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I belong to an online group for writers. A poster found these on the web; the "worst analogies ever", taken from high school essays. They cracked me up. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable Soup. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer with no Cling Free.

As some of you know I am going through a break up with my BF and he is the father of my child. We made a written and verbal agreement a few days ago. Here's the story. First, he has a very good government job, i work as a freelance makeup artist, we both lived in a house under his name. He moved out and I have to move out next month so we/he can sell it. He is giving me everything in the house besides the computer, and he is giving me 3000 to find somewhere new to live. I asked him for c/s of 600 a month he said he can do 400 a month. He makes about 65000/year. My question is should I still take him to court? Because I think if I do the judge may make him pay mor…

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the…

i wanted to delete this post now

Hello All, The shopping has begun!! I have already gotten some pm's saying their gifts are on the way! You people are right on top of things!! Please post pictures of your gifts and Thank-You's here on this thread. I will have one of the moderators close the other thread. Remember every one wants to be acknowledged so please don't forget to post a thank you. No one wants to feel left out. We LOVE pictures as well, so if it's possible, try to post a photo. If any one needs help resizing or attaching a photo let me know and I'll help. Good luck and happpy Labor Day!

Well it happened. Me and my boyfriend of 5 years just broke up Sunday night. We have 1 son together, I have a son from a previous relationship and he has a daughter from a previous relationship. The daughter lives in TX with her mom. It makes me sad that we cant work it out because we have a family but honestly we have been coasting the last two years from the first three years( those three years were great)...does that make sense? The bottom line is that I loved him unconditionally and he could not do the same. Im half pissed and half heartbroken. How in the world do I move on. Its like a divorce even though we arent married. Its soooo weird we live together for …

MADRID, Spain - Spain’s top fashion show has turned away a slew of models on grounds they are too skinny — an unprecedented swipe at body images blamed for encouraging eating disorders among young people. Organizers of the pageant, known as the Pasarela Cibeles, used a mathematical formula to calculate the models’ body mass index — a measure of their weight in relation to their height — and 30 percent of the women flunked, said the Association of Fashion Designers of Spain. The association said Friday it wanted models at the show running from Sept. 18-22 to project “an image of beauty and health” and shun a gaunt, emaciated look. The decision was made as part of a volu…

Any Minneapolis or Rose Mount bandsters out there. I will be in your city next Tuesday for a week. I have the 15th and 18th free if anyone wants to have lunch with a Texas bandster. Or if you have a group support meeting while I am there let me know.

We have a full moon coming this Thurs according to Farmer's Almanac. I read my horoscope, but don't know much about this kind of stuff. What is supposed to happen on a full moon? My personal experience is that people act weird in general during that time. I wonder why? :eek: Anyone know the reasoning behind it?

Thank you for your great support as a moderator on LBT - not an easy volunteer job!!! And have an awesome birthday! :happybday2:

Last year, I made my DS's clown costume....this year he wants to be a priate---- Argh! Me Hardees!

Hope you are having an awesome day!!! :happybday2: :happybday2: :happybday2:

I am embarrassed to admit it, I love this show! Every summer I start out thinking this will be the last time I watch it...and I get sucked in.

REUNION OF A 60+ YEAR OLD LADY I had prepared for it like any intelligent woman would. I went on a starvation diet the day before, knowing that all the extra weight would just melt off in 24-hours, leaving me with my sleek, trim, high-school-girl body. The last forty years of careful cellulite collection would just be gone with a snap of a finger. I knew if I didn't eat a morsel on Friday, that I could probably fit into my senior formal on Saturday. Trotting up to the attic, I pulled the gown out of the garment bag, carried it lovingly downstairs, ran my hand over the fabric, and hung it on the door. I stripped naked, looked in the mirror, sighed, and thought, "Well,…

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. ------------------------------------------------------------- A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out." ------------------------------------------------------------- Marriage is a rela…

