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I Lived Through This Surgery, My Sister Didn't.

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to jump on here and share with you all the last six months for our family. My name is Lyndsey. I am a 28 year old mother of two, and married to my prince charming. For me, weight has been a struggle my entire life. I remember vividly being told at just 5 years old by a doctor that I was "obese" and from that point forward my journey really began. I had a pretty normal life, but fought weigth my whole life. I met my wonderful husband at work after loosing 60 pounds all on my own. Needless to say, marriage and getting comfortable- well, and having two children gave me all of that, plus more back. Before the surgery I was 255 with a BMI of 41.9. I had my surgery (VSG) May 8th, 2013 and just over 6 months later I am weighing in at 159.5. Since surgery I have had it pretty easy. I healed well, but did get pancreatitis right after the surgery and had to be hospitalized again for a few days. They were never sure if it was related to the surgery or not. Since the surgery I have tried really hard to make healthy choices with food, but to be completely honest I am a mom, and occasionally we do still eat McDonalds! (gasp!) I do not count calories, carbs, or anything for that matter. My doctor never told me I needed to. I DO drink diet coke... (terrible, I know!) I live a normal life now. I go out with my family, friends, and I am not constantly on some fad diet that wont work. I eat what my family eats, but I do try to focus on eating the Protein first, and follow that with the veggies, then the yummy sides if there is room (which there almost never is!). My goal is to be somewhere in the 130's. I really dont care if its 139.9 but I want to be in the 130's. I hope to reach that goal by the one year anniversary of my surgery.

I would also like to tell you about my big sister, my only sibling. Sherrie was a 34 year old mother of three, and also married to her high school sweetheart. They have been married almost 17 years. Sherrie had her surgery April 24th (2 weeks before me) and there were complications following the surgery. We didn't see it as much at first, or I probably wouldn't have gone through with it myself. But as I healed and started getting back to normal, my sister got sicker and sicker. Her stomach had a stricture at the top. The surgon put in a stent to try to expand it. They stent bacame embedded into her stomach wall and they had to dig it out. After that, the middle of her stomach healed closed so tightly that she couldn't eat or drink anything and keep it down. She had eaten almost nothing for 6 months. She was in and out of the hospital, and the surgon made it very difficult for her to get anyone to help her. Finally when they found the problem we were able to schedule her with a new surgon to hopefully get the problem fixed. She was hospitalized twice in October for dehydration and malnutrition. The second time they put in a PIC line, and bagan IV nutrition (TPN). She was finally feeling better. They sent her home with the PIC line and instructions on how to give herself the IV nutrition and we were told to continue this until her appointment with the new surgon. She came home from the hospital Monday afternoon. Tuesday I talked to her, and she sounded better than she had in months. She was optimistic that we could get her better and even shared with me that before they started the IV nutrition she was scared she was going to die, but now she felt like she has a chance. Wednesday morning (October 30th, 2013) we got the call that broke our family. My beautiful big sister had died at home, alone in her bed. She had asked her husband to not sleep in their bed as she was scared he would pull out her PIC line, so he was in another room. He came into their room that morning to check on her and get ready for work and found her. It was just too late. She had been gone for several hours. We were in shock. We had just got a glimpse of hope with the IV nutrition, and in the blink of an eye, she was gone. I went to the funeral home to dress my big sister, do her hair, do her makeup, and spend some time with her before we had to say goodbye. We burried her the following Monday. A huge piece of my heart is missing now. I want to share her story too because there are so many who have all these wonderful stories, but she doesn't have a voice anymore to share hers. People need to know that you CAN die from this surgery. When I had the surgery I honestly felt like the only people that die from this were the "huge" ones... and thats just not true. My sister was my size. she wasn't some crazy 500 or 800 pound person. She was in a size 18 pants JUST like I was. She died. It can happen. It does happen. I did happen to us. I am not trying to scare anyone, but I want to be her voice too. Do you research, make sure this is the right choice for you and your family. We are left now with three children that now have no mother, and my amazing brother in law (who loved my sister more than I've ever seen anyone love someone) is widowed. His heart is broken, and so is ours. A vital part of our family is missing. Below is a picture of my big sister before the surgery. She was beautiful.

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I can not legally disclose who our doctor was, for fear of lawsuit as we do not yet have a definitive cause of death.

YES, we had all the same doctors!

I can not legally disclose who our doctor was, for fear of lawsuit as we do not yet have a definitive cause of death.

YES, we had all the same doctors!

Thank you so much... I'm so sorry this happened. Just heartbreaking. I certainly don't want to leave my little guy childless. Thank you for sharing your sister's story. I think I am going to rethink this surgery... maybe the risk isn't worth it.

My surgery is 2 weeks away and I am super nervous. I am so sorry for your loss, I know how it feels to lose a sister. I lost my sister when she was 22 years old. Because of your experience, I am really contemplating doing the surgery, I'm going back and forth on my decision, I'm scared.

