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I Lived Through This Surgery, My Sister Didn't.

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to jump on here and share with you all the last six months for our family. My name is Lyndsey. I am a 28 year old mother of two, and married to my prince charming. For me, weight has been a struggle my entire life. I remember vividly being told at just 5 years old by a doctor that I was "obese" and from that point forward my journey really began. I had a pretty normal life, but fought weigth my whole life. I met my wonderful husband at work after loosing 60 pounds all on my own. Needless to say, marriage and getting comfortable- well, and having two children gave me all of that, plus more back. Before the surgery I was 255 with a BMI of 41.9. I had my surgery (VSG) May 8th, 2013 and just over 6 months later I am weighing in at 159.5. Since surgery I have had it pretty easy. I healed well, but did get pancreatitis right after the surgery and had to be hospitalized again for a few days. They were never sure if it was related to the surgery or not. Since the surgery I have tried really hard to make healthy choices with food, but to be completely honest I am a mom, and occasionally we do still eat McDonalds! (gasp!) I do not count calories, carbs, or anything for that matter. My doctor never told me I needed to. I DO drink diet coke... (terrible, I know!) I live a normal life now. I go out with my family, friends, and I am not constantly on some fad diet that wont work. I eat what my family eats, but I do try to focus on eating the Protein first, and follow that with the veggies, then the yummy sides if there is room (which there almost never is!). My goal is to be somewhere in the 130's. I really dont care if its 139.9 but I want to be in the 130's. I hope to reach that goal by the one year anniversary of my surgery.

I would also like to tell you about my big sister, my only sibling. Sherrie was a 34 year old mother of three, and also married to her high school sweetheart. They have been married almost 17 years. Sherrie had her surgery April 24th (2 weeks before me) and there were complications following the surgery. We didn't see it as much at first, or I probably wouldn't have gone through with it myself. But as I healed and started getting back to normal, my sister got sicker and sicker. Her stomach had a stricture at the top. The surgon put in a stent to try to expand it. They stent bacame embedded into her stomach wall and they had to dig it out. After that, the middle of her stomach healed closed so tightly that she couldn't eat or drink anything and keep it down. She had eaten almost nothing for 6 months. She was in and out of the hospital, and the surgon made it very difficult for her to get anyone to help her. Finally when they found the problem we were able to schedule her with a new surgon to hopefully get the problem fixed. She was hospitalized twice in October for dehydration and malnutrition. The second time they put in a PIC line, and bagan IV nutrition (TPN). She was finally feeling better. They sent her home with the PIC line and instructions on how to give herself the IV nutrition and we were told to continue this until her appointment with the new surgon. She came home from the hospital Monday afternoon. Tuesday I talked to her, and she sounded better than she had in months. She was optimistic that we could get her better and even shared with me that before they started the IV nutrition she was scared she was going to die, but now she felt like she has a chance. Wednesday morning (October 30th, 2013) we got the call that broke our family. My beautiful big sister had died at home, alone in her bed. She had asked her husband to not sleep in their bed as she was scared he would pull out her PIC line, so he was in another room. He came into their room that morning to check on her and get ready for work and found her. It was just too late. She had been gone for several hours. We were in shock. We had just got a glimpse of hope with the IV nutrition, and in the blink of an eye, she was gone. I went to the funeral home to dress my big sister, do her hair, do her makeup, and spend some time with her before we had to say goodbye. We burried her the following Monday. A huge piece of my heart is missing now. I want to share her story too because there are so many who have all these wonderful stories, but she doesn't have a voice anymore to share hers. People need to know that you CAN die from this surgery. When I had the surgery I honestly felt like the only people that die from this were the "huge" ones... and thats just not true. My sister was my size. she wasn't some crazy 500 or 800 pound person. She was in a size 18 pants JUST like I was. She died. It can happen. It does happen. I did happen to us. I am not trying to scare anyone, but I want to be her voice too. Do you research, make sure this is the right choice for you and your family. We are left now with three children that now have no mother, and my amazing brother in law (who loved my sister more than I've ever seen anyone love someone) is widowed. His heart is broken, and so is ours. A vital part of our family is missing. Below is a picture of my big sister before the surgery. She was beautiful.

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Thank you again to all those who have been supportive.

