Man, if I had a dollar for every critic who said this to me on these boards. It's a past time of a certain type of dieter....to send me hate mail and try to shame me for being outspoken.

"You're still overweight! You shouldn't be telling people what to do! How dare you not feel ashamed at that weight!"

Shakin my head over here.

If I wanted to be 140, I could be. Have been. Looked god-awful and felt like I was starving all the time.

If I wanted to be 160, I could be. Have been. I wasn't particularly hungry, got a reasonable number of calories, but thought I looked older.

I like a little more round to my angles. I like less sag, fewer wrinkles. Not real interested in cosmetic surgery. Picked the best option for me.

I like eating 1600 calories a day. I like having space in my diet for a couple pieces of fruit because I think phytonutrients are beneficial and important. I like how i feel eating a high fiber diet. I like room to be a vegetarian some days. I like flexability. It's how I can face this as a lifelong change. It's how I can make peace with food forever....cause I know this plan is WORKABLE in pretty much all situations. I can eat on my plan during a holiday, a funeral, a birthday party....during a power outage, while recovering from an injury, during extreme emotional stress, on the road, and while dealing with my inlaws. LOL.

I typically weigh 165-170 pounds. I LOVE this weight. It is NOT "the best I could do because I couldn't get to a "healthy weight" ", it is an intentionally chosen set point. It's a choice. This is, I am 100% certain...the MOST healthy weight I can choose for myself.

That whole...Arnold Schwarzenegger's BMI was technically Obese when he won Mr. Universe figures in. BMI is flawed. It doesn't differentiate between light muscle frames and heavy muscle frames, bigger bones, smaller bones. Different ethnicities. Different body styles.

My feet, depending on the manufacturer are size 10 or 11. My shoulders are more broad than most men's my height. My butt, thighs and calves are overdeveloped because I rode huntseat and jumped horses for decades, even when I was quite heavy. My husband says they have a kinda superhero quality now. LOLOLOLOL

So here's the thing....If you feel inclined to send me a snarky note about how I shouldn't say anything....because I'm not American Media model skinny, you might have a problem.

As it happens, I have a good friend who models. He's 5' 10", weighs 157 pounds soaking wet, and they STILL wanted him to use coke for a week and fast...to look more sickly skinny for his last national ad campaign.

Our impression of body image in the media is grossly distorted and unhealthy.

And a lot of folks here....get a grossly distorted and unhealthy obsession with their eating habits, their BMI, the number on the scale, and how it defines them.

Please, please, please remember....health.

Physical health, strength, endurance, good labs, fewer medications.

Emotional health...loving yourself, enjoying your life, feeling challenged and happy.

Mental health...finding balance you can live with for a lifetime.

Love your strong healthy body. Love your good food choices that provide good nutrition to nurture that body. Love the flexability to make it work though the tough spots.

Avoid the fixations, the extremes, the inflexable rules, the disordered eating (and disordered not-eating)

You can trust yourself to get to where you need to be....without punishment.

Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself.

"Picking a goal weight".

Quite a few people who've "picked a goal weight" will realize sooner or later that one doesn't "pick a goal weight" like one picks the color of a new car.

2 hours ago, Creekimp13 said:

"You're still overweight! You shouldn't be telling people what to do! How dare you not feel ashamed at that weight!"

It wouldn't really surprise me but - did someone on here actually write that? ?

Yep. They did.

Inceasant hunger can make people angry and filterless, apparently.

I honestly am not particularly angry with them, and it's nothing new, and it doesn't just happen to me.

When something like this happens....I think to myself....thank God it's you who is a hot mess today, and not me for a change. LOL. Meh, we all take a turn being the hot mess.

I'm not taking it personally cause I don't think anyone LIKES to be hurtful to strangers.

I think it's a byproduct of rigid thinking...crime and punishment. Rules that must never be broken. A way to feel in control against a foe that one feels helpless against. And I get that struggle. I really do.

(only, I don't feel helpless against obesity anymore, or particularly threatened by it. I used to.)

And I'm a known food criminal, ya know?

I eat carbs. ?

LOL?

How could I possibly eat BREAD and have an imperfect BMI and still feel like a total success?

I mean...that's some gall there....

Wow... I'm sorry to hear people on this forum have been so rude. You lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for 3 years, so you clearly did something right! I was never really aiming for a specific goal weight -- I'm in it for the non-scale goals. I started out with a BMI over 60, so I never expected to be skinny, and in fact, I wasn't sure if I'd ever make it out of the obesity range. Even if I didn't, I'd still say a BMI of 35 was a big improvement over a BMI of 60.

It's easy to be perfect and follow the rules during the honeymoon period, but I'm more concerned about the long term. I pay really close attention to those of you who are a few years out and try to learn from your experiences. I think it's important to figure out a sustainable lifestyle and not fall back into the trap of yo-yo dieting that most of us have probably done in the past. I'm still trying to figure out how to strike that balance and grateful to be able to learn from those who went before me.

This is the LAST place anyone should be judging anyone else’s weight. I mean seriously, haven’t we had enough of that “out there???”

Super morbidly obese to low BMI, pretty much everyone here has had some dysfunction in their relationship with food and their body. It really sounds like you have a great relationship with both, now. Well done, @Creekimp13!! This is what we should all be striving for! ??

I would have been ecstatic of even getting to 200 lbs, to be honest. It was an absolute pipe dream when i started out at close to 400. And I certainly would have been MUCH healthier at that weight than I was at 400!!! I would have been fine with that, to be honest...

Wow. People are rude. I have said since the beginning that I have no desire to be skinny. None. I want to be healthy. I'd much rather weigh 200 and be happy and healthy than obsess about weighing under 150. Thin is not my goal. Healthy and happy is all I want.

