Man, if I had a dollar for every critic who said this to me on these boards. It's a past time of a certain type of dieter....to send me hate mail and try to shame me for being outspoken.

"You're still overweight! You shouldn't be telling people what to do! How dare you not feel ashamed at that weight!"

Shakin my head over here.

If I wanted to be 140, I could be. Have been. Looked god-awful and felt like I was starving all the time.

If I wanted to be 160, I could be. Have been. I wasn't particularly hungry, got a reasonable number of calories, but thought I looked older.

I like a little more round to my angles. I like less sag, fewer wrinkles. Not real interested in cosmetic surgery. Picked the best option for me.

I like eating 1600 calories a day. I like having space in my diet for a couple pieces of fruit because I think phytonutrients are beneficial and important. I like how i feel eating a high fiber diet. I like room to be a vegetarian some days. I like flexability. It's how I can face this as a lifelong change. It's how I can make peace with food forever....cause I know this plan is WORKABLE in pretty much all situations. I can eat on my plan during a holiday, a funeral, a birthday party....during a power outage, while recovering from an injury, during extreme emotional stress, on the road, and while dealing with my inlaws. LOL.

I typically weigh 165-170 pounds. I LOVE this weight. It is NOT "the best I could do because I couldn't get to a "healthy weight" ", it is an intentionally chosen set point. It's a choice. This is, I am 100% certain...the MOST healthy weight I can choose for myself.

That whole...Arnold Schwarzenegger's BMI was technically Obese when he won Mr. Universe figures in. BMI is flawed. It doesn't differentiate between light muscle frames and heavy muscle frames, bigger bones, smaller bones. Different ethnicities. Different body styles.

My feet, depending on the manufacturer are size 10 or 11. My shoulders are more broad than most men's my height. My butt, thighs and calves are overdeveloped because I rode huntseat and jumped horses for decades, even when I was quite heavy. My husband says they have a kinda superhero quality now. LOLOLOLOL

So here's the thing....If you feel inclined to send me a snarky note about how I shouldn't say anything....because I'm not American Media model skinny, you might have a problem.

As it happens, I have a good friend who models. He's 5' 10", weighs 157 pounds soaking wet, and they STILL wanted him to use coke for a week and fast...to look more sickly skinny for his last national ad campaign.

Our impression of body image in the media is grossly distorted and unhealthy.

And a lot of folks here....get a grossly distorted and unhealthy obsession with their eating habits, their BMI, the number on the scale, and how it defines them.

Please, please, please remember....health.

Physical health, strength, endurance, good labs, fewer medications.

Emotional health...loving yourself, enjoying your life, feeling challenged and happy.

Mental health...finding balance you can live with for a lifetime.

Love your strong healthy body. Love your good food choices that provide good nutrition to nurture that body. Love the flexability to make it work though the tough spots.

Avoid the fixations, the extremes, the inflexable rules, the disordered eating (and disordered not-eating)

You can trust yourself to get to where you need to be....without punishment.

Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself.

2 minutes ago, OAGBPal said:

Someone told me a few weeks back when I said I'm honestly happy with where I am now and the rest is just bonus that you'll soon feel you're too fat (it wasn't said in a nasty way, it wasn't meant in a bad way, but it was indeed the message).

Aaaaaaaah, I can't really object to this one. I experienced it myself. That "feeling of thin" or "no longer feeling fat" has indeed a tendency to "wear off" or something like that. That doesn't mean it will happen to you as well of course but it might be. (However, it wasn't pointed out to me. It was something I noticed with time.)

The reason I'm not going for lower ("ripped" - as much as I like that look) is because I hate hate hate that feeling of everything has to planned and managed and tracked and all - I'm not a person for detailed planning and every-minute-and-morsel-has-to-be-planned-and-timed.

I clearly realized this when I prepared for exam while working full-time. During the last 6 months and especially during the last 3 months everything seemed to be pressed into a tight timeframe. I had to cut time to make room for studying. Exercise, food shopping, food preparing, sleep and more. So things had to be planned and scheduled in a way that felt way too much like overwhelming and disturbing micromanaging for me.

You can't imagine how good it feels to be free again of this meticulous micro-managing time and stuff and the bad conscience that comes with not-sticking-to-the-plan!! It was necessary to get the result I wanted and I got it but (and in this "weight loss" is so much different) now it's over. Finished. Done. So it was ok.

However, I don't want to have that kind of stress in my life for an endless timespan.

