Man, if I had a dollar for every critic who said this to me on these boards. It's a past time of a certain type of dieter....to send me hate mail and try to shame me for being outspoken.

"You're still overweight! You shouldn't be telling people what to do! How dare you not feel ashamed at that weight!"

Shakin my head over here.

If I wanted to be 140, I could be. Have been. Looked god-awful and felt like I was starving all the time.

If I wanted to be 160, I could be. Have been. I wasn't particularly hungry, got a reasonable number of calories, but thought I looked older.

I like a little more round to my angles. I like less sag, fewer wrinkles. Not real interested in cosmetic surgery. Picked the best option for me.

I like eating 1600 calories a day. I like having space in my diet for a couple pieces of fruit because I think phytonutrients are beneficial and important. I like how i feel eating a high fiber diet. I like room to be a vegetarian some days. I like flexability. It's how I can face this as a lifelong change. It's how I can make peace with food forever....cause I know this plan is WORKABLE in pretty much all situations. I can eat on my plan during a holiday, a funeral, a birthday party....during a power outage, while recovering from an injury, during extreme emotional stress, on the road, and while dealing with my inlaws. LOL.

I typically weigh 165-170 pounds. I LOVE this weight. It is NOT "the best I could do because I couldn't get to a "healthy weight" ", it is an intentionally chosen set point. It's a choice. This is, I am 100% certain...the MOST healthy weight I can choose for myself.

That whole...Arnold Schwarzenegger's BMI was technically Obese when he won Mr. Universe figures in. BMI is flawed. It doesn't differentiate between light muscle frames and heavy muscle frames, bigger bones, smaller bones. Different ethnicities. Different body styles.

My feet, depending on the manufacturer are size 10 or 11. My shoulders are more broad than most men's my height. My butt, thighs and calves are overdeveloped because I rode huntseat and jumped horses for decades, even when I was quite heavy. My husband says they have a kinda superhero quality now. LOLOLOLOL

So here's the thing....If you feel inclined to send me a snarky note about how I shouldn't say anything....because I'm not American Media model skinny, you might have a problem.

As it happens, I have a good friend who models. He's 5' 10", weighs 157 pounds soaking wet, and they STILL wanted him to use coke for a week and fast...to look more sickly skinny for his last national ad campaign.

Our impression of body image in the media is grossly distorted and unhealthy.

And a lot of folks here....get a grossly distorted and unhealthy obsession with their eating habits, their BMI, the number on the scale, and how it defines them.

Please, please, please remember....health.

Physical health, strength, endurance, good labs, fewer medications.

Emotional health...loving yourself, enjoying your life, feeling challenged and happy.

Mental health...finding balance you can live with for a lifetime.

Love your strong healthy body. Love your good food choices that provide good nutrition to nurture that body. Love the flexability to make it work though the tough spots.

Avoid the fixations, the extremes, the inflexable rules, the disordered eating (and disordered not-eating)

You can trust yourself to get to where you need to be....without punishment.

Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself.

Looks like we have same stats and I totally get it. When my weight is 165-170 I dont have as many wrinkles on my arms and face. I staying right at 158 ish and can tell the difference in those 10 lbs when it comes to skin and wrinkles being worse. I wear size 8 to 10 depending on the brand and you are right those BMI calculators are not one size fits all. My bariactric team says that even though I may be a 25 BMI you have to figure in the extra skin considering I lost over 150 lbs.

7 hours ago, blackcatsandbaddecisions said:

Ruthpets I’m also 5’10 and seriously people do not understand how different heights of people affect clothing size. When I was in those sizes I looked great. It’s the same people who think that anything over 150 for a woman is inconceivable.

I will have you all know that my goal is my birth weight- 9 lbs 6 oz or bust!! I’m gonna fit into that duck onesie again and I’ll just be the ultimate weight loss winner for life. ?

???O M G. I am soooooo stealing that response if someone asks how much weight I want lose!!! I'm going to add that at 7.8 pounds I will be able to allow for a little 'wiggle room' if I fluctuate???

8 hours ago, blackcatsandbaddecisions said:

I will have you all know that my goal is my birth weight- 9 lbs 6 oz or bust!! I’m gonna fit into that duck onesie again and I’ll just be the ultimate weight loss winner for life. ?

OMG...this is hysterical. blackcats...you're killin me! LOLOLOLOL

On 3/21/2021 at 11:07 PM, Creekimp13 said:

"As it happens, I have a good friend who models. He's 5' 10", weighs 157 pounds soaking wet, and they STILL wanted him to use coke for a week and fast...to look more sickly skinny for his last national ad campaign."

