We all have our own reasons for having weight loss surgery. For some of us, it's so that we can stop the progress of diabetes, heart disease and other obesity related illnesses. For others, it's because we are starting to feel pain in our knees, our backs, our feet. And of course, many of us want to look great in skinny jeans, in a bathing suit, a summer dress. (There is NO SHAME in the vanity aspect of WLS, who doesn't love an admiring glance, a great compliment, a quick head turn?)

Personally, I had WLS for all of the reasons above. Not only did I want to extend my life span, but I wanted to improve the quality of my life for myself and my family and I wanted to look and feel great for these prime years of my life. I really had no way of picking out a weight goal as I had been obese for decades and after two children and a few dozen years, I had no idea what 160, 150, 140 would look like any more. I chose to make my goal very Fluid, one of those "I'll know it when I get there" ideas, more focused on pants size than an actual weight.

The day of surgery, I did pick the number 159, which is still "overweight" according to the BMI scale, but that was a number that seemed so lofty and it was a number my doctor was thrilled with. When I hit that goal 9 or so months later, I decided that I'd really like to see 149 (WHAT!?!? UNDER 150!?!?!?!), a number that still alludes me to this day.

I often get messages from people asking me if I am unhappy that I've not reached that number and the answer is HELL NO. What I really imagined for myself was to be in pant sizes that were in the single digits, to be able to do a 5k with my kids, to eliminate all traces of pre-diabetes, to be able to shop in any store I chose. I've done all that and I've maintained it now for over a year. No only that, but I've maintained it without a whole lot of concerted effort -- something that amazes me every day.

I KNOW I could hit 149 -- my stretch goal -- if I worked at it. In fact, I think I could hit 139 and one day I might feel the need to, but I doubt it. I did not have WLS to live the rest of my life fully focused on every morsel that enters my mouth, counting, weighing, measuring obsessively. I still track, I still plan, I still log and measure much of the time, but I choose not to center every meal around my food log like I used to.

Why am I even bringing this up? Because I see some people here and elsewhere who I am scared for. I see a few members who are dipping dangerously close to the underweight end of the BMI scale. I see some people on other boards who are beating themselves up because their size 2s are tight. These people are oozing panic and anxiety over every gram of carb eaten and over every ounce of movement on the scale. Clearly they have traded one eating disorder for another and I fear for them. I also see people on the other end of the spectrum who think that because they've had this surgery, they are free to eat whatever they desire because their restriction will keep them in check and they are shocked when 6 months later they are up 30, 40, 50 pounds.

If you are just starting this journey or are midway through your weight loss, I'd love for you to write down your goals -- what's really important to you about this whole process. Revisit those thoughts as you get close to goal and write down what you feel really good about and where you feel you might be struggling. Use those thoughts to guide you when you feel your thoughts are going haywire and you might need a reality check. And seriously, do NOT listen to your friends, neighbors, family when they tell you that you are too fat, too thin (at 200 pounds, you are NOT too thin), need to lose more, gain some back, etc. Go to your doctor for that.

Keep your perspective in check. This whole process is a real mind fruck ( ) if you allow it to be.

Great post. It's good to focus on the reasons we all had this surgery and not let the scale dictate our successes. It's is hard to not fixate on the numbers.

I try to keep in mind that I am successful because I have met all my pre op goals. I am fit, healthy, and live a much more adventurous active lifestyle. Yes, I set my goal weight to 140 and right now my body seems to be really happy at 152. Even if I never lose those last pounds, I have succeeded. Like you, I plan and count my food intake, but also don't freak out if I have an occasional treat. I even baked homemade sugar cookies last night just for myself!! I ate what I wanted and sent the rest with my husband to work.

You have inspired me to write down new goals. Mine will all be fitness based. I love feeling my body get stronger and tough. I will continue to weigh to stay on track, but those last twelve pounds can either stay or go I will not give them the power to determine my happiness!!

Great Topic @@LipstickLady!

My goals are to have a AIC that is in the normal range ( I am almost there - started at 6.9 and currently I am at 6.0), I would be happy with any weight between 150 - 170, would like to wear single digit sizes and have the ability to shop in any store that I choose. When I graduated high school, I weighed 170 lbs and wore a size 8.

170 is overweight per my BMI chart. If I used the BMI chart my goal weight would be around 145. Seems nearly impossible even with WLS.

I have decided to give myself 25 lbs goals at a time and not look at the entire 160 lbs I need to lose.

When I graduated high school, I was 108 pounds and size 8. That's a whopping difference of 62 pounds between me and slb2u2. I was unhealthy the, too - anorexic and anemic. The size 8 is a refllection of being in a strict religious family that frowned on tight (read: anything that fits) clothing.

I set my goal weight at 135 because that was my healthiest adult weight.

I just picked a weight I remember from my past dozens of diets and weight loss efforts. A weight I felt was the most ideal weight for my body type. I completely ignored doctors or charts. I figured I'd tweak it the closer I got depending on how I looked and felt then.

