I am waiting to have gastric sleeve surgery. We agreed not to tell anyone. My husband said it was up to me who we told. At this point I don't want anyone to know. Not because I am ashamed but because it is very personal and people are judgemental.

He told his business partner that he was going to take some time off when I have surgery to look after me. We agreed he didn't need to know what kind of surgery. Turns out he told him I am having weight loss surgery and also told my mother in law. I don't like his business partner and we are not close. I hate his wife who I am sure he has told now that he knows.

my husband doesn't see what the big deal is and I feel betrayed and so hurt.

im pretty sure he told two of his friends although he denies it.

i feel like he told strangers the most personal and intimate thing about me.

advice please

12 hours ago, M.A. said:

my husband doesn't see what the big deal is and I feel betrayed and so hurt.

im pretty sure he told two of his friends although he denies it.

i feel like he told strangers the most personal and intimate thing about me.

That is sad. I know this sort of pain.

At social events in the 1985-1995 period, my ex-wife used to tell my work colleagues thoughts (from our home discussions) about how I dealt with issues at work and plans I might have had to get through difficult periods. More than a few times, this talk of hers undermined relationships at work where I was already treading on proverbial broken glass.

It became one of a few issues that became harder to deal with in being with her.

- - -

I am not sure the best thing to say or what will work for you BUT please, communicate openly with your husband. Share how you are feeling and that this has caused you much emotional damage. Ask him to be in line with your feelings of 'privacy' to the Nth degree until you advise him otherwise.

Best wishes. This sounds like a tricky conversation to have to have with a loved one.

I told my family and a couple of very close friends about my surgery. My husband took it upon himself to tell the neighborhood. At first I was mortified and angry to say the least. I got over it but not completely. I'll never tell him anything private again. Now I feel as though I'm being judged by everyone around me.
This may sound strange but it's like they look at me differently with pity or some sort of way and I don't like it.
Bottom line I'll never ever share my struggles with my husband again!

In the city I live in Everybody knows me . I used to own 2 nightclubs and I bartended all over the city. I'm not telling anybody but I know people will talk and will find out . I don't know how I'm gonna react when people ask me or assume they know. As a matter of fact I started a new Instagram just for VSG. Somehow a couple people from my regular Instagram friend requested me under my new vsg name. How they did that I have no clue. But I don't want the whole city knowing my personal business. I'm also single so I have nobody to share this with.. Single by choice tho.. Not looking till I'm happy with myself

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On ‎10‎/‎22‎/‎2017 at 10:31 AM, ShelbyMoore said:

M.A.,

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m just like you.. in that... I want no one to know. I’m very private as well. My husband knows and that’s all. I’ve reminded him often not to tell and I think he won’t. He told me he had to tell work why he was taking a few days off and he said he told them I was having surgery but didn’t specify why. My surgery is tomorrow and so far my husband has kept his word... that I know of.

Some may tell you it’s no big deal, but it is a big deal that he told. All you can do is be honest with him about your feelings. Let him know you are hurt that he didn’t respect a wish of yours - something that was important to you. I’m sure you already told him but it’s important that no matter what he feels you want him to hear YOUR feelings.

Maybe you won’t have to deal with his business partner in the future. Your mother-in-law I’m sure you’ll see more often. If they talk about it, I would minimize the conversation. I won’t expand on it unless you want to. Sometimes if the conversation is shut down people get the hint and move on.

Most importantly, you need to focus on yourself. You are doing this for you, your health. I wish you the best!!

I just noticed that your surgery is today! I am thinking of you and hope all goes well Megan

I have a little different take on this. It is, of course, each persons right to keep their surgery private if they chose to. However, WLS is so common now, that when someone misses work for "surgery" and then has rapid weight loss, most people are going to assume, speculate and gossip, that you had WLS. I think that, whether you tell people or not, for the most part, they are going to figure it out anyway. I'd rather have people be direct with me than talk about it behind my back so I have made the personal decision to tell family and even co-workers that I am having WLS.

I respect your perspective but I feel it’s your body your choice to tell. Everyone is different. That’s why there are HIPPA laws. Peace!

My mom told my brother who told his wife who told her whole family. Then my mom told my other brother who told his wife...etc. She knew I didn't want anyone to know. I was so incredibly pissed about it. Then she lied and said she thought I would be fine with it because it's "just your brother." I don't understand why people can't keep their damn mouths shut. I feel your pain. I hope your hubby comes around and apologizes. And good luck with your procedure!

If I had toe fungus, my MIL would tell the grocery store checkout person about it. So there was no option of keeping my surgery a secret, even if I wanted to. (I live with MIL, so not telling her wasn't an option either).

I'm sorry you are married to my MIL

On 10/22/2017 at 9:09 AM, M.A. said:

I am waiting to have gastric sleeve surgery. We agreed not to tell anyone. My husband said it was up to me who we told. At this point I don't want anyone to know. Not because I am ashamed but because it is very personal and people are judgemental.