My semi-ex-boyfriend is 5'10" and weighs 135 soaking wet. He eats a lot, although he doesn't like to eat "unhealthy" foods. However, when I used to make him a pound cake, it would "disappear" in less than a day! Even he had his weaknesses. He told me that when he used to eat a lot of fast food in college he weighed the same. Some people just have certain builds. It helps that he's never sitting still. He is very compassionate about my struggles with food, even though he really can't understand it.

My surgeon tells me I'm unlikely to lose more half my excess weight with VSG so I think maybe my goal weight is unrealistic, but I don't want to still be in plus sizes when I'm done losing weight!

On 3/21/2021 at 11:07 PM, Creekimp13 said:

Whoever said that was out of line. Your posts have been so timely for me being 1 month post op and just starting my journey! I too have chosen a higher goal weight. My NUT excitedly told me she can get me to 145 or 150 and I said no thanks. I am larger framed and pretty muscular under all this fat. Last year I had a body scan that said I have 145lbs of organs, muscle and bone under all the fat and water! Of course with fat loss I will lose some muscle but I’ll try to minimize that. Always been into sports and working out only lately the weight has made it so painful and hard. My 15 yo daughter who is built the same as me without the fat weighs 150 and she has serious abs and no curves (Dont tell her I said that! Luckily she won’t be reading this!!). I remember being happiest with my weight when I was 160-170. Clothes looked good, I felt good and I still had a boobs and a round butt. Ultimately whatever weight gets me to that point again is my true goal. Nice to see other like minded people out there!

11 hours ago, ThisMomOf5 said:

Whoever said that was out of line. Your posts have been so timely for me being 1 month post op and just starting my journey! I too have chosen a higher goal weight. My NUT excitedly told me she can get me to 145 or 150 and I said no thanks. I am larger framed and pretty muscular under all this fat. Last year I had a body scan that said I have 145lbs of organs, muscle and bone under all the fat and water! Of course with fat loss I will lose some muscle but I’ll try to minimize that. Always been into sports and working out only lately the weight has made it so painful and hard. My 15 yo daughter who is built the same as me without the fat weighs 150 and she has serious abs and no curves (Dont tell her I said that! Luckily she won’t be reading this!!). I remember being happiest with my weight when I was 160-170. Clothes looked good, I felt good and I still had a boobs and a round butt. Ultimately whatever weight gets me to that point again is my true goal. Nice to see other like minded people out there!

Nobody knows your body better than you do! When I told my hubby of 20 years that "according to the BMI charts" I had another 50-55lbs to lose he said "don't you dare!" and while I do have some more to lose to *feel* my best I'd look ill losing another 50lbs!

I'm sure you're beautiful & beyond that you're concerned with FEELING healthy which is far more accurate than some one size fits all chart.

Congrats on the steps you've taken and your progress so far! ?

@Creekimp13

I guess nothing has changed on this site. People judge food choices, goal weight, current weight, weight regain or revision. They judge how you work your own plan.

I've been judged here because I enjoy sports (running, biking and hiking) If I never had surgery and enjoyed sports would I still get the same negative judgment?

It's weird how judgmental some people can be.

4 hours ago, Healthy_life2 said:

@Creekimp13

I guess nothing has changed on this site. People judge food choices, goal weight, current weight, weight regain or revision. They judge how you work your own plan.

I've been judged here because I enjoy sports (running, biking and hiking) If I never had surgery and enjoyed sports would I still get the same negative judgment?

It's weird how judgmental some people can be.

My goodness, last time I checked, exercise was a good thing. Especially activities that you enjoy. What could anyone find to judge about that?

1 hour ago, Jaelzion said:

My goodness, last time I checked, exercise was a good thing. Especially activities that you enjoy. What could anyone find to judge about that?

Oh, if you look, you'll find quite a few posts about "excessive" exercising, references to "obsessive" activity, and dire warnings about the inability to sustain activity levels and the "inevitable" crash and burn as a result.

Sigh.

Edited March 29, 20215 yr by ms.sss

6 hours ago, Healthy_life2 said:

I've been judged here because I enjoy sports (running, biking and hiking) If I never had surgery and enjoyed sports would I still get the same negative judgment?

My husband is very active and fit. He does some sort of something every single day for HOURS throughout the day. Every day. Even more in the summer months. He's been this active for the entire time I've known him (25+ years...he's actually probably more active now than when I first met him). No one who knows him bats an eyelash.

Now, *I* started running 5 measly km over a year or so ago, and I got a good share of "concerned" comments.

Further to this, early into maintenance my eating habits were/are very similar to my always-been-thin-sister-in-law. If she turned down a peice of cake, it was all, whatever. If *I* turned down the same cake, there would be alot more insisting, and "are you sure?"'s.

I think people in general are not good with change. It takes time for people to get used to a new normal, or to understand/accept how someone can be doing something starkly different than themselves.