The excess skin does have an adverse effect on appearance and skews the number somewhat, but ultimately the number really didn't motivate me as much as clothes sizes and fit, but it was pretty close.

Even though at times I felt I wouldn't reach my original goal weight, the additional effort to reach it, kept me on track with my new eating habits to solidify them and make them permanent.

I did eventually reach my goal and then to avoid any anti-climatic backsliding because I no longer had a goal...... I set another one to lose a few more.......(no number.....just a few more) I found that in maintenance, I bounced up and down a few pounds every few days, so I wanted a margin of a few pounds leeway. Also, I wanted the knowledge that I had control of my weight on a daily basis. I lost another ten pounds over a couple of months and gained alot more insight into how diligent I must be to maintain.

Bottom line.......the number is an estimate at best........you'll be the ultimate judge of what's best for you and you'll reach whatever goal you want by staying focused and not forgetting your past.

I really needed to read this post and the comments because I have been so frustrated and discouraged lately.

Great topic! I am still pre-op (hoping for an early June date, waiting on insurance now) but I made a list of goals several months ago, none of which have any numbers associated with them. They are all non-scale victories, things I want to be able to do. As I lose weight and check these off I plan to add new ones. I like the idea of continuing to set new fitness goals. I used to run many years ago but the weight and several foot surgeries nixed that. I am not sure whether I'll be able to run again once some weight is off, but if not, plan B is to use my bike and set increasing goals of distance with that. I also used to hike on the Appalachian Trail, so that's another goal to reach again and I can increase the distance on that as I get fitter.

Fun discussion topic! My reasons for WLS were to get rid of diabetes, apnea, asthma, high cholesterol, and borderline blood pressure. At my next checkup I expect the cholesterol numbers to be normal, and then ALL of those diseases will be gone. But, even more importantly, I want to live a longer and higher quality life with my wife and daughter. (Looking better is okay too.) I set my initial goal at 154. That's exactly one pound into the "normal" BMI for my height. As I approached that, I ran across an "ideal weight" calculation that put me at 148. Okay, that seemed doable. But when I got under 150, I realized that I liked being below that nice, round number. And then I learned of a rule-of-thumb that doctors use to calculate "ideal weight". That calculation put me at 142. Since I'm an analyst, I quickly noticed that the halfway point between those two numbers is 145, which just happens to be exactly 120 pounds down from where I started. How perfect is that?!! So now I'm at 145, and have no desire to lose any more weight. In fact, I'll be happy to remain anywhere below 150. I just have to figure out how to do that.....

Let's see... I initially started this whole process because I was physically miserable; bad knees, bad back, dodgy hip, etc. Everything was a struggle, from putting my socks on, to just walking around the mall. I could see the future at the rate I was going and it wasn't pretty. I also wanted to be able to be around for my son. At just over 9 months out, my focus has shifted, and now at just under 40 lbs from my goal weight, my actual goal is vanity based. Is that terrible? LOL I want to wear cute heels and skinny jeans. I want to rock a two piece at the beach and feel badass doing it. I don't know where the number on the scale will settle, but I know how I want to feel (and look) so that's my goal.

I never had a "fixed" goal weight. My goal was to lose enough weight to feel like I blended into the crowd. I was incredibly tired of being the fattest person in every setting - at work, on the plane, in the movie theater, in social settings. So my goal weight changed as I saw my body change. I wouldn't mind being 250lbs... if I were 8% body fat and the weight was from muscle!

When i went in for my consult my doc asked me the question of what my goal weight was - i picked 170 - that was close to what i weighed when i was 18 - which was 155 - i am 29 pounds away from that first goal of 170 - which is what i am calling that now - my first goal. I have another goal now i will hit 155 - that is my personal goal fir myself - i have never publicly said that out loud to anyone - it has just been something i had in my heart of hearts. I know now that it is attainable.

I had WLS to (1.) Be an ACTIVE participant in my life again, I hated always being on the sidelines watching my hubby and daughter having fun, HATED IT!! (2.) I'm not ashamed to say this, I want to shop where ever I want to!!!!!

I have set my first goal at losing 100lbs, almost there, (I want my 100lb lost goal shoes my daughter is holding onto for me so bad!!) my next goal is 175lbs. I picked this number because I remember being at about 185-190 the last time I lost a significant amount of weight and I know how good I felt then. And then we will see if 150 feels doable. One goal at a time.

Nice post! This is something I am having a bit of an issue with now. My entire life since I was in high school was about weighing 119. I was about 125-ish when I graduated high school, and then I floated around 135-145, and then a solid 4 times I went over 200 and back down to 140, until I hit 237 and I had the sleeve and now I am 127. When I had surgery my goal was 129, because it was 11 pounds less than I had weighed in my mid-20's and I figured there was no way in h*ll I'd ever hit that old goal of 119. Now I am 127 and scratching and clawing my way to 119 because it was an old number that was important to me.