Happy Birthday Patty !!!! HUGS AND KISSES !!! :happybday2: :happybday2: :happybday2: :happybday2: :happybday2: :happybday2: :happybday2: :happybday2:

Harry constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "Well, it could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even Harry could find no hope in it. Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said, "Harry! Did you hear what happened to George? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself!" "Terrible," said Harry. "But it could have been worse." "How in hell," demanded his dumfounded friend, "could it possibly have been wors…

There is a lady in my building who bleaches her hair almost white, and draws her eyebrows on with a deep black pencil, but never gets them even. So one is down, like she's frowning, and the other is up, like she's surprised. One is a nice arch, and the other looks like a shark fin. I try not to notice when I'm talking to her, but it's so hard. There is a guy downstairs who wears the exact same pair of pants every day. And I mean every day. Sinec he started here. 9 months ago. At first I thought - hey, maybe he just has a lot of the same pants. But then the dirt started being in the same place every day. One day he leaned against a chalk board and got a big yel…

I figured since there are so many Moms here, surely someone would have a suggestion or practical advice for this. My dear beautiful daughter, bless her heart, can clear a room with her feet. If she wears anything other than bare feet, flip flops, or Crocs (those rubber clogz with holes in them), her feet take on a life of their own. After school when she gets in the car, I have to roll all the windows down. The dog doesn't even want to play with her shoes LOL. She's going away to camp week after next for a week - first time ever - and I'm really nervous that her stinky feet are going to be a source of embarassment for her. How can I get rid of this horrible smell?…

Anyone have exciting plans?

Happy Birthday Pattman & picardy3! :happybday2: Hope you both enjoyed a wonderful day!

Yesterday I stole a 3-in-1 game center at a garage sale for $5. I thought for sure it was a mistake. It has air hockey, foosball, and basketball. The hockey pucks and the pushers are missing, but can be purchased. Everything works. The best thing about it is that it's little boy size so my boys were elated. It's now sitting in the middle of our living room. :phanvan Soon to be moved downstairs. Last year I bought a Halloween costume at a garage sale for $5. I held unto it for the right time and then sold it on E-Bay for $40. I knew it was a big seller from the year prior. What is your favorite garage sale purchase?

The countdown is on, it is now 5 days till I will be married. WOW, 17 months I have been organising and planning and the day is almost here. I have been having nightmares for the last 2 weeks of things that can go wrong, people leaving, things forgotton and make up artist - photographer etc not turning up. I am sure they are all sick of me ringing confirming daily that they will still be there haha. My partner planned our honeymoon and hasnt told a soul about it, including me. All I know is I have to pack for summer and winter lol. My partner Paul asked me to marry him 7 yrs ago and I accepted. Anytime he talked about setting a date I would put him off with things lik…

Anyone else tried this? Months ago at my last dental check-up, I asked my dentist about whitening my teeth. Because I was given tetrecycline in my baby days, I have rings on my teeth. My dentist didnt offer much hope for getting my teeth brighter, whiter - and said that the rings were impossible to lighten. Regardless of what he said, I decided to give the Crest white strips a chance. Much cheaper then what the dentist quoted me for an office job - and he couldnt assure me a positive result going through his office. My thought is.. Id rather lose 30 buckies - then 500! Im here to tell you, Im impressed with these strips! :biggrin1: Only thing, when I app…

See I know that anything I type just gets launched into the void, drifting in space like a SeaMonkey in a fishbowl. It may offend, inspire, or amuse the other SeaMonkeys but at the end of the day there will be no political reform, coup d'etat, or religious restructuring. The fishbowl belongs to Alex and he could easily pour a little Clorox into the bowl if we get out of hand. All this has been said before, but I thought it would be nice to have an oasis for the peaceful, fun loving SeaMonkeys to come and float in peace. Today's topic will be: Children's TV programming from the 70's and 80's If someone comes to defecate in this pond or to bite the other monkeys, I …

Okies I have need party ideas for my daughters up coming B~Day party! She is turning 12 and I have been so busy now I'm in a rush to put out invites.. Any ideas? Her Birthday is on a Friday- Dad works Sat, Sun and Mondays..Mom has School on Sunday... So Fri. or Sat is my days to plan. I'm thinking just a sleep over like 3 girls and her? Or if she wants a boy to come then a sleep over for the girls and have dinner @ a local place for those not spending the night? Cake she told me she wants cup cakes and them to decorate them- So that super easy lol Last year I felt so bad because her party was the same time Houston was being evacuated- we couldn't even get out of th…

Weirdest thing, I typed in the forum address and it went to the main page then a hack site took over.. is it just me or did anyone else see this?