16 hours ago, Creekimp13 said:

Man, if I had a dollar for every critic who said this to me on these boards. It's a past time of a certain type of dieter....to send me hate mail and try to shame me for being outspoken.

"You're still overweight! You shouldn't be telling people what to do! How dare you not feel ashamed at that weight!"

Shakin my head over here.

OK.... I am here wondering... what the heck? Who has the NERVE to say these things? Ugh... sorry you experience that!

3 hours ago, ms.sss said:

Ok. @OAGBPal (& others)...I feel like I'm walking into a confrontation here so I want to tread lightly. I have a catholic grade-school upbringing, AND I'm Canadian so confrontation is my kryptonite!)

I guess I just want to clarify where the perceptions that there is ordering around and telling others what to do comes from? I'm on these boards ALOT (and I mean ALOT), and I honestly don't see this. Which is why I was surprised (shocked, really) that someone is hassling @Creekimp13. I read opinions, suggestions, expressions of feelings and stories of a person's experiences.

Sometimes someone will post something a little tone-deaf, but I don't see widespread maliciousness/bullying/pressure to be a certain way. Of course there was a thread or two that got pretty ugly. But these are the exception and not the rule.

Obviously I don't see everyone's PM's*, so I dont know what is going on behind "closed doors".

I dunno, maybe I'm naive, but I really don't see/read people "basically telling others to starve themselves to death to be 'okay'." on here.

Honestly, the members on here I find to be very PG-13. Wanna see some real fighting/bullying/ordering/pressuring? Go on a Reddit board.

Edited to add: UGH. Of course, as soon as I post something saying that I believe we all generally play nice on here, I immediately read a couple threads where we aren't. Sigh.

I absolutely concur with this! And I have just been accused of telling others to starve themselves (I haven't) and that I am trying to pick fights with others (I don't). And I truly go out of my way to keep my mouth zipped when I have the urge to say something ugly. Because that doesn't belong on a support board. Because I am here for support and I am here to support others. I think most folks are here for the same reason as me.

I would also like to add... before anyone judges others they might need to look at themselves as well. I see a lot of sniping in this thread too that is equally ugly to the comments that @Creekimp13 is talking about. Calling people names behind their back is just as bad as calling them names to their face. And treating someone as having less value is never acceptable. Whether they set their goal way higher or lower than you think it should be.

Anyhow @Creekimp13, I think you give a lot of good advise here... people can take it or leave it, right?!

I feel a little sheepish about the response this has gotten. Didn't mean to be an attention wh*re, and I'm afraid that's how it reads. I just wanted to blow steam.

I think this board does a better job than most...of extending value and tolerance for each other's perspectives. One bad experience doesn't ruin the whole batch, and I'm sorry if I gave the impression that it's a big problem here.....it's not. You all are terrific. I think most of my post was based on history and a composite of experiences at many bariatric boards.....and one recent trigger here... that, in retrospect, I might have been smarter to let go than talk about....but it irked me and I started typing...and...now I feel sheepish.

I think we've all got great stuff to add. I think this is a great group.

The folks whose goal is just to achieve better health. The folks who just want to be under 200 pounds. The folks who just want to improve. The folks who are satisfied with an average weight (like me). And the folks who lose like crazy and get super fit and work hard for that low BMI.

Everyone has good stuff to offer and I sure didn't mean to imply there are any villians. All perspectives are valuable. One perspective that doesn't fit for one person...might be a perfect fit for another.

At the end of the day, we're all figuring this thing out. We're all working hard to understand how to beat an unhealthy relationship with food. Every one of us.

I sound fatalistic sometimes and I apologize.

You guys really are lovely. And the rare exception....I think i'd be ahead to just ignore.

Edited March 22, 20215 yr by Creekimp13

3 hours ago, Creekimp13 said:

I feel a little sheepish about the response this has gotten. Didn't mean to be an attention wh*re, and I'm afraid that's how it reads. I just wanted to blow steam.

Nothing wrong with venting. And who knows... maybe someone will think before they "speak" next time?

8 hours ago, summerset said:

I think this depends on how you define "successful". If one only cares about being skinny, doesn't matter the cost (this is a decision that should be respected as well IMO) people can be very successful with restrictive diets. There will always be people who maintain a very low weight, just like there are people who maintain weight loss without surgery.

I just wish this wouldn't be touted as the one and only acceptable outcome.

