Roller Coaster Freak Show

[jenondaway 33]

I chose Mondays as my weigh in day because my surgery was on a Monday and I thought it was a perfect way to keep track. I’ve been really good about just weighing myself on that day. Not that I haven’t given in a couple times here and there, but have been much better about staying off the scale than I ever have been in the past.

Anyway, I stepped on the scale today only to find that I lost less than two pounds this past week. Today marks the completion of one month since surgery. My first month post op and I didn’t even lose 15 pounds. I lost 14.7 which I know is still good, but compared to other stories I read, really sucks. I’m really disappointed and of course all the feelings and fears I had about failing at this too are back even though overall I’ve now lost a total of 40 pounds.

I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to others, that each journey is different, but I really WANTED the big kick off loss. ANYWAY…I just have to keep doing what I’ve been doing and sticking with the post op diet guidelines and have faith that my body will adjust to this new mode and start really losing. I’ve reviewed my food journal that I am keeping religiously and I am falling short on some key things - calories, fluids and Protein. I need to get back to basics and do better at hitting those goals. JUST.KEEP.GOING.

I had my first family dinner at the in-law’s house on Saturday. It was awful. I felt like I was some kind of freak show and their choices for food only made it worse. They know the phase of diet that I’m in - currently restricted to pureed foods. What did they have? Raw vegetables with ranch dip, pepperoni and salami slices, hard cheeses and crackers. For dinner, pizza and wings. And of course since someone had a birthday, cake and ice cream. There was not one single thing they had that I could eat. So as not to make a big deal of it, I just chatted with people.

My FIL all of a sudden realized that I wasn’t munching on anything and went bananas, which of course cued my MIL to begin a big production. They had half of a baked potato in the fridge, so offered that to me. I put it in the microwave to heat it so I could smash it up, and when it came out it was so dry that it didn't mash so much as it crumbled. So, my MIL dumps a big spoonful of full fat sour cream on it to “give it moisture” UGH! Everyone makes their way to the table with their pizza and wings and I have my little murdered potato.

One of the nieces looks over and sees I’m not eating pizza and starts laughing and asking me why I’m not eating pizza which gets the attention of all the kids at the table who start giggling and pointing. Nice. Laterm she realizes that I haven’t finished my half of potato. So that became the next chapter of the horror that was this evening.

Finally it was time for cake and ice cream. I really thought I’d be ok with being there and not being able to eat it. I’ve been fine around all kinds of food. THEN, the cake(s) came out and they were my all-time favorite specialty cakes. (I have a deep seated emotional issue with cake - long story) I had the biggest rush of anxiety I’ve felt yet and almost jumped out of my chair to get away. We said our goodbyes and went home.

I know it will be easier when I’m on solid foods because it won’t be QUITE as obvious that I’m not eating in the same way as others. Meanwhile, I have now vowed NOT go out to dinner or to anyone else’s home until I’m at the phase, which is still a month away. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it was to be made to feel like a freak show.

I’m not in a good place today at all. Tomorrow I go back to work and I don’t think it’s going to get any better. I stopped into the office last week to let my co-worker know that I would be back this week and she made some stupid comments about how she expected me to be all skinny and that my clothes should be hanging off of me by now. Is that what people expect? That I had weight loss surgery a month ago so magically all of my extra 100 lbs just fell off? If that’s the case there will be a lot of whispering going on that I’m a failure.

I’m having a day where I really wish I hadn’t even done this. It will pass. I’ve been riding this roller coaster for a month - it just really sucks in the moment. I'm keeping my eye on the prize and reminding myself that even slow progress is progress.

Edited March 12, 2018 by jenondaway

[Engelyn 42]

Keep your chin up jenondaway! I say f*ck 'em! You did this for you and if you keep losin' like you are losin' your clothes will be hanging soon. Celebrate your successes so far and screw the haters!

[Allie589 171]

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry you had such an awful dinner and then the coworker thing. First of all, cheers to you for getting up and leaving when the cake came out! That took strength! I have noticed that my choice to have surgery and the weight coming off triggers people and we are NOT responsible for other people’s triggers! Maybe come up with something to say at work, if anyone is ignorant enough to open their mouths, have something to say like, “since the surgery is a tool to help me, slow and steady wins the race.” And leave it at that. It’s not like a boob job where you’re an A cup Monday and Tuesday you are a DDD. I am so, so sorry you’re in a crap place today. Focus on how you made an amazingly difficult decision to improve your health. And, if u want to go out to dinner, go! When I was at your phase I ordered broth with soft tofu at a ramen place and it was amazing to feel a little normal and taste something I didn’t make!