Please understand, we do not yet even have the autopsy (oh my gosh, I fing HATE that word!) results yet. I have no answers really. That leads to some pretty intense ups and downs for me personally. One minute I can deal with all that has happened, and the next someone says something stupid and I just loose my cool.

An you know what? I'm not sorry, not even a little. Stupid coments will get the wrath of my anger, its a good outlet for me right now. You think you can hurt me any more than the hurt I have already from loosing my BEST FRIEND, My big sister, my only sibling... the hurt I feel from knowing that I am alone... I have the weight of my entire family on my shoulders now... if you think for a second you can make it any worse- bring it. I need to get out some of my frustration anway.

I understand my previous reply to her nasty comment was removed so there was no trace of her comment- I get that. I just feel like you all need to see all of the emotions though. The ups of celebrating falling into the "normal BMI" and the downs of just how bad this all hurts.

I feel like if I let everyone see through my eyes you are better prepared for the choice your making.

Someone asked if I knew before the surgery what happened was going to happen would I still do it. In short no. My family lives in constant fear for me and my life will forever be lived in the shadow of my sisters death. It sucks. It sucks so bad. I had so many plans for the future and now that I have been slapped in the face with the reality that tomorrow really may never come I find it so hard to even daydream about the future.

I wanted to have another baby... but my parents are so scared that becase I've had this surgery that it will kill me and they'll be alone. Can I really do that to them? Can I really have a child my sister will never meet? Can I bring my baby to the cenetary to meet her, and how will I be able to tell that baby how much I know she would have loved it?

I wanted to renew my wedding vows to my husband, but my sister was my matron of honor in my wedding- how can I stand up there without her? How can I plan a wedding without her?

this is my life now. like it or not, its my life.... and I'm just trying all I can to live everyday to make my big sister proud!

Thank you again to all those who have been supportive.

Please understand, we do not yet even have the autopsy (oh my gosh, I fing HATE that word!) results yet. I have no answers really. That leads to some pretty intense ups and downs for me personally. One minute I can deal with all that has happened, and the next someone says something stupid and I just loose my cool.

An you know what? I'm not sorry, not even a little. Stupid coments will get the wrath of my anger, its a good outlet for me right now. You think you can hurt me any more than the hurt I have already from loosing my BEST FRIEND, My big sister, my only sibling... the hurt I feel from knowing that I am alone... I have the weight of my entire family on my shoulders now... if you think for a second you can make it any worse- bring it. I need to get out some of my frustration anway.

I understand my previous reply to her nasty comment was removed so there was no trace of her comment- I get that. I just feel like you all need to see all of the emotions though. The ups of celebrating falling into the "normal BMI" and the downs of just how bad this all hurts.

I feel like if I let everyone see through my eyes you are better prepared for the choice your making.

Someone asked if I knew before the surgery what happened was going to happen would I still do it. In short no. My family lives in constant fear for me and my life will forever be lived in the shadow of my sisters death. It sucks. It sucks so bad. I had so many plans for the future and now that I have been slapped in the face with the reality that tomorrow really may never come I find it so hard to even daydream about the future.

I wanted to have another baby... but my parents are so scared that becase I've had this surgery that it will kill me and they'll be alone. Can I really do that to them? Can I really have a child my sister will never meet? Can I bring my baby to the cenetary to meet her, and how will I be able to tell that baby how much I know she would have loved it?

I wanted to renew my wedding vows to my husband, but my sister was my matron of honor in my wedding- how can I stand up there without her? How can I plan a wedding without her?

this is my life now. like it or not, its my life.... and I'm just trying all I can to live everyday to make my big sister proud!

When you are ready and it may take years...you will move on but not without her every day in your thoughts and deeds....you have to face and feel all the emotions that come into your soul over what has happened and it is a long and painful process...I understand that and feel you are right you should express yourself and how you are managing..This forum is not just for those who have had it easy but also for those who lost someone or had complications and are still having issues with WLS....

There is definitely too much pressure on you right now and of course you cannot see yourself going on with a natural life...I hope that you will feel at peace eventually and find the strength to go on with your life...You must get to a point where you can breath again and live again...right now that seems like it will never happen but it will..If you work on it in the future...But for now......

Feel how you feel, say what you will and depend on those that love you and care..Don't forget they are seeing life through what ifs too...But that will smother your life and when you are ready you will move forward....

