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I Lived Through This Surgery, My Sister Didn't.

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to jump on here and share with you all the last six months for our family. My name is Lyndsey. I am a 28 year old mother of two, and married to my prince charming. For me, weight has been a struggle my entire life. I remember vividly being told at just 5 years old by a doctor that I was "obese" and from that point forward my journey really began. I had a pretty normal life, but fought weigth my whole life. I met my wonderful husband at work after loosing 60 pounds all on my own. Needless to say, marriage and getting comfortable- well, and having two children gave me all of that, plus more back. Before the surgery I was 255 with a BMI of 41.9. I had my surgery (VSG) May 8th, 2013 and just over 6 months later I am weighing in at 159.5. Since surgery I have had it pretty easy. I healed well, but did get pancreatitis right after the surgery and had to be hospitalized again for a few days. They were never sure if it was related to the surgery or not. Since the surgery I have tried really hard to make healthy choices with food, but to be completely honest I am a mom, and occasionally we do still eat McDonalds! (gasp!) I do not count calories, carbs, or anything for that matter. My doctor never told me I needed to. I DO drink diet coke... (terrible, I know!) I live a normal life now. I go out with my family, friends, and I am not constantly on some fad diet that wont work. I eat what my family eats, but I do try to focus on eating the Protein first, and follow that with the veggies, then the yummy sides if there is room (which there almost never is!). My goal is to be somewhere in the 130's. I really dont care if its 139.9 but I want to be in the 130's. I hope to reach that goal by the one year anniversary of my surgery.

I would also like to tell you about my big sister, my only sibling. Sherrie was a 34 year old mother of three, and also married to her high school sweetheart. They have been married almost 17 years. Sherrie had her surgery April 24th (2 weeks before me) and there were complications following the surgery. We didn't see it as much at first, or I probably wouldn't have gone through with it myself. But as I healed and started getting back to normal, my sister got sicker and sicker. Her stomach had a stricture at the top. The surgon put in a stent to try to expand it. They stent bacame embedded into her stomach wall and they had to dig it out. After that, the middle of her stomach healed closed so tightly that she couldn't eat or drink anything and keep it down. She had eaten almost nothing for 6 months. She was in and out of the hospital, and the surgon made it very difficult for her to get anyone to help her. Finally when they found the problem we were able to schedule her with a new surgon to hopefully get the problem fixed. She was hospitalized twice in October for dehydration and malnutrition. The second time they put in a PIC line, and bagan IV nutrition (TPN). She was finally feeling better. They sent her home with the PIC line and instructions on how to give herself the IV nutrition and we were told to continue this until her appointment with the new surgon. She came home from the hospital Monday afternoon. Tuesday I talked to her, and she sounded better than she had in months. She was optimistic that we could get her better and even shared with me that before they started the IV nutrition she was scared she was going to die, but now she felt like she has a chance. Wednesday morning (October 30th, 2013) we got the call that broke our family. My beautiful big sister had died at home, alone in her bed. She had asked her husband to not sleep in their bed as she was scared he would pull out her PIC line, so he was in another room. He came into their room that morning to check on her and get ready for work and found her. It was just too late. She had been gone for several hours. We were in shock. We had just got a glimpse of hope with the IV nutrition, and in the blink of an eye, she was gone. I went to the funeral home to dress my big sister, do her hair, do her makeup, and spend some time with her before we had to say goodbye. We burried her the following Monday. A huge piece of my heart is missing now. I want to share her story too because there are so many who have all these wonderful stories, but she doesn't have a voice anymore to share hers. People need to know that you CAN die from this surgery. When I had the surgery I honestly felt like the only people that die from this were the "huge" ones... and thats just not true. My sister was my size. she wasn't some crazy 500 or 800 pound person. She was in a size 18 pants JUST like I was. She died. It can happen. It does happen. I did happen to us. I am not trying to scare anyone, but I want to be her voice too. Do you research, make sure this is the right choice for you and your family. We are left now with three children that now have no mother, and my amazing brother in law (who loved my sister more than I've ever seen anyone love someone) is widowed. His heart is broken, and so is ours. A vital part of our family is missing. Below is a picture of my big sister before the surgery. She was beautiful.

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So sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing your sisters story, I will pray for you and your family.

  • 4 weeks later...
  • Author

I thought I would come in and update you all here. We have made it through the first set of Holidays without her. It was hard. It is still so hard. But-we're staying strong as a family and working through this together.

Thank you to all those thinking and praying for our family.

We still have no answers regarding what happened. We're told it will be 90days from the time of autopsy. Its been about 60 now.

