my 3 best friends. And these aren’t co-workers or acquaintances, these are hang out every weekend, talk daily, been doing it for 5 years, type of people. How do I get through this? Any advice is welcomed and appreciated.

Sorry for being so long winded. If you read this far, thank you. I just needed to vent.

This person is NOT a friend. CUT TIES.

On 2/26/2021 at 8:46 AM, clifhiker said:

jealousy is such an ugly thing ... hard to say but maybe you need 'new' friends. Anyone who thinks WLS is the "easy way out" is just plain ignorant.

How much have you lost since surgery?

On 2/23/2021 at 3:48 PM, dms75 said:

As a subtle (or not... ?) FU, I'd mail my entire (now obsolete) wardrobe to my former "friends", with a note saying something like "I don't need these anymore, and I know how much you liked them. Enjoy!" ?

Sooo snarky, I love it!

Edited March 18, 20215 yr by DoodlesMom

12 hours ago, DoodlesMom said:

Sooo snarky, I love it!

12 hours ago, DoodlesMom said:

HAHA! That's funny!

those friends suck

39 minutes ago, BayougirlMrsS said:

those friends suck

YES THEY DO!!

Ugh! You don’t deserve their negative garbage! Congratulations on all your progress. Hold your head high.

These are not friends, unfortunately you are finding out the hard way. They must be insecure because they are unable to compliment you for your weight loss and are condemning you to failure. Don’t let them hurt your feelings, they are not worth it. Tell them that just because they aren’t strong enough to stick with something doesn’t mean you are going to be a failure. And let them know you will be happy to pass along the name of your surgeon when they are ready.

Wow! How rude of this person. It can be hard to respond in the moment, you probably felt kind of frozen, unsure of what to say!
if you want to keep your relationship with your friend, I would set some boundaries! She doesn’t have to agree with your decision, but she should respect you as a person, which means listening and honoring your decisions without judgment or shame!

On 3/2/2021 at 7:50 PM, Tim C said:

How much have you lost since surgery?

two months to the day since my surgery ... 280 at the beginning --> 228 today

Jealousy is an evil thing! I say let the haters hate, and move on.

You do understand that this kind of reaction is about them, not you? They see you being brave and decisive, CHANGING your life in one of the most important ways someone can. They know deep inside they do not have the bandwidth for that kind of change. WLS requires courage, honesty, commitment, and a willingness to endure pain/discomfort. At 30, you have a **** ton of life to be embraced!! I am SO happy to see your success - and being from Louisiana, I KNOW how hard it is to not let food be the love of your life. You keep doing you and know that you have this group 100% behind you to celebrate you and your success!

Wow. I am so sorry your supposed friend reacted like this. I was warned about these types of reactions. It’s most likely because they always knew they were bigger but it was okay because you were too and if you are doing something about it that means they should too. And not their so called honest hard work or whatever they called it but actual change like you have made. We all know that this process is far from easy and frankly even if it was wouldn't a true friend be happy. I hope you can have a heart to heart and not lose a long time friend over this but if not they weren’t really ever the friend you thought they were. Wishing you the best of luck in this situation.

Congratulations on your weight loss and journey to becoming a healthier YOU! I think you should reevaluate your definition of “friend” because the people you described in your post are anything but that! Keep working towards the person YOU want to be. I attend weekly therapy sessions and we discuss a lot of coping skills so maybe some ongoing therapy with someone who is experienced with bariatric patients will help some. ?

**sorry I read through the comments and realized everyone has already said similar things about your “friends” and counseling! Hang in there! You got this ??