Sleeved 8/7/17 HW: 256 SW: 248
CW: 188 on 3/7/18 5'7" GW: 150

[Allie589 171]

Hang in there! You made the right choice for you, and I stand with you!! We are all in this together!! [emoji173]️


Sleeved 8/7/17 HW: 256 SW: 248
CW: 188 on 3/7/18 5'7" GW: 150

[jenondaway 33]

Thanks Allie589 - I think that will be key. Some questions and comments are uncomfortable so I need to practice some responses maybe using my keen sense of humor. LOL...NOT!

At this point I'm so anxious to simply sink my teeth into some broiled fish! One more week!!

Thanks again for the reply!

[KatFight 207]

@jenondaway lol You got me at “murdered potato.” I know it wasn’t funny in the moment but you have a way with words. Very funny.

That is full-on pressure to go to a dinner like that in month one! And could they have made it any worse?!? Pat yourself on the back please bc you did a terrific job schmoozing and acting like it was all good, not to mention eyeballing an amazing cake and not having a morsel. No doubt had you had a pinch, laughter and pointing would ensue just like with the pizza.

Your weight loss is great. Nearly 15 lbs. in one month is remarkable. Consider by month 3 at the same rate, you’ll have nearly 45 pound off. Multiply the 3 month rate x 2 and that’s 90 lbs. in 6 months. I’ve averaged 15 pounds and I’m happy with it. Initially, I felt the way you did and then just started realizing I could never drop this amount of weight each month before surgery.

You’re coworker sounds like an ass! Of course, you are not going to be “skinny” one month post-surgery. You’ll get the last laugh in 6 months plus bc your weight loss will be REALLY noticeable and you’ll be strutting your stuff. Maybe your coworker should apply her high expectations to herself.

Strutt...👠

[jenondaway 33]

5 minutes ago, KatFight said:

Nearly 15 lbs. in one month is remarkable. Consider by month 3 at the same rate, you’ll have nearly 45 pound off. Multiply the 3 month rate x 2 and that’s 90 lbs. in 6 months.

^^ That is an awesome way to think of it. Ironically, in five months I'll be on a "family" vacation with the whole lot of them so if I continue to lose at that rate (or close) I'll be killin' it!! And...since we'll be oceanside, I'll have seafood at my disposal...no more dead potatoes for this chick!

Thanks for your reply

[frust8 962]

I havent had this yet but it sounds so much like mine and late hubby's family. I can see an Aunt rear back on her haunches and announce,"but that relish tray is lower calorie, " Doesn't matter you're on a liquid diet, they would think they'd gone the extra mile. I hope you gave that murdered potato a good Christian funeral, he'd been tortured enough. That poor vegetable suffered martyrdom. This is the same branch,of his family whose favorite line is "at least shes pretty,in the face" when they applied it to me one day I wanted to ask "Do you want me to chop my head off,so you can look at me whenever you want?" I also took it to mean the rest of my body was plug ugly. Ah relatives! Jenonway, what can you do?

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

[cheryl_gut 6]

I am sorry But the murdered potato made me laugh out loud. I have my first family dinner tonight and I think it’s going to be a similar disaster. FIL is making country ribs and steak neither of which I have ever been able to Chew because they are so tough. And I am still on soft foods still.

[sillykitty 10,705]

Just popping in to say I know what you're feeling. I'm 4 weeks post op today, down only 17 lbs, and gained two in the last week. I also wanted a fast start to the weight loss!

I was at a work event last week where most meals were family style. Definite a lot of comments by my associates on how I was barely eating (none of them know about the surgery). Uncomfortable having that much attention focused on my plate!

[allwet 868]

2 hours ago, jenondaway said:

I chose Mondays as my weigh in day because my surgery was on a Monday and I thought it was a perfect way to keep track. I’ve been really good about just weighing myself on that day. Not that I haven’t given in a couple times here and there, but have been much better about staying off the scale than I ever have been in the past.

Anyway, I stepped on the scale today only to find that I lost less than two pounds this past week. Today marks the completion of one month since surgery. My first month post op and I didn’t even lose 15 pounds. I lost 14.7 which I know is still good, but compared to other stories I read, really sucks. I’m really disappointed and of course all the feelings and fears I had about failing at this too are back even though overall I’ve now lost a total of 40 pounds.