I'm 2.5+ years out now, and nobody asks me a second time if I want that cake, or display surprise/concern at my exercise habits. Here on BP though, I do sometimes feel/sense that there is that still that "concern"...but that's just the nature of internet forums.

Edited March 29, 20215 yr by ms.sss

1 hour ago, ms.sss said:

My husband is very active and fit. He does some sort of something every single day for HOURS throughout the day. Every day. Even more in the summer months. He's been this active for the entire time I've known him (25+ years...he's actually probably more active now than when I first met him). No one who knows him bats an eyelash.

Now, *I* started running 5 measly km over a year or so ago, and I got a good share of "concerned" comments.

Further to this, early into maintenance my eating habits were/are very similar to my always-been-thin-sister-in-law. If she turned down a peice of cake, it was all, whatever. If *I* turned down the same cake, there would be alot more insisting, and "are you sure?"'s.

I think people in general are not good with change. It takes time for people to get used to a new normal, or to understand/accept how someone can be doing something starkly different than themselves.

I'm 2.5+ years out now, and nobody asks me a second time if I want that cake, or display surprise/concern at my exercise habits. Here on BP though, I do sometimes feel/sense that there is that still that "concern"...but that's just the nature of internet forums.

So very true! I don't know why people are so worried when people are doing things to better their health! Even before WLS... I found things that "worked" better than others. For example, I struggled with major/severe exhaustion because of my then undiagnosed sleep apnea/ insomnia - so I was so tired I went to bed at 8 pm most nights (also was a very early riser). During that time, I found that I couldn't lose weight if I ate after 4 pm. OMG... the HORROR... I wasn't eating for the last 4 hours of my evening?!!! Yet several of my friends stayed up until 10/11 and didn't eat past 6/7pm. So, what is the difference?! I mean, I ate plenty throughout the day... just not at the END of the day. And drinking calories. If I had one bad nutrition habit, that was it. So I would do my best to avoid calorie filled drinks during any weight loss plan I had. And more importantly... I found I could NEVER lose weight and often gained if I drank any alcohol. Even just half a glass of wine. So I would go to a party and do my best not to drink alcohol. My friends were losing it because I didn't want to get drunk with them. They couldn't handle if I didn't drink anything or just had half a glass of wine. I actually had to ditch some friends that I used to love hanging out with because they couldn't handle that I wasn't willing to give in and drink with them every single time we got together. And exercise? Well... I hate most exercise lol. But I love my long walks. People think I am crazy because my go to walk is 6 miles and takes 1 hour and 45 minutes and they just don't get it. But I enjoy it. It is hardly a workout for me, but I feel great afterwards. But somehow it is wrong for me to take my long walks. People are crazy the way they react to others.

Edited March 29, 20215 yr by momof3_angels

The people who're complaining about others being so judgmental about their choices seem to be pretty judgmental towards these people as well. Funny.

4 hours ago, ms.sss said:

Oh, if you look, you'll find quite a few posts about "excessive" exercising, references to "obsessive" activity, and dire warnings about the inability to sustain activity levels and the "inevitable" crash and burn as a result.

Sigh.

Oh, I see. But "excessive" is a subjective standard, so...we all get to define it for ourselves, no?

5 minutes ago, Jaelzion said:

But "excessive" is a subjective standard, so...we all get to define it for ourselves, no?

100%

I guess its just the nature of forums. Its basically all subjective. It's subjective for those who do (or post) whatever it is they do (or post), as it is subjective to those that comment on it.

People will judge, BE judged, FEEL judged, PERCEIVED to be judging, PERCEIVED to be judged, and on and on and on....while yes, we are free and in our rights to define our own individual standards, stating these standards in a public forum is essentially an open invitation to others to offer up their standards. Sometimes will be agreement, and sometimes there won't...And sometimes...chaos ensues.

I don't normally comment on behaviour on here, but there's been an prevailing atmosphere of snarkiness/unkindness and defensive-ness that I've been reading on here lately that I've been finding off-putting (in MY subjective opinion...which is in no way a statement that I think all - or any - will have the same view).

I find this, dare I say, obsession with feeling judged interesting.

I suspect many of us have indeed been judged for our weight by family, friends, strangers, and perhaps most of all by ourselves. We couldn't even cut ourselves a break.

So, we decide to take the drastic step of rearranging our innards to finally take control of our bodies.

We research the options and one thing leading to another we find a forum like this that offers support and fellowship of like minded folks with similar experiences and hopes.

Here are people that get it.

But, we are on sensitive ground. Our experiences tell us protect ourselves. We look for the attack history says is coming.

And we feel judged.

If we could just grant folks the benefit of charitable thought. That they, like me, care. That they, like me, want to help.

It will be a more pleasant experience if we can just believe our interlocutors, like ourselves, are good people.