He told his business partner that he was going to take some time off when I have surgery to look after me. We agreed he didn't need to know what kind of surgery. Turns out he told him I am having weight loss surgery and also told my mother in law. I don't like his business partner and we are not close. I hate his wife who I am sure he has told now that he knows.

my husband doesn't see what the big deal is and I feel betrayed and so hurt.

im pretty sure he told two of his friends although he denies it.

i feel like he told strangers the most personal and intimate thing about me.

advice please

Oh I'm so so sorry!! I also am not telling anyone in my personal life.. I'm sort of opposite as everyone else, and told my co workers.. we have such a close relationship I get nothing but love from here.. on the other hand, I'm not telling anyone in my family.. I would be devastated if I were you

That would make me pretty angry. I would feel so betrayed. I have decided to go the other route and tell everyone. One reason is that there is way too much stigma and misinformation surrounding it and I don't mind educating people. Also, I know a lady here who had it and didn't tell anyone. She lost weight and people gossiped. They never thought about bariatric surgery, they all assumed she had cancer. What did they do? Well, out of the goodness of their hearts, thinking that she was just being brave and not telling anyone, they started a gofundme and she finally told them the truth when it hit over $3000 and they presented it to her in the office.

So yeah, I'd rather correct the derpy folks who think this is the easy way out etc. than have people think I'm dying.

Totally get that you want to be private. Hubby should have respected that.

2 hours ago, Lufifi said:

They never thought about bariatric surgery, they all assumed she had cancer. What did they do? Well, out of the goodness of their hearts, thinking that she was just being brave and not telling anyone, they started a gofundme and she finally told them the truth when it hit over $3000 and they presented it to her in the office.

Holy cow, that was pretty presumptuous of them!!

1 minute ago, Apple203 said:

Holy cow, that was pretty presumptuous of them!!

Yes but it's a great story now. LOL. They did mean well. Very caring office/department. I know they just refunding the money back to everyone.

2 hours ago, Lufifi said:

I'd rather correct the derpy folks who think this is the easy way out

Pleased by your choice for you!

While I am a big fan of openness and frankness in most aspects of life and living, this is a tough call.

Explaining and correcting the naysayers and the armchair experts in one's family and work team is an absolute pain in the arse. It's time-consuming, energy-sapping and extremely repetitive. I felt wrung out making my case over and over again.

Just now, Rainbow_Warrior said:

Pleased by your choice for you!

While I am a big fan of openness and frankness in most aspects of life and living, this is a tough call.

Explaining and correcting the naysayers and the armchair experts in one's family and work team is an absolute pain in the arse. It's time-consuming, energy-sapping and extremely repetitive. I felt wrung out making my case over and over again.

I totally understand. I am somewhat of an activist and stand up for issues (especially in my community) so I am so used to doing it.

I also have no problem not saying anything and just give 'em the stink eye and walk away. LOL!

I just want to say I'm so sorry. I would be livid and hurt. It is yours to tell and no one else's.

I have told my immediate family, my parents and a couple of friends. That's about it. I would be furious is my husband told anyone at work, or his mother (who is crazy and I cannot stand, but that is a WHOLE other story). He didn't even take time off of work, because it was just easier and my parents are close by.

I totally understand. I am somewhat of an activist and stand up for issues (especially in my community) so I am so used to doing it.
I also have no problem not saying anything and just give 'em the stink eye and walk away. LOL!

This is a great way too put it. People are so uneducated and Presumptuous now days. Literally all you have to do is Google VSG surgery and it breaks it right down in the first click option. It's gonna take work and anybody that loses over 100 lbs or around there mad serious changes to they're life and with VSG surgery there's no going back.

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I am waiting to have gastric sleeve surgery. We agreed not to tell anyone. My husband said it was up to me who we told. At this point I don't want anyone to know. Not because I am ashamed but because it is very personal and people are judgemental.
He told his business partner that he was going to take some time off when I have surgery to look after me. We agreed he didn't need to know what kind of surgery. Turns out he told him I am having weight loss surgery and also told my mother in law. I don't like his business partner and we are not close. I hate his wife who I am sure he has told now that he knows.
my husband doesn't see what the big deal is and I feel betrayed and so hurt.
im pretty sure he told two of his friends although he denies it.
i feel like he told strangers the most personal and intimate thing about me.
advice please

My husband did the same thing. Told some big mouth team Mom I couldn’t help her work that night because I was having weight loss surgery. Then he told his family and mine. After I said not to tell anyone. I was so pissed. That was 10 months ago and our relationship has gone down hill since then. He says I didn’t ask him if I could have this surgery and he didn’t want me losing weight. My though is he’s jealous.