Any of you had Skin Cancer? I found a spot on my cheek about 3 months ago while applying makeup. I dismissed it for a while (obviously) and a month ago finally decided to go see my dermatologist. I went today and he is pretty sure it's skin cancer. He took a biopsy and said he'd call me in a week. I'm kind of freaked out. What do you guys think? Any advice or info?

I originally came to this forum for support. Over time I made some friends. That was a plus. I also hope that I offered good support & advice. I have been absent for a long time, only occasionally lurking, because of the negative tone this board has taken. I haven't followed everything that has gone on here, but I know that some of my friends have been hurt. I have had enough negativity in my life. You people need to grow up & get a life (I don't know who you are, but YOU do know who you are). I find it sad that a handful of people had to turn a place of total support & positive energy into nothing but a nasty popularity contest. So, I say farewell.

Thought I'd say hi to everyone and maybe a discussion of some sorts will begin HI!

I love the idea of having a smartphone and having all of my devices combined and information quickly available to me. I tried the Treo 650 for a while. After 3 months, I decided the reception was lousy, I missed a lot of calls, and I found it to be a bit to big and bulky. So, I sold it on ebay and went back to my razor phone. However, as I mentioned before, I really like the smartphone idea and would like to get another one. So, I was wondering if there were any fellow gadget guru's on here who have a different smartphone that they are really pleased with. If so, please give me your suggestions and the pros and cons of the phone. Thanks for helping me decide whi…

Rob and I have been wanting to go to vegas for a bit. We go twice a year. So we decided with things pretty flush now is the time to go lose all our money. LOL We are flexible on the plans, and wanted to know if some bandsters wanted to go and meet up with us there. PM me the dates that are good for you, and we'll do the town. Penny slots and free drinks!! Anyone in the vegas area want to meet up, or anyone wanting a trip to get away from it all?

My community has what they call the "Sweet Corn Festival" every labor day weekend where they Celebrate the harvesting of our corn fields with events and a parade... What do your communities do for certain holidays?

My Mom and I have this weird connection. I have this same connection with my middle daughter. When one of us is feeling low or trodden upon and our self esteem is in the toilet, we either call the other or send inspirational emails like the one I just got from my sweet MOM. And believe me after a day like today I think we all could use some uplifting. I know I could. So read and enjoy. Now where did I put that Tequila and Salt? Subject: Tequila and salt This should probably be taped to our bathroom mirrors where we could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true. 1. There are at least two people in this world that you woul…

For those of you who knew Miss Chloe, I thought I'd share an update to add a little joy to your day. She's doing remarkably well living in Switzerland. She loves having a little brother to play with, and she's enrolled in the best school money can buy, plus she's seeing a top child psychologist. I'm sure things will always be difficult for her to a certain extent considering her real mother isn't capable of raising her. But she's with her real Daddy and step mom, who couldn't love her more than a natural parent. She couldn't ask for a better life. But the best thing is that Chloe's already on the ice! She recently started her first skating lesson. I've always …

One day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” So God agreed. On the next day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.” The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?” And God agreed. On the next day, God created the cow and said, “You must go…

I just need to say this. My twin brother James has two kids with his ex-wife. 4 year old girl, 5 year old boy. He picked up his kids in Texas for the summer back in May and planned on fighting for custody when he got back to Nevada seeing as his ex was pretty far gone on drugs. (she hasn't worked a real job in two years except for stripping here and there in some skanky clubs). Well four days after he returned to Nevada we found out that she had been arrested for beating her elderly landlord with a baseball bat because he was going to evict her for not paying her rent in 4 months. He almost died. She was charged with aggrivated assult and her bail was set at 50,000 d…

