Nevermore

Hello, all! My name is Raven. I'm 35 and I'm pre-op. My surgery date is January 6, 2014 and I have very mixed feelings about it. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and I have a particularly bad case of it. I have all the symptoms in varying degrees of severity. I also haven't seen a natural menstrual cycle since I was 22 and only recently, within the last year, were they able to force a cycle with near dangerously high doses of progesterone and even that has stopped working. Because of my amenorrhea (total absence of a cycle), I've been through multiple surgeries to remove hypoplasia (pre-cancerous buildups) and calcifications from my uterus. I am, of course, infertile because of this and from being overweight. Along my journey of doctors and surgeons, almost every one has brought up weight loss surgery. "NO WAY!" I would proclaim loudly. I've done my research and I also watched a few of the videos of the surgeries. I've seen the poking and the bleeding and the meatball surgery... and these guys know they are being watched and video taped for the world to see! What are the ones who aren't being watched doing? Yeah, you can forget that... After a few years of struggling, dieting, surgeries, losing the constant battle against my weight, my symptoms gaining strength and frequency, the sudden realization that I'm in my mid-30s and haven't had a child... the "NO WAY!" turned into... "Okay, but only as an absolute last resort." A couple of years ago, my endocrinologist told me we were at the "last resort". I told him I wanted to give one more try myself. I redoubled my efforts at dieting. I took myself down to 1000 calories a day. I was exercising for 4-6 hours a day. I started making progress! Over the course of almost 2 years, I went from 300 lbs. to 215 lbs. Huge, right? Don't worry, I nearly broke my arm patting myself on the back. But I just could not keep up that momentum and my body started breaking down. And the moment I let up even a little bit on either the calories (even just 100) or the exercise (even just 30 minutes), I would either plateau or start gaining again. Then I made a huge move across the country which required all of my mental and physical resources over the course of a few months. I was still counting calories, averaging 1500-1600. And by the time I was moved and settled, I was up to 235. I tried to regain some control, but this was about the time they started putting me on high dose progesterone. This gave me extreme irritability, unprovoked and constant crying, and insatiable hunger. So now, I'm back to 245 lbs. and just hopelessly watching the scale inch up a pound or three every month. I brought all of this to my recent endocrinologist appointment and she said, "Raven, we're at the end of our rope." It rang in my head for about 10 minutes. She said our last options are a partial hysterectomy or weight loss surgery. But either way, I can't go on the way I am. Not only is my quality of life suffering tremendously, but the health risks, especially the constant threat of endometrial (uterus) cancer, are on the verge of consuming my life. So, I finally gave in. I went to my first appointment with the VSG surgeon in September. I've scheduled out to January because my insurance doesn't cover ANY of the cost of the surgery. Not a whit. Luckily (and unluckily), my endoscopy found a severe hiatal hernia that needs immediate attention so that forced my insurance to chip in half, but I still have to come up with $6k. I tried the medical credit sites, but have been turned down. I'm angry that no matter what I did, I was forced to this. It's infuriating that if any person without PCOS would have done what I've done, they'd have lost 300+ lbs in the time it took me to lose 80. It's maddening that I could maintain at 1500-1600 calories a day if it weren't for the progesterone that's sort of keeping me for getting cancer. I'm filled with trepidation over someone cutting out a significant portion of a very beloved body part. I know that the risks of death or serious injury are minimal and that the practice has been highly refined over the years, but my trepidation prevails. But I'm also relieved that I've finally committed to it. And I'm admittedly a little excited at the prospect of the help this could provide... not just for my weight, but for my PCOS that has been plaguing me since I was 14 years old. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

Today is my two weekiversary. I had my post op appointment with my surgeon last Tuesday and he said I couldn't be progressing any better. I've been off the Tylenol for about three days now. I'm good for about 30-45 minutes of activity before I need a rest. Still having problems with exhaustion but it's getting better. I'm hitting my water and protein goals with no problems. I've started purées with no issues and I've never been so happy to have refried beans. It has been hard, I won't lie. But it's already been worth it. I'm down 20lbs since pre-op and 14lbs since surgery. Huzzah!

Looking fantastic! What an inspiration!

I just got my January date and I'm going through Dr. Mirza on Westheimer.

