Earlier this week I met a guy, and he wanted to take me to lunch on Friday.

About my age, professional, works near me, owns his house, has a car, divorced with two adult children, etc. He's a civil engineer, so his thinking tends to be pretty linear. Not necessarily a trait that works with my sense of humor, but I figure what the hell, why not give it a go. Because, well, the guy I really have the hots for is unavailable.

Anyway, we're talking, and he wants to take me to a sushi place on Friday. Prior to surgery, I loved sushi. Oh heavens, YUM. When I started hemming and hawing, and he noticed, I told him I had a little secret. And then I told him that I had gastric surgery in August, and I couldn't eat rice, bread, or Pasta for now, so no pizza, sushi, or Italian food.

He gets a look on his face, and says his cousin had that, and that she looked "really gaunt". He follows that up with, "I hope you don't end up looking gaunt." I tried to laugh it off and said it would be the first time in my life.

He said he would think about a place to eat near work, and call me.

Any enthusiasm I had to go to lunch with him has kind of fizzled out. He's the first person who has said something really negative about the surgery - I think everyone else was too afraid of me. I'm finding that I don't care if he bails.

He doesn't even know what he's missing.

I think he had a brain fart... or else he's just really good at saying stupid things. It's a gift!

But really all you had to say is that he is an engineer.

Known too many of them not to get that they all seem to think very linear and lack social skills and tact sometimes.

I big pink puffy heart love sushi and there was no way I was giving it up... so I modify the way I eat it now. I mostly eat sashimi but still order some sushi, but I take the fish off the rice ball, separate out about 20 ish (I'm not counting but it's roughly a green pea sized) portion of the rice, add some wasabi and then dip that in the light soy. I still get a tiny taste of the yummy rice, but it is probably barely a spoonful once I'm done with my meal.

I'll also unwrap some rolls to remove most of the rice and request rice free rolls if available.

First I need to stick up for the engineer types...I've been married to an engineer for 25 years and I know this type very well and although they think differently than those of us without those marvelous brains, they are usually just being honest, a trait I have come to treasure. They can also be sincere, loving, tender, and have the ability to think unconventionally as well. And they are hugely responsible and trustworthy.

All of that above though is just stereo typing and everyone is different and deserves a chance to show who they really are.

I thought it was interesting that you felt you wanted to share your very personal story so soon. We all have secrets and having this surgery to me is something I would share with someone after I had gotten to know them, but then that's me. But it sounds like you really weren't interested from the beginning; it the guy you are hot about asked you to sushi, would you have shared it with him right away? Just curious.

ANYONE who does not get enough daily [Protein and Water will start to look gaunt - sickly, WLS or not.

5 years since surgery, and no one ever knew...never told anyone,\

My weight loss is old news, not many people remember when I was an out of shape fatty.

I too had to stop eating certain foods, but I told people I am changing my ways and starting to eat healthy....so nothing white, and that includes rice.

I think that's a wise post...about your surgery being old news. In some ways as time went on (I am on my 5th year) I got more comfortable sharing it at times when it seemed appropriate, but as you said, our lives changed, our bodies changed, we got healthier in the best way we could. It's old news.

Give him a chance. He may have not been very diplomatic but he was saying something based on his experience. Lot's of people have prejudicial feelings about WLS but that's mostly ignorance or their poor experiences. Go out with him if he still asks and if things go well, you can show him just how fabulous WLS actually is.

Nothing wrong with engineers.

Several months after surgery as the weight dropped off, I began getting comments that I was looking too thin. Some people even compared me to the survivors at Auschwitz.

I wasn't too thin but I looked too thin. As I lost weight, I still tried to use the clothes that I owned. My suits, jackets and coats were the last to go. When you lose weight it is not only at the waistline but also from shoulder to shoulder. So all my suits, jackets and coats were now way too long at the sleeves. I looked like Dopey in Disneyland cartoons. This gave me the appearance of being too thin. It is perception.

Clothes can make a significant contribution to your new appearance.

I lost half my body weight and am never accused of looking guant. I have been told...pretty, sexy, youthful - never gaunt. . He may have had a brain fart, but the main thing is dont let that thought get under your skin.

I love sushi and have it every few months!