This is exactly where I am. I know there are people who want to be thinner than I will ever be, and that's okay. There are people who are comfortable at a higher weight than I would be and THAT'S okay. So much drama would be avoided if we could just respect each other's choices. Whoever said your goal weight is too high - what business is it of theirs? Why are they invested in how much YOU weigh? And likewise, not everyone who wants to be thin has an eating disorder. Personally, I set my goal at a weight that would put me exactly at the edge of having a normal BMI. I made it, plus a little more and I'm happy at this weight. So far, it's not a struggle to maintain. I'm healthy and getting more fit every day. I don't have the inclination, time or energy to watch OTHER people's weight.

Edited March 23, 20215 yr by Jaelzion

My apologies I can't remember who posted this originally on these forums, but I do like the concept of 'best weight'.

18 minutes ago, Hop_Scotch said:

My apologies I can't remember who posted this originally on these forums, but I do like the concept of 'best weight'.

I think that was me. At least I can remember posting the link to the free PDF and I mentioned the concept of "best weight" more than one time in the past.

IMO the concept of "best weight" acknowledges some very important things:

- food is not only seen as fuel in our culture (and that's not viewed as something pathological here but as something common and perfectly normal)

- there is more to life than a diet and an exercise schedule

- not everyone can be thin without tremendous effort and it's ok to decide that going below a certain weight is not worth the effort to a person

Again, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be e. g. BMI 19 and being obsessed with eating and exercise (if that is what that person truly wants) - it just irks me that extreme and radical approaches are touted as "the way to go" on this board way too often, putting/leaving people struggling with their eating in a rather bad place to be.

5 hours ago, summerset said:

I think that was me. At least I can remember posting the link to the free PDF and I mentioned the concept of "best weight" more than one time in the past.

Thank you, I saved the pdf and have referred to it a few times.

18 hours ago, Hop_Scotch said:

My apologies I can't remember who posted this originally on these forums, but I do like the concept of 'best weight'.

That is brilliant! I wish more doctors would take this approach. One of my biggest regrets in life is all of the years I spent yo-yo dieting. The first time I went on a diet as a pre-teen, I wasn't even that fat, but I got stuck in a cycle of dieting and gaining it all back plus more. I honestly think that if I had known then about how harmful yo-yo dieting is, I never would have ended up so big that I needed weight loss surgery. Maybe if I had a doctor or dietitian who had told me all of this, I could have found my "best weight" instead of striving for something that I couldn't sustain.

I am still trying to figure out what this looks like for my post-surgery self. I have been doing everything right since my surgery -- eating the right foods and quantities, drinking plenty of water, working out every day -- but it is exhausting and I often wonder how long I will be able to keep it up. For me, I think working out will be the sticking point because I hate it. I found something that I can put up with (Leslie Sansone videos on YouTube -- I've tried other ones but they all seem to fall short of Leslie's), but I still dread it. I get up early so I can get it out of the way before work, but I hate getting up so early, too. I am actually pretty good with the food because I have found so many delicious bariatric-friendly recipes that I truly enjoy eating, although I still feel sad sometimes when I see other people enjoying food that I can't eat.

7 hours ago, BigSue said:

I found something that I can put up with (Leslie Sansone videos on YouTube -- I've tried other ones but they all seem to fall short of Leslie's), but I still dread it. I get up early so I can get it out of the way before work, but I hate getting up so early, too.

That's definitely a warning sign. I experienced it with the gym and the pool. Simply not my kind of exercise.

However, with the pool it's a bit different. If I could get a coach who trains/teaches adults (which seems to be impossible to get for some weird reason). My technique is just horrible and I guess part of my shoulder pain years ago I can blame on wrong swimming technique. So no swimming for me unless I can get my hands on good swimming lessons!

With the gym it was always time consuming - I prefer working out at home. One can get all the benefits with a home workout (mind you, we're not getting any younger and I don't want to be one of these people who break a vertebra at age 60 out of nowhere or their hip at the age of 70 because they tripped over the doorsill).

What exactly do you hate about exercising? Maybe a different exercise would be more fun?

Quote

I am actually pretty good with the food because I have found so many delicious bariatric-friendly recipes that I truly enjoy eating, although I still feel sad sometimes when I see other people enjoying food that I can't eat.

Can be a tough one. I always remind myself that it could be worse with the intolerances. I worked together with a celiac person for a while and he always had to bring his own bread etc. when staff had b/f together during weekend shifts. One wouldn't think that e. g. some spice mixes contain gluten as well so he had to be really careful.