OMG I hear that!!!! One of the first things I asked my surgeon after he was done all his talking and explaining and he asked me if I had any questions I said, given all you know about me now and my weight, do you have a suggested weight goal in mind for me? He said no, I do not expect you do get to any certain amount of weight, that is entirely up to you (was so happy I picked him at that point lol). I told him I asked because when I was last at my "thin" weight where I actually felt good and thought I looked good, my weight was actually 180 and I was in a size 6! I'm not very tall (5'6") but that weight just sat on me well. I told him my own personal goal is to get down around that (who knows if it will still now, I may need some adjusting to that) again knowing damn well the "standard would have me somewhere between 120 and 150. He said you'll get a feel for what is right for you. Your body will settle around a certain point. His main concern is hopefully helping me ditch the high blood pressure and newly discovered type 2 diabetes and all my meds. That's my main concern too.

12 hours ago, Creekimp13 said:

"You're still overweight! You shouldn't be telling people what to do! How dare you not feel ashamed at that weight!"

Well this is new one. And I thought I've seem/read everything already. I'm surprised there are actual people that would have the audacity to send messages like that. I'm glad you can let it roll of your back, but maybe you could report it case this person(s) directs their vitriol to someone who is not as thick-skinned? Just a suggestion.

For what it's worth, in my insignificant opinion, I don't find you "outspoken" in an sort of negative way at all. You have your opinions yes (we all do), but you read pretty cool about it all. Granted, there are the few here and and there that come off as a bit abrasive at times, but you aren't one of them.

Keep on keepin' on.

❤️

Regarding goal weights: its a personal decision. We all have different ideas on how we want to look/feel/etc, and how we want to go about it. What anyone else says is irrelevant (unless of course you are in immediate danger to yourself or others!)

Ugh. WTF is wrong with people? What you set for your goal is between you & your doctor. Mine, for example, set my goal at 155 which is above the BMI requirements for “healthy”. She prefers the Smart BMI calculation which does take in to account age & race. By any measure, I am more healthy at this point than I have been at any point in my adult life.

47 minutes ago, OAGBPal said:

I'm very, very over people basically telling others to starve themselves to death to be 'okay'.

Ok. @OAGBPal (& others)...I feel like I'm walking into a confrontation here so I want to tread lightly. I have a catholic grade-school upbringing, AND I'm Canadian so confrontation is my kryptonite!)

I guess I just want to clarify where the perceptions that there is ordering around and telling others what to do comes from? I'm on these boards ALOT (and I mean ALOT), and I honestly don't see this. Which is why I was surprised (shocked, really) that someone is hassling @Creekimp13. I read opinions, suggestions, expressions of feelings and stories of a person's experiences.

Sometimes someone will post something a little tone-deaf, but I don't see widespread maliciousness/bullying/pressure to be a certain way. Of course there was a thread or two that got pretty ugly. But these are the exception and not the rule.

Obviously I don't see everyone's PM's*, so I dont know what is going on behind "closed doors".

I dunno, maybe I'm naive, but I really don't see/read people "basically telling others to starve themselves to death to be 'okay'." on here.

Honestly, the members on here I find to be very PG-13. Wanna see some real fighting/bullying/ordering/pressuring? Go on a Reddit board.

Edited to add: UGH. Of course, as soon as I post something saying that I believe we all generally play nice on here, I immediately read a couple threads where we aren't. Sigh.

Edited March 22, 20215 yr by ms.sss

1 hour ago, OAGBPal said:

I mean, it's not like these people have much success in the long run anyway.

I think this depends on how you define "successful". If one only cares about being skinny, doesn't matter the cost (this is a decision that should be respected as well IMO) people can be very successful with restrictive diets. There will always be people who maintain a very low weight, just like there are people who maintain weight loss without surgery.

I just wish this wouldn't be touted as the one and only acceptable outcome. Not everyone is interesting in rigid control. There comes a point for everyone at which you have to ask yourself: "What am I willing to sacrifice for a few lbs less?"

For some people that question might arise at BMI 29 or higher, for others it might boil down to the question if they want to proceed to get and maintain a "ripped" look with not an ounce of body fat on their frame.

Quote

Guess what, lentil crowd: you all had weight loss surgery. We know you were lovely fatties like the rest of us FFS.

Lol, so much this.

37 minutes ago, OAGBPal said:

I don't see wide-spread insanity, either. What I do see is:

• A few aggressive posters who get very scared by seeing others do well with plans that are less restrictive. This must trigger something in them. The eating disorder, I guess.
• A lot of 'being better than', which is super pathetic.
• A lot of sentences starting with "you should"
• A lot of posts taken directly from anorexia forums.

Yes to everything on that list. Especially to the last one and extra-especially to the first one.

I don't think it's the ED (well, maybe in the end it is the ED after all, I have no clue). It maybe feels a bit like watching someone getting good grades without having to work as hard as many others. They still have to do some work but they don't have to work as hard.

I love it! Goals aren’t just about setting a definite point and making sure you stay at it forever!
My goal is to get to a healthy weight that is manageable and STAY there without all of the fluctuation. My goal is to be happy, which includes being more physical but also enjoying food. And I agree with you that not everyone looks good or looks healthy if they loose too much weight!

3 minutes ago, OAGBPal said:

I'm like ... what? If this board didn't have toxic people I'd show you what I look like at BMI 36. Sure, there's a lot more to lose, but I'm fine. I honestly believe I'm back to being a good-looking dude

I'm sure you look great and you would get a lot of positive comments if you chose to post a picture... I find that I am often surprised by what is considered "overweight." I guess because I spent so long being really, really big, that if I saw a person with a BMI under, say, 30, I'd consider that person thin! (But now, my BMI is under 30 and I don't think I am thin.)