Read this and thought I would share.

You know you are a Gastric Surgery Patient When…

ü I have a date" does not mean you're going out.

ü You have baby food in the house and no baby.

ü "I'm a loser" is a good thing.

ü All of your silverware says Gerber.

ü A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.

ü "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.

ü New clothes fall off in a week.

ü You get excited ab

out hand me downs.

ü The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".

ü Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.

ü "Just water for me please".

ü Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.

ü You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.

ü When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.

ü When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".

ü When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.

ü Other women are calling you names behind your back.

ü When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there".

ü When you really don't have a thing to wear.

ü You have to prove you are the person on the driver’s license.

ü You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.

ü You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.

ü You are never parted from a bottle of water

ü When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.

ü Being too small for your britches.

ü When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.

ü When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say WOW you're mom is hot.

ü When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.

ü You truly are a "cheap date".

ü When one drink makes you flipping floozy!

ü When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.

ü You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.

ü Vitamins feel like a meal.

ü You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.

ü You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"

ü You can cross your legs... both of them

ü Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra

ü When your obsession from food turns to your scale.

ü They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.

ü No more Velcro shoes

ü Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.

ü "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties

ü When your Stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables

ü Your mother says "You don't eat enough"

`ü When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this."

ü Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.

ü You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire

ü When you wave and your upper arms wave back

ü You safety pin your underwear

ü Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress

ü Cannot blame the cat for shedding

ü Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card

ü 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase

ü The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god...did he die???

--Author(s) unknown

Absolutely priceless!!

It made me giggle!

Cute

love it !!!

Very cute!! I can relate to few and hopefully more in the future!!

I'm still laffing...even as I write this. Yes, priceless indeed!!

Really cute, I can relate to several of them!

that is too funny !!!

So many relatable things. Some I hope not to (like the boobs examples).

This is great!

LOL i laughed hard at the "blaming the cat for shedding" statement. I wonder if I could get by with that?! lmao thanks for sharing! this made a wonderful end to a crappy day

I don't get wooden spoon?

I don't get the wooden spoon either.. I was just coming on here to see if someone understood that statement!

That's too funny

That's too funny