I thought it was interesting that you felt you wanted to share your very personal story so soon. We all have secrets and having this surgery to me is something I would share with someone after I had gotten to know them, but then that's me. But it sounds like you really weren't interested from the beginning; it the guy you are hot about asked you to sushi, would you have shared it with him right away? Just curious.

I have always been very open about my surgery, so it wasn't that I was treating it like a secret, even though I called it that. I didn't want to look high-maintenance (because I'm not) by rejecting the places he was suggesting.

I do have far bigger secrets that have to come out sooner rather than later, like my kink side. I don't want someone to get hugely invested in me and me in them and then for us both to find out they're far too vanilla to be compatible with who I am.

Mr. Hot already knows about my WLS, so it wouldn't have been the same situation. However, you make a very interesting point - I'll have to give it some thought.

Interesting thread for sure. I am now 62, and began living in a polyamorous marriage 2 years ago. I am open about it with most people because I feel I have nothing to be ashamed about and I only want to have honest, open-minded people around me. But I also believe timing is important; so when it seems right, you share. And until the time does seem right, just stay open to new possibilities, new people, new friends, new experiences!

He doesn't even know what he's missing.

That's cool. We all know what he's missing. Some of us more than others, but I ain't naming names..

Me taut and me taut and me taut and me tunk and me tunk and me tunk.........

If he does call for a second date, you might give it a go, just to see how he accommodates your new lifestyle now that he knows. He may surprise you. If it doesn't go well and you have to bail, then it's his loss.

As Steve Harvey would say.......make him try to impress you......you hold the keys to the cookie jar. Act Like a Lady - Think Like a Man is a good read, and I wish that book had been available when I was a teenager. I think every woman should read it.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I'd be offended by that comment. I get annoyed when people lose weight and other folks comment that they're "too skinny." Oftentimes they're not too skinny... people just aren't used to seeing them at a normal BMI. My mom said I was too skinny when I weighed 155 pounds. At 5'9" that's healthy. I had a bit of chub on my tummy and my thighs didn't have the coveted gap. It's just the fact that everyone around me was used to seeing me as a 200-pounder. I gained the weight back and then another hundred so that's awesome. Hooray diet pills.

Sorry, went off on a tangent. My point is, he should've had more tact than to comment on your size. It doesn't hurt to join him on a date (may even get a free lunch out of it depending on if he's the chivalrous the-man-shall-pay type) but I'd feel a bit less enthusiastic about it, personally.

I have another tangent that this thread triggered....

I started dating after I got to goal. I met alot of men (a lot of those first coffee dates!) who would openly express their relief that I wasn't "fat" and go further as to comment on my level of fitness being desirable and apparently rare in this age group.

Another thing that happened is later I went through a period of time when I had problems and lost too much weight. My lover at the time was very turned on by my looking that way, and it disappointed me greatly that he didn't care too much that I felt like crap - like in his mind being skinny was good, so he couldn't fathom that I was feeling poorly. I know he didn't mean anything bad by it, but it can play with your mind...

It is easy to get offended, but that isn't my point.

When you meet someone, and they are attracted to you at a certain state of "fluffiness" they may encourage you, however subtley, in that direction.

I have spent the last few years clarifying in my mind what I want out of life. It may sound shallow to some - but somewhere in the top 5 priorities is remaining fit and trim. I like how I feel, I like how I look, I like life as a normal sized person. IF I ever find a life partner - it will be someone who shares that goal for himself, who likes that I have that goal (along with other key top priorities!) and values my committment to it. Put simply, I won't consider entering a relationship with someone who might encourage me to stray from my committment, however subtle it may be. I would not date someone who is attracted to me being too heavy or thin for my own health and well being. So to a guy who likes fluffier women, maybe thin women do look "gaunt" in his eyes???

Also in my top priorities are family, lifestyle/leisure, financial, and personal/inner growth plans so I don't mean to say this isn't the only thing, but, its a deal breaker...

you don't have to give up sushi...just have sashimi. The goodness of the yummy fish without the empty filler of the rice

Regarding sushi, I've had it every week since about 2 months out. I get 1 small roll, a little sashimi, and miso Soup. Not bad ...

P.S. Engineers can be introverts and lack social skills, but many of us are outgoing and have a crazy sense of humor.

Edited January 14, 201610 yr by Andrew0929