It's way easier to avoid dairy as I have to do.

Edited March 24, 20215 yr by summerset

3 hours ago, summerset said:

What exactly do you hate about exercising? Maybe a different exercise would be more fun?

Well... I basically hate everything about exercising. I hate spending time on it. I hate getting sweaty. I hate the way it feels. I hate exerting myself. I've always hated exercise and I'm pretty sure I always will. I have never been able to understand people who claim to enjoy exercise. I can't even believe it because it makes zero sense to me. I go for exercise I can do at home because the gym is just about my worst nightmare (plus, I live in a rural area, so I'd have to drive a long way just to get to a gym), but even working out at home sucks.

I highly doubt I would find any exercise "fun," but I have thought about getting a stationary bike with the idea of being able to watch TV while I work out. One of the things I hate about exercise is having to spend time on it. When I do the workout videos, I have to watch and listen to the videos, so I can't really be watching or listening to anything else at the same time. But even with exercise bikes, the popular ones are based on classes where you're supposed to follow the workout on the screen. Plus, they are expensive and take up a lot of space.

4 hours ago, summerset said:

Can be a tough one. I always remind myself that it could be worse with the intolerances. I worked together with a celiac person for a while and he always had to bring his own bread etc. when staff had b/f together during weekend shifts. One wouldn't think that e. g. some spice mixes contain gluten as well so he had to be really careful.

 It's way easier to avoid dairy as I have to do.

Fortunately, I haven't had any issues with any food I have eaten so far, but I have stuck very closely to what my program says I should and shouldn't eat. I haven't even tried a bite of bread, pasta, rice, deep-fried food, or anything with a lot of sugar (my program says not to exceed 15 grams of sugar in a meal, and I haven't come anywhere close to that) since my surgery. I haven't experience dumping syndrome, but I haven't eaten anything that should cause it, so I don't know if I would or not.

There are so many great and healthy foods that I can and do eat that I am perfectly content when I am eating, but I still have the memories of the foods I used to eat and when I see other people eating them, it stirs up those memories. I miss being able to scarf down half a pizza, or a juicy hamburger on a big, fluffy bun, or a cream-filled doughnut, or a big slice of cheesecake with sugary toppings, etc.

12 hours ago, BigSue said:

I am still trying to figure out what this looks like for my post-surgery self. I have been doing everything right since my surgery -- eating the right foods and quantities, drinking plenty of Water, working out every day -- but it is exhausting and I often wonder how long I will be able to keep it up. For me, I think working out will be the sticking point because I hate it. I found something that I can put up with (Leslie Sansone videos on YouTube -- I've tried other ones but they all seem to fall short of Leslie's), but I still dread it. I get up early so I can get it out of the way before work, but I hate getting up so early, too. I am actually pretty good with the food because I have found so many delicious bariatric-friendly recipes that I truly enjoy eating, although I still feel sad sometimes when I see other people enjoying food that I can't eat.

have you tried this guy's? He does walking workouts like Leslie does, but I think he's more fun. Plus I like it when his cats walk across the room. His videos are all of different lengths, so if I'm really not in the mood to exercise - or don't have time - I'll pick some 10- or 15-minute one to do (most of his are walking workouts - but he does some other types, too. I just do the walking ones). I may have heard about him here on BP, but I don't remember - it's been a month or so. But someone recommended it and I really like him.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3lEhUBNqIrFMatB9Zgxo0g

I am simply appalled that someone on this forum said that to you. Each and everyone's weight loss journey is their own. That person sounds self-righteous and may be dealing with negativity outside of this community in regards to their own weight loss journey. I wish they receive the mental help that they need. I know for myself at 5'3", I don't look so bad at 170. Our body make-ups are different as well. I have an athletic build, and if you are 5'9" and have a build anywhere near to the way mine is, I understand! Live your best life! Do not let anyone make those decisions for you. You know what's best for you. When you look in the mirror and smile, that is the important part...not what anyone here or elsewhere has to say about it. Stay positive.

I'm kinda late in replying to the subject at hand, but I wanted to add that in addition to all the comments about "best weight", etc, which I completely agree with, my dietitian has always let us know that BMI doesn't always "work" with WLS patients (as it often doesn't "work" for some other categories, like athletes, either). We often have more "infrastructure" than never-been-obese people - i.e, heavier bones and muscles that we needed to hold up all that weight. Of course, we lose some of that as we lose weight, too - but even after massive weight loss, they're still often heavier than they are for "normies".