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I Lived Through This Surgery, My Sister Didn't.

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to jump on here and share with you all the last six months for our family. My name is Lyndsey. I am a 28 year old mother of two, and married to my prince charming. For me, weight has been a struggle my entire life. I remember vividly being told at just 5 years old by a doctor that I was "obese" and from that point forward my journey really began. I had a pretty normal life, but fought weigth my whole life. I met my wonderful husband at work after loosing 60 pounds all on my own. Needless to say, marriage and getting comfortable- well, and having two children gave me all of that, plus more back. Before the surgery I was 255 with a BMI of 41.9. I had my surgery (VSG) May 8th, 2013 and just over 6 months later I am weighing in at 159.5. Since surgery I have had it pretty easy. I healed well, but did get pancreatitis right after the surgery and had to be hospitalized again for a few days. They were never sure if it was related to the surgery or not. Since the surgery I have tried really hard to make healthy choices with food, but to be completely honest I am a mom, and occasionally we do still eat McDonalds! (gasp!) I do not count calories, carbs, or anything for that matter. My doctor never told me I needed to. I DO drink diet coke... (terrible, I know!) I live a normal life now. I go out with my family, friends, and I am not constantly on some fad diet that wont work. I eat what my family eats, but I do try to focus on eating the Protein first, and follow that with the veggies, then the yummy sides if there is room (which there almost never is!). My goal is to be somewhere in the 130's. I really dont care if its 139.9 but I want to be in the 130's. I hope to reach that goal by the one year anniversary of my surgery.

I would also like to tell you about my big sister, my only sibling. Sherrie was a 34 year old mother of three, and also married to her high school sweetheart. They have been married almost 17 years. Sherrie had her surgery April 24th (2 weeks before me) and there were complications following the surgery. We didn't see it as much at first, or I probably wouldn't have gone through with it myself. But as I healed and started getting back to normal, my sister got sicker and sicker. Her stomach had a stricture at the top. The surgon put in a stent to try to expand it. They stent bacame embedded into her stomach wall and they had to dig it out. After that, the middle of her stomach healed closed so tightly that she couldn't eat or drink anything and keep it down. She had eaten almost nothing for 6 months. She was in and out of the hospital, and the surgon made it very difficult for her to get anyone to help her. Finally when they found the problem we were able to schedule her with a new surgon to hopefully get the problem fixed. She was hospitalized twice in October for dehydration and malnutrition. The second time they put in a PIC line, and bagan IV nutrition (TPN). She was finally feeling better. They sent her home with the PIC line and instructions on how to give herself the IV nutrition and we were told to continue this until her appointment with the new surgon. She came home from the hospital Monday afternoon. Tuesday I talked to her, and she sounded better than she had in months. She was optimistic that we could get her better and even shared with me that before they started the IV nutrition she was scared she was going to die, but now she felt like she has a chance. Wednesday morning (October 30th, 2013) we got the call that broke our family. My beautiful big sister had died at home, alone in her bed. She had asked her husband to not sleep in their bed as she was scared he would pull out her PIC line, so he was in another room. He came into their room that morning to check on her and get ready for work and found her. It was just too late. She had been gone for several hours. We were in shock. We had just got a glimpse of hope with the IV nutrition, and in the blink of an eye, she was gone. I went to the funeral home to dress my big sister, do her hair, do her makeup, and spend some time with her before we had to say goodbye. We burried her the following Monday. A huge piece of my heart is missing now. I want to share her story too because there are so many who have all these wonderful stories, but she doesn't have a voice anymore to share hers. People need to know that you CAN die from this surgery. When I had the surgery I honestly felt like the only people that die from this were the "huge" ones... and thats just not true. My sister was my size. she wasn't some crazy 500 or 800 pound person. She was in a size 18 pants JUST like I was. She died. It can happen. It does happen. I did happen to us. I am not trying to scare anyone, but I want to be her voice too. Do you research, make sure this is the right choice for you and your family. We are left now with three children that now have no mother, and my amazing brother in law (who loved my sister more than I've ever seen anyone love someone) is widowed. His heart is broken, and so is ours. A vital part of our family is missing. Below is a picture of my big sister before the surgery. She was beautiful.

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Wow! I'm so heart broken with your story n ur sisters. It must be the most difficult thing in the world. I haven't lost a sister thank God! I have lost my best friend, comforter, my beautiful mother at age 53. I have learned to feel she is away on vacation in another county and we just can't communicate now. This has helped me thru these last 14 years. She lives in Heaven awaiting the second coming of Christ! What better place? This is how I deal with her lost. I'm extremely sorry for your lost. Please enjoy life with ur family n nieces/nephews but aunty who is there thru thick n thin. They will love u for it when they grow up. Children can deal better with lost than adults. They will make it thru! Holidays will be better. Just do them n remember ur sister. how ur sister would had made the Holidays. Do as she would have n remember her n her passion for life. Thank u for sharing ur story. Time to reevaluate my decision n make sure this is what I want. I'm about the same size ur sister was size 18 sometimes 16. 208lbs. Thank u!!!! Sorry if I went on n on....