For now you have to go through the process of emotions and hurt and fear and everything else that is happening...

You may find this site useful....I know i have in the past to be able to see which stage I am in:

http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

LindseyD - I cannot tell you how sorry I am and I can never imagine what you are going thru. You are so brave for sharing your thoughts and emotions. Do not let anyone ever take that away from you. Your sister has to be so incredibly proud of you for being her voice. Please try to stay strong. xox

Thank you for sharing. That could not be easy for you to share, or write. My heart breaks for you and your family. It has to be hard that believe that a surgery that was suppose to save your sisters live, ended up being a cause of her death. Even it it was a direct cause, I'm sure it was a part of it. I just want to hug you.

Oh I was going to ask you if you and your sister had the same surgeon?

So sorry about your loss. Thank you for sharing your sisters story and being her voice. This is something everybody needs to be aware of before making this huge decision before having surgery. Praying for you and your family...xoxo

My heart goes out to you and your family. It will take a long time before you can ease some of the pain. Thanks for sharing this story because we often heard all the positive of the surgery and hardly heard the downside. I hope in time your family can heal. Bless you and your family.

I am so sorry thanks for being able to share ... Prayers for you all

Lyndsey,

I cannot imagine the immense pain and guilt you feel. I truly appreciate you sharing her story. It is so easy to get caught up in the triumphs on the boards that we may forget or brush aside the fact that it is major, life changing surgery. You are such a wonderful person to remind us of that and to also remind us that we are our best medical advocate. If someone isn't listening to us, we need a second and third and fourth opinion.

I am so sorry for what you and your family are enduring and will keep you and your entire family in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for closure soon. You and your family deserve answers. Keep up the fight for your sister!

Jen

  • Author

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to jump in and let you all know that I am still coming on and reading your comments. Thank you to all those reaching out in support.

Yes, Sherrie and I had all the same physicains. Everything was exactly the same. All our pre-op visits, all our nurses were even the same!

As for how I am doing. I am down to 149 pounds now. Just 10 lbs away from my final goal, and only 8 months out! I try to be excited, I try to celebrate. I usually sit around and think about how my life should be right now.. think about how much I miss her, and when I'm not doing that I am taking care of the family. I have two children, and she left three behind. It's a full time job, and I still own and operate my own company. My husband has been working 80+ hours a week so everthing literally falls on my shoulders.

So, I took up a new hobby. My little girl wanted a "reborn" doll (creepy! you should look them up!) and I refuse to pay hundreds of dollars for something I can do myself. So, here I sit, making this baby doll look like a real newborn baby. It keeps my hands and mind busy when I have down time... lol, not that I ever have much of that! But, my little girl will be thrilled when I'm done, and thats all that matters. I've also gotten really into cooking lately. Too bad I can't eat most of what I cook! lol. I am just trying to stay busy. I find that if I stay busy until I just can't hold my eyes open anymore when I lay down I just pass out from being exhausted. Its the only way I sleep. I have been getting about 4 hours a night since she died, well recently, up until about a month ago it was less, but its slowly getting better.

I'll keep you all updated, but for now I have two grouchy two year olds to contend with- because on top of everything else I do, I also babysit 5 days a week!

So sorry for your loss...God bless you and your family. Thanks for sharing

Edited by meamo

Thank you so much for sharing your sisters journey. The more information We have regarding the surgery, the better off we are. To think that we're going to go into this and it's going to be a bed of roses would be ignorant on our part. Everything in life comes with a risk...when we stop taking risks, we stop living. And, I think many of us know what that's like.

I'm glad that you were still able to go forward with your own journey, and I pray that it will be a successful one. I do have one question: did you have the same surgeon?

And, if you really feel that the surgeon was at fault in this, I hope that you have made the appropriate notations on the various sites out there where people can check the health grades of the doctor. Your sisters experience could save somebody else's life.

Edited by fit2Bme2014

Thank you Lindsey for sharing your sister's story and yours as well. I cannot imagine how hard this has been on your entire family. My heart breaks for you and all the loved ones your sister left behind. I pray that once you have the answers from the cause of her death, it can offer you some peace and that you can begin the healing process. Thank you for caring not only for your sister but for all of us who are starting on this journey.

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