Hey all, I have generalized anxiety disorder. I had two psychs clear me before the surgery and I was completely honest with both of them. I'm now day 4 post op and my worst struggle is not Water, not Protein, not Vitamins... it's my anxiety. It's worse than ever. I should really have anticipated this. Anything that changes in my body is cause for a complete nervous breakdown. I know mentally and emotionally that everything is fine (I even made a panicked trip to my surgeon's office to make sure). But it doesn't stop the fight-or-fight response from occurring and making all of the bad stuff that comes from panic attacks from happening. Does anyone else have an anxiety disorder? Did you go through this? Any helpful thoughts from anyone with or without an anxiety disorder?

I was actually on klonopin before Xanax. I did enjoy using it as well. Both work well for me. But because of the much higher addiction rate of klonopin, my doctors are very loathe to use it. I may ask for a small prescription if I can't get this under control though.

Thanks! I will do that as soon as my hubby comes to get my laptop for me. I'm not currently allowed to lift it. It's 17 lbs. (Gaming laptop). My phone is about to die. Lol

Yup, I've been dealing with this for 14 years now and I go through all of the relaxing "tell yourself it's not real" motions. Usually that and, if it gets real bad, a hot shower, usually helps (with the Xanax of course). And it all helps a little now, but it seems to come zooming back the next hour. Usually, once I ditch the attack it's gone for at least the day, for a week or two during my good spells. But this almost constant attack is wearing me down.

I have Xanax... been using it for years. Because of the dizziness I'm experiencing (which I -know- is just the severe reduction of calories), the Xanax makes it worse. I'm currently crushing up 1/4 of my usual dose and putting that in my Water twice a day. It helps some but increases the dizziness. So I don't really want to increase the dose.

I'm day 4 post op. I don't NEED a lot of help. But I do need some. For one, I'm supposed to do stuff for myself to stay active, but I'm also not supposed to over do it or lift anything over 10lbs. So, I NEED my hubby to carry the laundry to and from the laundry room, but I do the rest myself. I have this awesome litter box that you just roll on its side and it automatically sifts all of the litter, then you just pull out the drawer and dump it. The litter box is to heavy to roll myself and the drawer can sometimes be to heavy... But I'll sweep around it myself. But I take care of him, my cousin, and her kid most of the time. If I lean a little heavy on them during my recovery, I will NOT feel guilty about it. I've got enough to worry about trending to my recovery needs without compounding needless anxieties. Lean on your loved ones as much as you need to... you do need a support system. It helps.

1. I had a hernia repair as well. But that wasn't my only pain. My entire stomach felt like I'd been kicked with a steel-toed boot. Only the big incision was a bit painful but that was no big deal really. They had me on dilauded and it didn't touch my pain, it just made me sleepy. I didn't get any pain relief until I got switched to liquid vicodin the next day. 2. No underwear... But I had on this weird, giant gown that was paper outside and had a thin double layer of plastic inside. It confused me until in pre-op I nearly froze to death. They hooked up this hose to a flap in the paper part of the gown and it started blowing hot air. The plastic part blew up like a hot balloon. My husband laughed at how silly it looked. But I was in heaven. I know it doesn't really apply to your question, but I'm just illustrating how low of a priority no underwear quickly becomes. Lol 3. The very first time, the nurse instructed me the best way to get out of bed, step by step. But I went alone every time problem. Just a little supervision the first time. Here's what I was told: Reach across your body with your arm. Grab the opposite rail. Pull yourself into a sitting position. Wait (for dizziness our nausea to go away). Slowly push yourself into standing. Wait again. Slowly shuffle into the bathroom. Use the handrails to lower yourself onto the toilet (or stabilize yourself in front of it). Use handrails to push self up. Slowly shuffle back to bed. Hold gown open in back like wings with one hand so you don't choke yourself when you slide back in bed. Use bed rails to lower self back into bed backwards. Slowly swing legs back into bed. I didn't get to carry my iv around. Every time I had to go, a nurse would come in and unhook everything: electrodes, oxygen finger thingy, oxygen cannula, leg compressors, and iv. Then they'd come hook me up again after I was back in bed. For me, it was every two hours like clockwork. 4. See #3

Absolutely wonderful! You look great and are an awesome inspiration. Thanks for sharing!

I wish I would have known I'd be 36 hours without even a sip of water post op. I knew it would be awhile after waking up... But almost two days was just torture. I wish I would have known I'd be become a neurotic hypochondriac... Every little thing that changes is an emergency! I also wish I would have known that becoming a neurotic hypochondriac is a normal response. I felt a little crazy. I wish I would have known that I'd prefer pain to delauded. That stuff did nothing for my pain, it just made me sleepy. And being all wired up, I couldn't get comfortable to sleep. I was miserable on that stuff. I wish I would have known that the first 24 hours was the hardest and it gets easier each day after.