I am 100% certain your sister is still with you and celebrating for you. You need to be proud of yourself - I bet she is!

Lindsey, your beautiful sister died with dignity and grace, fighting to improve her health for herself and her family. I know you know this, and that nothing will ease this terrible, endless grief. One year ago, I lost my beautiful sister, too. A sister is a best friend in a way that no one else can ever be. I haven't been to this site for months, and I feel it is no coincidence that I came here tonight and found your post. One thing I found t his past year is that there are no support groups for those who have lost siblings! I found groups for those who had lost parents, spouses, and children, but no group for me. If you need to reach out to someone who understands, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for sharing both of your stories. What a terrible loss for you, her husband and children, and your family. Peace. Mary Lynne

Lyndsey,

Despite some peoples lack of respect I personally am thankful for your story. I just finished reading ALL of the post and I wanted to reach out to you and thank you for sharing your sisters story as well as your own.

I am scheduled for surgery January 21st and I have spent about 7 years making this decision. Death still scares me but obviously this was not a decision I made lightly.

I wanted to see if you could give us a little information about the symptoms she was having after surgery that differed from your own. Maybe some things that those of us who are heading towards surgery can be on the look out for.

Your sister will be remembered. Her story may save lives, thank you again for sharing.

Did you sisters use the same Dr?

Sorry for your loss.

My prayers for your family! I personally appreciate you being transparent with us and helping some of us that are considering the surgery.

I certainly wouldn't be one of the ones holding you back.

I just removed a rude comment from this thread. In the future, please use the report feature for similar comments.

Thanks Alex

  • Author

wait- why was MY comment removed? So, let me get this right, this chick can come here and belittle me, and make light of what happend to my family, and when I stand up for myself you delete my comment?! Really. Thanks "big Brother" good looking out... her comment stayed for days, typical. Thanks for the "support". I guess we should all take note that its ok to taunt those hurting, but don't dare stand up for yourself!

bye ya'll.Thanks to those that have been suppoortive, but I don't need this in my life right now. I came here to stand up for my sister, to try to help others making choices and decisions we all had to make. I had no intention of scaring anyone but if I did, good! It IS a scary decision, it IS a life and death decision... if what happened to my sister scared you then so be it.

Good luck to those with a heart, and to those that have been supportive I really do thank you. To those who have not, well I really pray you dont have to live through what I am living with everyday. I hope one day in the future when you do loose someone who means the world to you (because like it or not, eventyally we ALL DIE!) that you remember how you treated me... and I hope your heart hurts so bad so you know what I have been dealing with.

Lyndsey;

it was not the intention removing the comments replied, as it was a matter of those who responded attacking your feelings....no one appreciates those kinds of threatening or coarse words any time and especially as you are going through such pain...

I think the founder wanted to stop others like one of the followers of this post, not have the opportunity to say their 1 cents worth and hurt you more....

There is no intent to punish you hun....It was his choice to defuse it as he saw it best for your thread....It was not personal at all.....

The intent was to get it back where you intended it to be and that was to tell your story and put the information out there for others to think about ...We all think we have it all figured out and we don't......no one has it all figured out...

You do have support on this forum and I think about you almost every day and your family and how you are progressing....

Please rethink your desire to leave....

You need fellow sleevers to be there for you..Not the ones that make thoughtless comments but the ones that are trying to understand and care about you and your situation.....

Edited by RJ'S/beginning

She was very beautiful. Not just outside... Your love for her pours out through your words and paints a picture of a beautiful soul too. Prayers for you and your family. God holds your sister now in eternal peace and you will be united again someday. Not too soon though, we need you here. Much love to you!

Dear Lyndsey:

My heart goes out to you and your family as you deal with this very painful loss. Your sister was indeed a beautiful young woman, as are you. I do understand the pain of losing a beloved sibling as my oldest brother died from Leukemia in 2009. I felt and still do feel that part of my own soul went with him. I still cry for his loss and I always will. The hardest time is what you are going through now, the first year, and dealing with the rage and the devastation of the enormous void that has been created by your sister's death. You have a right to your feelings, all of them. I doubt that my words are of any comfort but I hope you can take comfort in knowing you have made an impact on your sister's behalf. She lives on through you and her family and all who knew and loved her. I hope you will reconsider and not leave the forum. As you said, your voice is now your sister's voice too and both of your stories need to be told. Many of us come thru the surgery with no or very few issues and we need to be reminded that we are indeed blessed and fortunate. Many blessing to you and your family.

So sorry this happened, it really makes you think.

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