Thinking of you

Thank you so much for keeping us all updated...We all really want the best for all of you as you deal with the loss of your sister.....

I think about you often and wonder how this is affecting your personal journey.....

All my good thoughts go out to you and your family...

Lyndsey, Wishing you a happy and healthy 2014 and that you receive information soon. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am grateful to find information about all outcomes so that people can make an informed choice.

Lynda

Thank you for the update. The holidays are the roughest to get through especially with children involved. I have often thought of you and your family. My thoughts and prayers continue as you are going through all of this. We are here for you!

Kelli/Beach Lover

So sorry for your loss. You are right, her voice needs to be heard. She was a beautiful young women. My thought and prayers are with you and your family.

Lyndsey, I'm so sorry for your loss. My family just went through Christmas #2 without my brother. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but..... I guess dealing with day to day does, but Holidays remain really tough. I sure hope you do get some answers with the autopsy. I always thought knowing the why would make it a little better. My brother died suddenly and unexpectedly and the autopsy (including full tox screen) could find no cause. It just made his death harder to accept. Again, I'm so sorry and thinking of you at this tough time.

So sorry to hear ya story it just brought tears to my eyes that is so sad I hope u her three children n husband is doing much better. N yes she was very beautiful and a angel. :). But u r doing so well on ya journey n i wish ya sister could have been next to u but God had different plans. Wow stay strong:):)

Thank you for sharing such a tragic time in your life with us. Such a beautiful girl. My heart breaks for her children and family. I am sorry for your loss. Stay strong for the little ones and keep that beautiful smile of hers alive by continuing to share memories of her with them.

I am so sorry for your loss!

I'm wondering what the bariatric surgeon dis that made it so difficult for her to get help?

Why didn't they try to convert her to rny or remove her stomach altogether if he couldn't fix it?

So many questions...

I will keep your family in my prayers

This is just scary, and heartbreaking. Im happy for your success story, but extremely sad that your sister is not here to share the journey. She absolutely lived by the phase " dying to be thin" this is not her fault, or the family's. Although you shared her story, celebrate her life by you doing right by the surgery. Did you guys have the same doctor? This is definitely an eye opener. Keep us informed. You are in my heart.

  • Author

Thank you all.

As for what he did to make it so hard for her to get help: long story short he decided that there was nothing wrong with her and it was all in her head, and because doctors work on the "good old boy" system, they stopped looking. Finally, someone found that there WAS indeed a problem and she was just in the beginning process to get it fixed, she just didn't make it long enough. Its really sad because we do have all the same doctors... everything was identical. Her surgery was just two weeks before mine. Its been a huge source of guilt and saddness for me because we should be on this journey together. I should have been celebrating these new SIZE EIGHT! jeans with my big sister.. but now I don't even celebrate the milestones... its just another day...

As for how I am doing. I started at 255, got down to 150 new years day, and because I have started doing a 30 day ab challenge I am back to 152, but I think that 2 lbs is definatly lactic acid and fluids... because my abs hurt so bad!! But, I hope to tone up now that I am in my goal of size 8 jeans. I think I might actually get down to a size six before its all said and done because I wanted to get into the 130's for my weight, so I think if I loose that last 13 lbs to get to 139 that might drop me into a six. I am fine with that... I dont celebrate like I should, because I am so alone. It was just me and my sister. I have a husband, and wonderful parents (who watch everything I do like a hawk because they're scared to death that something is going to happen to me now) but my sister and I did this together... she is supposed to be here to do all this with me... I miss her.

I'm so sorry that your sister didn't get the help she needed. Thank you for being her voice and telling her story. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Edited by adaisyandarose

Lyndsey congratulations on your weight loss. You have done amazing in spite of the difficult time you are facing..your sister would celebrate your success and so should you hun...

You should not feel guilt over all of this..You should feel proud of the fact that you are doing what both of you set out to do and that was to become active and healthier...the guilt lays with the medical world who did not look after her enough, dig deep enough and therefore dropped the ball..At her expense...Sorry for that, but it is true..Everyone needs to know before they go into any surgery that the team is behind you...Doing everything they can for a successful outcome..They take an oath for that very thing!

You should be celebrating each new milestone that you are making...It is a reflection of what both of you wanted and she would be celebrating your victories if she could.....Make this a positive thing in your life a midst all the pain for both of you..

Hope you understand what I am trying to say...If you don't see it as a victory for yourself and a life improvement. it will be no different for you then when you were struggling before with weight loss....It will just be another experience in your life that made little or no difference to you....Please understand that it is a victory for you more so because of what you have suffered personally.

I hope all the best for you hun and your family as you go forward with life.

Edited by RJ'S/beginning

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