I am by no means too skinny because I'm only 5'2. I could technically weigh 105 pounds and still be in the healthy range. I feel as if sometimes I do obsess over the number on the scale, but it tends to keep me focused and prevents me from gaining. I can appreciate the terror some people have over gaining weight because I feel it everytime I look at food.

Also, it annoys me when people tell me I'm too thin. 127 is not remotely too thin on a 5'2 girl and if no one had known I used to be fat, I am 100% certain they would not consider the weight I am right now as being thin. I think there is a bit of a double standard when it comes to that.

This post made me look up the BMI calculator again. I must have used a different one before because the one I found today says that at 5'5" my weight needs to be 149 to be normal. 150 is overweight. I had chosen 145 as my goal but I'll be happy with 149. I just want to be normal.

I agree that my motivations have changed. Once health problems improved or went away, I decided I wanted to look good too. Nothing wrong with that.

What improved or went away? High cholesterol gone. Arthritis greatly improved. sleep apnea gone. Acid reflux gone. High blood pressure greatly improved. Back pain totally gone. It's been so long since I felt like $#!+ that I seriously have to think hard to remember all of my former ailments.

My lowest adult weight was on my wedding day when I was still 5'6". (Yes, I got shorter.) I weighed 156.

So where would I like to stay? 149. Yep. That's a good number.

I'm also encouraged this month because I was at a weight loss standstill for five months. I think I've broken through that over the last two weeks, and now I feel like I can really get to goal. All I had to do was give up wine. *sigh*. Oh well, it's all a matter of priorities. I wanna be skinny, dammit!

I've been thinking a lot about this lately as well. Bottom line is that I wanted to improve my health and quality of life. But, I also wanted to look good. I set what I considered a first goal at 165. However, I was just at my 6mos appt and my PA said my first goal should be more around 175 and a second goal around 160ish. Before that appt, I was thinking that 165 was not low enough and that I should really go for something like 125.

But, what I'm told is that my body will give me an indication of where it is happiest. Like others, I do not want to spend the rest of my life obsessed with maintaining a weight that ends up being all consuming and for me wouldn't be realistic. So, I too will be Fluid with this.

It is funny how well meaning friends and family are also obsessed with my losing weight. "You look good now" "Don't lose too much weight."

Seriously, at 5'4" and 198 pounds, I don't look overweight?

I agree with the point about working with your doctor on it.

What a great topic!

I am not sure who the target is for your concern. I am someone who has made goal and have publicly shared that I would like to get back BELOW my goal into a much more comfortable bounce range. That doesn't mean I have an eating disorder, it means that i have a very high drive and motivation to not get obese again and one of those strategies for me is to really "watch" even a few pounds up.

When I started this journey I was over 300# and sick and tired of being sick and tired. I felt physically awful. My joints hurt, i was losing my ability to do my beloved horse hobby, I couldn't really hike... heck, walking around town was even exhausting. My "numbers" were pretty good but I did have sleep apnea and borderline high blood pressure. The "trouble was in the mail" on things like my A1C... still normal, but climbing.

I was not living my authentic life.

My goal was simply to get under 200 and maintain it. At 5'5" that was of course still quite overweight but a hell of a lot better than over 300#. I recently found a photo of myself during the era i didn't weigh and i am quite sure I was closer to 350 at that point, but I started the sleeve journey at 308.

So, besides feeling better, I wanted to be free of the emotional frustration of being so large and not being able to tackle it effectively. Monkey on my back. I also wanted to look "normal". I didn't dare dream of looking good, I just wanted to look normal. When I got under 200# and was hanging out in the 180s-190s range I put some soul searching into what I really wanted. This was less about social embarrassment and becoming disabled by crippling weight, and more about how i "looked" and the clothes I could wear etc. I got lots of compliments, but to be honest, I looked matronly and that isn't what I wanted. I have been obese most of my life, and it was finally my chance to be slimmer/trim/at least close to normal. I set my sights on 158 - which remains my goal.

I had plastics at 150. They tell you should stay within about 10% of your weight to not spoil the results so I felt that was realistic. I would never wish to be under 135 or over 165. I am 5'5" and a big girl at that - big boned and a muscular build so the upper end of the normal BMI range is comfortable for me.

I am currently hanging out in the upper 150s and while I am very happy, I want to be fitter and closer to the 145-150 bounce zone.... strictly for vanity reasons. I should also say I am having problems with a hip and I think even gaining 10# makes it worse so incremental weight changes can make a difference on joint stress too.

I also wanted to add that I find the clothing size conversation to be ridiculous. When I was about 140-145 last year I wore size 2 bottoms and generally medium tops. when I weighed 145 at age 21/22 I wore size 9/10 pants and I was on the plumper end of normal for women in the 1980s. That is ludicrous and is really vanity sizing. i have a girlfriend who mostly wears "0" and "00" now depending on the vanity sizing of the brand and no one accuses her of having an eating disorder. She is just a slim person with a slim build even though she is taller than me. While I agree we shouldn't drive each other insane with trying to get to an elusive size... it is also true that being lean is healthy.