I have a friend in Oklahoma City and for the life of me your poor sisters problems sound exactly like the ones my friend has. She has went through hell since her surgery and she has had the same symtoms. God bless your and your family and my heart goes out to you for your loss.

This is heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you have been going through. I have a sister and she and I are very close. I would be devastated if anything happened to her. I hope you can find peace in all of this.

What surgery did you girls have? What state are you in?

  • 2 weeks later...

Any updates? I have been thinking about you and your family a lot.

  • Author

Hi Everyone,

sorry its taken me a while to update.

We now have a definite cause of death. It was not labeled a "direct" result of the surgery, but it is related to her condition afterwards, for which she was offered little to no care until it was too late. I am not sure her husband will do anything legally, its all just so much for him right now.

Last Friday we went and picked her headstone out, and ordered it. That was hard. We should have done it sooner, but we all just needed time, and I'm still not sure we're ready to see it "written in stone" but I want something marking her grave so her children and mine can have it for the future.

I am trying to move on. I went two weekends ago and had her heartbeats and the words "let her go" tattoo'd on my left rib cage right under my bra line. It was an awesome experience, and seeing that each day lets me know she is always by my side. I am trying to get back to myself. I am now down to 145.5 pounds, wearing a loose size eight. I think soon I will move into the 6's. I am trying to get back into the swing of life, get back to myself and the way I do things. I made my house menu, did my grocery shopping for a full two weeks (I used to have a strict menu and shopping list, but since she died, we've just been throwing something together for dinner each night and its killing our budget) so, I got back to my normal way I run the house. I broke the plateau I was at (I had been stuck at 147-148 for a month) and I am trying to stay on top of work, family life, and trying to heal all at the same time. It's still hard. Harder than anything I've ever done. Ever. But- each day I wake up and I am thankful for the chance to live, the chance to kiss my kids, to tell them I love them, and to be with my family. If this has done nothing else, it has brought our family so much closer. Her husband and I are so close, and I pray we stay that way. Lord knows I need him. Her kids are my precious treasures. I just love them so much. So, thats where I'm putting my energy, into the family for now.

I'll try to keep you all updated.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

Thank you Lyndsey for the update. I appreciate hearing what is happening to all of you as time goes by. You are doing great. You are moving forward and taking your sister with you and keeping the family in tact...

My thoughts are with you and yours. I knew it was neglect on the teams part....It would be very hard for you to even look at the man who gave you your chance at a better health when that happened to your sister.

Thank you

Lyndsey,

I thank you as well for the update. There is no time frame for grief, as I'm sure you know. But I think you are doing all the right things - cherishing your family, your sister's children, your brother in law, and your own accomplishments. The support you give and you get from your loved ones, that will make all the difference down the line in your individual journey, and in your collective journey. Wishing you and your family all the best moving forward.

Rachel

Thank you for the update. It is good to hear that you are starting to put your life back together and I wish you the very best as you grow stronger.

What was her condition afterwards?

I am glad to see an update from you and I love the tattoo idea and I'm sure choosing a headstone would be so hard. Still offering up prayers for you and your family.

Hi Lindsey,

So I've read everything on this thread. I am the big sister to my sister who had gastric bypass 8 years ago. I am 10 day post op on the sleeve. I will spare you my story (our story) as it isn't particularly relevant...but I do want to share something that is related.

I envisioned while reading all these posts the pain and anguish my sister would have felt if something similar had happened to me. I have always had somewhat strained relations with my sister. She is just much more emotional than I am and seems so overly sensitive that I struggle with how to handle her emotions. Sometimes it does keep me away from her...not because I don't love her, but because I just don't know how to make her feel loved.

Your thread has inspired me to try a lot harder. I will be making plans to spend a weekend with her later this year and have suggested we train separately, but do a half marathon together (just walk it with the goal of finishing something together). She is super excited I reached out to her. I am even thinking I may have to go get a tattoo with her that weekend, it would mean a lot to her and for that reason, a lot to me.

I know there is absolutely nothing anyone can say to console you on your loss, but maybe just knowing because you shared your story, because you and your sister shared this amazing love, through it, someone else's life has been enriched.

Thank you for allowing us to share in your loss and your journey. Many blessings to your beautiful family and when I walk with my sister, know I will think of your sister throughout that weekend and be inspired to be a better sister because of her and you.

Much love and peace to you~ Tami

Dear Lyndsey: thank you for posting an update. I can only imagine the pain that you and your family are enduring. Grief has no time line and doesn't go in a straight line. You are handling everything so incredibly well. I will continue to send up prayers for you and your family for continuing healing and peace. Your honesty and courage is an inspiration to many here on the forum.

Lyndsey, Thank you so much for sharing your story. I lost my sister almost 8 years ago. I still think of her almost every day. We had so much fun together. She was 42 when she died, and left behind two sons. Holidays are still hard without her, but I know she is looking down from up above and watching over all of us.

No one knows how hard it is to lose your sister until it happens to them. I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family. Time does not heal all wounds, it just tries to make it easier to live with.

Kandy

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