I called my surgeon and he basically told me that if I can breathe clearly and had no fever for a week before surgery, then it'll be fine. The anesthesiologist grilled me pretty hard about it. I still has a lot of drainage but could breathe fine and never got a fever. I'm day three post op now. It made the recovery process harder since my throat was already bad from the drainage and then added 36 hours with nothing to drink, but I made it. Thanks for the help and responses everyone!

My surgery is Monday (1/6/14). Right before I went to bed last night, I started sniffing. I woke up at 1:30am with my head full of congestion. It's my worst nightmare coming true. Two weeks before surgery, my cousin (who lives with me) came home from work with the full blown flu. Through much OCD handwashing, quarantining her to her room (my husband threatened to put in one of those prison door slides for food , and making her go to the doctor the next morning, I managed to avoid it. Christmas day (cousin still in recovery), my hubby and I go to visit his family. We're there three days and four people in the house come down with the flu. I wash. I dodge body contact. I get the heck out of there! I've taken great pains not to get sick just before surgery. Now, I'm all stuffy. I rushed out and got some Zicam lozenges and nose spray. Anyone have any further suggestions for keeping the bugs at bay? If this postpones my surgery, I'll be livid.

She was very beautiful. Not just outside... Your love for her pours out through your words and paints a picture of a beautiful soul too. Prayers for you and your family. God holds your sister now in eternal peace and you will be united again someday. Not too soon though, we need you here. Much love to you!

Gorgeous! Good job! What an inspiration!

I actually asked to have mine. I got told a big, fat NO... Stating that it's against policy for biohazard reasons. I retorted, "But it's mine!" And I just got the stink eye. Ticked me off... That would have been an awesome souvenir.

I'm day three post op and doing okay. It's been a real blessing having a bunch of the people on this site to commune with on a regular basis throughout this process. It was comforting to know that what I was going through was normal. Things like kissing my pets and loved ones goodbye possibly forever the night before surgery. And now reacting to every little change in my body as if it's a medical emergency. It's been really helpful to know I'm not a neurotic hypochondriac... that these are normal responses by a lot of people. I've actually gotten in a full shake and a bottle of water before noon today. I'm currently munching on a SF pudding into which I've poured my shake powder. My incisions look well, if a bit bruised. I haven't taken any pain killers since I left the hospital on the evening of the 7th... just liquid tylenol. I remember reading other people's posts how they didn't like the pain killers and I was thinking, "yeah, right... I'm going to milk those for all they're worth!" but no... they were right. It makes it so much harder to keep moving and walking and drinking and spirometering and all the recovery stuff you need to do. I haven't been able to get on these forums until now because I'm not allowed to lift/push/pull anything over 10 lbs. My laptop is 17 lbs. (it's a gaming laptop). So my hubby offered to put it in my lap this morning. Anyhoo, I seem to be doing pretty well physically and mentally. Thanks for all the support from BariatricPal and the January 2014 sleevers group on FB! You guys are amazing!

Thanks much! I'm heading to the hospital in an hour and a half. I really needed a pep talk and well.. there's no one awake at 2:30am here. lol. I'm spending my last bit of time reviewing "things you need to take" and "things you need to remember" posts. heh Thanks everyone! Here I go!

Alllllllrighty then...

So... 1 day 9 hours and 44 minutes until surgery... but who's counting? I'm a little excited and a lot nervous. But I have everything paid and done except packing my bag for the hospital and showing up. Any last minute advice before the plunge?

We could make our own little support group from all the Houston sleevers! Thanks, mona! I'm really nervous and a bit excited. But everything is done except packing a bag and going there. So that helps~

I know that being out of network means you'll pay more, but how much more is really dependent on your policy. The best answers will come from calling the insurance company directly. Incidentally, if it's not a huge difference, I'd stick with Dr. Mirza. He's doing my sleeve this Monday at 7am and their team has been wonderful.

Thanks! I am not working at the moment, so that's a plus. I was actually considering doing exactly what you said. Just dose up and stay in bed. I was concerned about the NyQuil.. but I just checked and it has acetaminophin (not supposed to have ibuprophen or aspirin before surgery) so it's okay! Thank you, Lord! My biggest concern with postponing the surgery is not actually postponing the surgery. I've waited long enough, another week or two wouldn't be a big deal. It's staying on or redoing this liquid diet. I think I might eat my couch and kill Ronald McDonald if I had to do that. The good news of that is that I would definitely be able to plead insanity without question. heh