I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to others, that each journey is different, but I really WANTED the big kick off loss. ANYWAY…I just have to keep doing what I’ve been doing and sticking with the post op diet guidelines and have faith that my body will adjust to this new mode and start really losing. I’ve reviewed my food journal that I am keeping religiously and I am falling short on some key things - calories, fluids and Protein. I need to get back to basics and do better at hitting those goals. JUST.KEEP.GOING.

I had my first family dinner at the in-law’s house on Saturday. It was awful. I felt like I was some kind of freak show and their choices for food only made it worse. They know the phase of diet that I’m in - currently restricted to pureed foods. What did they have? Raw vegetables with ranch dip, pepperoni and salami slices, hard cheeses and crackers. For dinner, pizza and wings. And of course since someone had a birthday, cake and ice cream. There was not one single thing they had that I could eat. So as not to make a big deal of it, I just chatted with people.

My FIL all of a sudden realized that I wasn’t munching on anything and went bananas, which of course cued my MIL to begin a big production. They had half of a baked potato in the fridge, so offered that to me. I put it in the microwave to heat it so I could smash it up, and when it came out it was so dry that it didn't mash so much as it crumbled. So, my MIL dumps a big spoonful of full fat sour cream on it to “give it moisture” UGH! Everyone makes their way to the table with their pizza and wings and I have my little murdered potato.

One of the nieces looks over and sees I’m not eating pizza and starts laughing and asking me why I’m not eating pizza which gets the attention of all the kids at the table who start giggling and pointing. Nice. Laterm she realizes that I haven’t finished my half of potato. So that became the next chapter of the horror that was this evening.

Finally it was time for cake and ice cream. I really thought I’d be ok with being there and not being able to eat it. I’ve been fine around all kinds of food. THEN, the cake(s) came out and they were my all-time favorite specialty cakes. (I have a deep seated emotional issue with cake - long story) I had the biggest rush of anxiety I’ve felt yet and almost jumped out of my chair to get away. We said our goodbyes and went home.

I know it will be easier when I’m on solid foods because it won’t be QUITE as obvious that I’m not eating in the same way as others. Meanwhile, I have now vowed NOT go out to dinner or to anyone else’s home until I’m at the phase, which is still a month away. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it was to be made to feel like a freak show.

I’m not in a good place today at all. Tomorrow I go back to work and I don’t think it’s going to get any better. I stopped into the office last week to let my co-worker know that I would be back this week and she made some stupid comments about how she expected me to be all skinny and that my clothes should be hanging off of me by now. Is that what people expect? That I had weight loss surgery a month ago so magically all of my extra 100 lbs just fell off? If that’s the case there will be a lot of whispering going on that I’m a failure.

I’m having a day where I really wish I hadn’t even done this. It will pass. I’ve been riding this roller coaster for a month - it just really sucks in the moment. I'm keeping my eye on the prize and reminding myself that even slow progress is progress.

dam its been awhile since i wanted to get in the car drive to someones house ring the doorbell and just punch them in the face.

i am nearly as mad at your husband for not stepping up to the task of handling his parents.

i am so sorry you went thru this. I just cant imagine my last 7 months with that level of support. so so sorry.

it does get easier so try to stay strong this next month and it will get better but your inlaws stay on my **** list that was just tactless and rude.

[Apple203 1,314]

I believe 15# in the first month is pretty typical -- good job!! And next time, bring your own dinner :-)

[sideeye 1,440]

I'm losing slowly too, and I'm secretly hoping it means I won't lose my hair. (I have no proof that this is how it works.)

[jenondaway 33]

41 minutes ago, sideeye said:

I'm losing slowly too, and I'm secretly hoping it means I won't lose my hair. (I have no proof that this is how it works.)

I've not had any Hair loss or thinning. I'm absolutely religious with my Vitamins though! Here's hoping you don't have it either!

[jenondaway 33]

1 hour ago, allwet said:

dam its been awhile since i wanted to get in the car drive to someones house ring the doorbell and just punch them in the face.

i am nearly as mad at your husband for not stepping up to the task of handling his parents.

i am so sorry you went thru this. I just cant imagine my last 7 months with that level of support. so so sorry.

it does get easier so try to stay strong this next month and it will get better but your inlaws stay on my **** list that was just tactless and rude.

You made me smile....thank you! My husband has done a pretty good job with support, but yeah I didn't really feel like he had my back on this particular night.