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed... On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you... Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it... Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo... What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? If you do not know, see answer below: . Get your drunk butt off the merry-go-round! :faint:

I adore drama and I LOVE a good game. Drama and games are individually multi-billion dollar industries, so all the fanning, vapors and "I just can't take the drama" around here are hypocritically pathetic. I can dish it out, and I can take it. Know that. LBT is a profitable industry. I won $37.00 last night over this thread. http://www.myspace.com/delarla

How would you feel if your company started a new charitable organization and was counting on all employees to do fundraisers, added a special place on timecards for you to fill in how much you want to give each pay period, was going totally public with it and having committee meetings to make decisions and plan for the growth of the new charitable organization? What if you’re not particularly interested in this type of charity, or if you already give more than generously to charities that you’ve believed in? Do you just, “Go with it?” Or do you decide not to attend and/or participate when everyone else is so gung-ho about it all?

Hi I am a newbi here to this sight and I was just wondering if most people are required to get a psych eval before wls? After lurking here for a few weeks Im thinking that these evals. must not be required or maybe they are a new thing, just curious:paranoid I found the bickering b.s. amusing at first but, it realy has not helped with my concerns for wls and now it feels more like a "nut house". Anyway I do go to other threads, but guess what more drama there too.

just wondering.

Today this seems funny...last night at 2:00 a.m. it was anything but. My son-in-law was at work (he works nights) and my daughter and grandson were asleep, when my dog decided he needed one more trip outside. I obliged and took him only to find the door had somehow locked behind me....OH OH. I trudged barefoot around the house and banged on my daughter's bedroom window to no avail...no lights and me stumbling all over everything. I finally gave up with the banging....she was sleeping like the dead, and trudged off with my little dog in tow on his retractable leash to the nearest neighbor that was about a mile away. Down through the pine trees, pine cones, and gravel we …

I came here almost 2 years ago and joined 18 months ago. I have made friends here, I have felt safe here. I posted pictures of my family, my fat and my progress here. (I have deleted all my pictures) In the past few weeks I have lost the feeling of "safe" here. The fighting, name calling, and bickering has become too much for me to deal with. Those you of that call me friend, feel free to contact me through myspace.com. I am going to start posting on the band group there. I wish the best for everyone, newbies and old timers alike. I hope each and everyone of you has a smooth band journey. Thanks for the good times, I will remember them always. The support I have had here …

Ok guys, if you don't know it yet, you will know it now...I'm absolutely CRAZY about cats! I have 2, an orange and white fireball named Mia who is almost 2 years old, and a tiger striped stinker (not as in she stinks but as in shes spoiled rotten!) named Annie. Annie is about 6 months old. I just thought I would post a few photos. Any other members who have pets, please post them here! I love to see animals.

I've heard it come up on this site and with my own experiences felt inspired. I hope its ok that I post this shameless - non-commercial plug here. Visit www.cheaters101.com to see what I'm talking about...Just looking to generate some conversation on the topic....

Peace, Faith & Love

Would someone please explain to me what this Smilie means?:huytsao NancyRN

Investigators probe why jet used wrong runway The reason IMHO why the plane crashed is that airports have terrible markings for the runways and taxi-ways. Mechanics at the airline that I worked for had to taxi planes from the hanger to the terminals or to the cargo area. Taxi means drive on the ground. I rode in the cockpit dozens of times, many times (riding brakes) in the co-pilot's seat before ever being allowed to taxi a plane. I also taxied the simulator many times before taxiing a real plane. The markings at JFK and EWR (Newark) were horrendous. I also rode in the cockpit at Logan (Boston), Dulles (DC) and Philadelphia International. They are all bad. I was almo…

Can You Land on His Nose?