I’m just frustrated with dating. Two years after surgery I know I will always need to be vigilant to keep weight off. I can’t be with someone who struggles with food or isn’t active. I’ll get sucked right into their lifestyle.

It makes me feel shallow, even though I know it shouldn’t, and it limits the dating pool. I guess I didn’t have any expectations concerning relationships after weight loss, but I did/do have aspirations. I’m tired of being single, and when you exclude overweight women, single moms, women 8+ years older than you, people who don’t have their **** together, women who want kids, and people so into Jesus it’s in the first 15 words of their dating profile, it’s like trying to find a specific needle in a haystack-sized pile of needles. It’s frustrating and sometimes it hurts.

That’s my venting for the day. Off to find something enjoyable.

If you had a problem with Alcohol, you wouldn’t want to date someone who was a big drinker. Find someone who has the same priorities and life goals as you. That is not shallow, it’s smart.

Hm. I understand completely, though as it was already mentioned, normal weight people can have unhealthy habits as well. It's important to be as mindful of that as it is with overweight people.

I think dating in general is just horrifying these days. I know we're all a work in a progress but dang. The things I encountered? Yikes! Where to begin?

People are horrible. I'm not looking for perfection but it'd be nice to NOT have a guy who blurts in the middle of a first date he's into "diaper play." Dating to me has proven to be little more than "nightmare fuel."

A part of me has wondered if my bad luck in dating has been linked to my poor self-image due to my weight. Maybe when I was dating, I just didn't care as long as they seemed interested. Who knows.

Any thoughts? Has anyone's dating life improved post-surgery?

Are you planning on doing 90 day fiancé? Bc in my experience you don’t really get to see someone and their true colors until weeks or months into dating sometimes. To exclude SO many “imperfect” people before you even know them seems pretty high maintenance. Just being honest. I think maybe looking for love at a support group isn’t a terrible idea.

Can we all agree he's not even cute? (Sorry that was my inner mean girl LOL!)

It's great to have standards, but let's keep them realistic or else be prepared to be alone for the rest of your life. *drops mic*

2 minutes ago, ChocoTaco said:

Can we all agree he's not even cute? (Sorry that was my inner mean girl LOL!)

It's great to have standards, but let's keep them realistic or else be prepared to be alone for the rest of your life. *drops mic*

Finally someone that said what I’ve been thinking.. high five girlfriend xx

On ‎9‎/‎2‎/‎2018 at 3:35 PM, ryan_86 said:

I’m just frustrated with dating. Two years after surgery I know I will always need to be vigilant to keep weight off. I can’t be with someone who struggles with food or isn’t active. I’ll get sucked right into their lifestyle.

It makes me feel shallow, even though I know it shouldn’t, and it limits the dating pool. I guess I didn’t have any expectations concerning relationships after weight loss, but I did/do have aspirations. I’m tired of being single, and when you exclude overweight women, single moms, women 8+ years older than you, people who don’t have their **** together, women who want kids, and people so into Jesus it’s in the first 15 words of their dating profile, it’s like trying to find a specific needle in a haystack-sized pile of needles. It’s frustrating and sometimes it hurts.

That’s my venting for the day. Off to find something enjoyable.

I feel the same way. I am actually turned off by someone who is not willing to take care of themselves. And its almost like in a way self sabotage to do that to ourselves.

I have felt it makes me petty and shallow as well but as we change and grow along this journey our views and what we look for in a partner change as well.

The problem is that there are also average sized and thin people who live unhealthy lifestyles. Instead of focusing on weight maybe just say your looking for someone who lives an active lifestyle similar to your own. Also, if anyone’s able to throw you off that easily, I’d focus more inwardly on your own goals and self strength before investing your time and energy into another person. Isn’t worth losing yourself to be in a relationship. Hope that makes sense

And the fact that people can't just snap their fingers to lose their weight DOES NOT MEAN that they are trying. I can testify,i tried every diet out there including some I believe my doctors imagined out of spite. Ate much less food, exercised, had deleted junk foods and sodas already, starved myself I cried myself to sleep at night, malnourished so bady that it was a wonder I didn't die of the imbalances instead of Frank OBESITY. Meanwhile my naturally thin and better BMI cousins are eating like Longshoremen who didn't know if there would EVER be Another Food Shipment! Took Bypass surgery to help reset me and my BMR. And now I look pretty fine for My Age but naked, you can see the ravages Obesity did upon MY BODY. And I did ask my doctors if Plastic Surgery could be in my Future. The response was trifold---
1. Am I really That Vain?
2. I am Too Old (73)
3. No Surgeon in or approaching His Right Mind who lift a finger to help ME because I AM AN IRON-CLAD SURGICAL RISK!
But Never say I was obese from lack of Dietary Commitment or Compliance--- I LIVED IT AND I KNOW BETTER, So Help Me GOD!

Reading all of this is saddening. Why would any not date someone "exclusively" due to size?

That is just as silly as the people who did the same thing to you. Hate is hate. Stop playing into the shallow games. You can look okay on the outside and become hideous on the inside. Nobody get a pass because "they use to be fat."
Take care of yourself. Again, you are still not perfect. Congrats on the weightloss.

And like my Helpful motto/ thoughts App
PLEASE WAIT TO CRITICIZE ME UNTIL YOU ARE PERFECT YOURSELF.

Hm. I understand completely, though as it was already mentioned, normal weight people can have unhealthy habits as well. It's important to be as mindful of that as it is with overweight people.
I think dating in general is just horrifying these days. I know we're all a work in a progress but dang. The things I encountered? Yikes! Where to begin?
People are horrible. I'm not looking for perfection but it'd be nice to NOT have a guy who blurts in the middle of a first date he's into "diaper play." Dating to me has proven to be little more than "nightmare fuel."
A part of me has wondered if my bad luck in dating has been linked to my poor self-image due to my weight. Maybe when I was dating, I just didn't care as long as they seemed interested. Who knows.
Any thoughts? Has anyone's dating life improved post-surgery?

[emoji12]